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I am so confused......
Ok. I've been a lurker. Friends in my head ala Wendy Williams. My
situation is a mess. I apologize for the length of this, but I am going
to provide a lot of background for completeness (lol). Please go easy on
me lol.
So prob around 2001 my "good/best" friend at the time was dating this dude,
she met at a club in the bay area. At that time he had just graduated from
Cal (Berkley) and working at a regional investment bank in SF. My homegirl
and I were in community college, didn't really understand anything we were
bout 21/22 and he was 24/25. Needless to say they ended up dating for
about 5+yrs. Thru out the entire time they were dating, she kept on saying
how good a dude he was and how much he loved, respected and encouraged her.
While he made decent money maybe about $90k with bonuses back then, so he
definitely treated her to nice things etc. Before she met him meanwhile
she didn't have a passport. However, all thru the relationship she'd be
out in the club meeting dudes & slaying (she was ho basically) who were not
doing nothing with their lives outside of just hanging on the block. This
is part of the reason she and I fell out (at first, I thought she was going
thru a phase, but it was guy after guy, after guy), because I tried to tell
her that if u say u have a good dude why mess it up with these oakland
dudes that aint bout a dang thing, I even said here I am tryna meet a half
way decent dude & u r treating one like s***. Long story short she and I
stopped being friends cos she said I was judgmental & jealous this was
around 2004. In 2005, I hear thru the grapevine she is preggers, and I
figured it was by this her dude, come to find out it was by someone else &
all the while she had been ducking her "first" man. He finds out and they
break up she becomes some dudes 4th baby mama. And this dude she has the
baby for don't even give a rats ass about her & her kid. She basically
fell for the 'ole okie doke "hood rich" with the nice car & 3 baby mamas
and the car of course to pick up birds like my ex-friend. Same hood-rat
story as everyone else.
Fast forward to summer 2011 - I run into my ex-friend's ex-dude who she
played at the airport in SF, turned out we were going to the same city for
work SF-Denver-Cleveland. We end up exchanging numbers and he bumps me up
to 1st class using his miles, so we could "catch-up" on the flights to
cleveland. Come to find out now he works for a company (private equity)
and he is "major" there. Apparently, when he was in college at Cal, most
of his family was on the East Coast, and his dad was a VERY big deal at a
Global Bank (he was very humble). I did some research about his dad
recently, and when he retired from the (his dad I'm talking about now) Bank
he left with a "NINE-FIGURE" over $100MM package and this is right on the
internet. His dad went to harvard law school and clerked for a US Supreme
Court Justice. I am learning about mainstream America. Sorry, but I am
just "CiCi" from Oakland. All this is new to me, & I am impressed. I have
also done the "PJ" (private jet - Vista Jet) with him & his family to
Hawaii for the week of xmas & new year. They have a beautiful home there.
Now dude is mixed (his mum is white), and even though I don't date
lite-skin bruthas (or bruthas who date non-black women), I see myself
liking him as we have been hanging out as "friends" (no sex) since last
summer. Would it be wrong of me to pursue him?? In my world he is a
"baller" based on his own income alone he is official (7-figure range - he
is a partner at private equity place he works), but he downplays it (he is
very humble), he says all the time he isn't rich.
He took me to an Obama fund raiser at a private home in the Palo Alto area
late last year and it was $7,500/head, the CEO of his firm introduced him
as being the son of such and such to Obama, and Mr. President looked at his
dad and said "you taught him well". He, I and his folks sat at the same
table. The only weird thing was his mum (who is white) said, I'd like for
my sons to marry black women...she has 4 sons. 2 unmarried & 2 daughters
married to white men, both married boys, married sistas (they are stank,
they believe they are white, they are also mixed, esp when his mum calls
them black women. but that's for a different day).
I am soooooo confused, I don't even know if he likes me, or if I like him
only cos of all the perks BUT I already kicked the dude who I used to mess
with to the curb (I knew I wasn't gonna marry his cheap ass). I haven't
asked him for any sorta financial anything, but I rec'd a wonderful xmas
gift, so I treated him to a nice home cooked meal after we got back from
Hawaii + an expensive tie, which he really appreciated. Do I even try to
pursue anything, will it be messy, considering I'm not friends with his ex
anymore and its been like 7 yrs since they broke up. He is so sweet, easy
and honest, but its easy to be those things when u are just friends. I
also know he still talks to his ex (my old friend every now & again). He
also confirmed that they (he & his ex) have been intimate at least a few
times a year the past 3 yrs. She is hoping they get back together, he
won't admit it that she now wants him back, but I am hearing things in the
hood. I also hear he is not tryna go there with her but he'll slay her.
