Frugal/Cheap Men
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I have a friend who needs some advice and she asked me to get everyone's take on the matter.
She is involved with a "corporate baller". He makes over 500k a year. They have been together going on 4yrs. He takes her on vacation once a year to an exotic locale and he always pays for dinner. The issue is the man is cheap as hell in every other aspect. He will NOT pay for clothes, shoes, bills or even give any type of spending cash. He nickels and dimes her and gives her exact change for joint purchases. The other day she asked him to go half on a pair of Tory Burch flats (his side would've been $150) for HIS son's birthday party. He told her he had to "think about it".Prior to dealing with him she has dated extremely generous men. So being with this man is difficult for her. She has her own money, though nowhere near the same tax bracket as him. She sometimes has financial difficulties but he has made her feel guilty if she asks for financial assistance. She would like to know what to do to make him a little more generous. He has been this way from the start and even though she knows that she went along with it at the beginning (playing the role that she really didn't need his $$) she feels enough is enough and would like him to loosen the moneyclip a little bit. She also cooks for him every nite and is a great "stepmom" to his son. What can she do or is it too late?
She is involved with a "corporate baller". He makes over 500k a year. They have been together going on 4yrs. He takes her on vacation once a year to an exotic locale and he always pays for dinner. The issue is the man is cheap as hell in every other aspect. He will NOT pay for clothes, shoes, bills or even give any type of spending cash. He nickels and dimes her and gives her exact change for joint purchases. The other day she asked him to go half on a pair of Tory Burch flats (his side would've been $150) for HIS son's birthday party. He told her he had to "think about it".Prior to dealing with him she has dated extremely generous men. So being with this man is difficult for her. She has her own money, though nowhere near the same tax bracket as him. She sometimes has financial difficulties but he has made her feel guilty if she asks for financial assistance. She would like to know what to do to make him a little more generous. He has been this way from the start and even though she knows that she went along with it at the beginning (playing the role that she really didn't need his $$) she feels enough is enough and would like him to loosen the moneyclip a little bit. She also cooks for him every nite and is a great "stepmom" to his son. What can she do or is it too late?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by PrincessLola on -
If she loves him....she should stay IF she sees marraige in the VERY near future. If not....she got her own you say??? Tell her to keep her eyes peeled, keep doin for herself and when she sees another opportunity....Keep it movin. Obviously shes not as happy as she feels she could be and if she has to continue to provide for herself while shackin up with this guy, then she doesnt really need him. She could probably find a more giving man who make only makes 5 figures but would cater more to her needs and wants. He's not gonna change....
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Permalink Reply by big spender on -
What can she do, she need to get rid of this guy! HE'S CHEAP? COME ONNNN!!! I understand she may feel that she have established a relationship with him, however if she comes from a background where she had generous men then she should never have to step backwards and suffer in this case, your man is your provider and no way should your MAN make you feel guilty when you go through a little financial difficulties(really, we all splurge on a couple pair of louboutins) but that's our job, and no matter how much we spend if you are lucky enough to give a man the satisfaction to be your man then he should pay, literally! pay: dry cleaning, gas, spa dates, shopping spree's, new car(s), exotic vacations with the girls,a new house, hell houses are dirt cheap now... that's what a man should do, and a real man would want to provide for his girl..."you know like TI said, you can have whatever you like"
What can she do to make him generous?
i think it's kind of too late,unfortunately he seems to be stuck in his ways...
She cooks for him EVERY NIGHT, AND SHE PLAY STEPMOM????
OMMMGGG!!!! Home girl is getting ripped off. "think back to a diary of a mad black woman, all of the house work duties are jobs, she deserves her money. so either he give her a raise, meaning share the wealth or she let him go....
but that's just my opinion!
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Permalink Reply by PrincessLola on
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Permalink Reply by Selasse on -
Are you serious? Thinking from a corporate perspective; he made the offer (he is the way he is), she accepted and accepted for 4 years. He's a mooch. I think it's too late for her to start trying to get or expect him to change. "We (women/men), teach people how to treat us. This is done from the onset of the relationship (whether friendship, lover, etc.), and I think she needs to move on and fast. Run like her life depended on it. No way in hell she should be cooking for him every night. Does he purchase groceries?
No, wait - - she should start charging him for everything. Like when he comes over for dinner. Hand him the receipt for the groceries she used and tell him that he has to pay half. Plus, figure out her hourly rate from her job, and charge it for making dinner. Add his half of the groceries for dinner, plus his half of her hourly rate for fixing dinner, and give him a nightly bill. Tell her to add an extra charge if she has to feed his son, or any of his friends also.
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Permalink Reply by PrettyThinker on -
If he is Cheap.......he is a Chump....and wants to give Chump change......I have a friend like this.......I've known him for 9 yrs......he has multiple streams of income and thinks some1 wants to use him (I do)......He asked me to marry him.....I told him he was toooo cheap and I needed some more generous and that I could walk over (figuretively).......I tried to use some humor.......He was offended........Oh wellll......2 late for her to change him......Cheap B*stard......sorry just got a lil Emotional.......(*Walking away Switching to find my next victim.....I mean Baller*)
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Permalink Reply by L0vie D0vie on -
I love ure answer!!
-Make sure you include the gratuity on the bill, just in case he does not like to tip!
Selasse said:Are you serious? Thinking from a corporate perspective; he made the offer (he is the way he is), she accepted and accepted for 4 years. He's a mooch. I think it's too late for her to start trying to get or expect him to change. "We (women/men), teach people how to treat us. This is done from the onset of the relationship (whether friendship, lover, etc.), and I think she needs to move on and fast. Run like her life depended on it. No way in hell she should be cooking for him every night. Does he purchase groceries?
No, wait - - she should start charging him for everything. Like when he comes over for dinner. Hand him the receipt for the groceries she used and tell him that he has to pay half. Plus, figure out her hourly rate from her job, and charge it for making dinner. Add his half of the groceries for dinner, plus his half of her hourly rate for fixing dinner, and give him a nightly bill. Tell her to add an extra charge if she has to feed his son, or any of his friends also.
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Permalink Reply by Starr on -
She should talk with him first, like Siren said. She should tell him that cooking for him every night and taking care of his son is like working a job, but she's not receiving any benefits from it. She should tell him that she gives her time and effort out of love, but she feels like he is not giving anything in return. There is no reciprocity. Sure, he takes her on trips once or twice a year and pays for dinner every now and then, but she is doing for him every single day. She is doing everything she can to make him comfortable and happy, but what is he doing to keep her happy? Give him 2 weeks to start showing some signs of change. If he is still the same, she should get another job or side hustle at night and therefore will be too busy to cook and clean for him. Then when he asks what's going on, which he will, she can tell him that she needs more income so that she can afford to buy herself a nice purse or shoes if she feels like it and put some extra money away because she deserves it. After a few dinnerless nights, he'll get the hint. Besides, every hard working woman deserves a treat every now and then. It's understandable that he wants to save and invest his money and probably doesn't believe in dropping a G on a pair of shoes or a bag, but life is worth living. You have to balance it all out. She doesn't have to be laced 24/7 with designer duds like Victoria Beckham to be treated well.
Does he at least buy her jewelry?
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