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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on July 12, 2012 at 3:27pm

I'm saying wait til she is able to make this decision for herself. I met my father at 7 or 8. He disappeared again until I was like 13, when he was having me tested for paternity. Then he popped back up at like 16. Next he sent me some money when I was in college. then I saw him while I was still living in my college town like 4 years ago. I had breakfast with him about two months ago. I may have left out a visit or two, but that is the gist of it. Do I hate him?? No. Will I talk to him? Yes. I don't know about what tho. Am I mad at him? No. I think the reason why I am cool about him is because I had a man to call daddy when this guy was globetrotting and forgetting he had a lil girl, then tryna prove he had a lil girl that needed him. I had a man in my life that showed me what male (fatherly) care was. He talked to me about self-respect and the birds and the bees. He helped me understand my worth and value. IF I did not have him, I truly would consider myself a little girl lost. I want to develop a bond with my father, but I really don't see the need now. I aint mad, but I kinda feel like what's done is done and when we talk we can talk about dumb stuff like the weather and wtf ever else comes up. The daddy thing was done and it wasnt by him. I'm not gon fake like he can make up lost time. So since this girl has a man in her life TODAY, I say let him prove he's really in it for real. If not, she has a birds and the bees talker, and when/if he gets serious then they can talk about the weather. JMO tho. I think she should wait to let him see her until she knows he is serious about being in her life. If she turns 13 before he shows he is serious, then she can see his not-serious azz at 13. No harm no foul.     

blackfujones said:

wow..play a game ? is that what youre saying...

Love is a Losing Game said:

wow. I say ignore him a lil longer. If he persists, tell him you are initiating the process for court sanctioned visitation AND child support. Then, I'd wait a couple weeks, see if he is still around after the child support thing, if he is, initiate the paperwork and let the system do its job.

I kinda feel that I would wait to introduce her to him too, tho. Men don't understand the impact their absence have on girls. Especially for him to only possibly jump in and out again. maybe she can "understand" his absence when she is a bit more mature. 

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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on July 12, 2012 at 3:47pm

I don't know why this made me ctfu. lol

 

CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she said:

Let me clarify. I think he is full of s***. I think his only reason for contacting PP is to stir up trouble in her life. When a person comes to bring nothing but evil and ill will no good shall come from it. The child will be hurt. The child is just that, a child and when he hurts her mother she will internalize that s***. She may blame herself when she is older for initiating this process. If she is older when she is exposed to this piece of s*** excuse for a human being, she will hopefully be able to see him and judge him better than she will now. I stand by my view of f*** him and all that he stands for and may everything he has turn to s*** until he does right. And I don't think he is trying to do right now.

University of Smitty said:

I think you're all over the place with your point, CC.  You think him not being there for three years is crime but 13 years isnt??  What do you think about the confusion that comes with her calling every Tom, D***, and Harry 'daddy' for the next 13 years?  Whose fault would that be and who should decide the penalty for it???
 
CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she said:

I agree to disagree. I think 12-13 is as good a time as any to reintroduce him into her child's life. Right now is not a good time. Especially not the way he's going about it. Where there is a will, for good or evil, there is always a way for him to fugg up PP's life. I say let that sleeping dog lie for a few more years.

University of Smitty said:

The only way he can f**k up anything pretty has going on is if she lets him.  Three years aint sh*t in a lifetime.  There is absolutely nothing anybody can say to justify a child not knowing who BOTH of her parents are whether she has relationships with them or not.  All parents f**k up.   She needs to know who and where she came from if for no other reason than to know who to contact in case a problem arises and she needs to know her family medical history.  

 

As far as him being an azzhole.....ALL men are azzholes.  The only man a woman thinks isnt an azzhole is her FATHER.  

CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she said:

I think she is just trying to see if he is serious about wanting to see his child or just wants to fugg up whatever she has going good in her life. He didn't call her until AFTER she saw a mutual friend in the mall. He has a girlfriend and is not hurting so he could have sent something over the past THREE YEARS if he was serious about being a father. A birthday card, teddy bear, phone call, email. Something! But nothing until after the mutual friend sees her. He's had her email address for the last 3 years and all was quiet until someone said they saw her and she looked good.

