Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by l8dy-c on May 2, 2012 at 1:54am

Well you said no one in your family or friends can see where your at? Why dies that matter?I guess only time will tell you also said your parents weren't married as well. Maybe you have deeper issues because of your childhood. Well now that you seem to understand something about love, now you need to love yourself and take care of your own needs.This will lay the foundation to love others. You'll learn to treat yourself better and not focus on other peoples issues. Why do you give 2 craps about what others think? Try to get outta that black h*** and accept it.Look back again and see how you've grown. Always add to your self esteem. Why go backwards? You found your soulmate . Congradulations. But you seem uncertain to me.

RedPopsicle said:

I think you are off based I have said nothing about my family and friends and what they think.  Ignoring my needs I have been here to long to be stupid to do that.  That was not what I did in my late teen and early 20 not switching up now.  But I also was not looking to settle down until I was 25.  There is not ? on marriage iI It is not dread and it is not fear of him or this relationship.  I am scared because I have never given anyone this much of me even my ex fiance he was the one I dreaded and it ended and know I am in a place where I am happy and excited and ready. 

l8dy-c said:

Well if you were happy you wouldn't give 2 s**** about what friends and family think.Now you are ignoring your own needs and feelings.You need to start loving yourself first.Well give your self at least 1 year to figure out the marriage question. Then another year for baby.I know from the past it can be very liberating to make decisions. But give yourself time.Once you make that choice, you can trust that consequences will unfold as they should. Maybe with a little change of attitude and time you will have more excitement and hope instead of fear and dread. Give yourself more credit. 

RedPopsicle said:

Can you tell me how, because I am grateful I know what it is to be with loser's over and over.  I am scared because I am doing something different than what I was raised to see.  I know they do not make you happy; being married and have a baby, but I am really very happy I am still in the I can't believe its me not that I don't believe it could not be me, but I am living out my dream and this is all new.  That is why I am asking for advise, because my friends can not see where I am at because all of their parents are married, but my parent where not.  

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Permalink Reply by RedPopsicle on May 2, 2012 at 2:04am

Explaining that the guidance you receive as far as being in a happy healthy relationship that was not taught.  It was taught what the husband and wife roles are, but not how to wait for love and established that great relationship and marriage.  My friends and fam are happy for me they have not hated on me.  I am not uncertain about him I am uncertain really how a successful relationship is supposed to work.  I dont ask what people think, becuase I dont care but I ask how I can go about obtaining those things, loving me is their already, but it is going past that, which I have noticed some women can not provide that part.  I was always taught self esteem and I have that.  

Most of things you are saying does not fit for me, so you saying I dont love me, have self esteem get out that darrk h*** those things do not even fit for me.

l8dy-c said:

Well you said no one in your family or friends can see where your at? Why dies that matter?I guess only time will tell you also said your parents weren't married as well. Maybe you have deeper issues because of your childhood. Well now that you seem to understand something about love, now you need to love yourself and take care of your own needs.This will lay the foundation to love others. You'll learn to treat yourself better and not focus on other peoples issues. Why do you give 2 craps about what others think? Try to get outta that black h*** and accept it.Look back again and see how you've grown. Always add to your self esteem. Why go backwards? You found your soulmate . Congradulations. But you seem uncertain to me.

RedPopsicle said:

I think you are off based I have said nothing about my family and friends and what they think.  Ignoring my needs I have been here to long to be stupid to do that.  That was not what I did in my late teen and early 20 not switching up now.  But I also was not looking to settle down until I was 25.  There is not ? on marriage iI It is not dread and it is not fear of him or this relationship.  I am scared because I have never given anyone this much of me even my ex fiance he was the one I dreaded and it ended and know I am in a place where I am happy and excited and ready. 

l8dy-c said:

Well if you were happy you wouldn't give 2 s**** about what friends and family think.Now you are ignoring your own needs and feelings.You need to start loving yourself first.Well give your self at least 1 year to figure out the marriage question. Then another year for baby.I know from the past it can be very liberating to make decisions. But give yourself time.Once you make that choice, you can trust that consequences will unfold as they should. Maybe with a little change of attitude and time you will have more excitement and hope instead of fear and dread. Give yourself more credit. 

