Be careful what you wish for...?
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I've been a member of BA for almost two years and it has upped my life tremendously. When I first joined I was dating a guy that worked in the backroom at Forever 21 and lived with his father. Today I'm dating a computer engineer who makes about about a half million dollars a year, has no kids, his own home, multiple benzs in the garage and is ready to marry me. Being with him is everything that I have ever asked, prayed, dressed up and put on my pumps for. But I'm 20 years old and scared as hell. He is always supportive of me and is veryyy generous from big things (I need a car, he's offered to buy me a Benz) to little things (he wants to go on vacation to Aruba and offered to buy my passport.) He's thirty five and I wonder sometimes if he's treating me as a pet and likes to do things to show me off. (When we're in his car with the top down and people look at me he pulls me close and kisses me.) Another thing I wonder about is because of this age difference if he's doing these things because he likes to be in control, so since I'm young and don't have real money that he can control the situation with money. He's never acted like that before but I'm scared that it's coming as we've only been dating for 2 months.
So my questions are:
-Should I accept these extravagant gifts (he's offered cars, jewelry, shoes but I always give an answer like "I'll see...")
-If so, what are some things to do as a precaution to not lose the gifts if we break up?
-Have any of you felt like this before?
None of my friends can relate and haven't been with men with wealth. They think I'm crazy and that I'm in the perfect relationship but this is really serious to me. I've always been raised to take care of myself so when I man steps in to help I wonder if he wants something in return...
So my questions are:
-Should I accept these extravagant gifts (he's offered cars, jewelry, shoes but I always give an answer like "I'll see...")
-If so, what are some things to do as a precaution to not lose the gifts if we break up?
-Have any of you felt like this before?
None of my friends can relate and haven't been with men with wealth. They think I'm crazy and that I'm in the perfect relationship but this is really serious to me. I've always been raised to take care of myself so when I man steps in to help I wonder if he wants something in return...
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by mochagirl on -
A couple questions, Has he officially bought you anything yet? How do you know he wants to marry you? I ask because of the age difference. My instincts tell me that since he is so much older he maybe running game. Ninjas will say anything these days....
Now I am going to assume for a second that he is not running game. If he is everything you say he is and sincere, I say there is nothing wrong with going with the flow and accepting those gifts. Ideally you should get the car paid in full in your own name. If he is only putting the down payment down (and puts it in your name) and making monthly payments make sure it's something you can afford to pay for if yall break up (Maintenence on a Benz is no joke). If he puts the down payment down and it's in his name, there isn't shit you can do if yall break up. Shoes, clothes, jewelry, etc...he can ask for it back but fuck him.
I would not reccomend marrying this man at this point in your life. He is 35 and you are 20, he has lived, sowed his royal oats and what not. You need a little more time to find yourself before you can become one with another person.
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Permalink Reply by Renee on -
I think we're on the same page because that's what I was worried about.
:/
KJ said:If he respects you and treats you properly, I would stay with him if I were you. However, follow your instincts. If you feel like he isn't serious, or is treating you like a pet, just get out. Sometimes we put too much emphasis on money and material things when it's not what's the most important in the end. Your self respect and dignity is. Don't stay just because he buys you things, that's childs play. He will just eventually find someone else to buy things for when he's used you for all you're worth to him.
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Permalink Reply by KJ on -
Go with your gut then, if you have a bad feeling listen to it. You're own instincts are one of the only things you can ever trust.
Renee said:I think we're on the same page because that's what I was worried about.
:/
KJ said:If he respects you and treats you properly, I would stay with him if I were you. However, follow your instincts. If you feel like he isn't serious, or is treating you like a pet, just get out. Sometimes we put too much emphasis on money and material things when it's not what's the most important in the end. Your self respect and dignity is. Don't stay just because he buys you things, that's childs play. He will just eventually find someone else to buy things for when he's used you for all you're worth to him.
