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Ballers and Babies

Everytime I meet a guy tht has a kid, I cringe a little. Ive passed up opportunities to have relationships with ballers and regular guys b/c of it. My problem is I look too far into the future and remind myself of things like "my first child wont be his first child" "the baby mama will always be around" and "the child will always come first" and although I would expect a real man to put his child first, it would still bother me to come last. My logic is im almost 22 years old, no kids, abt to graduate college. Im free to do anything. A man with a child cant do that. I like being free. I figure once im 30, and my biological clock is beginning to tick, then I would be more able to date a man with a child. Idk, am I tripping? How do you ladies feel abt dating a many with churrn (children)?

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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on April 12, 2012 at 10:37am

Yes, Yes, Yes! NOT my money, Honey!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

I think like this. too. I can't take a guy seriously who has a child. We can be friends and kick it if there is chemistry but not a LTR. Nope. In my mind is the fact that if you marry him then the BM or BMs can go back to court and ask for an increase in child support if you are bringing any ends into the marriage. I'm bringing ends. I didn't f** for that kid and I ain't supporting it either. F** what you heard.

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Permalink Reply by Tone © on April 12, 2012 at 10:38am

I was talking about being a man without kids finding a woman that does not have any kids. As a woman you're not going to be looked at to support that mans kids but as a man a woman is going to want me to take her and her kids.
Miss Good said:

I understand the plight of a black man with a child. I know there are somethings women do that arent right in the situation. Like force him on child support when he is the one caring for and spending money on the child already. Or giving ultimatums to either be with her or lose his privledges. I have so much respect for men who are in their kids lives or at least trying to be. And b/c of tht, it makes it hard for someone like me to be in a relationship w/ someone who has kids. Who wants that added stress?

Tone said:

Try being a man and deal with the kid 24/7 and have the kid dead beat dad get more respact then you when you paying the bills and being a real dad to them

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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on April 12, 2012 at 10:38am

How does a deadbeat get more respect?

Tone said:

Try being a man and deal with the kid 24/7 and have the kid dead beat dad get more respact then you when you paying the bills and being a real dad to them

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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on April 12, 2012 at 10:39am

You said it, "who you like!" That's my problem and a lot of others. I "like" the wrong ones! lol
Miss Good said:

Where are these men? Lol its like EVERYONE i like, has a kid. Smh and sometimes thats the only flaw

Love is a Losing Game said:
I'm 30 and still refuse to date a man with kids. If I meet a dude and I like him and stuff, and he's talking about marriage, I MAY be able to handle ONE child. Two, NOPE! If I'm just kickin it wit this dude, I don't care about his LIFE, lol so his kids don't matter to me. But to settle down with?? He gots to be a good catch and I can't do more than one child, and I would prefer that child to be like 10 or 12, lol. I meet A LOT of men 30 and over that have good credentials and do not have kids. Don't believe the hype and don't settle.

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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on April 12, 2012 at 10:40am

Huuuuuuhhhhhh! I think that's why I'ma give the nerd a chance, lol. Ima post about it in a min for yalls advice.

Siren said:

There are men 30+ witout kids...I married one.. They aren't plentiful but they are out there. I like others didn't want my FIRST child being last on anyones list especially not their fathers. I want the experience of havign OUR first child together. You have to decide what is important to you and stick with it.

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Permalink Reply by Tone © on April 12, 2012 at 10:42am

A kid will be quick to let you know that your not their daddy. It hard to really try with a kid and see them have more respect for someone that does nothing for them.

Love is a Losing Game said:

How does a deadbeat get more respect?

Tone said:

Try being a man and deal with the kid 24/7 and have the kid dead beat dad get more respact then you when you paying the bills and being a real dad to them

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Permalink Reply by mavsbabe41 on April 12, 2012 at 10:44am

Agree!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

I think like this. too. I can't take a guy seriously who has a child. We can be friends and kick it if there is chemistry but not a LTR. Nope. In my mind is the fact that if you marry him then the BM or BMs can go back to court and ask for an increase in child support if you are bringing any ends into the marriage. I'm bringing ends. I didn't f** for that kid and I ain't supporting it either. F** what you heard.

