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Permalink Reply by Haute Shid on March 15, 2010 at 12:51am

I actually went thru with an abortion about a week ago.. I wanted to respond to the blog about the girl who got drunk and had sex with someone when she wasn't very coherent.. I went thru something similar in January.. I went out of town to visit a relative who is in the Feds and one of his partners was supposed to look out for me when I got down there.. Well to make a long story short I ended up going out with the guy so he could show me around town and go to dinner.. Basically hosting my visit.. I ended up having ONLY 2 drinks and I blacked out, I woke up the next morning he wasn't at the room, but I was missing my pants and my shirt and bra was lifted.. So I called him and asked him what happened. He was like, "You don't remember?" I was thinking if I was passed out how could I remember what happened.. Well, he said, "We did it, I can't believe you don't remember.." So I said, Well did you use a condom??" And he said he didn't.. So I told him we need to get a morning after pill. He acted like I said something wrong and wanted me to keep the baby if I were to get pregnant! That's when I realized he did the s*** on purpose.. He kept going on about how bad and gorgeous I was and that what nigga wouldn't want to get me pregnant.. I couldn't tell you how violated I felt!! I was floored! I told him I didn't care what he was talkin about and that we need to go do that.. When he was supposed to come take me to get the pill, since I didn't have transportation and didn't know anyone so I didn't really have a choice.. Well 2 more days went by being stuck in my hotel (spent last of my cash on two extra days and had to have my brother book my ticket) I finally booked a flight trying to figure out what the f*** went wrong.. I stayed because I was supposed to go and visit my fam again but it was an hour away, and I talked to dude all day the first day and I was supposed to go the next day, that was the arrangement. Day 2; nothing! no calls/text nothing. So I left and went back home then he finally called and said he got a DUI and was locked up.. He basically waited until the window of opportunity closed and I was stuck pregnant.. He kept sayin he was gonna send money for an abortion, but I finally tired of the run around and ended up dealing with it on my own. I guess he thought I didn't have money since my uncle arranged for him to pay for the trip. I never told my uncle what happened, this is really my first time opening up about the situation because it was so recent.. It was definitely hard because I love children but I couldn't have a child by default or be forced to do anything I didn't want. I was in denial about how things happened.. I thought it was my fault.. in my case I don't think I would have properly loved that child because of the way I conceived him/her honestly and no child deserves to be brought into a very broken situation and also get the brunt of the stick.. I think you should base your decision on if you are ready and you both can provide for that child/children unconditionally and you both actually want that situation.. Cause if one of you don't want it, then it will be one more broken home. In my case, it's pretty obvious, but I really needed to vent about it and because it's not always seemingly so simple to just make that decision in other situations.. I know your hormones are running rapid, s*** my body's still trying to balance itself back out.. I am going to say a prayer for you these are the situations that can be tough.. I wish you well honey.
*sorry this is kinda long.. Needed to get that off my chest*

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Permalink Reply by sierramist on March 15, 2010 at 1:04am

I wouldn't ask on a message board for this type of thing.

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Permalink Reply by sierramist on March 15, 2010 at 1:07am

*hugs*

Haute Shid said:

I actually went thru with an abortion about a week ago.. I wanted to respond to the blog about the girl who got drunk and had sex with someone when she wasn't very coherent.. I went thru something similar in January.. I went out of town to visit a relative who is in the Feds and one of his partners was supposed to look out for me when I got down there.. Well to make a long story short I ended up going out with the guy so he could show me around town and go to dinner.. Basically hosting my visit.. I ended up having ONLY 2 drinks and I blacked out, I woke up the next morning he wasn't at the room, but I was missing my pants and my shirt and bra was lifted.. So I called him and asked him what happened. He was like, "You don't remember?" I was thinking if I was passed out how could I remember what happened.. Well, he said, "We did it, I can't believe you don't remember.." So I said, Well did you use a condom??" And he said he didn't.. So I told him we need to get a morning after pill. He acted like I said something wrong and wanted me to keep the baby if I were to get pregnant! That's when I realized he did the s*** on purpose.. He kept going on about how bad and gorgeous I was and that what nigga wouldn't want to get me pregnant.. I couldn't tell you how violated I felt!! I was floored! I told him I didn't care what he was talkin about and that we need to go do that.. When he was supposed to come take me to get the pill, since I didn't have transportation and didn't know anyone so I didn't really have a choice.. Well 2 more days went by being stuck in my hotel (spent last of my cash on two extra days and had to have my brother book my ticket) I finally booked a flight trying to figure out what the f*** went wrong.. I stayed because I was supposed to go and visit my fam again but it was an hour away, and I talked to dude all day the first day and I was supposed to go the next day, that was the arrangement. Day 2; nothing! no calls/text nothing. So I left and went back home then he finally called and said he got a DUI and was locked up.. He basically waited until the window of opportunity closed and I was stuck pregnant.. He kept sayin he was gonna send money for an abortion, but I finally tired of the run around and ended up dealing with it on my own. I guess he thought I didn't have money since my uncle arranged for him to pay for the trip. I never told my uncle what happened, this is really my first time opening up about the situation because it was so recent.. It was definitely hard because I love children but I couldn't have a child by default or be forced to do anything I didn't want. I was in denial about how things happened.. I thought it was my fault.. in my case I don't think I would have properly loved that child because of the way I conceived him/her honestly and no child deserves to be brought into a very broken situation and also get the brunt of the stick.. I think you should base your decision on if you are ready and you both can provide for that child/children unconditionally and you both actually want that situation.. Cause if one of you don't want it, then it will be one more broken home. In my case, it's pretty obvious, but I really needed to vent about it and because it's not always seemingly so simple to just make that decision in other situations.. I know your hormones are running rapid, s*** my body's still trying to balance itself back out.. I am going to say a prayer for you these are the situations that can be tough.. I wish you well honey.
*sorry this is kinda long.. Needed to get that off my chest*

