The million dollar question I always get from Black men is “why are Black women so angry?” My usual response is, go look in the mirror and you will find the answer. The truth is that we (as Black men) are a big part of the reason why our sisters are angry.
Every time we cheat on, verbally abuse, physically abuse, lie to and/or abandon our sisters, we create rage in them. Considering that many of us are guilty of doing one or more of these things, Black women have a right to be upset and it is only natural for them to be angry with us for those reasons. I am sure some of the men reading this article have been hurt by a woman in the past and have had to deal with the aftereffects of that pain, which probably caused some resentment towards women. This is no different than how our sisters feel after they have been mistreated by us.
I have learned that a lot of brothers do not want to take the blame for our sisters being damaged, hurt, and angry. We tend to find a ton of things that Black women do wrong that cause them to become bitter. For example, many brothers will say that Black women are stupid for staying with guys who cheat on them and that they get what they deserve if they chose to stay with these guys. Although it may be true that these women should leave these men, when we blame the woman for not leaving, we fail to addressthe cheater—a Black man. More importantly, sometimes we do not feel our brothers are wrong because we have been taught by society to believe that “all men cheat” or that it is alright for men to cheat.
I know some of you men reading this article may not agree with some or all of the things I have said. However, I would challenge those individuals to think about their daughters, sisters, and mothers. Would you want someone to mistreat these special women in your life? Brothers, we must start thinking with the frame of mind that every woman we encounter is someone’s daughter, sister, or mother. It is very hypocritical for us to want another man to treat our family with respect but we do not treat that same man’s family with the same respect. I believe in karma, so we have to be careful how we treat others.
In order for us to heal as a race and rebuild our relationships with Black women, there are a few steps I suggest we take:
1. Regain The Trust of Our Sisters
In any type of relationship, trust must be present in order for it to not only survive, but to thrive. Trust will be regained when we are able to consistently show our sisters that we cherish them. We also have toshow our sisters that we will do whatever it takes to protect not only their bodies, but their hearts and minds as well.
2. Show Our Sisters that We Appreciate them for More than Their Bodies
Our sisters are more than just physical beings and they should be viewed and treated as much more than objects of our sexual desire. We have to start treating our sisters as the queens they were destined to be. We must begin connecting with them internally— spiritually and emotionally. Finally, we have to show more of an interest in the traits they possess that we cannot immediately see with our eyes.
3. Hold Our Brothers Accountable
We have to start holding our brothers accountable when they disrespect our sisters. For generations, we have allowed other Black men to mistreat our sisters and it has taken a toll on them spiritually, physically, and mentally. If we want to see our sisters whole again, we must lead the effort in holding our brothers accountable.
About the Writer
Dr. Corey Guyton