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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on August 23, 2012 at 12:20am

Good question. Im like you with the standards thing, I want what I want and if I can't get that, ole well. There not crazy but I have to be attracted to you, which usually for me starts with a nice body.I also think I'm a great woman so I deserve a great man. Never have I thought something is wrong with me, but I do see couples out and think damn, she has a man and a baby.....what about me??? I do think that I have a lot more to do in life so maybe a relationship isn't what I need considering I may have plenty opportunities to cheat in da future and I'm not 1000% sure I wouldn't.

I have a few guys that would probably marry me right now if I said it, but they're not my ideal. I thought about telling one that I would try because I knw he would
do what he could for me and he knows my semi gold digging side. I would hate to be 40 talking bout damn......I'm still single. But honestly, if I remain single forever I think I'm cool with it. I have special ways that only I can deal with/understand. *shrugs*

My last real relationship was about 2 years ago but I had a side piece so I needed no healing time. My heart may have been hurt a little, because I've honestly never loved a guy like I did him, but once mind said "that's it". I was done.

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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on August 23, 2012 at 7:27am

We all want a trusting relationship that embodies the following, in no particular order:

-common values

-interdependence

-honest communication

-no self serving opportunism

-trust

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Permalink Reply by Bonita on August 23, 2012 at 7:45am

Disclaimer - I used to be a serial relationist (I totally just made that up but u get my drift). With that being said my last relationship ended in March and am taking a well deserved break. 

I am fully aware and take responsibility for my horrible choices in men in the past i.e. finding myself in a relationship for superficial reasons good looks and sex. 

Now that am older..and ready to settle down I am very picky with who I even entertain for dates..I am no longer into casual dating. Being in a new city has definitely affected my dating life am still trying to get used to southern guys.

To answer the question of why am single ? I am single because I have not found a compatible match. I refuse to settle just to have a man. Have I had to modify my requirements over the years of course but if respect, loyalty, chivalry and someone I can still stand being around after sex is too much to ask looks like I will be single for a minute. 

I recently put out word in my circle and fam that am available to be introduced to potentials - LTR. It actually seems to be working. 

Am also toning down the party gurl imagine - u want to be more than a good time and the one he can wife up. Granted hoes be winning but also depends what type of dudes u r trying to be with LT.

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Permalink Reply by AllyNWonderland on August 23, 2012 at 10:43am

I have been into this "equally yoked" thing which makes me that much more choosier when it comes to men.

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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on August 23, 2012 at 1:53pm

Only thing standing in my way is the lack of good black men. There's a shortage. Period. Plain and simple. I want what I want too. If I want a child I can adopt. Plenty of unwanted black children in the child care system. Or I'll get a pet. Last thing I need or want is a boy in a man's body that I have to take care of.

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Permalink Reply by luvsmoochez on August 23, 2012 at 11:36pm

I shared this with someone recently, but this is a wonderful quote:
"Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
- Rumi, thirteenth century Sufi poet
Self Sabbotage is real ladies. Look at what you believe: Do you really believe that you are worth loving? Do you love yourself? Setting relistic standards is not a bad thing, just make sure that you are what you are wishing to attaract.
I was married for 10 yrs. I lost who I thought I was. I have so much searching to do. I need to know completely who I am before I can couple with someone else again, so I am single for now.

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Permalink Reply by luvsmoochez on August 23, 2012 at 11:36pm

I shared this with someone recently, but this is a wonderful quote:
"Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
- Rumi, thirteenth century Sufi poet
Self Sabbotage is real ladies. Look at what you believe: Do you really believe that you are worth loving? Do you love yourself? Setting relistic standards is not a bad thing, just make sure that you are what you are wishing to attaract.
I was married for 10 yrs. I lost who I thought I was. I have so much searching to do. I need to know completely who I am before I can couple with someone else again, so I am single for now.