I need major help. If its ok, do I just turn the sexy up or try to seduce
him?? How do I go about it?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Collete on -
@ Honeycoated...I really don't give an F what people will say if it works out long term. Cos Lord knows before we ran into each other at the airport, he hadn't crossed my mind since I heard she had her baby, in almost 7 yrs. He says he CANT ever be with her other than the sex, BUT there was a point they didnt f*** for a couple years, and but he is like her insurance in my eyes that is where she runs when she needs someone to pick her up....He has told her we see from time to time but not the full details cos he doesn't want her talking s*** about me to him, and he likes that i dont talk anything about her or the things that were going on behind his back, way back then....BUT surprisingly, he knows about things that happened cos she told him a lot of stuff in tryna make him re-up with her, but when he said no...she satrted behaving badly again that was around thxgiving last year. According to him she is a petulant female and he is not her toy.
Honeycoated said:I agree with Marissa and Love is a Losing Game....
I would continue to be his friend and network with people he knows that can further my career or look for another baller to date that he knows. I'd go to the events with him and mingle. If you guys did get together in a relationship, I agree it could get ugly because no matter what you say, people will ALWAYS think you wanted him all along. she knows he still wants her so she would turn up the charm times 10 to make him leave you, not because she wants him, but just because she knows she can. If she lied and said she would change those ways that he doesnt like, he would definately be with her.
I was in a situation where a guy I was messing with has someone, but our sexual chemistry was so off the chain, I was a constant temptaion for him. We would mess around, then stop and be cool with each other, talk on the phone, etc, but eventually we both knew we would mess around again and we did.
I would leave this one alone or really try to see if he would make the first move.
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Permalink Reply by marissa taylor on -
Collete ... girl we can only help u based on our opinions ... i am really trying to help u ...i really feel u want this man to like u and really from the way he sounds ...who wouldn't want a baller ... but Collete honey ... A sleeping mask couldn't be his problem he is stuck with it ... wether he gets married or got a girl ... it's here to stay ...i take it ... that this is something that helps him ....Girl i slept in bed 's with past ex's a they snore up a storm ... but that never stops a man from making the attempt to get close to the goods... if a man wants to cuddle up with u he will despite a sleeping mask ... i think he likes you as a friend and he doesnt want to get too close and too deep ....he trying not send the wrong message ... the flirting i believe u are getting is the regular ... i am man and your a woman so i flirt with no meaning ... i have guy friends that flirt with me all the time and it goes no where ... its a part of the opposite sex communication ... nothing special ...Collete i feel he doesnt want to hurt u ...if he invited u into his bed....it may make him sleep with u... because he has needs but after that... he may feel nothing and he doesn't want to hurt u that way ... cause he realize you are a respectable woman ....Believe us girls ... BE HIS FRIEND...if he likes u he will make his move ... hanging around him you should reap the benefits for the future ... but dont put in your mind that there could be a you and him ... just let it happen ... if its meant
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Permalink Reply by McKenna Hylton on
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+1
Skytz0100 said:Girl you better turn that sexy up and throw your line out before someone else snatches him up! And when you use the word "slay" what do you mean? But this sounds like the ONE, get him before i figure out who you are and go looking for him myself, LMAO!
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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on -
I can see why you're confused. I would continue to be friends with him and just see where he takes it. There are some good men who like to be friends with a woman before trying anything. Like someone said, he could be confused and unsure of what way to take it since you were his ex- friends back then. Just enjoy the moments you have with him. OAN: he could be gay. but i think all men are gay until proven straight. 37, no kids, no nothing...hmmmm. Good Luck, sounds like a GREAT catch though...shyyt, this may be one I would rape and have his baby
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Permalink Reply by Collete on
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@ marissa....when we were in Hawaii, I was still seeing pokie from da hood, so no groove woulda happened cos i would have behaved exactly like his ex....he actually said i could invite pokie if i wanted, but u know hood dudes they'll act up so i told pokie i was going outta town with my gf's. Can't i like my friend? how da hell did i get caught up like this...i am 33, i should be able to read a man...
marissa taylor said:i agree a 100 % on stay in the circle and let him introduce to a baller friend ... that is the best way to go ... its much easier to land a baller when it doesnt have this much drama ...plus if u went to hawaii (paradise) and stella didnt get her grove backlol... i would say lost cause ... if u feel there something there ... i say keep the distance ... if he wants u he will chase ... Be his friend .
Love is a Losing Game said:The worst thing you could do is f this man. He likes you as a friend. He respects you as a woman. Those are two very good things. He thinks highly of you. Please understand that he is not interested in a relationship with you. The fact that he introduces you as her friend AND he is still sexing her is the proof that he is still thinking about her, prob every day. And did u say he keeps u in the guest room?? Girl no! Continue to cook for him, go to places he invites you to and buy him small thank u trinkets. It will be valuable in the long run when he introduces you to one of his baller friends. Lastly, DO NOT continue to ask him about her or anybody else he is slaying, lol! It shows your feelings and he will be through wit you if he catches that vibe from you. BE HIS FRIEND! And I think u liked him too like Smitty said. Even when u tried to deny what she said, u went right back to why u quite being her friend over him:-) lmao! Listen to these ladies!!!