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Permalink Reply by Undecided on -
sorry i dont really have a response to the question I am the same age as you and I want the same things that you have now. I just turned 20 and I'm dating a loser who works at big red... I recently joined balleralert and i want to know what the secert to meeting these types of men are? maybe I just looking in the wrong place but i dont get it. I've tried dreesing up and going to new places yet i still meet the same type of guys... the BROKE ONES now I'm not trying to sound like a gold digger but its a recession and i like nice things and i want someone else to pick up the tab. does anyone have any suggestions
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Permalink Reply by AMillz on -
GIRL DO WAT U WANT... IF U WANT 2 EXCEPT THE GIFTS EVEN CERTAIN 1 ..DO IT!!! UR YUNG ENJOY LIFE IF HE WANT S 2 CATER TO U LET HIM WORSHIP THE GROUND U WALK ON...TELL HIM U WANT 2 TAKE THINGS SLOW IF U FEELIN HIM IN 6 MONTHS OR WENEVER UR READY 2 GET MARRIED DO IT!!! MONEY AINT EVERYTHING IF U AINT HAPPY !! BUT HAY DNT FUCK IT UP FOR YOSELF , HES A GOOD CATCH AND IM POSITIVE ALOT OF WOMEN WLD B ITCHIN 2 B IN UR SHOES BUT ITS EASY 2 SAY SUMTHIN WEN UR ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKIN IN. B HAPPY !
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Permalink Reply by L0vie D0vie on -
Trying changing you on the inside...
Undecided said:sorry i dont really have a response to the question I am the same age as you and I want the same things that you have now. I just turned 20 and I'm dating a loser who works at big red... I recently joined balleralert and i want to know what the secert to meeting these types of men are? maybe I just looking in the wrong place but i dont get it. I've tried dreesing up and going to new places yet i still meet the same type of guys... the BROKE ONES now I'm not trying to sound like a gold digger but its a recession and i like nice things and i want someone else to pick up the tab. does anyone have any suggestions
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Permalink Reply by L0vie D0vie on
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This is why a 35yr old shouldn't date a 20yr(M or F). You are at two different stages in your lives and desire different things... therefore causing you to doubt his sincerity.
Tell him how you feel..
mochagirl said:A couple questions, Has he officially bought you anything yet? How do you know he wants to marry you? I ask because of the age difference. My instincts tell me that since he is so much older he maybe running game. Ninjas will say anything these days.... Now I am going to assume for a second that he is not running game. If he is everything you say he is and sincere, I say there is nothing wrong with going with the flow and accepting those gifts. Ideally you should get the car paid in full in your own name. If he is only putting the down payment down (and puts it in your name) and making monthly payments make sure it's something you can afford to pay for if yall break up (Maintenence on a Benz is no joke). If he puts the down payment down and it's in his name, there isn't shit you can do if yall break up. Shoes, clothes, jewelry, etc...he can ask for it back but fuck him. I would not reccomend marrying this man at this point in your life. He is 35 and you are 20, he has lived, sowed his royal oats and what not. You need a little more time to find yourself before you can become one with another person.
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Permalink Reply by Goldie Fish on -
that's true. as drastic as you want.
If you want these things and that's what you are looking for then accept the fact that you will be called a goldidgger. If you're ok with that, then pursue (and read Get Em Girl's blogs).
If you want men with money, go where men with money are. Just because it's a new club doesn't mean there will be money inside.
L0vie D0vie said:Trying changing you on the inside...
Undecided said:sorry i dont really have a response to the question I am the same age as you and I want the same things that you have now. I just turned 20 and I'm dating a loser who works at big red... I recently joined balleralert and i want to know what the secert to meeting these types of men are? maybe I just looking in the wrong place but i dont get it. I've tried dreesing up and going to new places yet i still meet the same type of guys... the BROKE ONES now I'm not trying to sound like a gold digger but its a recession and i like nice things and i want someone else to pick up the tab. does anyone have any suggestions
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Permalink Reply by CHLOE' CUPCAKES on -
HELLO..fcuk what your your friends say..do u!
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