RedPopsicle said:

Can you tell me how, because I am grateful I know what it is to be with loser's over and over.  I am scared because I am doing something different than what I was raised to see.  I know they do not make you happy; being married and have a baby, but I am really very happy I am still in the I can't believe its me not that I don't believe it could not be me, but I am living out my dream and this is all new.  That is why I am asking for advise, because my friends can not see where I am at because all of their parents are married, but my parent where not.  

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Permalink Reply by l8dy-c on May 2, 2012 at 2:20am

Ok. So they don't fit. You seem to be a little angry or maybe helpless. Don't limit your vision with your soul mate then.Well in my experience faith takes practice. Fears will come and go. Both big and small. Don't obsess on your relationship so much.I think you should stop obsessing over it.

RedPopsicle said:

Explaining that the guidance you receive as far as being in a happy healthy relationship that was not taught.  It was taught what the husband and wife roles are, but not how to wait for love and established that great relationship and marriage.  My friends and fam are happy for me they have not hated on me.  I am not uncertain about him I am uncertain really how a successful relationship is supposed to work.  I dont ask what people think, becuase I dont care but I ask how I can go about obtaining those things, loving me is their already, but it is going past that, which I have noticed some women can not provide that part.  I was always taught self esteem and I have that.  

Most of things you are saying does not fit for me, so you saying I dont love me, have self esteem get out that darrk h*** those things do not even fit for me.

l8dy-c said:

Well you said no one in your family or friends can see where your at? Why dies that matter?I guess only time will tell you also said your parents weren't married as well. Maybe you have deeper issues because of your childhood. Well now that you seem to understand something about love, now you need to love yourself and take care of your own needs.This will lay the foundation to love others. You'll learn to treat yourself better and not focus on other peoples issues. Why do you give 2 craps about what others think? Try to get outta that black h*** and accept it.Look back again and see how you've grown. Always add to your self esteem. Why go backwards? You found your soulmate . Congradulations. But you seem uncertain to me.

RedPopsicle said:

I think you are off based I have said nothing about my family and friends and what they think.  Ignoring my needs I have been here to long to be stupid to do that.  That was not what I did in my late teen and early 20 not switching up now.  But I also was not looking to settle down until I was 25.  There is not ? on marriage iI It is not dread and it is not fear of him or this relationship.  I am scared because I have never given anyone this much of me even my ex fiance he was the one I dreaded and it ended and know I am in a place where I am happy and excited and ready. 

l8dy-c said:

Well if you were happy you wouldn't give 2 s**** about what friends and family think.Now you are ignoring your own needs and feelings.You need to start loving yourself first.Well give your self at least 1 year to figure out the marriage question. Then another year for baby.I know from the past it can be very liberating to make decisions. But give yourself time.Once you make that choice, you can trust that consequences will unfold as they should. Maybe with a little change of attitude and time you will have more excitement and hope instead of fear and dread. Give yourself more credit. 

RedPopsicle said:

Can you tell me how, because I am grateful I know what it is to be with loser's over and over.  I am scared because I am doing something different than what I was raised to see.  I know they do not make you happy; being married and have a baby, but I am really very happy I am still in the I can't believe its me not that I don't believe it could not be me, but I am living out my dream and this is all new.  That is why I am asking for advise, because my friends can not see where I am at because all of their parents are married, but my parent where not.  

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Permalink Reply by marissa taylor on May 2, 2012 at 4:07am

I say focus on school and everything will fall into place ... if it is love ...then it will always be there ..

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Permalink Reply by RedPopsicle on May 2, 2012 at 8:46am

I dont get angry about people points of view, what I do give them is the back story so they can make an informed response and in some cases people still miss it and that is fine.  Its clear that everything you are saying is like a little hate.  Nothing I said would stated I was unhappy just that I needed some pointers on how to prepare for mommy and wife hood and having a happy loving relationship.  

But going further to explain any part to you would be wasting my time because I counted you has helpless into seeing that who I am.  I dont need BA to learn how to have my guard up and be cautious, what I came here for was to get advise about dealing with things out of the norm.

Yes faith takes practice but this is not about my faith, which is extremely great and gtting stronger because I am with him, because again that is something I am doing new. I am not obesseing but looking for a advise that family and friends can not give because their backgrounds are different and thinging I would here.  But I seem to have gotten scrutiny from some women you inclueded.  My self-esteem is not in question or my resume or age.  When I left my home and moved away from that alone I did things different which is not what we do at all.  