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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on March 15, 2010 at 1:31am

what better way than to get advice than from people who know you, but really dont know u. Bedsides this isnt just ANY OLE message board

sierramist said:

I wouldn't ask on a message board for this type of thing.

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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on March 15, 2010 at 1:36am

sorry that this happened to you and that you were able to get it off your chest. I just dont understand how men think beautiful, i gotta trap her. I would be soo pissed off because he could have given you HIV/AIDS. Always make it seems as if u are dependent on no one, even if you are, cuz it seems as if he knew you had no other options besides him. also, certain birth control pills have the same benefit as the morning after pill. take 2 within 72 hours and the other two 12 hours later. sierramist said:

*hugs*

Haute Shid said:

I actually went thru with an abortion about a week ago.. I wanted to respond to the blog about the girl who got drunk and had sex with someone when she wasn't very coherent.. I went thru something similar in January.. I went out of town to visit a relative who is in the Feds and one of his partners was supposed to look out for me when I got down there.. Well to make a long story short I ended up going out with the guy so he could show me around town and go to dinner.. Basically hosting my visit.. I ended up having ONLY 2 drinks and I blacked out, I woke up the next morning he wasn't at the room, but I was missing my pants and my shirt and bra was lifted.. So I called him and asked him what happened. He was like, "You don't remember?" I was thinking if I was passed out how could I remember what happened.. Well, he said, "We did it, I can't believe you don't remember.." So I said, Well did you use a condom??" And he said he didn't.. So I told him we need to get a morning after pill. He acted like I said something wrong and wanted me to keep the baby if I were to get pregnant! That's when I realized he did the s*** on purpose.. He kept going on about how bad and gorgeous I was and that what nigga wouldn't want to get me pregnant.. I couldn't tell you how violated I felt!! I was floored! I told him I didn't care what he was talkin about and that we need to go do that.. When he was supposed to come take me to get the pill, since I didn't have transportation and didn't know anyone so I didn't really have a choice.. Well 2 more days went by being stuck in my hotel (spent last of my cash on two extra days and had to have my brother book my ticket) I finally booked a flight trying to figure out what the f*** went wrong.. I stayed because I was supposed to go and visit my fam again but it was an hour away, and I talked to dude all day the first day and I was supposed to go the next day, that was the arrangement. Day 2; nothing! no calls/text nothing. So I left and went back home then he finally called and said he got a DUI and was locked up.. He basically waited until the window of opportunity closed and I was stuck pregnant.. He kept sayin he was gonna send money for an abortion, but I finally tired of the run around and ended up dealing with it on my own. I guess he thought I didn't have money since my uncle arranged for him to pay for the trip. I never told my uncle what happened, this is really my first time opening up about the situation because it was so recent.. It was definitely hard because I love children but I couldn't have a child by default or be forced to do anything I didn't want. I was in denial about how things happened.. I thought it was my fault.. in my case I don't think I would have properly loved that child because of the way I conceived him/her honestly and no child deserves to be brought into a very broken situation and also get the brunt of the stick.. I think you should base your decision on if you are ready and you both can provide for that child/children unconditionally and you both actually want that situation.. Cause if one of you don't want it, then it will be one more broken home. In my case, it's pretty obvious, but I really needed to vent about it and because it's not always seemingly so simple to just make that decision in other situations.. I know your hormones are running rapid, s*** my body's still trying to balance itself back out.. I am going to say a prayer for you these are the situations that can be tough.. I wish you well honey.
*sorry this is kinda long.. Needed to get that off my chest*

