Cake and Ice Cream ( A Selfish Married Man)

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Permalink Reply by Bourgeois Tonto on July 9, 2009 at 1:48pm

YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION.
REVERSE THE ROLES, WHAT IF YOU WERE THE WIFE AND IT WAS YOUR HUSBAND
IF YOUR HURTING NOW THEN IT WOULDN'T BE A BIG DIFFERENCE TO HURT A LITTLE MORE AND GET RID OF THIS GUY.
YOUR SUPPOSE TO LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN YOU LOVE HIM/MARRIED DUDE
JUST BE CAREFUL AND PRAY ITS TO MUCH GOING ON RIGHT NOW THEN TO BE INVOLVED WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS

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Permalink Reply by Siren on July 9, 2009 at 2:07pm

Not passing judgement at all but why ar you willing to settle for a piece of someone elses man when what you say you want is someone to come home to etc. You can't change what has been done but you can stop it. Love yourself enough to get all you want out of life. As women we are always quick to put 100% of blame on the man but take responsibility for your own actions as well. You need to take back your power and control of your own life...he should have no say in what you do all things considered. He sounds a lil crazy too...IMO. W/O judgement I advise you to look within and take the time to love you and spend time creating the life you want w/o settling for a piece of someone elses dog a$$ man.

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Permalink Reply by ATown SouthernGal on July 9, 2009 at 2:21pm

Don't fall for someone who won't catch you.

This is my motto! It includes friend, family member and especially men. When he goes home its probably not as bad as he makes you think because if it was he would be with you EVERY night. Leave him alone and read the Steve Harvey book. Your happiness is MOST important! You are not going to leave him alone until YOU are ready no matter what anyone else says...good luck chica.

You will look back and laugh soon and this will all be a learning experience...

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Permalink Reply by Fantasia'sGhostReader on July 9, 2009 at 2:25pm

to answer your question, yup, you're wrong.like you said, he walked down the aisle with her, not you, so i don't see why you're even in the picture. i know that he's wrong too, because he's the one that's married, but as we all know, 2 wrongs don't make a right, they make a really big mess. as far as the question about what you should do...learn to respect boundaries and learn to respect yourself. Besides you and his wife, i wonder how many other people he's sleeping with without a condom.

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Permalink Reply by The real vixxen on July 9, 2009 at 2:55pm

look what happen with Mcnair!!
But real talk its hard when you love someone but you hve to ask yourself is this really love? Becuz its not If he did really love you hed be w you every night he wouldnt be controlling.. He has a wife and hes coming to you talking about her badly wheres the respect there? Do you wanna b with a man likek that? I gotta look at yourself and tell yourself that you are beautiful and YOU CAN DO BETTER why settle for less? Are you scared of being alone or loosing that comfert zone? I promise you this it may hurt for a little whn and if you do leave but that pain will go away.. love yourself and then youll find someone who you truely deserve that will be there thru the night .. GOOD LOOK

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Permalink Reply by Monica Amazing on July 9, 2009 at 2:58pm

this isn't about passing judgment but ..WTF?

Wake up and smell the spermicide, honey. That man is stringing you along and as long as he knows he's in your head, he'll keep doing it.

Are you wrong?
Come on now....seriously..no, seriously.. I'll let you answer that.

What should you do?

Break it off with him. You say he gives you whatever you want. Negative. You say "I want someone home with me through the night and i want someone to just always be there."

This man won't ever be able to give you what you want. flat out.

You already know what you should do but you won't do it until the situation gets insanely ignorant or you finally decide you deserve better. Either way, for now, you're staying and nothing we post in response to you on this message board is going to change that.