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Permalink Reply by PeachSoda_ on August 24, 2012 at 1:14am

I think the "hoes" and "baby mamas" have "all the men" because their standards aren't that high and they fall for the okie-doke. and the majority of men don't meet our qualifications. and frankly i'm fine with being single because i don't want just ANY. OLD. MAN. and if i wanted to i could have BEEN had a lil relationship. but again. i'd probably be unhappy. my last relationship was about 3 yrs ago. i'm young. i like to date around. and actually i date quite often and of course most aren't up to my standards but i give them a few chances to make sure i'm not missing a diamond in the rough. and 9 times outta 10 I'm not. lol but girl I WILL. NOT. change my standards for a nigga hollin' " YOU GON MISS YO BLESSING! YOU GOLD-DIGGER!" i just throw my hands up and laugh.  nigga u ain't have no gold for me to dig on!

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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on August 24, 2012 at 6:27am

I love this! I wish they would retire that saying. Any man hollering that is more like one of the plagues of Egypt then anyone's blessing. lol

PeachSoda_ said:

I think the "hoes" and "baby mamas" have "all the men" because their standards aren't that high and they fall for the okie-doke. and the majority of men don't meet our qualifications. and frankly i'm fine with being single because i don't want just ANY. OLD. MAN. and if i wanted to i could have BEEN had a lil relationship. but again. i'd probably be unhappy. my last relationship was about 3 yrs ago. i'm young. i like to date around. and actually i date quite often and of course most aren't up to my standards but i give them a few chances to make sure i'm not missing a diamond in the rough. and 9 times outta 10 I'm not. lol but girl I WILL. NOT. change my standards for a nigga hollin' " YOU GON MISS YO BLESSING! YOU GOLD-DIGGER!" i just throw my hands up and laugh.  nigga u ain't have no gold for me to dig on!

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Permalink Reply by SWEET AND SAVVY on August 25, 2012 at 12:17am

I have been married to my kids father (who was older than i) from summer after high school graduation until my mid 30's when I decided I wanted to do, see and experience more than his limited aspirations permitted,

I have had occasional regrets I have an even thought we could reunite for our families sake,,but we are better as friends.

But for the most part I have been able to live that life -often thru a few well to do dalliances, I also did well in my profession allowing me to live fairly well.

I still would like to get married again someday but I love my alone time, fiercely independent, detest routine, and they won't be allowed to break my back out everyday....I cook few days a week ,,,we"ll see what the future holds, I seem to attract a bevy of suitors ,,,some are even suitable ,,,until you figure their baggage out,,,


I too see other married women and long for that commitment,,,a commitment similar to the one I left, some of his close knit family blame me for breaking up our family and his heart even tho they know he wasn't easy to live with,,,

So that's why I'm not in a relationship. Also my last (ballerific) relationship ended 3 months ago.

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Permalink Reply by Desiree' on August 25, 2012 at 1:12am

THIS!

luvsmoochez said:

I shared this with someone recently, but this is a wonderful quote:
"Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
- Rumi, thirteenth century Sufi poet
Self Sabbotage is real ladies. Look at what you believe: Do you really believe that you are worth loving? Do you love yourself? Setting relistic standards is not a bad thing, just make sure that you are what you are wishing to attaract.
I was married for 10 yrs. I lost who I thought I was. I have so much searching to do. I need to know completely who I am before I can couple with someone else again, so I am single for now.

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Permalink Reply by JustMe on August 25, 2012 at 1:41am

For me, it was taking a look at MYSELF!!!!! I've always had a thing for bad boys, and they loved me too ( and er'body else too)... I never really paid the good guys any mind. And if I did, I'd turn them into a duck...

A lot of times we get caught up in the drama & "excitement" of those f***/fight/makeup relationships. So then we meet the good guys and run the other way cause he's "too nice"...

Then last summer I met this dude that was everything I ever wanted. But he didn't come wrapped in the neat little package that I wanted... But I stepped out on faith... And end up marrying him 5 months later...

Now I'm not saying lower your standards... I'm saying think about the standards that will provide the love that you want and deserve.

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