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Permalink Reply by DJ - A.K.A - DON_JUAN on March 15, 2010 at 2:08am

adoption is not easy at all. who wants to give up the child them later down the line, u will want him/her back. this is really a choice that hc will have to make on her own. if u feel in your heart that you are not ready to take care of another child then i say have the abortion. i see/know to many women with kids who should have used protection or had dude pull out. everyone can say god may have bigger plans for this baby and all that, but at the same time god is not paying the rent, feeding or housing the baby, etc. other then that, im with boss. go talk to a planned parenthood specialist or someone about this since you really dont want to involve anyone in your family at this point, which is understandable.

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on March 15, 2010 at 8:43am

I've had one before. I was a little sad immediately after but that passed so quick I believe it was just hormones. I was in school and had broken up with the father. He wanted it, I didnt but he supported the decision I made.

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Permalink Reply by Cher on March 15, 2010 at 12:59pm

I'm so sorry that you are faced w/such a huge life decision...I'm "PROCHOICE" I feel in the end you have to be able to live w/whatever your choice came out to be...Yes, i myself had to also endure this in my younger years, it was best for me at that time...I've never regret my decision and today have 2 wonderful children! Going forward preventative medicine should be in place to avoid these types of situations...IUD!!

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Permalink Reply by Sugah on March 15, 2010 at 8:05pm

I have done it twice before, only because I didn't get a well support from my family and they kind of pressure me to do it because I was young(21). I'm pregnant now and I had thoughts of doing it again, but I would NEVER go through that experience. To be honest with you that place is a place I don't ever want to see again. It was really one of the worst experience I ever been through. But ma, its your choice, weigh out your options and talk to someone. And think of yourself and no one else should matter.

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Permalink Reply by Honeycoated on March 15, 2010 at 8:18pm

thanks everyone for your input and support.....

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Permalink Reply by Miss Double Kiss on March 15, 2010 at 10:29pm

I promised to stay away but I want to just give you a hug of encouragement Sugah....
I'm so happy for you and that you "bit the bullet" because I know you were nervous, but each day it gets better (at some point all sexually active women will be in those same shoes but too often many will forget the blessing and say "I gotta go party, hang out, DRANK and live it up" or "I can't afford to" but find a way to get every expensive shoe when it comes out (smh)..but you know, sometimes it's not about us, even if the narcissist in us may convince us otherwise)...I'm proud of you for KEEPING THE FAITH...everyday....despite your situation....stay strong lady...glad you found it in you to seek strength and support!!!

I always say "&%$* what the naysayers say..." because haters will hate even if they are in your own family. Last time I checked I don't live life on pins and needles wondering if (select) members of my family accepts my decisions or not AS AN ADULT. And to be honest, friends can sometimes be better support than your family...but only if your "friends" really have YOUR best interest in mind and not theirs. Much love to you girl.

And I know for some "times are hard" and things are "iffy" but its LIFE/Reality but I know that life overall is bigger than anything seen or felt with our physical eye(s) or senses...it's so spiritual and beyond our comprehension.

Again, I can't remember if you are a spiritual woman but here is a quote:

"Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee..."
Jeremiah 1:5 (KJV)

"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is HIS reward."
Psalms 127:3 (KJV)
(So you did notice it said HIS and not yours?....the gift of the child is just that and belongs to HIM!)

Be well and blessed Sugah....I don't know if those versus will touch anyone else but they are there to meditate on. And when all else fails, PEACE-be-still
-------------------------
Sugah said:

I have done it twice before, only because I didn't get a well support from my family and they kind of pressure me to do it because I was young(21). I'm pregnant now and I had thoughts of doing it again, but I would NEVER go through that experience. To be honest with you that place is a place I don't ever want to see again. It was really one of the worst experience I ever been through. But ma, its your choice, weigh out your options and talk to someone. And think of yourself and no one else should matter.

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Permalink Reply by Golden Child on March 16, 2010 at 12:03am

I'm prochoice too its up to a woman you have to do whats best for you and your situation but are you strong enough to handle it? That's the question I had one before my daughter that only a few people know about and I wouldnt do it ever again. On the outside looking in everything seemed ok but when I was alone and by myself I would think about it. Sometimes I'd even cry because I knew that was a part of me gone that I couldnt bring back. At the end of the day you still have to do what is best for you.

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