New Friends

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Permalink Reply by memyselfnI on August 15, 2008 at 3:30pm

i dont agree with that at all. i had a group of friends that i hung out with since the 9th grade and it was like 6 of us and out of those 6 i had 1 best friend, i just realized after all these years that she wasnt a true friend to me and i ended up best friends with 2 of my least favorite out of the group which i didnt realize unitl after i was 21

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Permalink Reply by JustMe on August 15, 2008 at 3:34pm

and scary too...

OUT OF CONTROL said:

@ Just me...Weird right! :-O

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Permalink Reply by kay on August 15, 2008 at 3:39pm

yes u can make frens and you should b/c we as people grow and mature and sometimes the frens we have are not meant to go with us to the next phase it was just 4 a season not a lifetime ......

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Permalink Reply by PJ on August 15, 2008 at 4:07pm

It is always possible to meet new friends. however, in this day and age, you really have to be careful about who you let in. some people can be sweet as pie but have alterior motives.

i have 1 friend who i've known for 11 years. she's my ace but outside of her, I only have a few associates. i'd love to meet new people and foster relationships with some good girlfriends but that may have to wait until I settle in one place.

all this moving around makes it hard to sustain friendships.

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Permalink Reply by Devyn AKA Dominique Devereaux on August 15, 2008 at 5:12pm

Sorry, i had to step out...signs including remarks she has made and her not being the friend to me that I am to her. I also find that married ppl + single ppl (esp married w.kids) dont have the same things to discuss. Its either my husband, my kid or theyre trying to hook you up with one of their "nice, single friends." And i think u may have misread my post as I said this friend is my only single friend.

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Permalink Reply by Noisy_Girl...2 on August 15, 2008 at 5:28pm

I think you start with a person. You go through the normal obstacles of life and you let them see how you handle life and you view how they handle life. If they cope in way that you understand or are willing to learn then over the years you guys will become friends. Friendships can not be forced. I think many people make that mistake. It something that naturally happens.

A huge pet peeve of mine is when people try to force themselves in my life. By the way, this is a good question.

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Permalink Reply by Jasmine on August 15, 2008 at 5:30pm

Just curious to know why you mentioned her hardships vs. yours. What does that have to do with the friendship?

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Permalink Reply by Noisy_Girl...2 on August 15, 2008 at 5:43pm

I've known my very best friend since I was four. We are family. We were inseparable growing up. But as we grew we started striving for different things. Now, I speak to her twice maybe 3 times a year.

Most of my reasoning is because she drains the crap out of me. I have stories to tell for months, but I rather not dwell on the negative because she’s going to be in my life forever. I say all that to say…If you are friends no matter how far you go and who you meet she should always be able to go back. Don’t be afraid to meet others. You owe it to yourself.

Have you read Sula by Toni Morrison? The ultimate test of friendship was spelled out in the book.



Devyn said:

I posed this particular question as I have a dilemma:

I have a friend that I have known since JHS (that would be 19 years). While her family is not rich, she never wanted for anything, while I on the other hand was the complete opposite. I wanted things that my mother could not afford, but when I finally did get it, it was too late. Needless to say at 12/13 years old I was jealous of her. She went to boarding school out of state for HS, while I went to Catholic school. She went to an ivy league college while I went to an HBCU (and had the FULL HBCU experience). Anyway, we always remained tight despite the physical distance between us (we even called each others parents mommy + daddy).
Her career started with a bang almost immediately and she took me along for the ride while I tried to figure out what I really wanted to do. To make a long story short, she has never known real struggle. She lost her job in 2001 and because of 9/11 was out of work for about a year (that is the extent of her hardships in her entire life). She had to start over and again made her way back to the top. On the other hand, I have had to FIGHT for any and everything I have wanted but seem to take two steps forward and ten steps back. Over the past couple of years I have started to see signs that she may not really be my friend. My sister has said to me on a couple of occasions that I am a friend to her, but she is not a friend to me. I do have other friends but they are all married, shacked up, pregnant or mommies and she is the only other single friend I have. I do want to get out and meet new people, but have had too many experiences with females that will not allow me to.

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Permalink Reply by JustMe on August 15, 2008 at 5:56pm

i understand she's your only single friend, but my point is that married , knocked up, etc. can still be very good friends to single people...

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Permalink Reply by Devyn AKA Dominique Devereaux on August 15, 2008 at 6:53pm

To Noisy_Girl I will pick up the book. The reason I brought up the hardships is it has played a role in our friendship. Again, when she was down I made every attempt to be there for the best I could and was turned down, but she rarely did the same when the shoe was on the other foot. This has been the norm for the past cpl of years. I have always thought of her as fam, inviting her to family functions (she knows my entire family) and she would not show up. However, when i would speak to her after the fact, she would tell me she went somewhere else with another of her friends.
Dont get me wrong - i root for her success all the time, but friendships work both ways...

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