For Women Who Want The Ballerific Life!
It amazes me some females opinion on this subject. The ones that side with the male I'm going to assume you have never been a victim. Reporting domestic violence is like reporting rape. Most females don't do it. So for a woman that does report it says a lot!
Most of ya'll on BallerAlert is anonymous. How many of you guys have been a victim of domestic violence? Or know someone who has? Did you report it to the police? If not why didn't you?
My sister was and she left. The first time her husband hit her was the last time but it was never reported to the police.
I have a couple friends who were in domestic abuse situations and they never reported it either. One escalated to the point where she ended up being hospitalized for an extended period of time. That time she had no choice but to admit to police what had happened.
The sister of a guy friend of mine is currently in an abusive and possessive relationship. In fact, she just had another baby by him yesterday. I've never met her but my heart hurts for her so. She's only 22/23 and this is her 3rd baby with him. She's never reported anything to the police but her mother and brother (my friend) know about it. I've commented to him on why he doesn't DO something about it. He's a hood ninja so this could be remedied really quick. But they're in the midwest and he lives here in Florida. If he was to personally do anything that wasn't lethal, it wouldn't stop the problem since he isn't around to follow-up he says. Plus, it may just end up making things worse on her.
I wouldn't even begin to know what to do in that situation. I'm a very violent person towards people that are just scum of the earth. But I calmed down and suggested more peaceful ways to handle it. But it seems to be one of those "you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped" type of things. It's all very sad.
I have some many stories I can tell (from the side of the abuser and victim), but the worst one would have to be with my cousin: My cousin use to get her ass beat (black eyes, broken bones, cuts, etc.), her child's father would put her & the kids in the trunk a drop them off somewhere in the middle of the night/morning then call us and tell us to go find them. She never left, the only reason they broke up was b/c he went to jail for manslaughter, when he got out she got back with him. In between that time she dated 3 other men 2 of them beat the hell out of her. I was friends with one of them. To us, he never raised his voice, if I needed anything he did it for me, I knew he beat her b/c of the black eyes and bruises, I actually saw him beat her one day when she called me to come get her from a cookout. When I got there, he was calm and asked if I wanted a plate while still choking her. She didn't leave him though, so we stopped "caring" that she got beat, we still went to hospitals to visit and offered our shoulder when she needed to cry, but he was still welcomed at family cookouts. The 3rd guy didn't hit her at all, said he wasn't raised to hit a woman and she dogged the s*** out of him.
I think people lack compassion for Evelyn b/c of how she treated other people on BBW, she was verbally, mentally, and damn near physically abusive to other women; her BBW character shouldn't bear any weight on this situation this serious, but it does. We don't know the other side of Evelyn, we only know that "REALity" image she showed for 5 seasons, so that's what people judge her on. Is it fair? Nope, but as they say on the show, "it is what it is." I think if it had been Royce, Keisha, or Jennifer people would have been more sympathetic. In the eyes of some, the villain became the victim and got his just deserts. As a woman & human being, I feel sorry for her and I'm actually glad she left since so many women/girls look up to her, maybe this will make other women take a stand or leave.
(now watch someone read all of this and take away from it that I said she deserved it)
Being a victim of it myself i completely understand myself how Boss is feeling. I myself couldnt believe what i was seeing how some other women were so insensitive about the evelyn and chad situation. Trust me im no evelyn fan myslef but no woman deserves to leak from the head by a man that she loves or any man for that matter. In my situation the cops were called immediately because my family members were present and called the cops themselves before i even had a chance to make a decision on my own. Im thankful for them because i remember feeling bad at first and not wanting to go through with signing a police report because in my mind i didnt want my daughters father to go to jail and i thought maybe it was something that i did that caused him to react the way he did. The police officer was a friend of mine and he basically gave me some tough love and FORCED me to go to the police station and file a report. I thank him for caring enough about me to tell me what i needed to hear and make me make the decision to do the right thing. Thanks to them that was the first and last time for me.
I am on the board of a non profit organization and you will be surprised how much women really put up with. It is so sad that we judge and question the woman about what could she have done to make the abuser angry.
I dont give a s*** how angry you are, keep ya damn hands, feet, and head, off of me, bc I will call the police!
