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Father wants back in what to do
So I check my email today and I see a email from my daughters father we have not been in contact in years and no financial support from him at all.....He is asking to see her and if I hate him and blah blah blah....I'm thinking why the sudden concern I haven't been in contact with you I don't bother you I haven't attempted to put you on child support I don't email or call you. I don't know what to tell him. Part of me says curse him out and let him know what a loser he is and another parts is like let go. Any suggestions?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Miss Double Kiss on -
Well there you go....he wants in on YOUR LIFE and your daughter will be the way he and his bum family do it...
Yes you two share a child. Yes your child "should know" about "her father"...however HE CHOSE to be absent, so how is that something your daughter and you now need to rearrange YOUR LIVES FOR?? We don't do it for complete strangers and DESPITE her having "some of his dna" in her, why do it for him...HE HAS ELECTED, VOLUNTEERED, CHOSEN to become the stranger in her life.
He had 9 months to wrap his brain around the idea of becoming a new parent too JUST LIKE YOU...plus he just took an additional 48 month time out with no fanfare from you, only to realize that he was a non factor in your life. He and other dads like him are no different than moochers who find your # when you win the lotto or big at a casino...dude has ill intentions and is coming out the woodwork...
Your daughter IS gonna have daddy issues REGARDLESS (period)...just from him abandoning her for 4 years!!, but it will be more intensified if/when he comes in her life, does a hi and by on her AGAIN and weasels his way BACK INTO YOUR PANTIES.
Two options hun, do NOTHING or hire yourself an attorney stat. Don't get emotional with this dude and try to give him a FREE PASS on his passive aggressive b******* anymore. He wants back in, ok...fine. Don't have another conversation, email or chat unless you've also go the name of your FAMILY ATTORNEY posted somewhere because he is full of it. Trust.
I promise you...he is on some other s*** right now and you are not bitter by trying to think stratigically ON BEHALF of your daughter's BEST INTEREST. You have an obligation now that he has expressed a desire to see her to do that because he IS HER FATHER, however, the manner in which that happens is completely determined by external measures. You have every right as a SOLE CUSTODY parent to make arrangements with a family advocacy supervised vistation center...some don't even need a court order to get those visits started. It can be documented that YOU TRIED to make an attempt and IF he gets fancy it will be your backup. Look up places that do it in your area. But under no circumstances should you cater to his desires OUTSIDE of the needs of YOUR DAUGHTER. OK. He can't come to your house "to talk" unless he is dropping off $ or taking your daughter out. Get smart or he will use this situation for his benefit. You have been warned hun.
PrettyPretty said:I asked him about the financial end and he skipped completely over that and offered nothing but to see her I'm thinking you haven't been around for years my daughter is 4 years old she doesn't even know him the last time she saw him she couldn't walk or talk...... I don't want to seem like the bitter woman but I never called him, email or nothing or even tried to put him on child support I figured it was my fault I ended up with a deadbeat....But I guess my biggest issue is when you know the other party is financially straight and they still aren't doing what's right... All the years that have passed something tragic could have happened and he never would have known... Then he goes on to say he wanted to know how I was doing. I talked to my mom bout it and she said remember you saw his friends sister at the mall and she probably ran back and told how well you and your daughter were looking and now he wants to know what's up... I completely forgot about seeing her and it was like 2 weeks ago I saw her and she was looking us from head to toe. My daughter new everything I was dressed simple sneakers tank top but I did have some 700$ hair on that day.
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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on -
I knew he was full of s***. Everything MDK said. Do. It. TODAY! DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LET THAT LAME AZZ BASTID KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! Find an advocacy center where you can drop her off and he can visit. Any and all communication should now go through your lawyer. This piece of s*** already has a girlfriend and is still scheming on getting back into your panties and fugging up whatever good you have going on in your life. And messing your daughter up while he's at it. Please don't let that happen.
Good luck!
PrettyPretty said:I asked him about the financial end and he skipped completely over that and offered nothing but to see her I'm thinking you haven't been around for years my daughter is 4 years old she doesn't even know him the last time she saw him she couldn't walk or talk...... I don't want to seem like the bitter woman but I never called him, email or nothing or even tried to put him on child support I figured it was my fault I ended up with a deadbeat....But I guess my biggest issue is when you know the other party is financially straight and they still aren't doing what's right... All the years that have passed something tragic could have happened and he never would have known... Then he goes on to say he wanted to know how I was doing. I talked to my mom bout it and she said remember you saw his friends sister at the mall and she probably ran back and told how well you and your daughter were looking and now he wants to know what's up... I completely forgot about seeing her and it was like 2 weeks ago I saw her and she was looking us from head to toe. My daughter new everything I was dressed simple sneakers tank top but I did have some 700$ hair on that day.