His an azzhole. She is protecting herself and her child. Nothing wrong with testing his azz and going the legal route.
University of Smitty said:

You need to look at what's MOST important and it aint the money.  If she hasnt starved to death without his financial support, she's not going to.  If child support means that much to you, FILE FOR IT!!!!!!!  All of that trying to strong arm him is some childish bullsh*t. There is NOTHING a father can do that his little girl wont forgive him for.  If you dont play your cards right, in the end she's going to blame YOU ....not him.  
PrettyPretty said:

I know it bothers her cause she sees other little kids with their dads... When she met my boyfriend she started calling him daddy on her own he says regardless of what happens between us he will still be around cause she loves him. I can't relate to growing up without a father my parents didn't divorce and go their separate ways until I was well into my z20's and finished college. I told him to provide some financial support to start with and go from their and see what's next. I don't know if she would really look for him like that since their is no emotional attachment cause she use to be under my dad all the time her only male figure she hasn't seen him in a long time and she rarely ask for him and she use to stay with him every weekend.

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on July 12, 2012 at 5:40pm

DEAD@ CC  lol

 

I have a question for Pretty.  Why hasnt your daughter seen or spoken to her grandfather??????  I remember you falling out with him because he was right and you were WRONG.  I hope your not keeping her away from him because of that.

 

 

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Permalink Reply by PrettyPretty on July 12, 2012 at 5:49pm

Am I trying to strong arm him absolutely NOT but it's way easier for someone to pop up and say hi when they have nothing better going on then to step up and take on a financial responsibility.....Do I think he is a ATM? No.... I have taken care of my daughter by myself without looking for a payday even when I knew he was shopping at high end stores, taking women on trips, popping bottles at the club, buying new cars, paying friends rents, and throwing thousands of dollars at strip club. He has a responsibility to his child. The guy I'm dating now is the first guy my daughter has ever met and everyone knows how I was running through guys my daughter doesn't meet everyone if this doesn't work then next time around it would be years down the road. Because as a mother I wouldn't want my daughter to associate being a woman with being with multiple men. I do understand what everyone is saying though.

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Permalink Reply by PrettyPretty on July 12, 2012 at 5:54pm

Well basically I stopped talking to him because a medical emergency occurred with my daughter I asked for his help and he basically blew me off and it pissed me off I don't think he owes me anything so he had the right to say no but he claims he loves her and she had a serious medical condition but I sold some stuff and took care of the situation. He called me recently but he basically just wanted to be nosey and see if I was doing bad and talk junk and see a pic of us to see how terrible we looked since he isn't footing my bills anymore. Of course no comments on the pic because we didn't look crazy as expected.


University of Smitty said:

DEAD@ CC  lol

 

I have a question for Pretty.  Why hasnt your daughter seen or spoken to her grandfather??????  I remember you falling out with him because he was right and you were WRONG.  I hope your not keeping her away from him because of that.

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Bonita on July 12, 2012 at 6:31pm

This is coming from a good place you are about to pass the issues you have your father to your daughter and the relationship to her father. Have you tried to speak to a professional about this? Start planning ahead to take your daughter as well to a counselor to make sure it doesn't affect her as much. 

I remember your dad was using money to have control on your life..you cut him off when he could not come thru financially "money" for you. Now you are about to use ur bd ability to provide "money" I know you say its because you want to see his commitment level to your daughter. There is a trend here "MONEY"

PrettyPretty said:

Well basically I stopped talking to him because a medical emergency occurred with my daughter I asked for his help and he basically blew me off and it pissed me off I don't think he owes me anything so he had the right to say no but he claims he loves her and she had a serious medical condition but I sold some stuff and took care of the situation. He called me recently but he basically just wanted to be nosey and see if I was doing bad and talk junk and see a pic of us to see how terrible we looked since he isn't footing my bills anymore. Of course no comments on the pic because we didn't look crazy as expected.


University of Smitty said:

DEAD@ CC  lol

 

I have a question for Pretty.  Why hasnt your daughter seen or spoken to her grandfather??????  I remember you falling out with him because he was right and you were WRONG.  I hope your not keeping her away from him because of that.

 

 

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Permalink Reply by TawnBaby on July 12, 2012 at 6:46pm

that might be it...he wants to know what have u been doing...is there a man involved? how are u getting your money? and if he doesnt have any money can he get back in and maybe u can take care of him too..

PrettyPretty said:

I asked him about the financial end and he skipped completely over that and offered nothing but to see her I'm thinking you haven't been around for years my daughter is 4 years old she doesn't even know him the last time she saw him she couldn't walk or talk...... I don't want to seem like the bitter woman but I never called him, email or nothing or even tried to put him on child support I figured it was my fault I ended up with a deadbeat....But I guess my biggest issue is when you know the other party is financially straight and they still aren't doing what's right... All the years that have passed something tragic could have happened and he never would have known... Then he goes on to say he wanted to know how I was doing. I talked to my mom bout it and she said remember you saw his friends sister at the mall and she probably ran back and told how well you and your daughter were looking and now he wants to know what's up... I completely forgot about seeing her and it was like 2 weeks ago I saw her and she was looking us from head to toe. My daughter new everything I was dressed simple sneakers tank top but I did have some 700$ hair on that day.

