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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on April 15, 2012 at 4:29pm

First, Congrats on your new position and your uppcoming wedding!!!

 

That's a difficult decision to make.  I feel you on wanting to stay home with the baby during the first year because that's what I want to do too.  I, personally, would try and wait about 2 years to try and have a child.  I'm not a doctor, but I don't believe 2 years will make a difference with your reproductive system, besides lots of women are waiting to this age to have kids. 

 

Explain to him that you want to enjoy at least a few years of just you two and being married.  He may say you've been dating..blah blah blah, but it's not the same.  When you have kids things change so you don't want to go straght into a marriage(if given the choice) with a child, then have to wait 18 years(or longer) to just have you two back together again.  Also explain that during this time you will have the opportunity to better prove yourself at your job and make them realize that they won't be able to make it without you therefore when you do have the child, you will be in a better position to return.  You may have to compromise on returning to work after six months and consider hiring a nanny to help take care of the baby.

 

On the downside, if their is some difficulty getting pregnant, you may be blamed for not having kids earlier, even though no one knows if it still would have been an issue.  Good Luck with your decision!

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Permalink Reply by DdoubleD on April 15, 2012 at 4:48pm

Having a child right away would take away from your time being newlyweds.  There are so many things that you two could be doing together, while learning to grow as one unit. 

 

Many people worry about having a child at an older age.  My mother had a baby at 40 and believe it or not the risks are not as high as you think (especially for African American women).

 

Also, when and if it comes time to find a childcare provider for your child please contact me. I know the ins and outs of how to find the best nanny. 

 

Good luck to you and congrats, I wish you a lifetime of happiness! 

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Permalink Reply by BabyBallerCheeks on April 15, 2012 at 9:01pm

I agree with everyone else. I hate to say this but, maybe you should get an IUD for two years. Tell him that you already had it and wait the two years to give birth. Some of the hardest hit women in the recession were stay at home mom's that wanted to come back to work. Employers hate gaps in employment. I would wait it out...quietly.

http://articles.latimes.com/2011/aug/20/news/la-heb-working-mothers...

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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on April 15, 2012 at 10:27pm

I'd start putting some hard work into my job, and chart a path to a reputable rep for the next two years, then take the leave. If we want to have kids, we gotta understand that there is never really "the right time." And if you wanna have more than one you better get started ASAP.

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Permalink Reply by Creative Bee on April 16, 2012 at 1:00am

Thanks for the advice ladies. I agree I'll have to become irreplaceable at work. It might be not  hard to do, because I was hired to work on creating and developing absolutely new field for the company, which means I'll be leading all the projects and determine the direction it will be going. The opportunities are tremendous, the job is very interesting and experimental. 

Me and my fiance bought the house together almost a year ago, so we kind of had a feel of family life and newlyweds life might not be so new :) 

@BabyBallerCheeks he knows I don't use anything but condoms, so this excuse won't fly and we are not in the type of relationship when he decides what I'm doing with my body, he will respect any of my decisions.

 I love him very much and I know how much he wants a baby but I'm not ready to put my life on hold, at the same time I realize being a 40-smth mom is just not easy. Tough decisions ....

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Permalink Reply by Bonita on April 16, 2012 at 1:15am

Congrats! Had you guys discussed family way ahead of you getting the new job etc..reason I ask is should you decide to wait he won't be shocked..

Alot of women I know manage both great careers and being very good mom's. Initially maybe go part time after the baby then ease back to fulltime..that is if the company lets you do it.

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Permalink Reply by Still Pretty V on April 16, 2012 at 1:21am

Ur making it harder then it really is... there's nothing wrong with daycare or a nanny n u don't he yo breast feat... my son drunk silmalac n is very smart n healthy... kids won't remember.... children takes a lot of energy.. so waiting till ur 40.. umm good luck.. when I'm forty I'm living life.. not raising babies

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Permalink Reply by Still Pretty V on April 16, 2012 at 1:27am

Honey u dnt have to put ur life on hold... trust me... I'm a single mom n its not that hard... idk y ppl say that... I mean u can't get n go like u want... but u will be married so I'm sure u won't be hitting the club ever weekend...... if u can afford a nanny then ur good! That just makes it even easier... I mean I if u don't want kids... but if its just for the reasons u stated then... re think it! U can have it all



Creative Bee said:

Thanks for the advice ladies. I agree I'll have to become irreplaceable at work. It might be not  hard to do, because I was hired to work on creating and developing absolutely new field for the company, which means I'll be leading all the projects and determine the direction it will be going. The opportunities are tremendous, the job is very interesting and experimental. 