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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on -
From my understanding her daughter is young...so he would be mommy's friends. I personally, wouldnt say thats your dad, because she may start to expect "daddy" things of him, and then she would be hurt if he disappears. If she always hear her friends talking about daddy, or they pick them up from school - she may start to expect her daddy to do the same thing. SHe brags about her dad, then BAM, he's gone. If it's just a guy (even though he's realy her dad) hanging out with her - she wouldn't have certain expectations of him.
blackfujones said:why the hell would he just meet some random child as a friend?
MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! said:Agree with everyone. I would say let him meet her, but after you meet him, one and one and have a serious talk. Don't let him tell her he's her father. If he stays around for some years, then MAYBE you can tell her. I wouldnt let him spend time with her alone, nor spend a lot of time with him.
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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on
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Although I agree with the part about her having issues if he's reintroduced and bounces, I totally disagree with her automatically having dady issues because he wasn't in her life to begin with. ALL women who don't have fathers DO NOT ALL have daddy issues.
Miss Double Kiss said:Well there you go....he wants in on YOUR LIFE and your daughter will be the way he and his bum family do it...
Yes you two share a child. Yes your child "should know" about "her father"...however HE CHOSE to be absent, so how is that something your daughter and you now need to rearrange YOUR LIVES FOR?? We don't do it for complete strangers and DESPITE her having "some of his dna" in her, why do it for him...HE HAS ELECTED, VOLUNTEERED, CHOSEN to become the stranger in her life.
He had 9 months to wrap his brain around the idea of becoming a new parent too JUST LIKE YOU...plus he just took an additional 48 month time out with no fanfare from you, only to realize that he was a non factor in your life. He and other dads like him are no different than moochers who find your # when you win the lotto or big at a casino...dude has ill intentions and is coming out the woodwork...
Your daughter IS gonna have daddy issues REGARDLESS (period)...just from him abandoning her for 4 years!!, but it will be more intensified if/when he comes in her life, does a hi and by on her AGAIN and weasels his way BACK INTO YOUR PANTIES.
Two options hun, do NOTHING or hire yourself an attorney stat. Don't get emotional with this dude and try to give him a FREE PASS on his passive aggressive b******* anymore. He wants back in, ok...fine. Don't have another conversation, email or chat unless you've also go the name of your FAMILY ATTORNEY posted somewhere because he is full of it. Trust.
I promise you...he is on some other s*** right now and you are not bitter by trying to think stratigically ON BEHALF of your daughter's BEST INTEREST. You have an obligation now that he has expressed a desire to see her to do that because he IS HER FATHER, however, the manner in which that happens is completely determined by external measures. You have every right as a SOLE CUSTODY parent to make arrangements with a family advocacy supervised vistation center...some don't even need a court order to get those visits started. It can be documented that YOU TRIED to make an attempt and IF he gets fancy it will be your backup. Look up places that do it in your area. But under no circumstances should you cater to his desires OUTSIDE of the needs of YOUR DAUGHTER. OK. He can't come to your house "to talk" unless he is dropping off $ or taking your daughter out. Get smart or he will use this situation for his benefit. You have been warned hun.
PrettyPretty said:I asked him about the financial end and he skipped completely over that and offered nothing but to see her I'm thinking you haven't been around for years my daughter is 4 years old she doesn't even know him the last time she saw him she couldn't walk or talk...... I don't want to seem like the bitter woman but I never called him, email or nothing or even tried to put him on child support I figured it was my fault I ended up with a deadbeat....But I guess my biggest issue is when you know the other party is financially straight and they still aren't doing what's right... All the years that have passed something tragic could have happened and he never would have known... Then he goes on to say he wanted to know how I was doing. I talked to my mom bout it and she said remember you saw his friends sister at the mall and she probably ran back and told how well you and your daughter were looking and now he wants to know what's up... I completely forgot about seeing her and it was like 2 weeks ago I saw her and she was looking us from head to toe. My daughter new everything I was dressed simple sneakers tank top but I did have some 700$ hair on that day.
