Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Phoenix on April 19, 2012 at 12:14pm

I agree. But i know the mother would want to be there for those womanly times her daughter needs her. Boys, her period, puberty. Even to tuck her in at night. 

Creative Bee said:

I can't speak for what is better for child, only father and her mother know what is better, I just think if parents are no longer together anymore they are not obligated to live near each other putting on hold their dreams and future for the sake of the child, this sends the wrong message to the child. If they would want to sacrifice their lives for her they wouldn't divorce in the first place. If a mother loves her her child so much she would never let her go and tried to work her marriage out for the sake of her daughter, blackfu doesn't seem like an awful person and I don't see why she wouldn't put her daughter and marriage first at the time when they started having problems. I think they both should find out how they can make it work in the best interest of all of them.

Technology is insane right now, they can facetime/skype 24/7 and she can spend 3 months each Summer and winter/spring breaks.

University of Smitty said:

That's what I'm having a hard time with.  I think kids need BOTH parents around ALL YEAR LONG.  I dont think it's right to take her away from her mother any more than it's right to leave her behind.  I understand the issues with the job but I also KNOW that sh*t can be fixed without moving to the other side of the ocean. 
 
Creative Bee said:

I'm not sure about Hawaii, I work with 2 people who moved out from there to this desert h*** AZ because it is so expensive there, their salaries were above 100K.

I might be biased but I would say you'd have a much better quality of living in Europe so would your daughters, we want to move at some point as well, when given opportunity.  The girl can visit her mother in the Summer and Christmas, or you could convince her saying you'll help as much as you can to accommodate her if she will be willing to travel to see her daughter.

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on April 19, 2012 at 12:15pm

I didnt........ooops.

money is the motive said:

ACTUALLY ma'am if you read my first post... i said, i myself am a single parent. I see both sides. & the reality of life.

University of Smitty said:

LOL.....yeah, I can tell you dont have any kids.
 
money is the motive said:

people leave there children to go on business ALL the time .. lets be honest here ...

children adapt to their circumstances at a faster pace than adults do.. this is the real world and not some commercial with a 2 parent home with a white picket fence sitting around the table every afternoon for brunch.

With technology today he can still be in contact with the child, and they can arrange visitation ..my boyfriend has a BM who up and moved to another state & he is still an active parent.

i dont believe this man has to limit himself. & thats just my humble opinion .

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Permalink Reply by Nu Kardashian on April 19, 2012 at 12:19pm

Thats assuming that she is that kind of a mother. My mommy neverrrrr talked to me about puberty, periods, boys/sex, birth control .. and she damn sure aint NEVER tucked me in at night LOL ..

Phoenix said:

I agree. But i know the mother would want to be there for those womanly times her daughter needs her. Boys, her period, puberty. Even to tuck her in at night. 

Creative Bee said:

I can't speak for what is better for child, only father and her mother know what is better, I just think if parents are no longer together anymore they are not obligated to live near each other putting on hold their dreams and future for the sake of the child, this sends the wrong message to the child. If they would want to sacrifice their lives for her they wouldn't divorce in the first place. If a mother loves her her child so much she would never let her go and tried to work her marriage out for the sake of her daughter, blackfu doesn't seem like an awful person and I don't see why she wouldn't put her daughter and marriage first at the time when they started having problems. I think they both should find out how they can make it work in the best interest of all of them.

Technology is insane right now, they can facetime/skype 24/7 and she can spend 3 months each Summer and winter/spring breaks.

University of Smitty said:

That's what I'm having a hard time with.  I think kids need BOTH parents around ALL YEAR LONG.  I dont think it's right to take her away from her mother any more than it's right to leave her behind.  I understand the issues with the job but I also KNOW that sh*t can be fixed without moving to the other side of the ocean. 
 
Creative Bee said:

I'm not sure about Hawaii, I work with 2 people who moved out from there to this desert h*** AZ because it is so expensive there, their salaries were above 100K.

I might be biased but I would say you'd have a much better quality of living in Europe so would your daughters, we want to move at some point as well, when given opportunity.  The girl can visit her mother in the Summer and Christmas, or you could convince her saying you'll help as much as you can to accommodate her if she will be willing to travel to see her daughter.

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Permalink Reply by JustMe on April 19, 2012 at 12:21pm

I see both sides... As a person that has moved or been transferred due to opportunity I know the toll it can take on children. Fortunately and unfortunately, I am my boys only parent so I never had to consider visitation & stuff like that. My last move my oldest stayed to finish high school and I missed out on a lot!!!!! If I had to do it all over again, he would've been with me...
Your daughter is 4, whether it's going with you or staying behind; you are asking her and her mother to give up ALOT. Which is unfair to both of them. If your job was transferring you and you had no choice, my response would be different. But you are making this decision of your own free will. Based off YOUR wants.

As far as the babymama getting better... You never really know. My dad was told he was getting better as well, shortly after he was given 6 months to live. He died 4 months later... Her mother needs this time with her...

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on April 19, 2012 at 12:22pm

I think when you have a child with someone, you're obligated to work with that person to do what's best for the child for a minimum of 18 yrs or until one of the 3 of you drops DEAD......which ever comes first.  He's not talking about moving across town or to another state.  He's taking about LEAVING THE COUNTRY.  Kids dont ruin our lives, but we can ruin theirs.
 
Creative Bee said:

I can't speak for what is better for child, only father and her mother know what is better, I just think if parents are no longer together anymore they are not obligated to live near each other putting on hold their dreams and future for the sake of the child, this sends the wrong message to the child. If they would want to sacrifice their lives for her they wouldn't divorce in the first place. If a mother loves her her child so much she would never let her go and tried to work her marriage out for the sake of her daughter, blackfu doesn't seem like an awful person and I don't see why she wouldn't put her daughter and marriage first at the time when they started having problems. I think they both should find out how they can make it work in the best interest of all of them.

