For Women Who Want The Ballerific Life!
Hey BA, I'm at a low point today. I'm blogging to you guys b/c I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone else right now.
Some of you know I've been single for a few months and dating this Rich Entreprenuer. While it has had it's perks....he moves around too much for us to go anywhere fast. I enjoy every moment with him but there isn't many. We spend the majority of the time texting, talking, and live chatting.
It's great but not fulfilling. I can't say what the future holds there yet but in this situation, it's like being single b/c I'm lonely all the time and not getting any (we haven't been intimate yet)
Thus leading to my problem.
My Ex, whom I had to drop b/c I caught him cheating has been trying to get back since before Thanksgiving. I have simply refused b/c I can't deal with that mess and give to much in my relationships to even have to deal with that. However, I was in love with him so it has been hard.
The new guy came in around the Holidays and was exciting. It provided a great distraction and I've tried to let go.
We have mutual friends so it's hard to avoid him completely. I'm also good friends with his mom. Who is a powerhouse woman so I want to keep that relationship.
Anyway, whenever we've seen each other. He goes out of his way to kiss up and be nice. To tell me how much he misses me and how sorry he is.
We've had (what I thought was) a few really deep conversations in Feb. He confessed to suppossedly being in Love with me seriously and said that he realized that his cheating was a huge mistake and it took losing me to realize that. He sent me a nice gift for V-Day (really nice) Begging me to just please give him another chance.
I've tried so hard to get over him but I can't seem too. I think about him every night.
You know where this is going. I let him come back.
Things had been better than ever. In fact he has been doing better than I expected.
EVERYBODY that knows about this is pissed at me and said I need to stick it out with new guy.
It sounds good but I was missing him so bad and I really wished things had worked the 1st time.
We've been together everyday since 2/18, we've been making future plans for the summer and fall. I finally gave in and became intimate with him again 3 wks ago. He's been acting like we're newlyweds or something since then. He just helped me purchase my new truck two weeks ago. Something we had talked about before the break-up last year. I've been happy.
Last night he fell asleep right after dinner. About 2am his phone keeps buzzing so I check it. It's some chick wanting to know if it's tooo late for her to "c**" over. Saying she was sorry she missed his call earlier. I look further and find inappropiate text from atleast 2 other chicks besides her "Goodnight Baby's and Miss you Papi's. And a text from his BM saying she misses him and wants "Daddy" to come home.
My hands were shaking so bad I dropped the phone.
It's like when things are good with him they are the best.
When it goes South....that s*** hits Mexico.
I know the easy answer....leave this a******.
How do you convince your heart to let go?
Believe me when I say, I'm tired, I REALLY WANT TO NOT LOOK BACK.
Somehow this just ends up being easier said than done.
I know I shouldn't have taken him back and I feel like a DAMN FOOL b/c I did.
The 1st time I was hurt. This time I am EMBARRASSED!
I know the truth hurts and that's definately what I need to hear.
PLEASE DON"T ATTACK ME TODAY..... I don't have the energy...I'm deflated right now!
Hey Pam, after I read this discussion I was floored! You seem like such a great woman, as all of you are. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
I read every single comment on this thread and I feel what everyone is saying. I am definitely not a relationship expert, but I consider myself an expert on positive self-esteem and a woman knowing her self worth. And I truly believe that you wont be able to achieve either of those things if you stay with this man.
Now I'm not trying to be Negative Nancy (lol) and I'm definitely not hating. I just wanna point somethings out to you.
You said, "About 2am his phone keeps buzzing so I check it. It's some chick wanting to know if it's tooo late for her to "c**" over. Saying she was sorry she missed his call earlier." So he obviously returned this girls phone call. Also, he broke down when you told him you saw the txts, saying he may have deeper issues that need counseling. Maybe he threw that out there b/c he has been cheating, or at the very least still talking to these women, and he knows that he's gonna have a hard time stopping his philandering behavior.
I feel that if he was coming at you hard and apologetic, saying he was a changed man and all- part of that would've been cutting ties w/ ANYONE who could potentially destroy a new relationship w/ you. So here's a question for you: If you continued to get calls and txts from the "Rich Entrepreneur" after you and your ex got back together, and they had a context that made you uncomfy or could potentially make your ex uncomfy, would you still keep the same number??
The question is totally rhetorical and of course men don't think like us, but if your ex was 100% serious about getting back in your good graces, I don't think he'd risk ANYTHING making you feel the way you did when you caught him cheating before. Getting his number changed would've been a GRAND gesture when it comes to letting go of past hookups/women and moving forward towards a positive relationship with you.
On the other hand, I truly believe that CHANGE COMES FROM WITHIN. Anyone can turn over a new leaf, but it has to come from inside of them (and from a deeper level), not because they fear losing someone they love. I don't think you should take him back, or go to counseling w/ him. S***, I honestly don't think you're the one who needs counseling (but only you can surmise that). Moving on will be an uphill battle w/ many loses along the way, but it'll be less painless than always thinking in the back of your head that he's betraying you. Do you really wanna live your life like that? If you cheated, would he give you the same leeway/treatment that you've given him and are still giving him?
Think about it...and don't follow your heart. Your heart thrives on emotion, your brain however, thrives on knowledge, facts and instincts. Follow your brain b/c it's smarter than your heart and it already knows what to do.
Thanks again friends...:-) I had a great weekend. We only talked once. He will pay for the counseling which is cool becuase it's with no promises attached and I'd rather him pay than me. I fake offered something towards what he spent on my truck. I mean we just got back together two months ago so I wasn't expecting it even though we'd talked about it last year. I contributed a nice amount with my trade-in but I didn't want a note so he coved the balance. He said he's good. I deserved it. Whatever that REALLY means, I was still happy that he took the high road.
I honestly don't think I'm going back. I did find out that he has been seeing one of the girls regularly since we split. I'm just not willing to fight or settle in this case.
I want the counseling so I can learn and grow and leave this chapter at peace.
Thanks for the support.
*** Altleast it's the best time of year to be single in the CHI...lol**.