Hey ladies and some gentleman!
Well you all know im on this mancation/man cleanse. And I've tried going on these mancations a few times and I've always failed but this time im actually sticking to it, its only been what a month(feels like a damn enternity) and I've done alot of soul searching in the process, Ive never really sat down and just reflected on my life. I've always had some type of fuckery going on, always. This year alone I've been under alot of stress, and I hated it. I'm only 22! Years old for goodness sake. I just been keeping to myself lately, I don't go out to the clubs, haven't been hanging with my friends, nothing. I just been riding solo. I feel like I needed to do that because I feel like I've lost myself, I don't even know who I am anymore. My ex was my first love, he was the first guy that I ever got emotionally attached too, it takes me a VERY long time to like somebody and he did that too me, and after we broke up which was almost two damn years ago, I feel like I haven't been myself. For so long, I've been trying to get him to see that im the girl for him, where its to the point where I've lost myself. I don't even know what I want in a man anymore, in a relationship nothing. Because I was stuck on that ninja for so damn long, Ive become a lost cause, and personally I feel weak, like how can you let yourself get to this point where its like you don't even know what you want! And on top of this, im having a hard time trusting people, its hard when you have someone so close to you. Do you so wrong, and talk about you behind your back. I know that's part of life, and people are gonna talk regardless but its messed up when its your own friends. And im starting to think this whole me having sex with a guy and not liking them at all, I can literally have sex with a guy and never talk to him again. Is this normal?? im starting to think I have issues, attachement issues or something. Its actually starting to bother me. More of a reason why this mancation was needed!
I just wanna get back to myself, no stress, no drama, I just wanna be free. I know its gonna take awhile, but i have to do it. I kinda feel like im going thru a mid life crisis. Lol. I would love to get you ladies and gents advice. words of encouragement, anything would be nice. Thanks luvs =)