But none the less thank you for your input, but it was not very helpful, because I guess you would have to know me to get me.   

dy-c said:

Ok. So they don't fit. You seem to be a little angry or maybe helpless. Don't limit your vision with your soul mate then.Well in my experience faith takes practice. Fears will come and go. Both big and small. Don't obsess on your relationship so much.I think you should stop obsessing over it.

RedPopsicle said:

Explaining that the guidance you receive as far as being in a happy healthy relationship that was not taught.  It was taught what the husband and wife roles are, but not how to wait for love and established that great relationship and marriage.  My friends and fam are happy for me they have not hated on me.  I am not uncertain about him I am uncertain really how a successful relationship is supposed to work.  I dont ask what people think, becuase I dont care but I ask how I can go about obtaining those things, loving me is their already, but it is going past that, which I have noticed some women can not provide that part.  I was always taught self esteem and I have that.  

Most of things you are saying does not fit for me, so you saying I dont love me, have self esteem get out that darrk h*** those things do not even fit for me.

l8dy-c said:

Well you said no one in your family or friends can see where your at? Why dies that matter?I guess only time will tell you also said your parents weren't married as well. Maybe you have deeper issues because of your childhood. Well now that you seem to understand something about love, now you need to love yourself and take care of your own needs.This will lay the foundation to love others. You'll learn to treat yourself better and not focus on other peoples issues. Why do you give 2 craps about what others think? Try to get outta that black h*** and accept it.Look back again and see how you've grown. Always add to your self esteem. Why go backwards? You found your soulmate . Congradulations. But you seem uncertain to me.

RedPopsicle said:

I think you are off based I have said nothing about my family and friends and what they think.  Ignoring my needs I have been here to long to be stupid to do that.  That was not what I did in my late teen and early 20 not switching up now.  But I also was not looking to settle down until I was 25.  There is not ? on marriage iI It is not dread and it is not fear of him or this relationship.  I am scared because I have never given anyone this much of me even my ex fiance he was the one I dreaded and it ended and know I am in a place where I am happy and excited and ready. 

l8dy-c said:

Well if you were happy you wouldn't give 2 s**** about what friends and family think.Now you are ignoring your own needs and feelings.You need to start loving yourself first.Well give your self at least 1 year to figure out the marriage question. Then another year for baby.I know from the past it can be very liberating to make decisions. But give yourself time.Once you make that choice, you can trust that consequences will unfold as they should. Maybe with a little change of attitude and time you will have more excitement and hope instead of fear and dread. Give yourself more credit. 

RedPopsicle said:

Can you tell me how, because I am grateful I know what it is to be with loser's over and over.  I am scared because I am doing something different than what I was raised to see.  I know they do not make you happy; being married and have a baby, but I am really very happy I am still in the I can't believe its me not that I don't believe it could not be me, but I am living out my dream and this is all new.  That is why I am asking for advise, because my friends can not see where I am at because all of their parents are married, but my parent where not.  

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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on May 2, 2012 at 9:09am

You and L8dy seem to both be hopeless romantics to me. I think you, Popsicle, want a relationship real bad, and since you are getting good feelings from him, you think he is the one. I also think you should be proud of your career accomplishments, but that was not what I was asking what you should be giving yourself credit for. I was specifically speaking on this relationship. Like other have said, some relationships can happen fast, but in reality, most don't. Maybe you are a dynamic catch, and he is still showing his representative. Did you answer Honey's question? Has he said anything about marriage and a baby with you? Or is this something you want with him? How old is he? What does he do? I also think you are giving him TOO much credit. YOur faith should be strong because of your beliefs, not because of him. It's great to have a motivator in a partner, but please understand that you will feel complete when yu accept the fact that "completeness" is something you control, its not up to another to make you complete by marrying you. You sound like you just wanna get married and have kids because you are 30 and "time is running out" lol. Its normal, but these kinds of things HAVE to happen, possibly through faith, but are not things you can force to occur. If you "try", you may make a mess of it all.

RedPopsicle said:

I dont get angry about people points of view, what I do give them is the back story so they can make an informed response and in some cases people still miss it and that is fine.  Its clear that everything you are saying is like a little hate.  Nothing I said would stated I was unhappy just that I needed some pointers on how to prepare for mommy and wife hood and having a happy loving relationship.  

But going further to explain any part to you would be wasting my time because I counted you has helpless into seeing that who I am.  I dont need BA to learn how to have my guard up and be cautious, what I came here for was to get advise about dealing with things out of the norm.

