Ok. I've been a lurker.  Friends in my head ala Wendy Williams.  My
situation is a mess.   I apologize for the length of this, but I am going
to provide a lot of background for completeness (lol).  Please go easy on
me lol.

So prob around 2001 my "good/best" friend at the time was dating this dude,
she met at a club in the bay area. At that time he had just graduated from
Cal (Berkley) and working at a regional investment bank in SF.  My homegirl
and I were in community college, didn't really understand anything we were
bout 21/22 and he was  24/25.  Needless to say they ended up dating for
about 5+yrs.  Thru out the entire time they were dating, she kept on saying
how good a dude he was and how much he loved, respected and encouraged her.
While he made decent money maybe about $90k with bonuses back then, so he
definitely treated her to nice things etc.  Before she met him meanwhile
she didn't have a passport.  However, all thru the relationship she'd be
out in the club meeting dudes & slaying (she was ho basically) who were not
doing nothing with their lives outside of just hanging on the block.  This
is part of the reason she and I fell out (at first, I thought she was going
thru a phase, but it was guy after guy, after guy), because I tried to tell
her that if u say u have a good dude why mess it up with these oakland
dudes that aint bout a dang thing, I even said here I am tryna meet a half
way decent dude & u r treating one like s***.  Long story short she and I
stopped being friends cos she said I was judgmental & jealous this was
around 2004.  In 2005, I hear thru the grapevine she is preggers, and I
figured it was by this her dude, come to find out it was by someone else &
all the while she had been ducking her "first" man.  He finds out and they
break up she becomes some dudes 4th baby mama.  And this dude she has the
baby for don't even give a rats ass about her & her kid.  She basically
fell for the 'ole okie doke "hood rich" with the nice car & 3 baby mamas
and the car of course to pick up birds like my ex-friend.  Same hood-rat
story as everyone else.

Fast forward to summer 2011 - I run into my ex-friend's ex-dude who she
played at the airport in SF, turned out we were going to the same city for
work SF-Denver-Cleveland.  We end up exchanging numbers and he bumps me up
to 1st class using his miles, so we could "catch-up" on the flights to
cleveland.  Come to find out now he works for a company (private equity)
and he is "major" there.  Apparently, when he was in college at Cal, most
of his family was on the East Coast, and his dad was a VERY big deal at a
Global Bank (he was very humble).  I did some research about his dad
recently, and when he retired from the (his dad I'm talking about now) Bank
he left with a "NINE-FIGURE" over $100MM package and this is right on the
internet.  His dad went to harvard law school and clerked for a US Supreme
Court Justice.  I am learning about mainstream America.  Sorry, but I am
just "CiCi" from Oakland.  All this is new to me, & I am impressed.  I have
also done the "PJ" (private jet - Vista Jet) with him & his family to
Hawaii for the week of xmas & new year.  They have a beautiful home there.

Now dude is mixed (his mum is white), and even though I don't date
lite-skin bruthas (or bruthas who date non-black women), I see myself
liking him as we have been hanging out as "friends" (no sex) since last
summer.  Would it be wrong of me to pursue him?? In my world he is a
"baller" based on his own income alone he is official (7-figure range - he
is a partner at private equity place he works), but he downplays it (he is
very humble), he says all the time he isn't rich.

He took me to an Obama fund raiser at a private home in the Palo Alto area
late last year and it was $7,500/head, the CEO of his firm introduced him
as being the son of such and such to Obama, and Mr. President looked at his
dad and said "you taught him well".  He, I and his folks sat at the same
table.  The only weird thing was his mum (who is white) said, I'd like for
my sons to marry black women...she has 4 sons.  2 unmarried & 2 daughters
married to white men, both married boys, married sistas (they are stank,
they believe they are white, they are also mixed, esp when his mum calls
them black women.  but that's for a different day).

I am soooooo confused, I don't even know if he likes me, or if I like him
only cos of all the perks BUT I already kicked the dude who I used to mess
with to the curb (I knew I wasn't gonna marry his cheap ass). I haven't
asked him for any sorta financial anything, but I rec'd a wonderful xmas
gift, so I treated him to a nice home cooked meal after we got back from
Hawaii + an expensive tie, which he really appreciated.  Do I even try to
pursue anything, will it be messy, considering I'm not friends with his ex
anymore and its been like 7 yrs since they broke up.  He is so sweet, easy
and honest, but its easy to be those things when u are just friends.  I
also know he still talks to his ex (my old friend every now & again).  He
also confirmed that they (he & his ex) have been intimate at least a few
times a year the past 3 yrs.  She is hoping they get back together, he
won't admit it that she now wants him back, but I am hearing things in the
hood.  I also hear he is not tryna go there with her but he'll slay her.

I need major help.  If its ok, do I just turn the sexy up or try to seduce
him?? How do I go about it?

