Be careful what you wish for...?
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I've been a member of BA for almost two years and it has upped my life tremendously. When I first joined I was dating a guy that worked in the backroom at Forever 21 and lived with his father. Today I'm dating a computer engineer who makes about about a half million dollars a year, has no kids, his own home, multiple benzs in the garage and is ready to marry me. Being with him is everything that I have ever asked, prayed, dressed up and put on my pumps for. But I'm 20 years old and scared as hell. He is always supportive of me and is veryyy generous from big things (I need a car, he's offered to buy me a Benz) to little things (he wants to go on vacation to Aruba and offered to buy my passport.) He's thirty five and I wonder sometimes if he's treating me as a pet and likes to do things to show me off. (When we're in his car with the top down and people look at me he pulls me close and kisses me.) Another thing I wonder about is because of this age difference if he's doing these things because he likes to be in control, so since I'm young and don't have real money that he can control the situation with money. He's never acted like that before but I'm scared that it's coming as we've only been dating for 2 months.
So my questions are:
-Should I accept these extravagant gifts (he's offered cars, jewelry, shoes but I always give an answer like "I'll see...")
-If so, what are some things to do as a precaution to not lose the gifts if we break up?
-Have any of you felt like this before?
None of my friends can relate and haven't been with men with wealth. They think I'm crazy and that I'm in the perfect relationship but this is really serious to me. I've always been raised to take care of myself so when I man steps in to help I wonder if he wants something in return...
So my questions are:
-Should I accept these extravagant gifts (he's offered cars, jewelry, shoes but I always give an answer like "I'll see...")
-If so, what are some things to do as a precaution to not lose the gifts if we break up?
-Have any of you felt like this before?
None of my friends can relate and haven't been with men with wealth. They think I'm crazy and that I'm in the perfect relationship but this is really serious to me. I've always been raised to take care of myself so when I man steps in to help I wonder if he wants something in return...
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Fantasia'sGhostReader on -
I'm not understanding the problem...
Yes you should accept the gifts.
you wont lose the gifts if you break up, especially if they are paid for. Have the title of the car put in your name.
Why would you break up if he wants to marry you? Marry him and have some children.
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Permalink Reply by Moving In Silence on -
I agree. Be prepared for the worst but expect the best. Every woman should have some $$$$ saved on the side that he knows nothing about in case shit happens. Other than that except except except then except some more. Make sure its paid in full only and in your name. Have fun.
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Permalink Reply by CartTart on -
You are a grown woman and you should do want you want to do...make your own decision and stand behind it. Just make sure you take care of you first--go to school, travel, etc.--don't be so ready to marry this guy because he will be in control if you are uneducated (don't know if you are or aren't, i'm just saying) and don't have your own life.
I'm not saying don't get married and have children, just make sure you can take care of yourself if things change. And don't sell yourself short if you don't love him...
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Permalink Reply by Goldie Fish on -
HELLO! *chest bump*
You don't want to be a pet. Atleast you have a man that adores you. Alot of times, women fall in love with men who aren't worthy of their time. And then there are men who will adore the ground you walk on. The one who adores you and takes care of you has money. You're young so you have the liberty of playing around with your life for a bit. You can use this as a time to get free education, start a business, travel, see the world.
Why not? You're worth every gift he offers. I hope thats not the reason why you won't accept the gifts. As far as marriage, you're very young.
We really can't tell you anything you don't already know and sometimes I ask questions and find that I have an answer I want within the suggestions I've recieved. Deep in there, you know the answer and it would be excellent practice to find the answer you're longing for; without validation from others.
Carve your own path.
Fantasia'sGhostReader said:I'm not understanding the problem...
Yes you should accept the gifts.
you wont lose the gifts if you break up, especially if they are paid for. Have the title of the car put in your name.
Why would you break up if he wants to marry you? Marry him and have some children.
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Permalink Reply by Cougar $pice on -
The best time to get a man is when 'he's ready'. At 35 he's ready to settle down. If you're not comfortable to settle down now, just be honest with him and discuss giving the relationship a little more time. But be careful because he won't wait until he's 40. His time is running out.
If he really wants your for the right reasons, he won't mind waiting. Don't be scared, remember he's the one showing you off!!! He may have the cash but you're the trophy.
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Permalink Reply by Renee on -
Yes, I am and I'm in college. (I think that was asked a few posts up.)
DA_DON said:r u blk?? sorry, just curious.
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Permalink Reply by Ms. KissyFace on -
Is he actually buying you the gifts or offering (which is kind of weird)?. If he is buying you gifts take them and tell him "Thank you baby you are so good to me" :). I got married young and I regret it everyday :/. I didn't know the things then that I do now. The most important being that before you move in with a guy or get married have your own life. Completely and totally your own. Your own place,hobbies,friends social life and money.A life where you depend on only yourself and God (if you believe in God). This is a rite of passage that most young girls dread. Society makes it seem that it is pitiful when it can really help you build your character. When you have your own life and then get in a serious relationship you won't be that needy dependent 20 year old. You have only known the guy 2 months. It is gonna take sometime for his true colors to come out. Maybe he is boring or abusive or maybe even the perfect guy for you. There is no rush. take the time to get to know him. He is the one that is 35 not you. You are at a great place in your life. Young beautiful and you have so many oppurtnites and none of the age issues to worry about.
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Permalink Reply by KJ on -
If he respects you and treats you properly, I would stay with him if I were you. However, follow your instincts. If you feel like he isn't serious, or is treating you like a pet, just get out. Sometimes we put too much emphasis on money and material things when it's not what's the most important in the end. Your self respect and dignity is. Don't stay just because he buys you things, that's childs play. He will just eventually find someone else to buy things for when he's used you for all you're worth to him.
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Permalink Reply by CLEM on -
(Mama if your not ready pass him on to me!) lol - Anywho just go with the flow and have fun with it!
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Permalink Reply by Charlie/Daddy's Girl on -
TAKE THE GIFTS! Get everything in your name...save 40% of all cash 'gifts'...establish credit...finish school, start a business, by some property, play the stock market, get into a career - whatever you decide do something so that you will be earning yyour own money at some point...
Marriage talk is a bit too soon and you are far too young...however, he maybe a truly good guy...ride it out and trust your gut...you have plenty of time to make mistakes, its okay - just keep your eyes open, pray, do nothing you feel uncomfortable with, and trust yourself tomake the right decisions for you...
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Permalink Reply by Charlie/Daddy's Girl on
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^5 GF!!!!
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