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Permalink Reply by Honeycoated on February 6, 2010 at 7:05pm

hmmm. i'd love to hear what some of the responses would be but, since the relationship was "open" and you would tell each other when you were dating other people, what's so different about this? is it because she's the "main" or that its a serious relationship?

So your point in telling her is to help her out? So if he came to you, with your open relationship, and said he's also dating someone else, would you tell his other dips? How did you get access to her email and what indicated that he has a serious girlfriend?

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Permalink Reply by makinithappen on February 6, 2010 at 7:11pm

Thanks for the response!

I'm definitely upset that he lied, since I was totally honest about the other guys that I'm dating so he could have been honest. If he had been honest and said, I'm dating "x" girls than I'd have let them be, thats fair and I wouldn't have approached them.

From what I can tell (facebook) she has a son (not by him) and I feel like she is completely unaware of this alter life he's living. But maybe she likes it that way?

I guess the way I look at it is I would want to know. But is that her case? I dont know....

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Permalink Reply by Michael on February 6, 2010 at 7:18pm

If you look hard enough, you will always find something...


Either way, no one wins. If you tell the girl, either

a. they will break up
b. she will know, not thank you, and cheat on him for revenge
or
c. all of the above

Sucks to be him right now...
Does he know you have access to his girls email address?

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Permalink Reply by Charlie/Daddy's Girl on February 6, 2010 at 7:20pm

Nope, move on...why invite drama into your life?...she will find out in her own time...

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Permalink Reply by makinithappen on February 6, 2010 at 7:22pm

Sorry, I should have said I have access to message her on facebook since I know who she is...email was just easier to type but I see how that can confuse the story.

I guess a better question is...would you want to know?

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Permalink Reply by Sheli on February 6, 2010 at 7:49pm

Ok questions.... you said you two weren't exclusive & discussed the people you were openly dating and you were cool with that set up, right? So had he told you that he had someone serious, would you still be inclined to tell her that you're seeing her man? Is it the fact that he kept you in the dark about it that's upsetting you?

Honestly, i don't think that your desire to tell is to help her, I think its just to F**k up the happy home you think he has.

If he has other side pieces, I'm sure she already knows about at least one of them, & your telling her would just put a face to the thought and invite drama like someone else said. If you weren't trying to be exclusive I say just Curse him out and move on, no need to bring her down, because you got your feelings hurt.

Thats just my take one it.

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Permalink Reply by makinithappen on February 6, 2010 at 7:59pm

I appreciate your honesty.

My take on situations like this has always been...tell me what's going on in your life. If I choose to be in it, than it's my choice and what happens is on me. I "thought" we were being very honest...."I'm dating 3 guys, if you and I decide that this is going somewhere I'll cut that off. Until then, let's see where this goes and be honest with each other." I did like him and even though I was dating other people I did see potential with him and really started to like him. If he said he was in a serious relationship, I would have cut him off because feelings were developing and I dont want to be a side chick.

Yes, it does drive me nuts that he's just getting away with this. I also have been cheated on and wish I was told earlier than I was so it would have saved me the time. If some chick reached out to me, yes I'd be livid but would prob appreciate that in the long run.

If you ladies think I should move on I will....its been a couple weeks and the thought of reaching out to her keeps crossing my mind so I figured I'd ask your opinion. I'm not devious or trying to hurt her just so get my own laugh. Nobody wins in something like this.



Sheli said:

Ok questions.... you said you two weren't exclusive & discussed the people you were openly dating and you were cool with that set up, right? So had he told you that he had someone serious, would you still be inclined to tell her that you're seeing her man? Is it the fact that he kept you in the dark about it that's upsetting you?

Honestly, i don't think that your desire to tell is to help her, I think its just to F**k up the happy home you think he has.

If he has other side pieces, I'm sure she already knows about at least one of them, & your telling her would just put a face to the thought and invite drama like someone else said. If you weren't trying to be exclusive I say just Curse him out and move on, no need to bring her down, because you got your feelings hurt.

Thats just my take one it.

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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on February 6, 2010 at 8:12pm

Never assume a woman's not aware of what her man's up to. He'll get his.
I know you're pizzed he's getting away with it, but there's nothing you can or should do. That's the least of your problems.

***MEN LIE to get what they want even if it's a casual 'relationship', because they know some women have a conscience and won't help them cheat. LOL

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Permalink Reply by Moving In Silence on February 6, 2010 at 8:18pm

I told a girl/dormmate (not roommate) her man was trying to get with me before. I showed her texts and she watched him knock on my door smh. To put it short it didn't work out too well.

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Permalink Reply by JustMe on February 6, 2010 at 8:49pm

I'm going to sound like I am taking up for the guy, but I'm really not... But, here goes...

You two were casual, not exclusive... the end... he owes you nothing... to be honest not even the truth... since you knew it wasn't exclusive you owed it to yourself to use protection each and every time...

Non exclusive means everybody does exactly what they want to do & when... My question is why are you hurt?

Is it because you thought you would be the one if he ever decided to get serious?????

You have no idea what their arrangement is, so she may very well know about all of his casual relationships...

Who is to say she doesn't have her own side kicks?

How did you find her on FB...

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Permalink Reply by makinithappen on February 6, 2010 at 10:39pm

When I say that we weren't exclusive that is true....and I understand it's hard to truly get what was going on unless you're in my shoes but I'm trying to explain that he, on many occasions....talked about how he wasn't even talking to anyone else when I was openly telling him I hadn't yet made a decision to stop my other relationships.

I was starting to do just that because I was really developing feelings for him. He knows it's hard for me to open up and trust people, and he told me many times that he just wants me to trust him and to let him in.

Of course I'm hurt that he lied, which he did. In my other "relationships" I know I'm not the only girl and have no intention whatsoever to reach out, dig deeper, or contact anyone. There's an understanding there and we're all up front and honest about what it is.

I'm going to hold off on contacting her...even if 30% of me wants to help her, I have to be honest with myself that 70% of it is that I want to hurt him I guess.

Ugh, this sucks. Thank you for the advice ladies...I really appreciate your input. :)

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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on February 6, 2010 at 11:07pm

If u asked and he lied and said no, he didnt have a girlfriend - I would tell her - not because I care but because u lied to me - I hate a liar

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