For Women Who Want The Ballerific Life!
Waddown (sorry my chicago slang came out).....Wassup folks I have a great dilemma on my hands. Everything is going extremely well on my end. Job is great/school is great/daughters are fan-freakin-tastic/gf is damn amazing/and even my relationship w/ the ex is much better(thats a whole other story). However, I'm beginning to feel the walls closing in around me and I'm ready to move away from Chicago. As much as I love it here quite frankly I'm at the point where Im not researching and pondering living abroad. And herein lies the question: My eldest coming with me is not a problem bc as most of you know her mom is nowwhere to be found. However, my youngest is 4 and I hate the thought of being away from her. My ex is finally getting healthier where I dont have to bare as much of the brunt of parenting, yet the thought of me not being within arms reach is almost unfathomable. Yet, I feel like the walls around me are closing in. My Woman got a fantastic offer for future employment in energy, while I have extremely promising leads in the field that I currently work in and am getting my degrees in......so my question to you all is this:
knowing that you aren't happy in your current space would you gut it out for say 10 more yrs until said child can make a decision on where they want to reside, or would you continue to build up a better relationship with that parent and come to an agreement that would work for everyone?
Permalink Reply by Phoenix on April 19, 2012 at 12:14pm I agree. But i know the mother would want to be there for those womanly times her daughter needs her. Boys, her period, puberty. Even to tuck her in at night.
Creative Bee said:
I can't speak for what is better for child, only father and her mother know what is better, I just think if parents are no longer together anymore they are not obligated to live near each other putting on hold their dreams and future for the sake of the child, this sends the wrong message to the child. If they would want to sacrifice their lives for her they wouldn't divorce in the first place. If a mother loves her her child so much she would never let her go and tried to work her marriage out for the sake of her daughter, blackfu doesn't seem like an awful person and I don't see why she wouldn't put her daughter and marriage first at the time when they started having problems. I think they both should find out how they can make it work in the best interest of all of them.
Technology is insane right now, they can facetime/skype 24/7 and she can spend 3 months each Summer and winter/spring breaks.
University of Smitty said:That's what I'm having a hard time with. I think kids need BOTH parents around ALL YEAR LONG. I dont think it's right to take her away from her mother any more than it's right to leave her behind. I understand the issues with the job but I also KNOW that sh*t can be fixed without moving to the other side of the ocean.
Creative Bee said:I'm not sure about Hawaii, I work with 2 people who moved out from there to this desert h*** AZ because it is so expensive there, their salaries were above 100K.
I might be biased but I would say you'd have a much better quality of living in Europe so would your daughters, we want to move at some point as well, when given opportunity. The girl can visit her mother in the Summer and Christmas, or you could convince her saying you'll help as much as you can to accommodate her if she will be willing to travel to see her daughter.
Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on April 19, 2012 at 12:15pm I didnt........ooops.
money is the motive said:
ACTUALLY ma'am if you read my first post... i said, i myself am a single parent. I see both sides. & the reality of life.
University of Smitty said:LOL.....yeah, I can tell you dont have any kids.
money is the motive said:people leave there children to go on business ALL the time .. lets be honest here ...
children adapt to their circumstances at a faster pace than adults do.. this is the real world and not some commercial with a 2 parent home with a white picket fence sitting around the table every afternoon for brunch.
With technology today he can still be in contact with the child, and they can arrange visitation ..my boyfriend has a BM who up and moved to another state & he is still an active parent.
i dont believe this man has to limit himself. & thats just my humble opinion .
Permalink Reply by Nu Kardashian on April 19, 2012 at 12:19pm Thats assuming that she is that kind of a mother. My mommy neverrrrr talked to me about puberty, periods, boys/sex, birth control .. and she damn sure aint NEVER tucked me in at night LOL ..
Phoenix said:
I agree. But i know the mother would want to be there for those womanly times her daughter needs her. Boys, her period, puberty. Even to tuck her in at night.
Creative Bee said:I can't speak for what is better for child, only father and her mother know what is better, I just think if parents are no longer together anymore they are not obligated to live near each other putting on hold their dreams and future for the sake of the child, this sends the wrong message to the child. If they would want to sacrifice their lives for her they wouldn't divorce in the first place. If a mother loves her her child so much she would never let her go and tried to work her marriage out for the sake of her daughter, blackfu doesn't seem like an awful person and I don't see why she wouldn't put her daughter and marriage first at the time when they started having problems. I think they both should find out how they can make it work in the best interest of all of them.
Technology is insane right now, they can facetime/skype 24/7 and she can spend 3 months each Summer and winter/spring breaks.
University of Smitty said:That's what I'm having a hard time with. I think kids need BOTH parents around ALL YEAR LONG. I dont think it's right to take her away from her mother any more than it's right to leave her behind. I understand the issues with the job but I also KNOW that sh*t can be fixed without moving to the other side of the ocean.
Creative Bee said:I'm not sure about Hawaii, I work with 2 people who moved out from there to this desert h*** AZ because it is so expensive there, their salaries were above 100K.
I might be biased but I would say you'd have a much better quality of living in Europe so would your daughters, we want to move at some point as well, when given opportunity. The girl can visit her mother in the Summer and Christmas, or you could convince her saying you'll help as much as you can to accommodate her if she will be willing to travel to see her daughter.
Permalink Reply by JustMe on April 19, 2012 at 12:21pm
Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on April 19, 2012 at 12:22pm I think when you have a child with someone, you're obligated to work with that person to do what's best for the child for a minimum of 18 yrs or until one of the 3 of you drops DEAD......which ever comes first. He's not talking about moving across town or to another state. He's taking about LEAVING THE COUNTRY. Kids dont ruin our lives, but we can ruin theirs.
