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Hmmmmm........Thoughts
OK, I’m feeling some kind of way right now and don’t know how to explain. So I’ll just let you in on what’s going on with me. I am embarking on the journey of becoming a Single Mother By Choice, meaning I am being inseminated (looks like this weekend) using donor sperm.
Here’s a little background, when I was younger – teens, early 20’s – I always said I wasn’t getting married, I was gonna go to the club and find me somebody with good hair take him to a motel and use him for his swimmers. No contact info, etc. I was young and dumb.
Got my heart SHATTERED by the love of my life at 29. Dated the rebound guy for 4 years, got married became a stepmother to his son. Loved the little man to pieces – daddy, not so much. Got divorced. Dated 2 guys approx 6 months each. Figured I was attracting the wrong type of dudes so took myself out of the dating pool for awhile. Approaching my 40th bday – tomorrow actually, and figured I’d give it one good and final shot. Had my sperm delivered via Fedex two months ago. I’m now midway thru the process and just let my boss know I need a couple days off. He asked If I was excited? No Nervous? No. I don’t really know what I feel.
I know it’s going to be hard. I know it will be a struggle at times. But it all doesn’t seem real to me yet. And it SHOULD – I am so bloated with these eggs, I look like I’m 4 months preggers already. I honestly think I’m scared to get excited, because I’m scared if I do it won’t work out. IS this what scared of success feels like?
Here’s a little background, when I was younger – teens, early 20’s – I always said I wasn’t getting married, I was gonna go to the club and find me somebody with good hair take him to a motel and use him for his swimmers. No contact info, etc. I was young and dumb.
Got my heart SHATTERED by the love of my life at 29. Dated the rebound guy for 4 years, got married became a stepmother to his son. Loved the little man to pieces – daddy, not so much. Got divorced. Dated 2 guys approx 6 months each. Figured I was attracting the wrong type of dudes so took myself out of the dating pool for awhile. Approaching my 40th bday – tomorrow actually, and figured I’d give it one good and final shot. Had my sperm delivered via Fedex two months ago. I’m now midway thru the process and just let my boss know I need a couple days off. He asked If I was excited? No Nervous? No. I don’t really know what I feel.
I know it’s going to be hard. I know it will be a struggle at times. But it all doesn’t seem real to me yet. And it SHOULD – I am so bloated with these eggs, I look like I’m 4 months preggers already. I honestly think I’m scared to get excited, because I’m scared if I do it won’t work out. IS this what scared of success feels like?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tracy on -
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I can truly see it happening. I'll probably pass out if and when I hear a heartbeat.
Sheli said:HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRACY!!!! Congrats on the baby (I'm going to claim it for you). I understand those who have said children need both parents, but sometimes the other parent can do more harm than good (*speaking form experience*) especially when he (or she) doesn't WANT to be there. I pray that everything goes wonderfully during the entire process, you "sound" so calm right now, I would be freaking the HELL OUT (but don't you do that, LOL) Again CONGRATS!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Hate my Ex on -
Goodluck Sweety and Happy Bday! You said you were bloated because of the egg(s)...How many do u have? Did they have u take hormones so u can have more than one egg this month? What if you have multiple babies, would you still be as happy?
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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on -
Happy B-day and Good Luck!!!!!!!
and FTR I just want to add that everyone I know thinks their parent/parents screwed them up in some way, shape or form. There is no such thing as a perfect parent or family. Even if you are the perfect mother, trust and believe your kid will find something to complain about...lol Just put your best foot forward and hopefully, one day your precious little ingrate will appreciate it
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Permalink Reply by Ms. Ashley Banks on -
Tracy, if insemination doesn't work for you and you still want to be a parent, please do not rule out adoption. There are so many beautiful babies and children who need a loving, permanent home.
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Permalink Reply by Tracy on
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THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!
Ms. Smith said:Happy B-day and Good Luck!!!!!!!
and FTR I just want to add that everyone I know thinks their parent/parents screwed them up in some way, shape or form. There is no such thing as a perfect parent or family. Even if you are the perfect mother, trust and believe your kid will find something to complain about...lol Just put your best foot forward and hopefully, one day your precious little ingrate will appreciate it
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Permalink Reply by Tracy on
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The shots they give you are to stimulate follicle growth. Normally, one follicle matures and drops each month, the hormones stimulate multiple follicles to grow and once they reach a nice size you take another shot to simulate ovulation and the retrieval is timed for an hour or so before said ovulation would take place. Yesterday's count was 7-9 sizable follicles on each side.
As I'm 40 (WHOOOO HOOOOOOO) they will probably recommend 2-3 eggs to be transferred back.
Twins, I would welcome - I never wanted an only child and especially under the circumstances. Triplets or higher - I can't even FATHOM.
Hate my Ex said:Goodluck Sweety and Happy Bday! You said you were bloated because of the egg(s)...How many do u have? Did they have u take hormones so u can have more than one egg this month? What if you have multiple babies, would you still be as happy?
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Permalink Reply by Tracy on
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Ashley, I have been thinking about adoption as a route as well. Initially, the insemination was less out of pocket to begin with and I wanted to try and have my own child first. Should this cycle not result in a child, I am open to fostering and adopting a child.
Ashley Banks, the Geeky Mynx said:Tracy, if insemination doesn't work for you and you still want to be a parent, please do not rule out adoption. There are so many beautiful babies and children who need a loving, permanent home.
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Permalink Reply by Candy on -
Not throwing shade or being judgmental. That is not my style. It is just my personal opinion which I am untitled to have. But like I said it is your life and your decision and I and anyone else for that matter can do nothing but respect that.
tHeOfFiCialLuRKeR said:Why not? If you are a black woman there's a 72% chance your kid is bring born out if wedlock anyways!
I think it's great you are starting your own family or better yet recreating your own family!
At least there will be no baby daddy drama and it will be easier to explain to a kid "mommy wanted you really bad" vs trying to explain why the father isn't present. Less hassle! I hope you have a girl.
Just don't be like this lady I know who spent well over 30k to get her child and now she suffers from all types of issues! She had mental issues and passed them right on to the kid. She use to tell me she couldn't be a full time parent & I would hit her with the blank stare look. Like bish you paid some ppl's yearly salary to get this kid, you better hush! Lol
Candy said:I don't see why anyone would willing want to be a single parent? But it is your decision and yours alone so we can do nothing but respect it. Good luck to you. Wish you the best.
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Permalink Reply by Hate my Ex on
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Thats awesome, I hope you have twins.
OMG, I just saw For Colored Girls today and your profile pic is making me sad:( Have you seen it yet?
Tracy said:The shots they give you are to stimulate follicle growth. Normally, one follicle matures and drops each month, the hormones stimulate multiple follicles to grow and once they reach a nice size you take another shot to simulate ovulation and the retrieval is timed for an hour or so before said ovulation would take place. Yesterday's count was 7-9 sizable follicles on each side.
As I'm 40 (WHOOOO HOOOOOOO) they will probably recommend 2-3 eggs to be transferred back.
Twins, I would welcome - I never wanted an only child and especially under the circumstances. Triplets or higher - I can't even FATHOM.
Hate my Ex said:Goodluck Sweety and Happy Bday! You said you were bloated because of the egg(s)...How many do u have? Did they have u take hormones so u can have more than one egg this month? What if you have multiple babies, would you still be as happy?
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Permalink Reply by JustMe on -
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!!!!!
p.s. I am crossing my fingers for twins!!!!! ****HUG***
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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on
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LOL at everyone wishing you TWINS. They're throwing shade on the sly Tracy lol. Twins aint no joke
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