Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Honeycoated on November 10, 2010 at 10:50pm

Another tidbit I wanted to share was that my mom raised me and my sis alone and my dad was in another state.

Looking back I know I NEEDED a male around! I craved some kind of testosterone! My moms side of the fam is very small, 7 in all. One uncle but very absent and the only other male was my grandfather and he is deceased. My dads side is huge, but because he is not around, I don't really know them( met them when I was like, 9) but my dad and my half brother are in touch on facebook! Lol

Anyway, I knew if my father was around, I would not be having the problems I have now with men. My father is 6'7" or some s*** so I know he would have intimidated every dude that even thought about coming at me sideways.

My sis and I are NOT close and it would just be me my mom and my sis at home, each doing something separate. My family is so freakin' boring, and I feel that because my mom is a homebody and never really entertained at our place, it took me a WHILE to learn that. To have company over or go to a friends house just because. So am I the way I am by nature or nurture? I wonder if my father was around, would by overall personality be different? I thank God for my aunt though. She always took me and my sis places. Evrytime a new Disney movie came out she would take us and then we could pick any restaurant. At a young age, I was exposed to 5 star restaurants and ate any cuisine we wanted to. I feel like my mom wouldn't have done s*** with us. I mean, I know as a single parent, you can't take your kids everywhere on the bus, but damn!

I had a similar experience as far as the grammar school and high school parties. Often hearing how fun they were the next day at school from my friends and other people. I went to some but not nearly as much as my friends. Do some parents think that's not important? I will always make sure my daughter goes to everything!
My mom told me some years back that this guy we knew liked her and wanted to marry her and he wanted her to have another kid but she didn't want to and we would have had a better life than we had. I was like WTF! We knew the man so he was not a stranger and I would have loved a younger sibling!

She didn't bring men around, only a couple I can remember. Now she tries to tell me she did her thing but kept it away from us. At one point I thought my mom was gay cuz she cut her hair off and was reading Our Bodies Our Selves and other feminist stuff I was like WTF!!!

So I said all that to say, just for ME I really could have benefitted from a man being around. But I guess as I'm seeing now, you can't just bring ANY man around. Sooooo... IDFK

And I used to complain that we were "poor" *chuckle* as a single mom now, I know she sacrificed and we were far from poor. Our cable was cut off sometimes but she kept us in catholic school from K-8 and its not like we had to get everything second hand so I guess she did something right! LoL

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on November 11, 2010 at 10:36am

You dont KNOW this honey. You didnt have the picket white fence or storybook childhood and your assuming that those things would have made everything perfect. The problem is there's not such thing as perfect. We live life on life's term, meaning 'sh*t happens'. My father had 7 kids. He never married the youngest two's mother but he stayed with her and raised them and they are/were TOTALLY F**KED UP. I dont know if my mother ran him off or if he just bounced, but I trust that she made what she felt to be the best decision in her circumstances. Maybe she was right, maybe she was wrong, IDK. It's easy to judge someone else's family when your on the outside looking in. It's even easier to judge your mother's decisions when your not in her shoes. Kids that come from two parent house holds arent necessarily as well rounded as we'd like to believe


Honeycoated said:

Another tidbit I wanted to share was that my mom raised me and my sis alone and my dad was in another state.
Looking back I know I NEEDED a male around! I craved some kind of testosterone! My moms side of the fam is very small, 7 in all. One uncle but very absent and the only other male was my grandfather and he is deceased. My dads side is huge, but because he is not around, I don't really know them( met them when I was like, 9) but my dad and my half brother are in touch on facebook! Lol

Anyway, I knew if my father was around, I would not be having the problems I have now with men. My father is 6'7" or some s*** so I know he would have intimidated every dude that even thought about coming at me sideways.

My sis and I are NOT close and it would just be me my mom and my sis at home, each doing something separate. My family is so freakin' boring, and I feel that because my mom is a homebody and never really entertained at our place, it took me a WHILE to learn that. To have company over or go to a friends house just because. So am I the way I am by nature or nurture? I wonder if my father was around, would by overall personality be different? I thank God for my aunt though. She always took me and my sis places. Evrytime a new Disney movie came out she would take us and then we could pick any restaurant. At a young age, I was exposed to 5 star restaurants and ate any cuisine we wanted to. I feel like my mom wouldn't have done s*** with us. I mean, I know as a single parent, you can't take your kids everywhere on the bus, but damn!

I had a similar experience as far as the grammar school and high school parties. Often hearing how fun they were the next day at school from my friends and other people. I went to some but not nearly as much as my friends. Do some parents think that's not important? I will always make sure my daughter goes to everything!
My mom told me some years back that this guy we knew liked her and wanted to marry her and he wanted her to have another kid but she didn't want to and we would have had a better life than we had. I was like WTF! We knew the man so he was not a stranger and I would have loved a younger sibling!