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Permalink Reply by Miss Double Kiss on
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I have yet to meet a woman who han't had wack adult relationship with men as a result of her not having her 1st love, her daddy in her life. The dad is always the first man in a daughter's life and I mean that she is gonna come to a point at sometime yearning for a father's love...not necessarily him, but a father figure. Just the laws of nature.
Every woman wants to be protected, loved, adored and admired and the dad is usually the first to foster that into a girl's self esteem, but this dude forfeited himself by being gone so long. That's what I meant by "REGARDLESS"...the sad thing is that if he is reintroduced back in her life but bails on her AGAIN, it will just mess with her psyche that much more and that is wrong. The little girl is 4 yrs now, way past the point of character development stage with is completed by 2 (with a personality formed by 3...). So if he wanted to be really impactful he would've been present then. But oh well...her subconscious is already formed to the idea of mom being daddy now and that is just how us as humans are wired (that's why psychologists suggest not to introduced tv early).
In my opinion, he is going to do the daughter a disservice by just saying hello after all this time because her mind WILL wander (on the possibilities of what "could be"). But I do wish Pretty the best, her and her daughter. Do what' in your daughter's BEST INTEREST! (get a lawyer girl and if things get really out of control a "guadian ad litem" for your daughter)...I know it's costly, but some will help you PRO BONO (free) if you call around...This is to counter you having him or his greasy loudmouth relatives giving you a hard time...Keeping it legal is a good way to have them all shut the hell up and keep it about the child. Your daughter deserves better than a parent who would ABANDON her and relatives that support his behavior for this long!
MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! said:Although I agree with the part about her having issues if he's reintroduced and bounces, I totally disagree with her automatically having dady issues because he wasn't in her life to begin with. ALL women who don't have fathers DO NOT ALL have daddy issues.
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Permalink Reply by Miss Double Kiss on
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oh and since there seems to be so many from the DFW area, here is a visitation spot and a national database for you Pretty to possibly start with...
http://www.afamilyaffairoftexas.com/
Wish u luck!
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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on
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wow. I say ignore him a lil longer. If he persists, tell him you are initiating the process for court sanctioned visitation AND child support. Then, I'd wait a couple weeks, see if he is still around after the child support thing, if he is, initiate the paperwork and let the system do its job.
I kinda feel that I would wait to introduce her to him too, tho. Men don't understand the impact their absence have on girls. Especially for him to only possibly jump in and out again. maybe she can "understand" his absence when she is a bit more mature.
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Permalink Reply by PrettyPretty on -
I know it bothers her cause she sees other little kids with their dads... When she met my boyfriend she started calling him daddy on her own he says regardless of what happens between us he will still be around cause she loves him. I can't relate to growing up without a father my parents didn't divorce and go their separate ways until I was well into my z20's and finished college. I told him to provide some financial support to start with and go from their and see what's next. I don't know if she would really look for him like that since their is no emotional attachment cause she use to be under my dad all the time her only male figure she hasn't seen him in a long time and she rarely ask for him and she use to stay with him every weekend.
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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on -
You need to look at what's MOST important and it aint the money. If she hasnt starved to death without his financial support, she's not going to. If child support means that much to you, FILE FOR IT!!!!!!! All of that trying to strong arm him is some childish bullsh*t. There is NOTHING a father can do that his little girl wont forgive him for. If you dont play your cards right, in the end she's going to blame YOU ....not him.
PrettyPretty said:I know it bothers her cause she sees other little kids with their dads... When she met my boyfriend she started calling him daddy on her own he says regardless of what happens between us he will still be around cause she loves him. I can't relate to growing up without a father my parents didn't divorce and go their separate ways until I was well into my z20's and finished college. I told him to provide some financial support to start with and go from their and see what's next. I don't know if she would really look for him like that since their is no emotional attachment cause she use to be under my dad all the time her only male figure she hasn't seen him in a long time and she rarely ask for him and she use to stay with him every weekend.
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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on
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I think she is just trying to see if he is serious about wanting to see his child or just wants to fugg up whatever she has going good in her life. He didn't call her until AFTER she saw a mutual friend in the mall. He has a girlfriend and is not hurting so he could have sent something over the past THREE YEARS if he was serious about being a father. A birthday card, teddy bear, phone call, email. Something! But nothing until after the mutual friend sees her. He's had her email address for the last 3 years and all was quiet until someone said they saw her and she looked good.