Yes faith takes practice but this is not about my faith, which is extremely great and gtting stronger because I am with him, because again that is something I am doing new. I am not obesseing but looking for a advise that family and friends can not give because their backgrounds are different and thinging I would here.  But I seem to have gotten scrutiny from some women you inclueded.  My self-esteem is not in question or my resume or age.  When I left my home and moved away from that alone I did things different which is not what we do at all.  

But none the less thank you for your input, but it was not very helpful, because I guess you would have to know me to get me.   

dy-c said:

Ok. So they don't fit. You seem to be a little angry or maybe helpless. Don't limit your vision with your soul mate then.Well in my experience faith takes practice. Fears will come and go. Both big and small. Don't obsess on your relationship so much.I think you should stop obsessing over it.

RedPopsicle said:

Explaining that the guidance you receive as far as being in a happy healthy relationship that was not taught.  It was taught what the husband and wife roles are, but not how to wait for love and established that great relationship and marriage.  My friends and fam are happy for me they have not hated on me.  I am not uncertain about him I am uncertain really how a successful relationship is supposed to work.  I dont ask what people think, becuase I dont care but I ask how I can go about obtaining those things, loving me is their already, but it is going past that, which I have noticed some women can not provide that part.  I was always taught self esteem and I have that.  

Most of things you are saying does not fit for me, so you saying I dont love me, have self esteem get out that darrk h*** those things do not even fit for me.

l8dy-c said:

Well you said no one in your family or friends can see where your at? Why dies that matter?I guess only time will tell you also said your parents weren't married as well. Maybe you have deeper issues because of your childhood. Well now that you seem to understand something about love, now you need to love yourself and take care of your own needs.This will lay the foundation to love others. You'll learn to treat yourself better and not focus on other peoples issues. Why do you give 2 craps about what others think? Try to get outta that black h*** and accept it.Look back again and see how you've grown. Always add to your self esteem. Why go backwards? You found your soulmate . Congradulations. But you seem uncertain to me.

RedPopsicle said:

I think you are off based I have said nothing about my family and friends and what they think.  Ignoring my needs I have been here to long to be stupid to do that.  That was not what I did in my late teen and early 20 not switching up now.  But I also was not looking to settle down until I was 25.  There is not ? on marriage iI It is not dread and it is not fear of him or this relationship.  I am scared because I have never given anyone this much of me even my ex fiance he was the one I dreaded and it ended and know I am in a place where I am happy and excited and ready. 

l8dy-c said:

Well if you were happy you wouldn't give 2 s**** about what friends and family think.Now you are ignoring your own needs and feelings.You need to start loving yourself first.Well give your self at least 1 year to figure out the marriage question. Then another year for baby.I know from the past it can be very liberating to make decisions. But give yourself time.Once you make that choice, you can trust that consequences will unfold as they should. Maybe with a little change of attitude and time you will have more excitement and hope instead of fear and dread. Give yourself more credit. 

RedPopsicle said:

Can you tell me how, because I am grateful I know what it is to be with loser's over and over.  I am scared because I am doing something different than what I was raised to see.  I know they do not make you happy; being married and have a baby, but I am really very happy I am still in the I can't believe its me not that I don't believe it could not be me, but I am living out my dream and this is all new.  That is why I am asking for advise, because my friends can not see where I am at because all of their parents are married, but my parent where not.  

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Permalink Reply by l8dy-c on May 2, 2012 at 4:15pm

Happiness cannot come through others.Your parents on thee hand probably had their own issues like you said.Maybe as a child you spent most of tour life waiting for them to show their love and approval in a way you could understand. You seem like a person who is deprived from love or something.Still worried s little about what your parents think. Your older now and maybe you starting your own would be a better focus for you.Appreciate the fact that this man loves you. All that should matter is his feelings.Just to let you know also as a baller alert member I've learned that 1. We deserve to allow ourselves to experience every single bit of joy and money life has to offer. 

