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Permalink Reply by Haute Shid on March 16, 2010 at 12:21am

Thanks I appreciate that..

sierramist said:

*hugs*

Haute Shid said:

I actually went thru with an abortion about a week ago.. I wanted to respond to the blog about the girl who got drunk and had sex with someone when she wasn't very coherent.. I went thru something similar in January.. I went out of town to visit a relative who is in the Feds and one of his partners was supposed to look out for me when I got down there.. Well to make a long story short I ended up going out with the guy so he could show me around town and go to dinner.. Basically hosting my visit.. I ended up having ONLY 2 drinks and I blacked out, I woke up the next morning he wasn't at the room, but I was missing my pants and my shirt and bra was lifted.. So I called him and asked him what happened. He was like, "You don't remember?" I was thinking if I was passed out how could I remember what happened.. Well, he said, "We did it, I can't believe you don't remember.." So I said, Well did you use a condom??" And he said he didn't.. So I told him we need to get a morning after pill. He acted like I said something wrong and wanted me to keep the baby if I were to get pregnant! That's when I realized he did the s*** on purpose.. He kept going on about how bad and gorgeous I was and that what nigga wouldn't want to get me pregnant.. I couldn't tell you how violated I felt!! I was floored! I told him I didn't care what he was talkin about and that we need to go do that.. When he was supposed to come take me to get the pill, since I didn't have transportation and didn't know anyone so I didn't really have a choice.. Well 2 more days went by being stuck in my hotel (spent last of my cash on two extra days and had to have my brother book my ticket) I finally booked a flight trying to figure out what the f*** went wrong.. I stayed because I was supposed to go and visit my fam again but it was an hour away, and I talked to dude all day the first day and I was supposed to go the next day, that was the arrangement. Day 2; nothing! no calls/text nothing. So I left and went back home then he finally called and said he got a DUI and was locked up.. He basically waited until the window of opportunity closed and I was stuck pregnant.. He kept sayin he was gonna send money for an abortion, but I finally tired of the run around and ended up dealing with it on my own. I guess he thought I didn't have money since my uncle arranged for him to pay for the trip. I never told my uncle what happened, this is really my first time opening up about the situation because it was so recent.. It was definitely hard because I love children but I couldn't have a child by default or be forced to do anything I didn't want. I was in denial about how things happened.. I thought it was my fault.. in my case I don't think I would have properly loved that child because of the way I conceived him/her honestly and no child deserves to be brought into a very broken situation and also get the brunt of the stick.. I think you should base your decision on if you are ready and you both can provide for that child/children unconditionally and you both actually want that situation.. Cause if one of you don't want it, then it will be one more broken home. In my case, it's pretty obvious, but I really needed to vent about it and because it's not always seemingly so simple to just make that decision in other situations.. I know your hormones are running rapid, s*** my body's still trying to balance itself back out.. I am going to say a prayer for you these are the situations that can be tough.. I wish you well honey.
*sorry this is kinda long.. Needed to get that off my chest*

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Permalink Reply by a_BilLi on March 16, 2010 at 1:16am

Pro-CHOICE comment: reading thru some of what u said I noticed that u mentioned what your fam would think about the situation if u showed up with new baby daddy pregnant, etc. Family is very important but please don't let what they might possibly think of the situation dictate your train of thought right now. This is about you and your kids. No one else's opinion really matters.

I have had an abortion. I was young. It was hard at the time. It was hard a lil while after. It went away. I might think about the fact that I could have a kid a few times a year but I don't have any regrets. My life is amazing. Sans-child.

I honestly don't know any woman that has had really bad psychological issues over this. Cookie's was the worst I had heard so far. I knew back then what I wanted and that I was not cut out to be a young or single mother. Fast forward to today - I feel like if I had an accident - I am at a place mentally where I could accept a child into my life and be okay. I exhibited some pretty reckless behavior over the past ten years or so, but when I got a certain age I was like hey - if you get pregnant you're at a point in your life where u will have to deal with turning into mommy. Are you there? You don't have to answer me....but just talk it out with yourself.

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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on March 16, 2010 at 1:58am

like this

a_BilLi said:

Pro-CHOICE comment: reading thru some of what u said I noticed that u mentioned what your fam would think about the situation if u showed up with new baby daddy pregnant, etc. Family is very important but please don't let what they might possibly think of the situation dictate your train of thought right now. This is about you and your kids. No one else's opinion really matters.

I have had an abortion. I was young. It was hard at the time. It was hard a lil while after. It went away. I might think about the fact that I could have a kid a few times a year but I don't have any regrets. My life is amazing. Sans-child.

I honestly don't know any woman that has had really bad psychological issues over this. Cookie's was the worst I had heard so far. I knew back then what I wanted and that I was not cut out to be a young or single mother. Fast forward to today - I feel like if I had an accident - I am at a place mentally where I could accept a child into my life and be okay. I exhibited some pretty reckless behavior over the past ten years or so, but when I got a certain age I was like hey - if you get pregnant you're at a point in your life where u will have to deal with turning into mommy. Are you there? You don't have to answer me....but just talk it out with yourself.