Views: 3266

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

marissa...thanks lady...i love this site PERIOD!

marissa taylor said:

collete just a tip from me ... stop complaining about the family issues ... sometimes we all need someone to talk to ... but if you really like this guy it will put u in the friend zone ...we all have problems... me too ... most of us have something ghetto about our family ...but u know the type of women that are married into his family and like you say they act white .... means no ghettoism ...u cant change who u are or where u come from ... but u dont want to remind him always... he sees u as a respectable woman and that what u want him to never forget...Most corp ballers i know... don't talk to black women ... based on bussiness presentation ... if they do talk to a black women it mostly the ones that are super proper ... they love a woman they believe can work a room at events and different functions ... so keep in mind you are ... that strong respectable black woman... now the whole invite to hawaii with the past bf .... doesnt sound good ... it almost sounds like he doesn't care ... look at it this way collete would u invite a man u had interest in to come to hawaii with gf ...to be around your family ... i wouldn't hell no ... i might invite u to a dinner ... but i would never let my family meet your bf if i had plans to persue you in the future ... that would make the family go ....what the hell ..... not a good look for rich folks ....trust me girl ... just dont take it too serious.. have fun as his friends... enjoy the perks ... ballers and ballers hang ..... if we are wrong he will chase you ... but girl let him chase you ... dont jump on him ... bad advice ... that will make u look thristy ... and u trying to give off that michelle obama swag lol ... strong black women

welcome

I guess what I dont understand is how women judge their so called best friend's PERSONAL relationship with her man to the point where it ends the friendship.  Unless she is asking me to lie for her, fight him for her, or it's costing me some money, it aint my business.  I'll remind her that she wont miss her water until her well runs dry and then I'm done with it.  If they break up because of her actions.....oh well.  Now my friend is single friend, so what...


Collete said:

@ smitty....no i actually hadn't wanted him back then, or better yet i didnt think about it then.  our friendship ended 'cos i wasn't with that ho s***...yeah its cute to meet dudes in the club and exchange numbers when u r single even sex some of 'em...but not when u have a dude that is trying and you can blatantly (even ur friends & mama can see that he is trying) see it.  That was trifling, and i felt like if I didnt let her know how I felt, I wouldn't have been a good friend.  so i said what i had to say and she nodded in agreement in my face and told other people i was jealous of her & a bunch of other s***.  He and I are just friends at this point, and i asked him about it (he still sexing her), and he said seriously it difficult for him when it comes to her especially cos she is only girl he has ever considered marrying.  Its not like they sex every day, but according to him its easy there isnt any attachments other friendship with her @ least from his perspective if she says no he doesnt feel hurt and if he says no she doesnt feel hurt they just continue on....He feels like he is comfortable with her but wont/cant trust her with anything important...so my comeback is BUT u sex her, and he says yeah but he wear a rubber and its been proven that they are pretty effective when used correctly

BA ladies give great advice.

Good luck Collette. You are actually at an advantage. I would personally remain his friend, enjoy the perks and familiarize myself with his surroundings and people. You will likely snag yourself a baller. If he is really into you, he will step up when it counts the most...right before someone else does. Sometimes, esp men with wealth, prefer to be friends first (and know more about the person and how they react in every situation), this might be his tactic. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. Everything will fall into place if it is suppose too.. Stop analyzing things too much (I'm guilty of this and have missed out on several opportunities).

+1000

Love is a Losing Game said:

I see you's a hard-headed one. Let him make a move. Don't expect it tho! And I think its messy for him to tell ur ex friend that the two of you are communicating. Ms. U can might be on to something, he may be gay. Be his friend and get a baller friend of his. Don't force it with him

Soooo how old are his two brothers??? :)

Girl, please stop thinking too much into everything and go with the flow!!!!  You will talk yourself out of a great thing.  Don't try too hard and be yourself, and if it's meant to be it will.  Use this opportunity to meet people and network you never what connections you can make.  And if you ever need a wing woman for one of his rich friends feel free to hit me up! JK

Collete said:

@ Maya, yeah kinda...its an unwritten rul you don't mess with someone ur "friend" messed with...so now that are not friends, is it any different?  I am not so sure it is.  

 

@ Skytz lol..."slay" is the same thing as f***, but just how we say it where we grew up...basically just jumping every d*** in the hood.....I believe NY people say it too...

 

@ Just Me...I have tried...for example when I bought him the tie for xmas it cost me $200 he said that it was nice, and he wore it to the office the first work day of the new year, but told me not to go out an buy anymore ferragamo ties because everyone knows that not what ferragamo is known for, but he appreciates me trying.....I have also taken him out to dinner and he said to me he doesn't expect me to take him to the same exact type of places he takes me because in his words "I am not oblivious to the differences in our economics" ..... that actually hurt, but he said to me even if what I had in mind/could afford comfortably was a burger place (as long as I was paying that was compliment enought) he will be grateful & thats the way he approaches things with people close to him...and a lot of women don't understand that about men.  maybe the fact that he is super humble with money is what attracts me even more....I have also been out with them where they called out one of their male friends for haven't not brought out his wallet in the past 4 months.  needless to say that guy picked up the tab that night and it was almost $6K but there were 8 people at dinner plus the hotel bar/lounge we went afterwards...so I know its important that i pull some of my own weight....I am a wreck.....I keep analyzing and i over analyze...when he is away for work overseas and i call, he always asks me to hang up that he'll call me back and he always does, and his reason is he'd pick up that cost so I dont have to.