Me and my fiance bought the house together almost a year ago, so we kind of had a feel of family life and newlyweds life might not be so new :) 

@BabyBallerCheeks he knows I don't use anything but condoms, so this excuse won't fly and we are not in the type of relationship when he decides what I'm doing with my body, he will respect any of my decisions.

 I love him very much and I know how much he wants a baby but I'm not ready to put my life on hold, at the same time I realize being a 40-smth mom is just not easy. Tough decisions ....

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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on April 16, 2012 at 1:57am

It isn't but some mothers would rather be there with their child than have someone else raise them, IF POSSIBLE.  Some mothers have no choice but to work and have to take their kids to day care and not be stay at home moms, but given the opportunity, most would probably rather be stay at home moms. Did you have a choice in the matter?

 

 
Still Pretty Vahn said:

Ur making it harder then it really is... there's nothing wrong with daycare or a nanny n u don't he yo breast feat... my son drunk silmalac n is very smart n healthy... kids won't remember.... children takes a lot of energy.. so waiting till ur 40.. umm good luck.. when I'm forty I'm living life.. not raising babies

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Permalink Reply by Still Pretty V on April 16, 2012 at 5:02am

Who would want to stay at home 24/7 with a baby or kid???? I love my son n I love being a mom.. n I work at home now so when. He doesn't have school.. were home all day unless I find us something to do.. but even when he was a baby..i worked 8hrs a day.. n my mom kept him.. I still spent time with him .. he love me n I love him.. being a parent is a sacrifice but its not that serious... cuz once ur child is In school at 3or4 then what?? U still gone be a stay at home mom?? I worked 14hr days everyday when my son was 2 for a year.. he still loves me n I taught him his ABC to count to 10 his first n last name..ect...we also took a vacation that year as well as went to the park..bday patties n whatever else... my mom had to take him to some things while I worked but the point is he never missed out on anything.. no raise him on my own... no money no thing.. I do it.. so if I can do it a married woman sure can too... if she really wants a child...

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Permalink Reply by PlaneJaneLane on April 16, 2012 at 5:12am

All the stay at home moms...tho Bee's not saying she wants to be one. Hell I don't want to be one either. But I also would not want to miss a moment of my child's first two years, which is what Bee's saying. A child is your child forever, but a baby is only a baby for one year...

To Bee...is your position one you can eventually do from home? Maybe work hard for the next to years and then have your baby and do the first year of work at home when you can and only go in for meetings and such....

Still Pretty Vahn said:

Who would want to stay at home 24/7 with a baby or kid???? I love my son n I love being a mom.. n I work at home now so when. He doesn't have school.. were home all day unless I find us something to do.. but even when he was a baby..i worked 8hrs a day.. n my mom kept him.. I still spent time with him .. he love me n I love him.. being a parent is a sacrifice but its not that serious... cuz once ur child is In school at 3or4 then what?? U still gone be a stay at home mom?? I worked 14hr days everyday when my son was 2 for a year.. he still loves me n I taught him his ABC to count to 10 his first n last name..ect...we also took a vacation that year as well as went to the park..bday patties n whatever else... my mom had to take him to some things while I worked but the point is he never missed out on anything.. no raise him on my own... no money no thing.. I do it.. so if I can do it a married woman sure can too... if she really wants a child...

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Permalink Reply by BabyBallerCheeks on April 16, 2012 at 8:39am

Can't lie. My child went to daycare after 3 months. Try to find a great, small daycare. Preferably one with a lot of White children as their parents are so nosey, nothing slips by them.

My heart is telling you to have that baby but, being a mother and knowing how hard it is, my mind is telling you to wait. 

Good luck with any decision you chose and CONGRATS ON GETTING MARRIED!

Still Pretty Vahn said:

Ur making it harder then it really is... there's nothing wrong with daycare or a nanny n u don't he yo breast feat... my son drunk silmalac n is very smart n healthy... kids won't remember.... children takes a lot of energy.. so waiting till ur 40.. umm good luck.. when I'm forty I'm living life.. not raising babies

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