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DEAR BLACK MAN...I WANT AND NEED YOU
Dear Black Man,
Don’t you know that I want to love you. I want my love to be your love. I know that they tell me that there aren’t enough of you out there for me to love, but that’s never been my vision nor reality. I know that they tell me you don’t have the education that I have, but I know to the contrary.
For years I have told you, that “I got this. I don’t need your help.” But today, with my advance degrees, robust portfolio and home full of the best furnishings, I realize, Black Man, I need you.
No, I am not afraid to say this. I want and need you. I need you like the ocean needs its beaches. Miles of sand that lead love hand in hand to the water. Water, that we need to sustain life.
I need you in my life, I need you in my laughter. I want you to protect me from my fears. My Daddy wants to still protect me, but he also knows that this is your job to do…he’s told me this before.
Now they want to tell me that it’s partly my fault. They tell me that I ask far too much of my Black Man. “Why must this Man that you ask for have education?” and “Why must this Black Man have ambition and drive?” This is what they inquire. They ask me these questions as if you don’t exist. As if you are extinct. But I know to the contrary.
Not only do you exist, you flourish. Your ability to grow and achieve inspite of your conditions is your best attribute. Yes, I want the best and greatest from you, because I know that within you, it exists.
Black Man, I love you. I want you. I need you. But do know this Black Man, I’ll expect nothing but the best from you. You shouldn’t want it any other way. I love you, but I love me too. I’ll never succumb my condition for yours. Why would you want me to?
Come to me with your frustrations of the day, I’ll ease them away with the softest touch to your brow; the most tender touch, indeed. I’ll massage the evening away in your shoulders. And I’ll be quiet tonight, because I know you need touch not words. I’ll let that project that you’ve been promising to get to, wait until next week. I’ll contain my fright when I see the “Daddy-long-legs” in the basement; because I know that tonight is not the night. Your worries have been intense today, and because of that, the centipede gets a couple more days of freedom and life.
I am here for you on your WORST days, but promise me, that you won’t leave me on your BEST ones. If we can make that pact with each other, I guarantee you that you have a deal. I will love you Black Man, no matter what they tell me. I know what I want and need. I want and need, you, Black Man- contrary to popular belief.
With Love,
The Black Woman
Richelle R. Ransom
(Richelle is a Broadcast Journalism major, and Florida A & M University graduate. She’s currently a contestant in the Oprah Winfrey OWN Show Contest. For more information, and to VOTE, please go to www.richelleransom.com )
Don’t you know that I want to love you. I want my love to be your love. I know that they tell me that there aren’t enough of you out there for me to love, but that’s never been my vision nor reality. I know that they tell me you don’t have the education that I have, but I know to the contrary.
For years I have told you, that “I got this. I don’t need your help.” But today, with my advance degrees, robust portfolio and home full of the best furnishings, I realize, Black Man, I need you.
No, I am not afraid to say this. I want and need you. I need you like the ocean needs its beaches. Miles of sand that lead love hand in hand to the water. Water, that we need to sustain life.
I need you in my life, I need you in my laughter. I want you to protect me from my fears. My Daddy wants to still protect me, but he also knows that this is your job to do…he’s told me this before.
Now they want to tell me that it’s partly my fault. They tell me that I ask far too much of my Black Man. “Why must this Man that you ask for have education?” and “Why must this Black Man have ambition and drive?” This is what they inquire. They ask me these questions as if you don’t exist. As if you are extinct. But I know to the contrary.
Not only do you exist, you flourish. Your ability to grow and achieve inspite of your conditions is your best attribute. Yes, I want the best and greatest from you, because I know that within you, it exists.
Black Man, I love you. I want you. I need you. But do know this Black Man, I’ll expect nothing but the best from you. You shouldn’t want it any other way. I love you, but I love me too. I’ll never succumb my condition for yours. Why would you want me to?
Come to me with your frustrations of the day, I’ll ease them away with the softest touch to your brow; the most tender touch, indeed. I’ll massage the evening away in your shoulders. And I’ll be quiet tonight, because I know you need touch not words. I’ll let that project that you’ve been promising to get to, wait until next week. I’ll contain my fright when I see the “Daddy-long-legs” in the basement; because I know that tonight is not the night. Your worries have been intense today, and because of that, the centipede gets a couple more days of freedom and life.
I am here for you on your WORST days, but promise me, that you won’t leave me on your BEST ones. If we can make that pact with each other, I guarantee you that you have a deal. I will love you Black Man, no matter what they tell me. I know what I want and need. I want and need, you, Black Man- contrary to popular belief.