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Permalink Reply by Pamela on March 16, 2010 at 2:07am

@ Honey coated
I will pray for you and hope that God will give you the guidance and the wisdom to make the best DECISION FOR YOU! Please know that people will always have something to say, it is YOU who will have to raise your child. I don't have any children and the one time we tried I had a hard time so it is not something you should take lightly.

I also know that this is not the time to judge, but you must do what it takes to prevent being in this position if you know it is not best for you.
I know this has to be hard, I sincerely hope that you have someone close to you that you can find comfort in while you collect your thoughts. Lke Don said, only you know if you can truly provide for this child or if you all will suffer.
I hope that whatever you choose. It's YOUR decision. Good Luck

@ haute Shid
God Bless you too sweetheart. Since I've been on BA it has proven to be a hidden therapy to be able to let things out and fianally express There are so many women on here from so many backgrounds with so many of the same problems and or life situations. In one since, it's good to know your not alone.
Yet sad, that we have all been through so much.

What doesn't kill us, Can only make us stronger ladies. I'm grateful for you guys!

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Permalink Reply by Tmac on March 16, 2010 at 10:00pm

You have the answer in your heart, but it takes A LOT of strength and guts to go through with whatever the answer is

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Permalink Reply by Haute Shid on March 17, 2010 at 12:26pm

Thanks girl.. And yeah you're right about him and I do feel so much better.. He assumed that because of the arrangements for the trip, we didn't even know each other prior to this we were just back and forth over the phone dealing with my uncle. But obviously due to paying for my room, buying my own plane ticket back and paying for the abortion myself, thank God I am independent! I have gotten tested for everything and so far everything has come back negative, I'm going to up my testing time from every 6 mo. to every 3 mo. until I feel less paranoid and can have some certainty. Thanks for the BC advice, I will def keep that in mind. :)

MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! said:

sorry that this happened to you and that you were able to get it off your chest. I just dont understand how men think beautiful, i gotta trap her. I would be soo pissed off because he could have given you HIV/AIDS. Always make it seems as if u are dependent on no one, even if you are, cuz it seems as if he knew you had no other options besides him. also, certain birth control pills have the same benefit as the morning after pill. take 2 within 72 hours and the other two 12 hours later. sierramist said:

*hugs*

Haute Shid said:

I actually went thru with an abortion about a week ago.. I wanted to respond to the blog about the girl who got drunk and had sex with someone when she wasn't very coherent.. I went thru something similar in January.. I went out of town to visit a relative who is in the Feds and one of his partners was supposed to look out for me when I got down there.. Well to make a long story short I ended up going out with the guy so he could show me around town and go to dinner.. Basically hosting my visit.. I ended up having ONLY 2 drinks and I blacked out, I woke up the next morning he wasn't at the room, but I was missing my pants and my shirt and bra was lifted.. So I called him and asked him what happened. He was like, "You don't remember?" I was thinking if I was passed out how could I remember what happened.. Well, he said, "We did it, I can't believe you don't remember.." So I said, Well did you use a condom??" And he said he didn't.. So I told him we need to get a morning after pill. He acted like I said something wrong and wanted me to keep the baby if I were to get pregnant! That's when I realized he did the s*** on purpose.. He kept going on about how bad and gorgeous I was and that what nigga wouldn't want to get me pregnant.. I couldn't tell you how violated I felt!! I was floored! I told him I didn't care what he was talkin about and that we need to go do that.. When he was supposed to come take me to get the pill, since I didn't have transportation and didn't know anyone so I didn't really have a choice.. Well 2 more days went by being stuck in my hotel (spent last of my cash on two extra days and had to have my brother book my ticket) I finally booked a flight trying to figure out what the f*** went wrong.. I stayed because I was supposed to go and visit my fam again but it was an hour away, and I talked to dude all day the first day and I was supposed to go the next day, that was the arrangement. Day 2; nothing! no calls/text nothing. So I left and went back home then he finally called and said he got a DUI and was locked up.. He basically waited until the window of opportunity closed and I was stuck pregnant.. He kept sayin he was gonna send money for an abortion, but I finally tired of the run around and ended up dealing with it on my own. I guess he thought I didn't have money since my uncle arranged for him to pay for the trip. I never told my uncle what happened, this is really my first time opening up about the situation because it was so recent.. It was definitely hard because I love children but I couldn't have a child by default or be forced to do anything I didn't want. I was in denial about how things happened.. I thought it was my fault.. in my case I don't think I would have properly loved that child because of the way I conceived him/her honestly and no child deserves to be brought into a very broken situation and also get the brunt of the stick.. I think you should base your decision on if you are ready and you both can provide for that child/children unconditionally and you both actually want that situation.. Cause if one of you don't want it, then it will be one more broken home. In my case, it's pretty obvious, but I really needed to vent about it and because it's not always seemingly so simple to just make that decision in other situations.. I know your hormones are running rapid, s*** my body's still trying to balance itself back out.. I am going to say a prayer for you these are the situations that can be tough.. I wish you well honey.
*sorry this is kinda long.. Needed to get that off my chest*

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