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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on April 12, 2012 at 10:52am

Yeah I have a friend who is married and her kids father is in jail. She will have her husband paying a outrageous phone bill for the kids to speak to their dad, but they are quick to remind him that they not listening to him. She is having issues now because her BD family believes her husband is too hard on her son. But I told her that she needs to let him be the man of the house and tell her son to stop telling his family what goes on in their home. So I feel you on that!

Tone said:

A kid will be quick to let you know that your not their daddy. It hard to really try with a kid and see them have more respect for someone that does nothing for them.
Love is a Losing Game said:

How does a deadbeat get more respect?
Tone said:

Try being a man and deal with the kid 24/7 and have the kid dead beat dad get more respact then you when you paying the bills and being a real dad to them

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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on April 12, 2012 at 10:53am

IDK Tone...I understand that it can be disheartening to hear, but you know those words are coming from a child. One who doesn't understand life in general, and especially how rare it is that another man takes care of a responsibility that is not his. Some things you just have to ignore. You know u gettin all the respect u need when she givin all the head u want, lol

Tone said:

A kid will be quick to let you know that your not their daddy. It hard to really try with a kid and see them have more respect for someone that does nothing for them.

Love is a Losing Game said:

How does a deadbeat get more respect?

Tone said:

Try being a man and deal with the kid 24/7 and have the kid dead beat dad get more respact then you when you paying the bills and being a real dad to them

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Permalink Reply by Miss Good on April 12, 2012 at 10:55am

exactly!! I think im going to stick to my guns for right now

Siren said:

There are men 30+ witout kids...I married one.. They aren't plentiful but they are out there. I like others didn't want my FIRST child being last on anyones list especially not their fathers. I want the experience of havign OUR first child together. You have to decide what is important to you and stick with it.

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Permalink Reply by Miss Good on April 12, 2012 at 10:57am

see she did it the right way. Ive dated someone with a kid before and we were all on the same page. but some of these negros have the most immature BMs and they dont understand this. LMAO someone will snatch up your BD tho. Tell him to sit down lol

Ms. BoiBye said:

I use to like dating men with kids because they are not up your ass all the time and they have priorities. I still keep in touch with my exes kids and his BM. She was real cool, when him and I got serious she came to me like a woman. She said if you are going to be around my kids then I need to know what type of person you are. Which i had no issue with. I think me and her got along better than me and him, LOL. But I have had to slap this dude babby momma one time, so I have been on both sides of the fence.

I refuse to date a man who does not take care of his kids because you are a selfish bastard, if you will take care of me and mines, but not your own. I have a child and I wish someone would date my BD, so he can stop minding my damn business. But I see you ladies points but it is not a deal breaker for me because I love other ppl's kids you can give they ass back at the end of the day.

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Permalink Reply by Miss Good on April 12, 2012 at 11:04am

thats true. but women without children are always looking for a provider so I would only expect a woman with kids to want someone whos going to take in her family. shes going to need that help. and its hard to bring anyone around your kids man or woman. the thing is, its really easy for a man to walk away from a child and go and do what he wants. A woman cant do that. Her baby is her baby. She has to take care of that child and anyone who's in her life has to be in theirs as well.

As far as kids telling you that youre not their daddy, it can hurt but children dont understand that. Some children dont appreciate what their own parents did for them. my teen years, my mom had a bf that lived with us and I did not like him or listen to what he said because my exact thoughts were "youre not my daddy" but I didnt realize he was paying all the bills in the house. Once I did, my attitude towards him changed.

Tone said:

I was talking about being a man without kids finding a woman that does not have any kids. As a woman you're not going to be looked at to support that mans kids but as a man a woman is going to want me to take her and her kids.
Miss Good said:

I understand the plight of a black man with a child. I know there are somethings women do that arent right in the situation. Like force him on child support when he is the one caring for and spending money on the child already. Or giving ultimatums to either be with her or lose his privledges. I have so much respect for men who are in their kids lives or at least trying to be. And b/c of tht, it makes it hard for someone like me to be in a relationship w/ someone who has kids. Who wants that added stress?

Tone said:

Try being a man and deal with the kid 24/7 and have the kid dead beat dad get more respact then you when you paying the bills and being a real dad to them