Love is a Losing Game said:

You and L8dy seem to both be hopeless romantics to me. I think you, Popsicle, want a relationship real bad, and since you are getting good feelings from him, you think he is the one. I also think you should be proud of your career accomplishments, but that was not what I was asking what you should be giving yourself credit for. I was specifically speaking on this relationship. Like other have said, some relationships can happen fast, but in reality, most don't. Maybe you are a dynamic catch, and he is still showing his representative. Did you answer Honey's question? Has he said anything about marriage and a baby with you? Or is this something you want with him? How old is he? What does he do? I also think you are giving him TOO much credit. YOur faith should be strong because of your beliefs, not because of him. It's great to have a motivator in a partner, but please understand that you will feel complete when yu accept the fact that "completeness" is something you control, its not up to another to make you complete by marrying you. You sound like you just wanna get married and have kids because you are 30 and "time is running out" lol. Its normal, but these kinds of things HAVE to happen, possibly through faith, but are not things you can force to occur. If you "try", you may make a mess of it all.

RedPopsicle said:

I dont get angry about people points of view, what I do give them is the back story so they can make an informed response and in some cases people still miss it and that is fine.  Its clear that everything you are saying is like a little hate.  Nothing I said would stated I was unhappy just that I needed some pointers on how to prepare for mommy and wife hood and having a happy loving relationship.  

But going further to explain any part to you would be wasting my time because I counted you has helpless into seeing that who I am.  I dont need BA to learn how to have my guard up and be cautious, what I came here for was to get advise about dealing with things out of the norm.

Yes faith takes practice but this is not about my faith, which is extremely great and gtting stronger because I am with him, because again that is something I am doing new. I am not obesseing but looking for a advise that family and friends can not give because their backgrounds are different and thinging I would here.  But I seem to have gotten scrutiny from some women you inclueded.  My self-esteem is not in question or my resume or age.  When I left my home and moved away from that alone I did things different which is not what we do at all.  

But none the less thank you for your input, but it was not very helpful, because I guess you would have to know me to get me.   

dy-c said:

Ok. So they don't fit. You seem to be a little angry or maybe helpless. Don't limit your vision with your soul mate then.Well in my experience faith takes practice. Fears will come and go. Both big and small. Don't obsess on your relationship so much.I think you should stop obsessing over it.

RedPopsicle said:

Explaining that the guidance you receive as far as being in a happy healthy relationship that was not taught.  It was taught what the husband and wife roles are, but not how to wait for love and established that great relationship and marriage.  My friends and fam are happy for me they have not hated on me.  I am not uncertain about him I am uncertain really how a successful relationship is supposed to work.  I dont ask what people think, becuase I dont care but I ask how I can go about obtaining those things, loving me is their already, but it is going past that, which I have noticed some women can not provide that part.  I was always taught self esteem and I have that.  

Most of things you are saying does not fit for me, so you saying I dont love me, have self esteem get out that darrk h*** those things do not even fit for me.

l8dy-c said:

Well you said no one in your family or friends can see where your at? Why dies that matter?I guess only time will tell you also said your parents weren't married as well. Maybe you have deeper issues because of your childhood. Well now that you seem to understand something about love, now you need to love yourself and take care of your own needs.This will lay the foundation to love others. You'll learn to treat yourself better and not focus on other peoples issues. Why do you give 2 craps about what others think? Try to get outta that black h*** and accept it.Look back again and see how you've grown. Always add to your self esteem. Why go backwards? You found your soulmate . Congradulations. But you seem uncertain to me.

RedPopsicle said:

I think you are off based I have said nothing about my family and friends and what they think.  Ignoring my needs I have been here to long to be stupid to do that.  That was not what I did in my late teen and early 20 not switching up now.  But I also was not looking to settle down until I was 25.  There is not ? on marriage iI It is not dread and it is not fear of him or this relationship.  I am scared because I have never given anyone this much of me even my ex fiance he was the one I dreaded and it ended and know I am in a place where I am happy and excited and ready. 

l8dy-c said:

Well if you were happy you wouldn't give 2 s**** about what friends and family think.Now you are ignoring your own needs and feelings.You need to start loving yourself first.Well give your self at least 1 year to figure out the marriage question. Then another year for baby.I know from the past it can be very liberating to make decisions. But give yourself time.Once you make that choice, you can trust that consequences will unfold as they should. Maybe with a little change of attitude and time you will have more excitement and hope instead of fear and dread. Give yourself more credit. 

RedPopsicle said:

Can you tell me how, because I am grateful I know what it is to be with loser's over and over.  I am scared because I am doing something different than what I was raised to see.  I know they do not make you happy; being married and have a baby, but I am really very happy I am still in the I can't believe its me not that I don't believe it could not be me, but I am living out my dream and this is all new.  That is why I am asking for advise, because my friends can not see where I am at because all of their parents are married, but my parent where not.  

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