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Permalink Reply by Tone © on July 10, 2012 at 8:39pm

Maybe he is growing up and seeing that he is missing out on a wonderful gift of being a father. I can't understand the logic if not wanting to see your on kid. But for your daughter let him see her.

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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on July 10, 2012 at 8:47pm

Let him know ALL of your concerns. Also, let him know you don't want him pulling his 'disappearing acts' and you're left to pick up the pieces. Ask him what is the motivation and purpose of him popping up now because you don't want your daughter to get confused and disappointed when he falls back from time to time.

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Permalink Reply by Desiree' on July 10, 2012 at 10:50pm

I agree, have a chat with him and find out the reason for him popping up out of nowhere first before you allow him back into you and your daughters life.

OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:

Let him know ALL of your concerns. Also, let him know you don't want him pulling his 'disappearing acts' and you're left to pick up the pieces. Ask him what is the motivation and purpose of him popping up now because you don't want your daughter to get confused and disappointed when he falls back from time to time.

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Permalink Reply by Bonita on July 11, 2012 at 12:14am

I agree with Spice...you don't want him entering your child's life and pull another disappearing  act. Not sure why he cares if you like him or not he may be trying to enter both your life and hers. I say start by making sure his motives are genuine as it comes to her get something in writing a commitment plan for him to slowly re-enter her life. 

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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on July 11, 2012 at 2:17am

Agree with everyone.  I would say let him meet her, but after you meet him, one and one and have a serious talk.  Don't let him tell her he's her father.  If he stays around for some years, then MAYBE you can tell her.  I wouldnt let him spend time with her alone, nor spend a lot of time with him.

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Permalink Reply by Miss Double Kiss on July 11, 2012 at 5:58am

do you have someone new in your life? (you really don't have to answer that...but if you do...) it "could" explain why the sudden urge OUT OF NOWHERE of him wanting to introduce himself again (jealously or guilt)

I will say this, if he is NOT discussing with you proper reintroduction/reintegration methods into your daughter's life and/or ways to give you retroactive child support (that's aka back child support), understand he is more than likely going to be FISHING your child for information about YOU....be on your guard because his M-O could be not be of a caring dad. I think it's a set up. Men who have abandoned their children tend do this a lot...Listen more than anything when you talk with him and read between the lines. A guy that has been absent for an extended amount of time (when there is NO EXCUSE due to a military obligation, like war or a deployment), is trying to build a case.

Look at Gabriel Aubrey and how he did Halle if you need a recent example. This is the year of the male golddigger (not saying you are rolling in it) but times are hard for a lot of people and if you are doing well, he may try to claim parental rights on your daugher NOW which can lead to him seeking visitation, joint custody and even support from you.

Just...be careful.

You can test his motives by suggesting small things like Skype or Facetime (because it's safe for your child and non confrontational)...and if he gripes about that and demands that he come over to see her or that you bring the child, you'll know enough to make a more balanced decision.

Don't curse him out (and not in front of your child) or give him ANY REASON to claim you are angry, unstable or unfit...ok. Just bite the bullet if you think you're gonna go there...'cause he'll use it AGAINST you if he can (think Sio Wade).

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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on July 11, 2012 at 9:21am

+1 All of this. Because my first thought was, someone told this ninja that she has found a rich new boo and has moved to Miami. He just wants to see if he can fugg up her life. What MDK said has much more merit. Because my response is fugg him and delete all subsequent emails like I never saw them and keep it moving. He is up to no good.

But seriously, Have talk with your new boo before you do anything.

Miss Double Kiss said:

do you have someone new in your life? (you really don't have to answer that...but if you do...) it "could" explain why the sudden urge OUT OF NOWHERE of him wanting to introduce himself again (jealously or guilt)

I will say this, if he is NOT discussing with you proper reintroduction/reintegration methods into your daughter's life and/or ways to give you retroactive child support (that's aka back child support), understand he is more than likely going to be FISHING your child for information about YOU....be on your guard because his M-O could be not be of a caring dad. I think it's a set up. Men who have abandoned their children tend do this a lot...Listen more than anything when you talk with him and read between the lines. A guy that has been absent for an extended amount of time (when there is NO EXCUSE due to a military obligation, like war or a deployment), is trying to build a case.

Look at Gabriel Aubrey and how he did Halle if you need a recent example. This is the year of the male golddigger (not saying you are rolling in it) but times are hard for a lot of people and if you are doing well, he may try to claim parental rights on your daugher NOW which can lead to him seeking visitation, joint custody and even support from you.

Just...be careful.

You can test his motives by suggesting small things like Skype or Facetime (because it's safe for your child and non confrontational)...and if he gripes about that and demands that he come over to see her or that you bring the child, you'll know enough to make a more balanced decision.

Don't curse him out (and not in front of your child) or give him ANY REASON to claim you are angry, unstable or unfit...ok. Just bite the bullet if you think you're gonna go there...'cause he'll use it AGAINST you if he can (think Sio Wade).

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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on July 11, 2012 at 9:51am

WOW you need to pray on this one! How old is your kid? You should start off by talking to him face to face (without slapping the piss out him, LOL). Over the phone you cannot pick up on verbal clues and body language. You have to figure out exactly what his motives are before you introduce your child to this douche. He may have a new chick who is pushing him to do better, he may be sick, or he may be trying to get back in good with you cuz he got dumped. I don't think you should disregard him until you find out what the hell he wants. His karma is coming back on his ass, but you have to sort through his bull! If he is truly interested in your child you should allow them to have a relationship after talking to a lawyer. Someone said that he may try and take you for support. No judge in their right mind would give child to a man that walked away with no contact for years. Tell him to sign something (drafted up like a contract) if he is really serious about being there for your child.

 It is beneficial for your child to know their dad regardless of what he did in the past to you. he is still their pops. So I would tread with caution, but still leave the possibility open. My BD has not paid his child support in months, but I can and will take care of her alone. I still drop her off every weekend and smile and wave as I pull off. No hard feelings dude I aint got time to be bitter. Cuz like I said karma will get them in the end. Good luck and keep us posted on what you decide. Be blessed!!!!!

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Permalink Reply by PrettyPretty on July 11, 2012 at 10:22am

Thanks everyone has made some valid points....She hasn't seen him in almost three years he has not acknowledged her for her bday,xmas,Easter,or Halloween....I was told that he has a new girlfriend but what else is new. I did respond back to his email and I stated all his shortcomings and that he basically abandoned her and they have no emotional attachment. It just p***** me off that someone thinks years later not even as much as a phone call they can just enforce their parental rights..

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Permalink Reply by SACK CHASER on July 11, 2012 at 10:49am

Just make sure you can live with the decisions you make because he could be here today and gone tomorrow.

Life is too shirt for regrets and to hold grudges!

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Permalink Reply by blackfujones on July 11, 2012 at 10:56am

if he's not a threat to your child its not your call..its that childs call to see their other parent. My daughters mom stays up the street and doesnt see her for months on end. However if she's "sober" and asks to see our child then I let my daughter make that decision. At the end of the day no matter how you think of it, its still that childs parent....n trust me ive been dealing w/ this s*** for 11yrs so i understand

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Permalink Reply by blackfujones on July 11, 2012 at 10:57am

why the hell would he just meet some random child as a friend?

MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! said:

Agree with everyone.  I would say let him meet her, but after you meet him, one and one and have a serious talk.  Don't let him tell her he's her father.  If he stays around for some years, then MAYBE you can tell her.  I wouldnt let him spend time with her alone, nor spend a lot of time with him.

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