With Love,
The Black Woman
Richelle R. Ransom
(Richelle is a Broadcast Journalism major, and Florida A & M University graduate. She’s currently a contestant in the Oprah Winfrey OWN Show Contest. For more information, and to VOTE, please go to www.richelleransom.com )
Tags: BLACK, MAN, RELATIONSHIPS
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Siren on -
So very true and eloquently put.... sometimes you have to be the change you want to see in others. Sometimes if we are honest with ourselves we are just as shallow in some ways as the men we criticize. when you tak all of the surface stuff away men and women both want to be loved. If this same poem were written about us we would all be cosigning.
smallwonder903 said:Hello chicas! I have been super busy but I wanted to comment on this post.
My first question is all of you who think this is begging- where is your relationship right now, if you have one? I admit, two years ago, I felt that same way you guys feel but now that I've gone through marriage counseling, am I'm not religious but spiritual, it all comes together for name and I read this letter in a different light. I see it as looking at the three fingers pointing back at us when we are pointing one at the Black man, without bashing each other.
The man (no matter the race) is suppose to be the lead the household even though the woman runs it. Many women now even some of these older women are too caught up in the equality we fought for in the work place and are bringing that to the home. We were made to be helpers to the man. Have men gone astray, sure they are so caught up in the worldly pleasures that they have fell off but a good woman can help a man back to the path intended for him. Without being a complaining selfish b**** you want your man to accomplish something because that is what you want but have you even ask or thought about what he may want, school is not for everyone and is not the only way. the only thing we should be expecting of the man is a plan so you know what your role is to help the man lead your family.
We as women have forgot how to be strong but silent we are always saying how we don't want to settle but in a lot of cases these men are settling for us and don't think about this in material things (degrees, cars, money) think about whether you are even giving the man an opportunity to fulfill all your needs or are you saying you can do it on your own. We as black woman have said we don't want a man's help, but in the same breath want the him to buy us stuff, they may not have the material things to offer realize what else he can offer, he will protect you, comfort you and a real man will do anything to make his woman happy and a real woman should be doing the same for her man.
Now I know it's hard to give your everything in relationships but you have to understand you were not the only one that has been hurt, men don't say it but they have been hurt to. They play these games because that is what we have said we wanted so they are trying to fill this role only for both of you to realize what you want and what you really need are two totally different things. Are there some jerks and gold diggers out there, yep sure are, but don't let that stop you from giving your all and really see someone for what they offer to your needs and not to your wants. nobody is perfect and nobody will fulfill them all but there is someone out there for you that will come close, you have change your glasses to see them a little clearer. It took me 6 years to realize this, he loves my good, accepts my bad and deals with my ugly... that is love.
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Permalink Reply by RayRay&Pookie'sWIFEY on -
The worst thing that could have ever happened to us is the fact that we are at war with ourselves/each other. The Black man and the Black woman, for the first time in history at war with each other, there's too much struggle and turmoil and backbiting amongst us. This is devastating us as a people...it's worse than any type of racism could ever be, because its us against each other. We've always been everything this lady is writing about to our men...it's what women do! Throughout our history in America, through slavery, Jim Crow, Civil Rights, etc, we've always had each other, now, it's kind of like we're losing each other and are against each other. The state of Black male/female relationships is in utter turmoil, and I'm not talking about relationships in terms of romantic, I'm talking about the way that we think about and relate to one another in a general sense.
Of course I hate it and refuse to perpetuate it, but I'm certainly not about to be on some Angie Stone "Black brotha, I love ya, there is no one above ya" type shyt. Actions have always spoken much louder than words, and if Black women are nothing else, we are supportive and loving and loyal as all hell when it comes to Black men. I'm not about to support some gushy letter saying so, when I feel anything buy mushy and gushy when I think about Black men. I feel frustrated. I feel like we have been taken for granted and disrespected. I feel like what a lot of Black men have been doing lately is not honorable and it is not admirable. A lot of guys think they are being responsible and should be admired if they are paying child support. I disagree, I find it honorable and admirable to be a husband, and a full time father.
On a personal note, the (Black) men in my life know that I feel the same way the author of this letter feels, and I even write little mushy stuff to them like this quite often. But I feel as though she wrote this in a general sense, not a personal sense, to Black men, and that's why I'm opposed to it, and generally speaking, Black men need to do better.
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Permalink Reply by Siren on
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Black PEOPLE need to do better!
