Waddown (sorry my chicago slang came out).....Wassup folks I have a great dilemma on my hands.  Everything is going extremely well on my end. Job is great/school is great/daughters are fan-freakin-tastic/gf is damn amazing/and even my relationship w/ the ex is much better(thats a whole other story).  However, I'm beginning to feel the walls closing in around me and I'm ready to move away from Chicago.  As much as I love it here quite frankly I'm at the point where Im not researching and pondering living abroad.  And herein lies the question:  My eldest coming with me is not a problem bc as most of you know her mom is nowwhere to be found.  However, my youngest is 4 and I hate the thought of being away from her.  My ex is finally getting healthier where I dont have to bare as much of the brunt of parenting, yet the thought of me not being within arms reach is almost unfathomable.  Yet, I feel like the walls around me are closing in.  My Woman got a fantastic offer for future employment in energy, while I have extremely promising leads in the field that I currently work in and am getting my degrees in......so my question to you all is this:

knowing that you aren't happy in your current space would you gut it out for say 10 more yrs until said child can make a decision on where they want to reside, or would you continue to build up a better relationship with that parent and come to an agreement that would work for everyone?  

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i know i need to go bc i feel that ive outgrown this place, and quite frankly it would be great for my eldest psyche to really get a fresh start away from the madness she's went through...but theres my little one. We're like the three muskateers..you dont see one w/o the rest of us lol

Take both babies with you and move abroad.

Let lil mama visit her mother every summer.

This would also let her mother focus on her health and getting better.

But I know it's not that simple....

I agree.

Where do you want to move?

Phoenix said:

Take both babies with you and move abroad.

Let lil mama visit her mother every summer.

This would also let her mother focus on her health and getting better.

But I know it's not that simple....

RIGHT!!! lol...i want to so bad however her mom is very possessive.  Its not that she's overly protective of her (shes one of those women who isnt very motherly) but she has a problem with letting go of power..if that makes sense.  She knows that I'm caring and I know how to take care of things for the baby however, her giving up that power would make her vulnerable and shes not good at being vulnerable.   And I would let her visit mom every summer and whenever she wants. Her health is better but she really doesnt have motivation to REALLY get healthy. Basically doing the necessary things to really beat this thing.

Phoenix said:

Take both babies with you and move abroad.

Let lil mama visit her mother every summer.

This would also let her mother focus on her health and getting better.

But I know it's not that simple....

for me...i have great opportunities in hawaii and actually in spain.  Im in logistics and both actually deal heavily in shipping by the coast.  My gf is getting involved with a HUGE company that now wants to dive into energy.  So shes learning the legal side of energy etc. which gives us some great opportunities all around.  Years ago my aunt and uncle upped and moved to france and she said it was the best thing they ever did bc she felt like i was feeling.  LIke she was getting to big for this place"inside her own little world".

Creative Bee said:

I agree.

Where do you want to move?

Phoenix said:

Take both babies with you and move abroad.

Let lil mama visit her mother every summer.

This would also let her mother focus on her health and getting better.

But I know it's not that simple....

If she means that much to you and you cant take her with you, you should stay. You and I both know that there are certain things you have to give up when you become a parent......jumping up and bouncing when you get ready is #1.

But this is more than just jumping up and bouncing..this is not only a personal move but a career move

University of Smitty said:

If she means that much to you and you cant take her with you, you should stay. You and I both know that there are certain things you have to give up when you become a parent......jumping up and bouncing when you get ready is #1.

It's something you WANT to do; however, your daughter NEEDS her father, especially with an 'unmotherly' mother.  Which one is more important to you?? What you 'want' or what she 'needs'....
 
blackfujones said:

But this is more than just jumping up and bouncing..this is not only a personal move but a career move

University of Smitty said:

If she means that much to you and you cant take her with you, you should stay. You and I both know that there are certain things you have to give up when you become a parent......jumping up and bouncing when you get ready is #1.

Heres the kicker...the place where Im working at I've basically given myself a deadline because I've opted not to go into a particular field where they are trying to force me to work.  Basically I have four years till I either resign/move around in the company/or be fired.  And I believe its something bigger than a want, its almost like I have to get out of here. I dont want to be like everyone around me who thinks about the shoulda coulda woulda's. I've never been that type of person.  That's why I'm softening her mom up to having her come with me. But I know that will be a fight that I'll have to take to court.  And I've done that before and it DRAINED ME.  Drained me to the point where I had to take a leave of absence from everything just to rejuvenate. 

University of Smitty said:

It's something you WANT to do; however, your daughter NEEDS her father, especially with an 'unmotherly' mother.  Which one is more important to you?? What you 'want' or what she 'needs'....
 
blackfujones said:

But this is more than just jumping up and bouncing..this is not only a personal move but a career move

University of Smitty said:

If she means that much to you and you cant take her with you, you should stay. You and I both know that there are certain things you have to give up when you become a parent......jumping up and bouncing when you get ready is #1.

Sounds like your mind is made up. You should go!!! Also I'm sure these little sister might want to stay together or be with eachother. Ask them, they are old enough to express to you what they think. Now that you and are cool take advatage of it and who knows she might say "yes" 

To quote Melanie from Gone with the Wind: Children are life-renewing itself. 

 Let those two cutie-patooties renew your spirit and reshape your dreams to do what is best for them and make their dreams come true (even if that means fighting to take Lilbit with you).  You'll have no regrets when you see that what you sacrificed doesn't compare to the beautiful people you raise.


(LOLOL...yes I am a big ole square who thinks children are gifts from God.  Once you have them, it's about the gift, not you).

 

I agree.
 
TheLadyJosephine said:

To quote Melanie from Gone with the Wind: Children are life-renewing itself. 

 Let those two cutie-patooties renew your spirit and reshape your dreams to do what is best for them and make their dreams come true (even if that means fighting to take Lilbit with you).  You'll have no regrets when you see that what you sacrificed doesn't compare to the beautiful people you raise.


(LOLOL...yes I am a big ole square who thinks children are gifts from God.  Once you have them, it's about the gift, not you).

 

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