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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on July 12, 2012 at 8:57pm

Ok, I reread my comment lol and I may have gotten a tad heated. I do apologize if I offended anyone. I just hate a deadbeat parent. There's a man and a woman that if I ever meet them, we are going to have a misunderstanding of epic proportion because of the ill way they have treated and are treating their children. And the children ain't even my blood kin. One of these kids is so messed up in the head behind his mother's s*** he's a teenager and scared all the time someone is going to abandon him and leave him hungry and alone like...woooosah! Let me stop.

Sorry y'all. Sore subject. I've seen it too many times before.

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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on July 12, 2012 at 8:59pm

LOL Yeah that may have been directed at a few people who ain't ish to do with this post. lol

Love is a Losing Game said:

I don't know why this made me ctfu. lol

 

CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she said:

Let me clarify. I think he is full of s***. I think his only reason for contacting PP is to stir up trouble in her life. When a person comes to bring nothing but evil and ill will no good shall come from it. The child will be hurt. The child is just that, a child and when he hurts her mother she will internalize that s***. She may blame herself when she is older for initiating this process. If she is older when she is exposed to this piece of s*** excuse for a human being, she will hopefully be able to see him and judge him better than she will now. I stand by my view of f*** him and all that he stands for and may everything he has turn to s*** until he does right. And I don't think he is trying to do right now.

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Permalink Reply by Miss Double Kiss on July 12, 2012 at 11:02pm

Well, if it's any consolation...I went back to reRead your comments CCD and I agree with it...every word..including the notion of him waiting until she's a bit older to see him...I know in a perfect world that would be ideal but some people push the fact of him being a dad regardless of his actions to show otherwise. I just wish that since he's made his daughter an option in his life, he should be one in hers too but oh well...we've already established that he's full of s*** though so I seriously doubt that he will push the issue with Pretty **UNLESS** he knows he can gain financially from this situation off of him having the title of "dad". Pretty, if he continues to see YOU (notice I didn't say daughter) doing well, he will be a leech. So please have limited conversation with him, block him from your facebook too and he will go away...he's a moocher and deadbeat. That sums up this fuckery for you!

CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she said:

Ok, I reread my comment lol and I may have gotten a tad heated. I do apologize if I offended anyone. I just hate a deadbeat parent. There's a man and a woman that if I ever meet them, we are going to have a misunderstanding of epic proportion because of the ill way they have treated and are treating their children. And the children ain't even my blood kin. One of these kids is so messed up in the head behind his mother's s*** he's a teenager and scared all the time someone is going to abandon him and leave him hungry and alone like...woooosah! Let me stop.

Sorry y'all. Sore subject. I've seen it too many times before.

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Permalink Reply by Miss Double Kiss on July 12, 2012 at 11:06pm

I don't think Pretty needs to explain that (to us or him)...in bold. She can be a stripper OR prostitute for all we know but that doesn't make her an unfit parent; not ideal professions but hey! Whatever Pretty does for $ and However it goes down, her child is taken care of and the FATHER needs (at some point before Christ returns) to step up and do the same.

TawntBaby said:

that might be it...he wants to know what have u been doing...is there a man involved? how are u getting your money? and if he doesnt have any money can he get back in and maybe u can take care of him too..

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on July 13, 2012 at 12:35am

You need to grow up.  When people who've always been there for you refuse to do something, it's because they KNOW that you're capable of doing it yourself........even emergencies.  If you can find a way to rock $700 worth of HAIR, you should be able find a way to take care of whatever your daughter needs without begging and selling sh*t.  
 
PrettyPretty said:

Well basically I stopped talking to him because a medical emergency occurred with my daughter I asked for his help and he basically blew me off and it pissed me off I don't think he owes me anything so he had the right to say no but he claims he loves her and she had a serious medical condition but I sold some stuff and took care of the situation. He called me recently but he basically just wanted to be nosey and see if I was doing bad and talk junk and see a pic of us to see how terrible we looked since he isn't footing my bills anymore. Of course no comments on the pic because we didn't look crazy as expected.


University of Smitty said:

DEAD@ CC  lol

 

I have a question for Pretty.  Why hasnt your daughter seen or spoken to her grandfather??????  I remember you falling out with him because he was right and you were WRONG.  I hope your not keeping her away from him because of that.

 

 

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