Nas'sTattooArtist said:The worst thing that could have ever happened to us is the fact that we are at war with ourselves/each other. The Black man and the Black woman, for the first time in history at war with each other, there's too much struggle and turmoil and backbiting amongst us. This is devastating us as a people...it's worse than any type of racism could ever be, because its us against each other. We've always been everything this lady is writing about to our men...it's what women do! Throughout our history in America, through slavery, Jim Crow, Civil Rights, etc, we've always had each other, now, it's kind of like we're losing each other and are against each other. The state of Black male/female relationships is in utter turmoil, and I'm not talking about relationships in terms of romantic, I'm talking about the way that we think about and relate to one another in a general sense.
Of course I hate it and refuse to perpetuate it, but I'm certainly not about to be on some Angie Stone "Black brotha, I love ya, there is no one above ya" type shyt. Actions have always spoken much louder than words, and if Black women are nothing else, we are supportive and loving and loyal as all hell when it comes to Black men. I'm not about to support some gushy letter saying so, when I feel anything buy mushy and gushy when I think about Black men. I feel frustrated. I feel like we have been taken for granted and disrespected. I feel like what a lot of Black men have been doing lately is not honorable and it is not admirable. A lot of guys think they are being responsible and should be admired if they are paying child support. I disagree, I find it honorable and admirable to be a husband, and a full time father.
On a personal note, the (Black) men in my life know that I feel the same way the author of this letter feels, and I even write little mushy stuff to them like this quite often. But I feel as though she wrote this in a general sense, not a personal sense, to Black men, and that's why I'm opposed to it, and generally speaking, Black men need to do better.
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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on -
Quote from Nastatooartist :But I feel as though she wrote this in a general sense, not a personal sense, to Black men, and that's why I'm opposed to it, and generally speaking, Black men need to do better. My thoughts exactly!!!!! Where is the letter from the WW, AW or any other race pleading with their men??
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Permalink Reply by Siren on
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None of those other people have dealt with the oppression we have... This infighting between us is no mistake it is all part of a well orchestrated plan.... if WE want things to be better someone has to make a first move like someone said before... rehashing the anger and pain and negativity breeds more of it...We allknow that not ALL black men are not ish but we don;t talk about the good ones nearly enough...we expend so much energy spewing venom that we don;t take the time to actually talk resolution or solution. The back and forth and constant negativity is what has us here today. We need to work on a solution resolution that comes from a place of love and healing not anger and bitterness if we want to move forward...
SPICE said:Quote from Nastatooartist :But I feel as though she wrote this in a general sense, not a personal sense, to Black men, and that's why I'm opposed to it, and generally speaking, Black men need to do better. My thoughts exactly!!!!! Where is the letter from the WW, AW or any other race pleading with their men??
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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on
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There is a lot of work to do by both parties. We can't control the 'rogue' few who choose to publicly display their compliments or negativity about black relationships. We can only control our own views and actions. I'm good and I can deal with it.
But when people put this into the public sphere (they should think about the consequences and reactions b4 they talk) they irk me because they generalize about the whole race. Why did she sign the letter:
With Love,
The Black Woman
Richelle R. Ransom
She should just use her name and leave the 'whole race out'. I get her letter and the sentiments, we women do all of that and more and we KNOW OUR ROLES. But these few just irk me when they 'try to speak for all of us'.
Siren said:None of those other people have dealt with the oppression we have... This infighting between us is no mistake it is all part of a well orchestrated plan.... if WE want things to be better someone has to make a first move like someone said before... rehashing the anger and pain and negativity breeds more of it...We allknow that not ALL black men are not ish but we don;t talk about the good ones nearly enough...we expend so much energy spewing venom that we don;t take the time to actually talk resolution or solution. The back and forth and constant negativity is what has us here today. We need to work on a solution resolution that comes from a place of love and healing not anger and bitterness if we want to move forward...
SPICE said:Quote from Nastatooartist :But I feel as though she wrote this in a general sense, not a personal sense, to Black men, and that's why I'm opposed to it, and generally speaking, Black men need to do better. My thoughts exactly!!!!! Where is the letter from the WW, AW or any other race pleading with their men??
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Permalink Reply by RayRay&Pookie'sWIFEY on
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The first step of love and healing should be love and healing, not a letter. Love=marriage and or a loving relationship. Healing=mending families and communities.