 

 

He actually has 3 brothers.  2 of whom are married with kids and live in Atlanta and DC respectively.  He has a younger (unmarried) brother who is turning 34 in August who shuttles between London and NYC.  The married ones are 39 & 31 respectively and they have been married for 13 and 5 yrs respectively. 

Phoenix said:

Soooo how old are his two brothers??? :)

@ Smitty, I understand what you mean, but like I said it wasn't solely because of her dealings with him we stopped being friends....the nightclub and ho scene wasn't just for me after a certain point.  Yeah her accusing me of jealously was part of it, but she talked other s*** to our friends as well....so we just slowly drifted apart, as we were chasing different things....she wanted the life of a baller's girl/entertainment industry/in the club every night life and i wanted something different...and now its been years and we have almost nothing in common except that we grew up together, and that

University of Smitty said:

I guess what I dont understand is how women judge their so called best friend's PERSONAL relationship with her man to the point where it ends the friendship.  Unless she is asking me to lie for her, fight him for her, or it's costing me some money, it aint my business.  I'll remind her that she wont miss her water until her well runs dry and then I'm done with it.  If they break up because of her actions.....oh well.  Now my friend is single friend, so what...


Collete said:

@ smitty....no i actually hadn't wanted him back then, or better yet i didnt think about it then.  our friendship ended 'cos i wasn't with that ho s***...yeah its cute to meet dudes in the club and exchange numbers when u r single even sex some of 'em...but not when u have a dude that is trying and you can blatantly (even ur friends & mama can see that he is trying) see it.  That was trifling, and i felt like if I didnt let her know how I felt, I wouldn't have been a good friend.  so i said what i had to say and she nodded in agreement in my face and told other people i was jealous of her & a bunch of other s***.  He and I are just friends at this point, and i asked him about it (he still sexing her), and he said seriously it difficult for him when it comes to her especially cos she is only girl he has ever considered marrying.  Its not like they sex every day, but according to him its easy there isnt any attachments other friendship with her @ least from his perspective if she says no he doesnt feel hurt and if he says no she doesnt feel hurt they just continue on....He feels like he is comfortable with her but wont/cant trust her with anything important...so my comeback is BUT u sex her, and he says yeah but he wear a rubber and its been proven that they are pretty effective when used correctly

Raymond J McGuire 
Gurl, you've done good so far. I must say reading this has made me step my game up a notch... Gurl... You beta get yours.!!!

Girl, you have him already and don't realize it! I would definitely lock him down now. He seems like a keeper.

And he has brothers, can you hook a sister up? I'm lightskinned (mixed with everything but white). LOL :)

Reply to Discussion

RSS

ADVERTISEMENT

Connect


BallerBoards

Whats up with this guy?

Started by Cleopatra Jones in Talk Ish. Last reply by Moving In Silence 7 hours ago. 1 Reply

He's a 40-smth year old White agriculture baller, I think we can talk millions here. He reached out to me through.. a certain website; we spent a night in the hotel once, he got really interested in…Continue

"Silent Night" by Rich Homie Quan

Started by RubyWoo in Talk Ish. Last reply by Formally Known as Ginger 7 hours ago. 3 Replies

For your listening pleasure...Continue

Entrepreneurship

Started by SoLuscious in Talk Ish. Last reply by SoLuscious 11 hours ago. 88 Replies

For as long as i can remember, ive always disliked working for others. Throughout my life (including now) ive also been on an entrepreneurial journey, trying ALL types of businesses and working on…Continue

Tags: retirement, early, hustle, side, entrepreneur

Giveaway

Started by Isabella in Talk Ish 12 hours ago. 0 Replies

DoneContinue

Latest Activity

Peachkyss posted a blog post
1 hour ago
Peachkyss's blog post was featured
1 hour ago
Marlissa commented on Eleven8's blog post Contest: Win The Ultimate Baller Alert Holiday Gift Basket
"Done"
1 hour ago
Eleven8's 6 blog posts were featured
1 hour ago
Eleven8 posted blog posts
1 hour ago
Kaye updated their profile
1 hour ago
Kaye commented on Eleven8's blog post Contest: Win The Ultimate Baller Alert Holiday Gift Basket
"DONE"
1 hour ago
♥Mahogany-Jay♥ commented on Eleven8's blog post Contest: Win The Ultimate Baller Alert Holiday Gift Basket
"Done"
2 hours ago
Ariana Mccrae commented on Eleven8's blog post Contest: Win The Ultimate Baller Alert Holiday Gift Basket
"DONE"
2 hours ago
Jazzy Neal updated their profile
2 hours ago
Keisha A commented on Eleven8's blog post Contest: Win The Ultimate Baller Alert Holiday Gift Basket
"Done"
3 hours ago
Nicole commented on Eleven8's blog post Groupie Tales - "Young Thug Is Gonna Get Me Out The Strip Club"
"I thought the same thing @butterfly"
3 hours ago

© 2014   Created by Baller Alert.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

Offline

Live Video