I REALLY NEED SOME OUTSIDE INPUT HERE

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Permalink Reply by JustMe on October 10, 2008 at 9:56pm

trust your gut... go with a long engagement...

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Permalink Reply by Charla on October 10, 2008 at 9:59pm

Thats what my cousin said when I told her.
JustMe said:

trust your gut... go with a long engagement...

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Permalink Reply by Noisy_Girl...2 on October 10, 2008 at 9:59pm

Ask him... i think. Naw, in this case I'd leave it alone and see if he brings it back up.

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Permalink Reply by Charla on October 10, 2008 at 10:15pm

Yes he is. No matter who I was with in the past he was always on my mind. When anyone in my past relationships would make me mad or upset I would find myself comparing them to him. I was always hoping he would show back up and he always does. And also when we we first got together I broke up with him.

Baby Bunny said:

Hi Charla, He wanted to know if you would reject him. I think he might have felt rejected by you in the past, like you didn't need him. Do you have strong feelings of wanting to be with him? Do you feel like you could work through any disagreements? Because most men don't play around with the marriage question. He has decided he wants you. Question though, why would you say yes? Is he the man that makes you put everything and everyone else aside?

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Permalink Reply by Charla on October 10, 2008 at 10:24pm

Not insecure just young and dumb.

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Permalink Reply by NYNaturalBeauty on October 10, 2008 at 10:29pm

TRUST your instincts!!!! it will not steer you wrong. i woke up out of my sleep b/c i had a dream that my bf ..well ex was sleepin with someone else... and he was!!!

go with ur gut!

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Permalink Reply by Lovely1 on October 10, 2008 at 10:29pm

Real men dont play around when it comes to marriage...if theyre not thinking about it they wont even say the word in your presence. With that being said, if he's the one that you keep coming back to and vice versa then maybe thats where you belong. I agree with the long engagement comments. Good Luck and keep us updated!

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Permalink Reply by Lovely1 on October 10, 2008 at 10:34pm

Wow GREAT advice...im going to apply it to myself as well

bossbeauty said:

Charla, You know him better than anyone else would here on BA, so I say trust your intuition! However, I will say that he appears to be the type of man that doesn't freely express his feelings. A lot of men aren't. I would say just keep going with the flow as normal. Don't get your hopes up too high. There is something about you that makes him keep coming back, it obviously it's not the sex... because your relationship with him isn't centered around sex. He may be the man that GOD had for you all along, and you both needed to separate to complete yourself. It's all about being equally yoked. And remember that men have more to loose my getting married.. meaning they have to be the supporter, be the leader, give up the hoochies in the streets... etc... And I'm not saying that women don't give a lot up too... Let him come to his conclusion to marry you without you questioning him about. Continue to work on yourself to be the best mother & wife you could be... treat him like he is your husband and be grateful and appreciative of his presence in your life. Ask GOD for direction .... I wish you the best & I will pray for you... Because without GOD dreams can't manifest into reality.

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Permalink Reply by Charla on October 10, 2008 at 10:37pm

Its funny you say that because I always dream about him right around the time he shows up. I used to think I was trippin until this last time. My grandmother has lived in the same house since I was born and he would never be sure that she still lived there but he knocks on the door anyway.
NYNaturalBeauty said:

TRUST your instincts!!!! it will not steer you wrong. i woke up out of my sleep b/c i had a dream that my bf ..well ex was sleepin with someone else... and he was!!!

go with ur gut!

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Permalink Reply by KJ on October 10, 2008 at 11:10pm

A lot of the things people say after break ups, are brought on because of the break up. Before you take it more seriously, date him for over a year straight. If you maintain a serious relationship, then consider marriage.

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Permalink Reply by Rose on October 10, 2008 at 11:10pm

Well Said............

JustMe said:

trust your gut... go with a long engagement...

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Permalink Reply by Amor doce do bebê on October 11, 2008 at 2:21pm

What strikes me about this relationship is that he mentioned marriage when there was no sexual activity. Maybe in the past the two of you used your bodies (sex) to avoid talking about your emotions. Maybe now you are both mature enough to talk about what is inside of you (as opposed to hiding behind the rush of an orgasm). I wouldn't put a timeframe around being with him, I would just keep seeing him without having sex. I think that you should bring up the marriage thing and ask him if he was serious...I know all of the romantic advice says let him do it, but why play games? If he says yes I was serious then the two of you need to have some real conversations; money, kids, religion, family values etc. Time to see if you really want to build a life with him or if the two of you are just convenient for each other when there is no-one else... mr & mrs right-now-until something better comes along. You know?

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