She didn't bring men around, only a couple I can remember. Now she tries to tell me she did her thing but kept it away from us. At one point I thought my mom was gay cuz she cut her hair off and was reading Our Bodies Our Selves and other feminist stuff I was like WTF!!!

So I said all that to say, just for ME I really could have benefitted from a man being around. But I guess as I'm seeing now, you can't just bring ANY man around. Sooooo... IDFK

And I used to complain that we were "poor" *chuckle* as a single mom now, I know she sacrificed and we were far from poor. Our cable was cut off sometimes but she kept us in catholic school from K-8 and its not like we had to get everything second hand so I guess she did something right! LoL

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on November 11, 2010 at 4:06pm

You just needed your azz kicked Jamal lol.....j/k

Jamal Black said:

I wish you well Tracy, you have a long arduous road ahead of you. But I just want to say that I agree with the few women who chimed in about the difficulty of raising a child alone.
I was raised by my mother alone, and by 13-14 (as told to me) my mother could longer could control me. I definitely needed a man around at that time to put me in line, and give me things to toughen me up, and challenge me. And I still need a older male around (at 30 years old!) that I can talk to about life, women, and business decisions. I simply can not talk to my mother about anything logical, or about the logistics of handling a situation even though she has been on this planet longer then me.

I love my mom, and I know she loves me, but deep down I know she's a bit resentful of having to raise me all alone. She often says, "I can't wait until you have kids so you can go through what I went through". I see this pain in other young single women. It's just not normal, or psychologically healthy to raise a child alone.

Another aspect to consider is the environment your child will grow up in. I mean, do you really want your child to grow up in the states where the educational system is scholastically poor, young kids have no mannerisms or work ethic, the majority of food they serve around here is void of any quality nutrition, and the anti social culture only gets together for sports, drinking, and parties?

Shoot, regardless if I was alone or not, I would have at least raised my child in Switzerland, Germany, Australia, or some other place where the standards (i.e., education, infrastructure) are higher (US ranks like 12 ).




Anyhow, check out this Blog. I'm not trying to discourage you from making your decision, but American women don't realize that Amercian culture tends to trivialize the process of bringing another person (not just a baby) to this planet.


http://isaywhattheywont.wordpress.com/


A Heartfelt Rant From An Anonymous Mother (Phew!)
May 28, 2008 – 1:06 pm

I think I regret having my children I have no escape I am a prisoner in my own home I have no way fing solitude I am trapped. I secretly wish that someone would deam me unfit as a parent and take them I hate myself for this. I would never hurt them but I can’t even talk on the phone or use the restroom in peace there is no privacy my husband thinks that there is no reason to be away from the children I feel like am losing myself to there incessant whining and crying

God please just kill me I am miserable I tell my husband and he blows me off I am not allowed to put them in daycare I can’t even clean my house without them huddling around me to complain that the other one is doing something wrong or the oldest bringing me the baby to hold when i am trying to get her to understand that she does not have to be stuck up my arse all the time am I insane for wishing my kids would disappear for a day?

I don’t get any respect in my own home the children run the house. I am here to serve them and clean up their huge messes. God, Please make it stop I see no light at the end of the tunnel.

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Permalink Reply by JustMe on November 11, 2010 at 4:26pm

I agree... Yall have heard plenty of my families dirt. Lemme just say this, some of the most EFFED UP (needy, weak, druggies, hoes) were raised in a house with their MOM & DAD...

A lot of people here are speaking from UNPLANNED single homes... Tracy has planned this from DAY ONE... meaning, she isn't in love with some dog, thats gonna break her heart, and leave her crying everytime she looks at her baby...

I still say the same, love your baby Tracy!!! Take each day as a new day and as a blessing... There will constantly be people that will ask you why, but it aint really their business...





Ms. Smith said:

You dont KNOW this honey. You didnt have the picket white fence or storybook childhood and your assuming that those things would have made everything perfect. The problem is there's not such thing as perfect. We live life on life's term, meaning 'sh*t happens'. My father had 7 kids. He never married the youngest two's mother but he stayed with her and raised them and they are/were TOTALLY F**KED UP. I dont know if my mother ran him off or if he just bounced, but I trust that she made what she felt to be the best decision in her circumstances. Maybe she was right, maybe she was wrong, IDK. It's easy to judge someone else's family when your on the outside looking in. It's even easier to judge your mother's decisions when your not in her shoes. Kids that come from two parent house holds arent necessarily as well rounded as we'd like to believe

Honeycoated said:

Another tidbit I wanted to share was that my mom raised me and my sis alone and my dad was in another state. Looking back I know I NEEDED a male around! I craved some kind of testosterone! My moms side of the fam is very small, 7 in all. One uncle but very absent and the only other male was my grandfather and he is deceased. My dads side is huge, but because he is not around, I don't really know them( met them when I was like, 9) but my dad and my half brother are in touch on facebook! Lol

Anyway, I knew if my father was around, I would not be having the problems I have now with men. My father is 6'7" or some s*** so I know he would have intimidated every dude that even thought about coming at me sideways.