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Permalink Reply by Collete on
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@ marissa, the thing is he is soooo humble....and he says all the time that the money is to provide the best opportunity for those you care about the most....he doesnt judge me or where i come from....he makes fun of me being a great aunt @ 33 sometimes tho...my 36 yo brother is a grandparent lol....i have mad family s***, and he doesnt seem to care, esp how straight his family is, but he also lets me know that all that looks peachy on the outside isnt all rosey, when i complain bout why isnt my life perfect like his and his family's.
marissa taylor said:i agree a 100 % on stay in the circle and let him introduce to a baller friend ... that is the best way to go ... its much easier to land a baller when it doesnt have this much drama ...plus if u went to hawaii (paradise) and stella didnt get her grove backlol... i would say lost cause ... if u feel there something there ... i say keep the distance ... if he wants u he will chase ... Be his friend .
Love is a Losing Game said:The worst thing you could do is f this man. He likes you as a friend. He respects you as a woman. Those are two very good things. He thinks highly of you. Please understand that he is not interested in a relationship with you. The fact that he introduces you as her friend AND he is still sexing her is the proof that he is still thinking about her, prob every day. And did u say he keeps u in the guest room?? Girl no! Continue to cook for him, go to places he invites you to and buy him small thank u trinkets. It will be valuable in the long run when he introduces you to one of his baller friends. Lastly, DO NOT continue to ask him about her or anybody else he is slaying, lol! It shows your feelings and he will be through wit you if he catches that vibe from you. BE HIS FRIEND! And I think u liked him too like Smitty said. Even when u tried to deny what she said, u went right back to why u quite being her friend over him:-) lmao! Listen to these ladies!!!
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Permalink Reply by Honeycoated on
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giiiiiirl, back away slowly. Just reading this stuff, I can tell you just swoon over this guy.
But I dont like sleeping with snor-ers uuuuggggh! I hate it! I will get up and sleep in the other room myself because I have to sleep in complete silence. I have a friend that slept with the mask because he has sleep apnea. i slept in the next room.
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The next time you two hang out ride with him and on the ride back just ask him. Wait until you're like 5 minutes from your door and ask in a very casual way him if he's ever considered taking things further with you. This way no matter what his answer is you have a fast escape and there's no time for an awkward pause.
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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on
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I see you's a hard-headed one. Let him make a move. Don't expect it tho! And I think its messy for him to tell ur ex friend that the two of you are communicating. Ms. U can might be on to something, he may be gay. Be his friend and get a baller friend of his. Don't force it with him
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Permalink Reply by Collete on
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@mckenna....i LOVE THIS IDEA....LOL
McKenna Hylton said:The next time you two hang out ride with him and on the ride back just ask him. Wait until you're like 5 minutes from your door and ask in a very casual way him if he's ever considered taking things further with you. This way no matter what his answer is you have a fast escape and there's no time for an awkward pause.
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Permalink Reply by marissa taylor on
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collete just a tip from me ... stop complaining about the family issues ... sometimes we all need someone to talk to ... but if you really like this guy it will put u in the friend zone ...we all have problems... me too ... most of us have something ghetto about our family ...but u know the type of women that are married into his family and like you say they act white .... means no ghettoism ...u cant change who u are or where u come from ... but u dont want to remind him always... he sees u as a respectable woman and that what u want him to never forget...Most corp ballers i know... don't talk to black women ... based on bussiness presentation ... if they do talk to a black women it mostly the ones that are super proper ... they love a woman they believe can work a room at events and different functions ... so keep in mind you are ... that strong respectable black woman... now the whole invite to hawaii with the past bf .... doesnt sound good ... it almost sounds like he doesn't care ... look at it this way collete would u invite a man u had interest in to come to hawaii with gf ...to be around your family ... i wouldn't hell no ... i might invite u to a dinner ... but i would never let my family meet your bf if i had plans to persue you in the future ... that would make the family go ....what the hell ..... not a good look for rich folks ....trust me girl ... just dont take it too serious.. have fun as his friends... enjoy the perks ... ballers and ballers hang ..... if we are wrong he will chase you ... but girl let him chase you ... dont jump on him ... bad advice ... that will make u look thristy ... and u trying to give off that michelle obama swag lol ... strong black women
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Permalink Reply by Collete on
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@ms.ucannevagetenuff....lol....no he isn't gay, he likes women...so do we judge cos u are a man of a certain age with no kids? but i hear you alll......and thanks a bunch...i'll just be his friend
MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! said:I can see why you're confused. I would continue to be friends with him and just see where he takes it. There are some good men who like to be friends with a woman before trying anything. Like someone said, he could be confused and unsure of what way to take it since you were his ex- friends back then. Just enjoy the moments you have with him. OAN: he could be gay. but i think all men are gay until proven straight. 37, no kids, no nothing...hmmmm. Good Luck, sounds like a GREAT catch though...shyyt, this may be one I would rape and have his baby
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