It's crazy, I think women care too much about the man and are brainwashed to think less of themselves and that is what you are seeing with most of the responses towards Evelyn. Most are saying she wrecked his life and ruined his career, Rihanna also received the same response but on a much larger scale, some people even suggested she threw him the bus wtf. Rihanna has not been the same since that incident. I understand black women want to support our black men but when they mess up and I mean big time that support should cease. I have also seen a few comments that said if Chad had been with a black woman and he had done the same thing there would be no calling the police and everything would be hushed up, that is a scary thought because it implied that black women accept violence in relationships.
I know this is a mostly female board and I sure as hell don't condone domestic violence or any other kind of violence, but if a female continues to stay in a situation where she is physically abused "SHE" is just as at fault as her abuser. Folks have to take some responsibility for their actions and emotions. First time you hit me shame on you, 2nd time shame on me. That's not to say i don't feel sorry for them, because despite me talking tough I still do. I knew of a situation when in college of a girl getting her ass beat by her boyfriend. She called her dad multiple time to confront her abuser, but when he got in town she wouldn't tell him where he lived or tell him where he was. Fast forward weeks later she calls her dad screaming and crying much like she did the other times complaining of abuse and her dad hung the phone up on her.
Further, women need to stop antagonizing men so aggressively a la "Babyboy" (e.g. finger pointing, screaming, pushing and hands in face) . Again, I have never in my life touched a woman violently and probably never will, but in many cases you see women(including my own mama) antagonizing men very aggressively and violently. If a man was getting a lashing like that by a stranger or even his best guy friend they would certainly come to blows, so i think women are expecting an unrealistically high order of behavior from men when they on the other hand are coming out the mouth any and every way. I know it's unpopular, but it has to be said
I was once hit by an ex and I never reported it. I actually forgave him and we stayed together for about 3 more months after that. Part of me wanted to say something but as crazy as it sounds, I wanted to protect him (from going to jail AND from enduring the wrath of my family).
In hindsight, I DEFINITELY would have 1) reported his ass, and 2) left his ass. I don't know if it was low self esteem, depression or maybe I was just d*** whipped- whatever it was, it surely wasn't enough to stay and "let it slide".
Now, I was never crazy with fighting like Evelyn appears to be but with that said that's not a reason for him to hit her. Even if she hit him first, he's bigger, stronger and tougher than her- it's the equivalent of punching a tantrum-ing baby in the face. NOT O-K!!!!!!
I have never been in a abusive relationship but my best friend has and she never called the police. She loved him and wanted him to stop and her rational for not calling the police was how could they move forward with her pressing charges. Early in the abuse I was all for her calling the police but then I realized all I could do was convince her he wasn't going to change because she started to think all I wanted to do was make him pay for what he did. She got out of the relationship while never calling the police. Me speaking from not being in that situation I would call the police but I can't honestly say that with 100% certainty because you never fully know what you'd do put in the situation in reality.
As for Evelyn and Chad, I haven't seen anyone take his side just look at Evelyn as less of a victim because of her behavior. Its like how nobody believes K. Michelle because she's "crazy" My whole point for me is that it's hard to feel sorry for someone you've seen abuse and threaten others. Not saying what Chad did was right and I do think he should be punished socially and by law. I don't feel as though Evelyn deserved to have that happen to her but as from what i've seen its hard for a lot of people to look at her as a weak woman beaten by her husband because of her behavior on BBW. And people criticize Chad for being with her "knowing how angry and wild she gets" (I put that in parenthesis because its a public opinion drawn from a edited show)
IMO, men want to choose when they will be "men." They want to be referred to as the man, but in situations like a woman talking crazy or something he could easily separate himself from, he decides to retaliate, instead of acting like a man. It is not right for a man to hit a woman, under ANY circumstance. If a woman stays, it STILL IS NOT HER FAULT. Most women nurture, care, love, take up for, support and ride for their men to a fault. And then these negros have THE NERVE to say that we don't support them and we don't ride for them. How much are we supposed to endure in the name of love and support?? I mean really this is crazy. Women have to stand by, support, prepare for, sometimes provide for, i mean just be everything for, give up the head AND get beat for a man?? This is unbelievable and women that have sided with chad IMO are really empty, and will take any man for any reason in any condition, due to internal lacking within herself. Some of us need a real reality check. A man is NEVER supposed to hit a woman, just by virture of HER BEING A WOMAN. No EXCUSES. This was not Eve's fault and this is not an excusable situation. And for those who don't believe that, just ask the Miami Dolphins, VH1, and other chad endorsers. Get yalls minds right.