My sis and I are NOT close and it would just be me my mom and my sis at home, each doing something separate. My family is so freakin' boring, and I feel that because my mom is a homebody and never really entertained at our place, it took me a WHILE to learn that. To have company over or go to a friends house just because. So am I the way I am by nature or nurture? I wonder if my father was around, would by overall personality be different? I thank God for my aunt though. She always took me and my sis places. Evrytime a new Disney movie came out she would take us and then we could pick any restaurant. At a young age, I was exposed to 5 star restaurants and ate any cuisine we wanted to. I feel like my mom wouldn't have done s*** with us. I mean, I know as a single parent, you can't take your kids everywhere on the bus, but damn!

I had a similar experience as far as the grammar school and high school parties. Often hearing how fun they were the next day at school from my friends and other people. I went to some but not nearly as much as my friends. Do some parents think that's not important? I will always make sure my daughter goes to everything!
My mom told me some years back that this guy we knew liked her and wanted to marry her and he wanted her to have another kid but she didn't want to and we would have had a better life than we had. I was like WTF! We knew the man so he was not a stranger and I would have loved a younger sibling!

She didn't bring men around, only a couple I can remember. Now she tries to tell me she did her thing but kept it away from us. At one point I thought my mom was gay cuz she cut her hair off and was reading Our Bodies Our Selves and other feminist stuff I was like WTF!!!

So I said all that to say, just for ME I really could have benefitted from a man being around. But I guess as I'm seeing now, you can't just bring ANY man around. Sooooo... IDFK

And I used to complain that we were "poor" *chuckle* as a single mom now, I know she sacrificed and we were far from poor. Our cable was cut off sometimes but she kept us in catholic school from K-8 and its not like we had to get everything second hand so I guess she did something right! LoL

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Permalink Reply by Tracy on November 11, 2010 at 5:39pm

I appreciate everyone's thoughts and input, both positive and negative. The retrieval on Wednesday yielded 10 eggs (an excellent response I'm told) ; HOWEVER, the eggs were immature and not ready for the fertilization process. So as it stands right now, the doctor is perplexed and they are searching for the cause; and I will not be having a child.

Thank you all for your support, and please continue to keep me in your prayers. I was trying to prepare myself either way, but this is a curve ball forreal.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Savoir Faire on November 12, 2010 at 9:32am

Sounds like she needs to crack open a few cans of whup ass...

Jamal Black said:

I wish you well Tracy, you have a long arduous road ahead of you. But I just want to say that I agree with the few women who chimed in about the difficulty of raising a child alone.

I was raised by my mother alone, and by 13-14 (as told to me) my mother could longer could control me. I definitely needed a man around at that time to put me in line, and give me things to toughen me up, and challenge me. And I still need a older male around (at 30 years old!) that I can talk to about life, women, and business decisions. I simply can not talk to my mother about anything logical, or about the logistics of handling a situation even though she has been on this planet longer then me.

I love my mom, and I know she loves me, but deep down I know she's a bit resentful of having to raise me all alone. She often says, "I can't wait until you have kids so you can go through what I went through". I see this pain in other young single women. It's just not normal, or psychologically healthy to raise a child alone.

Another aspect to consider is the environment your child will grow up in. I mean, do you really want your child to grow up in the states where the educational system is scholastically poor, young kids have no mannerisms or work ethic, the majority of food they serve around here is void of any quality nutrition, and the anti social culture only gets together for sports, drinking, and parties?

Shoot, regardless if I was alone or not, I would have at least raised my child in Switzerland, Germany, Australia, or some other place where the standards (i.e., education, infrastructure) are higher (US ranks like 12 ).




Anyhow, check out this Blog. I'm not trying to discourage you from making your decision, but American women don't realize that Amercian culture tends to trivialize the process of bringing another person (not just a baby) to this planet.


http://isaywhattheywont.wordpress.com/


A Heartfelt Rant From An Anonymous Mother (Phew!)
May 28, 2008 – 1:06 pm

I think I regret having my children I have no escape I am a prisoner in my own home I have no way fing solitude I am trapped. I secretly wish that someone would deam me unfit as a parent and take them I hate myself for this. I would never hurt them but I can’t even talk on the phone or use the restroom in peace there is no privacy my husband thinks that there is no reason to be away from the children I feel like am losing myself to there incessant whining and crying

God please just kill me I am miserable I tell my husband and he blows me off I am not allowed to put them in daycare I can’t even clean my house without them huddling around me to complain that the other one is doing something wrong or the oldest bringing me the baby to hold when i am trying to get her to understand that she does not have to be stuck up my arse all the time am I insane for wishing my kids would disappear for a day?

I don’t get any respect in my own home the children run the house. I am here to serve them and clean up their huge messes. God, Please make it stop I see no light at the end of the tunnel.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Savoir Faire on November 12, 2010 at 9:34am

I feel ya Tra Tra...you'll have to keep us posted on your journey. Praying for healthy babies!!!

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