*shrugs*

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Permalink Reply by smallwonder903 on July 9, 2009 at 3:21pm

Please don't ask us to not to judge u. It is human nature and the fact that u are asking us meanings u are looking for someone to tell u you're right in this situation, when ur not. Your dead wrong and u know it. I will not validate your feelings so u can continue this BS, u are guilty and should feel that way. I say all this to say, that is your only way out at this point, if u feel the guilt it is, maybe not much, but easier to end this bad relationship. u carried his child, but ur either miscarried or had an abortion there for there feelings about that will linger but doesn't mean u need to hang on to him. U may be staying because u want a child and the whole family dynamic and he is using that as a strong hold on him. Get out before u end up like Steve McNair.* Not trying to be condescending or rude by bringing up that situation.*

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Permalink Reply by Stephbaby on July 9, 2009 at 3:27pm

Ur just as selfish as he is just on the simple fact he is married!!!! Promises r meant 2 be broken. Get ur mind right & stop settling 4 less & focus on u. Aint no better love than self love!!

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Permalink Reply by L0vie D0vie on July 9, 2009 at 3:30pm

This man has only done what you've allowed... leave him alone!

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Permalink Reply by Cookie Pie on July 9, 2009 at 4:08pm

As a married woman I will simply put it this way ..... you deserve much better ! If you continue to put yourself through this then you deserve whatever you get . If he truly loves you and wants to be with you then he will either leave his wife or let you go ! Right now you are making his unhappy marriage easier for him to deal with but what about you ? At the end of the day , what do you get out of it ? It's not fair and I'm not judging you but once again , you deserve better ! Think about it .

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Permalink Reply by Gucci Ma on July 9, 2009 at 4:38pm

I think you should ask yourself these questions:
1. If he didn't buy or give you anything (material) and y'all were just having sex, would it still be worth all the drama?
2. Did your feelings for him start before or after he said that he loved you OR before or after you were pregnant?
3. If he wasn't married would you be satisfied with the way he treats you (like if he were your man)?
4. If you leave him alone 100% do you think he'd find another side piece to cheat with (since he hates his wife so much)?

The reason Im asking is b/c I think you're letting this nucca run shit b/c you feel guilty about his wife knowing about your relationship. I think you feel like you owe it to him to stick around b/c if you leave him and he goes back to his wife their marriage is totally fucked up already, or worse he may not have anything to go back to. Plus you're in the "danger zone" of infidelity-- which is when the side piece starts catching feelings and starts feeling entitled to that "main chick" roll. From this point, there's no way to end this OR go further with this man without getting hurt in the long run.
If I were you (honestly) I'd find a boyfriend and keep him on the side until your strong enough to move on. Let him bank roll all your hopes and dreams as you and your new man have a real relationship. Because trust me, no amount of money in the world is gonna persuade you to hold on to the married man if you're getting a real relationship from someone else. Because thats obviously what you want at this point in your life. Maybe when you met him it wasn't like that, but now you want a commitment from this married guy and he's obviously a "commitment phobe"??? Thats highly unlikely sis. Sometimes you have to be exposed to a good thing before you can even conclude that what you already have is bad. Anyways you know how you wanna be treated by a man, so don't let your emotions stop you from getting what you and every woman is entitled to- RESPECT!

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Permalink Reply by Nikki Nik on July 9, 2009 at 4:56pm

Girl... he filling yo head wit BULLS**T..
Did you hear him tell his wife he loves you, or did he just tell you that..?
see.. men live for the game.. they know that the word LOVE weakens us..Especially if he knows he got you..think about it.. whenever you want to leave he tells you how much he loves you, huh... tells you how he aint happy at home..?
Well, dats just game, he knows ur heart is gonna step in and want 2 be all the woman his wife aint...

&All dat unprotected sex is just control...1ce he start braking down ur walls, he knows he got u..

Hey, he MIGHT luv you.. but my guess is he doesn't...he luvs being in control.. "having his cake his cake.." & he's probably not jealous.. he's possessive (there's a difference) Cuz he cant be "The MAN" if his side chic& wife don't only have eyes for him...!
Understand 1 thing.. men are very SIMPLE,, aint NO man about 2 be were he dont want to be.. if he was gonna leave his wife.. he would have by now........
&If you just want to hear it..then yes you are wrong.. The Heart is blind...
If you want your sanity.. LEAVE!! (cuz 9 times outta 10) Aint nothing gon change...

Peace & Blessings sista

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