Creative Bee said:
I can't speak for what is better for child, only father and her mother know what is better, I just think if parents are no longer together anymore they are not obligated to live near each other putting on hold their dreams and future for the sake of the child, this sends the wrong message to the child. If they would want to sacrifice their lives for her they wouldn't divorce in the first place. If a mother loves her her child so much she would never let her go and tried to work her marriage out for the sake of her daughter, blackfu doesn't seem like an awful person and I don't see why she wouldn't put her daughter and marriage first at the time when they started having problems. I think they both should find out how they can make it work in the best interest of all of them.
Technology is insane right now, they can facetime/skype 24/7 and she can spend 3 months each Summer and winter/spring breaks.
University of Smitty said:That's what I'm having a hard time with. I think kids need BOTH parents around ALL YEAR LONG. I dont think it's right to take her away from her mother any more than it's right to leave her behind. I understand the issues with the job but I also KNOW that sh*t can be fixed without moving to the other side of the ocean.
Creative Bee said:I'm not sure about Hawaii, I work with 2 people who moved out from there to this desert h*** AZ because it is so expensive there, their salaries were above 100K.
I might be biased but I would say you'd have a much better quality of living in Europe so would your daughters, we want to move at some point as well, when given opportunity. The girl can visit her mother in the Summer and Christmas, or you could convince her saying you'll help as much as you can to accommodate her if she will be willing to travel to see her daughter.
Permalink Reply by Sissy on April 19, 2012 at 1:51pm +++++++1!!!!!
Of course no one is obligated to do what's best for the other adult, but both adults are required to take one for the team for the child! If Blackfu was moving to NYC, this would be a completely different conversation, moving to Europe is a different world.
University of Smitty said:
I think when you have a child with someone, you're obligated to work with that person to do what's best for the child for a minimum of 18 yrs or until one of the 3 of you drops DEAD......which ever comes first. He's not talking about moving across town or to another state. He's taking about LEAVING THE COUNTRY. Kids dont ruin our lives, but we can ruin theirs.
Creative Bee said:I can't speak for what is better for child, only father and her mother know what is better, I just think if parents are no longer together anymore they are not obligated to live near each other putting on hold their dreams and future for the sake of the child, this sends the wrong message to the child. If they would want to sacrifice their lives for her they wouldn't divorce in the first place. If a mother loves her her child so much she would never let her go and tried to work her marriage out for the sake of her daughter, blackfu doesn't seem like an awful person and I don't see why she wouldn't put her daughter and marriage first at the time when they started having problems. I think they both should find out how they can make it work in the best interest of all of them.
Technology is insane right now, they can facetime/skype 24/7 and she can spend 3 months each Summer and winter/spring breaks.
University of Smitty said:That's what I'm having a hard time with. I think kids need BOTH parents around ALL YEAR LONG. I dont think it's right to take her away from her mother any more than it's right to leave her behind. I understand the issues with the job but I also KNOW that sh*t can be fixed without moving to the other side of the ocean.
Creative Bee said:I'm not sure about Hawaii, I work with 2 people who moved out from there to this desert h*** AZ because it is so expensive there, their salaries were above 100K.
I might be biased but I would say you'd have a much better quality of living in Europe so would your daughters, we want to move at some point as well, when given opportunity. The girl can visit her mother in the Summer and Christmas, or you could convince her saying you'll help as much as you can to accommodate her if she will be willing to travel to see her daughter.
Permalink Reply by TheLadyJosephine on April 19, 2012 at 10:38pm Another +1.
Sissy said:
+++++++1!!!!!
Of course no one is obligated to do what's best for the other adult, but both adults are required to take one for the team for the child! If Blackfu was moving to NYC, this would be a completely different conversation, moving to Europe is a different world.
University of Smitty said:I think when you have a child with someone, you're obligated to work with that person to do what's best for the child for a minimum of 18 yrs or until one of the 3 of you drops DEAD......which ever comes first. He's not talking about moving across town or to another state. He's taking about LEAVING THE COUNTRY. Kids dont ruin our lives, but we can ruin theirs.
Creative Bee said:I can't speak for what is better for child, only father and her mother know what is better, I just think if parents are no longer together anymore they are not obligated to live near each other putting on hold their dreams and future for the sake of the child, this sends the wrong message to the child. If they would want to sacrifice their lives for her they wouldn't divorce in the first place. If a mother loves her her child so much she would never let her go and tried to work her marriage out for the sake of her daughter, blackfu doesn't seem like an awful person and I don't see why she wouldn't put her daughter and marriage first at the time when they started having problems. I think they both should find out how they can make it work in the best interest of all of them.
Technology is insane right now, they can facetime/skype 24/7 and she can spend 3 months each Summer and winter/spring breaks.
University of Smitty said:That's what I'm having a hard time with. I think kids need BOTH parents around ALL YEAR LONG. I dont think it's right to take her away from her mother any more than it's right to leave her behind. I understand the issues with the job but I also KNOW that sh*t can be fixed without moving to the other side of the ocean.
Creative Bee said:I'm not sure about Hawaii, I work with 2 people who moved out from there to this desert h*** AZ because it is so expensive there, their salaries were above 100K.
I might be biased but I would say you'd have a much better quality of living in Europe so would your daughters, we want to move at some point as well, when given opportunity. The girl can visit her mother in the Summer and Christmas, or you could convince her saying you'll help as much as you can to accommodate her if she will be willing to travel to see her daughter.
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