His an azzhole. She is protecting herself and her child. Nothing wrong with testing his azz and going the legal route.
University of Smitty said:You need to look at what's MOST important and it aint the money. If she hasnt starved to death without his financial support, she's not going to. If child support means that much to you, FILE FOR IT!!!!!!! All of that trying to strong arm him is some childish bullsh*t. There is NOTHING a father can do that his little girl wont forgive him for. If you dont play your cards right, in the end she's going to blame YOU ....not him.
PrettyPretty said:I know it bothers her cause she sees other little kids with their dads... When she met my boyfriend she started calling him daddy on her own he says regardless of what happens between us he will still be around cause she loves him. I can't relate to growing up without a father my parents didn't divorce and go their separate ways until I was well into my z20's and finished college. I told him to provide some financial support to start with and go from their and see what's next. I don't know if she would really look for him like that since their is no emotional attachment cause she use to be under my dad all the time her only male figure she hasn't seen him in a long time and she rarely ask for him and she use to stay with him every weekend.
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Permalink Reply by Bonita on -
I have to agree with Smitty. I think we are loosing focus of what is important..she is only 4 btw now and when she is 18 there is no telling how many men you will date..do you really want her to call every guy you are with daddy though? I think this will mess her up more your boyfriend may be singing one tune now about how he will always be there for her but we all know men if things end really badly do you really think he will commit to be daddy to your child for the rest of her life?
Pray about this because as Smitty said she may end up hating you for this because you took that choice away from her. Its a decision you have to live with either way
University of Smitty said:You need to look at what's MOST important and it aint the money. If she hasnt starved to death without his financial support, she's not going to. If child support means that much to you, FILE FOR IT!!!!!!! All of that trying to strong arm him is some childish bullsh*t. There is NOTHING a father can do that his little girl wont forgive him for. If you dont play your cards right, in the end she's going to blame YOU ....not him.
PrettyPretty said:I know it bothers her cause she sees other little kids with their dads... When she met my boyfriend she started calling him daddy on her own he says regardless of what happens between us he will still be around cause she loves him. I can't relate to growing up without a father my parents didn't divorce and go their separate ways until I was well into my z20's and finished college. I told him to provide some financial support to start with and go from their and see what's next. I don't know if she would really look for him like that since their is no emotional attachment cause she use to be under my dad all the time her only male figure she hasn't seen him in a long time and she rarely ask for him and she use to stay with him every weekend.
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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on
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The only way he can f**k up anything pretty has going on is if she lets him. Three years aint sh*t in a lifetime. There is absolutely nothing anybody can say to justify a child not knowing who BOTH of her parents are whether she has relationships with them or not. All parents f**k up. She needs to know who and where she came from if for no other reason than to know who to contact in case a problem arises and she needs to know her family medical history.
As far as him being an azzhole.....ALL men are azzholes. The only man a woman thinks isnt an azzhole is her FATHER.
CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she said:I think she is just trying to see if he is serious about wanting to see his child or just wants to fugg up whatever she has going good in her life. He didn't call her until AFTER she saw a mutual friend in the mall. He has a girlfriend and is not hurting so he could have sent something over the past THREE YEARS if he was serious about being a father. A birthday card, teddy bear, phone call, email. Something! But nothing until after the mutual friend sees her. He's had her email address for the last 3 years and all was quiet until someone said they saw her and she looked good.
His an azzhole. She is protecting herself and her child. Nothing wrong with testing his azz and going the legal route.
University of Smitty said:You need to look at what's MOST important and it aint the money. If she hasnt starved to death without his financial support, she's not going to. If child support means that much to you, FILE FOR IT!!!!!!! All of that trying to strong arm him is some childish bullsh*t. There is NOTHING a father can do that his little girl wont forgive him for. If you dont play your cards right, in the end she's going to blame YOU ....not him.
PrettyPretty said:I know it bothers her cause she sees other little kids with their dads... When she met my boyfriend she started calling him daddy on her own he says regardless of what happens between us he will still be around cause she loves him. I can't relate to growing up without a father my parents didn't divorce and go their separate ways until I was well into my z20's and finished college. I told him to provide some financial support to start with and go from their and see what's next. I don't know if she would really look for him like that since their is no emotional attachment cause she use to be under my dad all the time her only male figure she hasn't seen him in a long time and she rarely ask for him and she use to stay with him every weekend.
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