Technology is insane right now, they can facetime/skype 24/7 and she can spend 3 months each Summer and winter/spring breaks.

University of Smitty said:

That's what I'm having a hard time with.  I think kids need BOTH parents around ALL YEAR LONG.  I dont think it's right to take her away from her mother any more than it's right to leave her behind.  I understand the issues with the job but I also KNOW that sh*t can be fixed without moving to the other side of the ocean. 
 
Creative Bee said:

I'm not sure about Hawaii, I work with 2 people who moved out from there to this desert h*** AZ because it is so expensive there, their salaries were above 100K.

I might be biased but I would say you'd have a much better quality of living in Europe so would your daughters, we want to move at some point as well, when given opportunity.  The girl can visit her mother in the Summer and Christmas, or you could convince her saying you'll help as much as you can to accommodate her if she will be willing to travel to see her daughter.

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Permalink Reply by Sissy on April 19, 2012 at 1:51pm

+++++++1!!!!!

Of course no one is obligated to do what's best for the other adult, but both adults are required to take one for the team for the child!  If Blackfu was moving to NYC, this would be a completely different conversation, moving to Europe is a different world.

University of Smitty said:

I think when you have a child with someone, you're obligated to work with that person to do what's best for the child for a minimum of 18 yrs or until one of the 3 of you drops DEAD......which ever comes first.  He's not talking about moving across town or to another state.  He's taking about LEAVING THE COUNTRY.  Kids dont ruin our lives, but we can ruin theirs.
 
Creative Bee said:

I can't speak for what is better for child, only father and her mother know what is better, I just think if parents are no longer together anymore they are not obligated to live near each other putting on hold their dreams and future for the sake of the child, this sends the wrong message to the child. If they would want to sacrifice their lives for her they wouldn't divorce in the first place. If a mother loves her her child so much she would never let her go and tried to work her marriage out for the sake of her daughter, blackfu doesn't seem like an awful person and I don't see why she wouldn't put her daughter and marriage first at the time when they started having problems. I think they both should find out how they can make it work in the best interest of all of them.

Technology is insane right now, they can facetime/skype 24/7 and she can spend 3 months each Summer and winter/spring breaks.

University of Smitty said:

That's what I'm having a hard time with.  I think kids need BOTH parents around ALL YEAR LONG.  I dont think it's right to take her away from her mother any more than it's right to leave her behind.  I understand the issues with the job but I also KNOW that sh*t can be fixed without moving to the other side of the ocean. 
 
Creative Bee said:

I'm not sure about Hawaii, I work with 2 people who moved out from there to this desert h*** AZ because it is so expensive there, their salaries were above 100K.

I might be biased but I would say you'd have a much better quality of living in Europe so would your daughters, we want to move at some point as well, when given opportunity.  The girl can visit her mother in the Summer and Christmas, or you could convince her saying you'll help as much as you can to accommodate her if she will be willing to travel to see her daughter.

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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on April 19, 2012 at 2:10pm

I'm so wit Smitty and nem! This Black is a want, and one that can really disturb your girls lives. I think this is the reason why I am scared to have kids. For the next 18 years, my life will be dedicated to what is best for them, totally, not what I WANT to do. I think parents think that their children don't have a voice, or they don't have to consider their feelings when they make choices. Kids can really be hurt by what we do to them, and honestly they did not ask to be here. So that being said, we are responsible for building them to be the best representation of us, and sometimes our desires go unfulfilled. I think u are an ambitious man, and you will always have great opportunities to advance your career. Forcus on them for the next 14 years, then live your dreams. Give them a chance to be complete.

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Permalink Reply by TheLadyJosephine on April 19, 2012 at 10:38pm

Another +1.

Sissy said:

+++++++1!!!!!

Of course no one is obligated to do what's best for the other adult, but both adults are required to take one for the team for the child!  If Blackfu was moving to NYC, this would be a completely different conversation, moving to Europe is a different world.

University of Smitty said:

I think when you have a child with someone, you're obligated to work with that person to do what's best for the child for a minimum of 18 yrs or until one of the 3 of you drops DEAD......which ever comes first.  He's not talking about moving across town or to another state.  He's taking about LEAVING THE COUNTRY.  Kids dont ruin our lives, but we can ruin theirs.
 
Creative Bee said:

I can't speak for what is better for child, only father and her mother know what is better, I just think if parents are no longer together anymore they are not obligated to live near each other putting on hold their dreams and future for the sake of the child, this sends the wrong message to the child. If they would want to sacrifice their lives for her they wouldn't divorce in the first place. If a mother loves her her child so much she would never let her go and tried to work her marriage out for the sake of her daughter, blackfu doesn't seem like an awful person and I don't see why she wouldn't put her daughter and marriage first at the time when they started having problems. I think they both should find out how they can make it work in the best interest of all of them.

Technology is insane right now, they can facetime/skype 24/7 and she can spend 3 months each Summer and winter/spring breaks.

University of Smitty said:

That's what I'm having a hard time with.  I think kids need BOTH parents around ALL YEAR LONG.  I dont think it's right to take her away from her mother any more than it's right to leave her behind.  I understand the issues with the job but I also KNOW that sh*t can be fixed without moving to the other side of the ocean. 
 
Creative Bee said:

I'm not sure about Hawaii, I work with 2 people who moved out from there to this desert h*** AZ because it is so expensive there, their salaries were above 100K.

I might be biased but I would say you'd have a much better quality of living in Europe so would your daughters, we want to move at some point as well, when given opportunity.  The girl can visit her mother in the Summer and Christmas, or you could convince her saying you'll help as much as you can to accommodate her if she will be willing to travel to see her daughter.

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