Men are leaders, period. We've been begging the Black man to step up to the plate and be husbands and fathers for a while now. Wouldn't the first step be for the Black man to say, "okay, I'm going to be a stand up father to my children so that my children can be raised right with morals and values." God forbid he does it in a 2 parent household. Men used to marry the person they got pregnant (shot gun weddings, anyone?), not make a baby with this one, leave, make a baby with that one, keep it moving, one night stand, surprise surprise, another baby I'm not about to be there for. I know things don't always work out, but it used to work just fine for years. The thing that messed it up was the welfare system. A woman couldn't collect welfare money/benefits/section 8 housing if a man was living with her. The welfare system felt like if a man was there, he should be working, and therefore providing, not the government. Well, the men wouldn't be working, so in order to keep a roof over her kids head and food on the table, the woman had to make the man leave, therefore breaking up the family unit. The cycle of men being absent from the home hasn't stopped since.
How about we start the healing with 2 parent families?
IDK, I guess to me, a letter is just senseless rhetoric. It's meaningless. If you're a Black woman and you're not providing the calm, loving environment that the letter insinuates, then you need to check yourself, true. But I don't think it's the first step towards anything but begging and ego stroking.
Siren said:None of those other people have dealt with the oppression we have... This infighting between us is no mistake it is all part of a well orchestrated plan.... if WE want things to be better someone has to make a first move like someone said before... rehashing the anger and pain and negativity breeds more of it...We allknow that not ALL black men are not ish but we don;t talk about the good ones nearly enough...we expend so much energy spewing venom that we don;t take the time to actually talk resolution or solution. The back and forth and constant negativity is what has us here today. We need to work on a solution resolution that comes from a place of love and healing not anger and bitterness if we want to move forward...
SPICE said:Quote from Nastatooartist :But I feel as though she wrote this in a general sense, not a personal sense, to Black men, and that's why I'm opposed to it, and generally speaking, Black men need to do better. My thoughts exactly!!!!! Where is the letter from the WW, AW or any other race pleading with their men??
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Permalink Reply by JustMe on -
Standing ovation for Siren & Smallwonder...
just my two cents, why do we get so defensive when certain things are said about "black women", but are appalled by praise for "black men"... neither statement is all inclusive, so accept it for what it is and move on...
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Permalink Reply by JustMe on
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and the women who are birthing these babies have no responsibility??? these men are not
f****** themselvesmaking babies alone... the issues you are discussing are extremely valid, but are a result of the irresponsibility of BOTH the black man AND the black woman...
Nas'sTattooArtist said:The first step of love and healing should be love and healing, not a letter. Love=marriage and or a loving relationship. Healing=mending families and communities. Men are leaders, period. We've been begging the Black man to step up to the plate and be husbands and fathers for a while now. Wouldn't the first step be for the Black man to say, "okay, I'm going to be a stand up father to my children so that my children can be raised right with morals and values." God forbid he does it in a 2 parent household. Men used to marry the person they got pregnant (shot gun weddings, anyone?), not make a baby with this one, leave, make a baby with that one, keep it moving, one night stand, surprise surprise, another baby I'm not about to be there for. I know things don't always work out, but it used to work just fine for years. The thing that messed it up was the welfare system. A woman couldn't collect welfare money/benefits/section 8 housing if a man was living with her. The welfare system felt like if a man was there, he should be working, and therefore providing, not the government. Well, the men wouldn't be working, so in order to keep a roof over her kids head and food on the table, the woman had to make the man leave, therefore breaking up the family unit. The cycle of men being absent from the home hasn't stopped since.
How about we start the healing with 2 parent families?
IDK, I guess to me, a letter is just senseless rhetoric. It's meaningless. If you're a Black woman and you're not providing the calm, loving environment that the letter insinuates, then you need to check yourself, true. But I don't think it's the first step towards anything but begging and ego stroking.
Siren said:None of those other people have dealt with the oppression we have... This infighting between us is no mistake it is all part of a well orchestrated plan.... if WE want things to be better someone has to make a first move like someone said before... rehashing the anger and pain and negativity breeds more of it...We allknow that not ALL black men are not ish but we don;t talk about the good ones nearly enough...we expend so much energy spewing venom that we don;t take the time to actually talk resolution or solution. The back and forth and constant negativity is what has us here today. We need to work on a solution resolution that comes from a place of love and healing not anger and bitterness if we want to move forward... SPICE said:Quote from Nastatooartist :But I feel as though she wrote this in a general sense, not a personal sense, to Black men, and that's why I'm opposed to it, and generally speaking, Black men need to do better. My thoughts exactly!!!!! Where is the letter from the WW, AW or any other race pleading with their men??
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Permalink Reply by AllyNWonderland on -
Bump
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Permalink Reply by Baller Alert on -
Bump these... lol
AllyNWonderland said:Bump
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