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I am so confused......
Ok. I've been a lurker. Friends in my head ala Wendy Williams. My
situation is a mess. I apologize for the length of this, but I am going
to provide a lot of background for completeness (lol). Please go easy on
me lol.
So prob around 2001 my "good/best" friend at the time was dating this dude,
she met at a club in the bay area. At that time he had just graduated from
Cal (Berkley) and working at a regional investment bank in SF. My homegirl
and I were in community college, didn't really understand anything we were
bout 21/22 and he was 24/25. Needless to say they ended up dating for
about 5+yrs. Thru out the entire time they were dating, she kept on saying
how good a dude he was and how much he loved, respected and encouraged her.
While he made decent money maybe about $90k with bonuses back then, so he
definitely treated her to nice things etc. Before she met him meanwhile
she didn't have a passport. However, all thru the relationship she'd be
out in the club meeting dudes & slaying (she was ho basically) who were not
doing nothing with their lives outside of just hanging on the block. This
is part of the reason she and I fell out (at first, I thought she was going
thru a phase, but it was guy after guy, after guy), because I tried to tell
her that if u say u have a good dude why mess it up with these oakland
dudes that aint bout a dang thing, I even said here I am tryna meet a half
way decent dude & u r treating one like s***. Long story short she and I
stopped being friends cos she said I was judgmental & jealous this was
around 2004. In 2005, I hear thru the grapevine she is preggers, and I
figured it was by this her dude, come to find out it was by someone else &
all the while she had been ducking her "first" man. He finds out and they
break up she becomes some dudes 4th baby mama. And this dude she has the
baby for don't even give a rats ass about her & her kid. She basically
fell for the 'ole okie doke "hood rich" with the nice car & 3 baby mamas
and the car of course to pick up birds like my ex-friend. Same hood-rat
story as everyone else.
Fast forward to summer 2011 - I run into my ex-friend's ex-dude who she
played at the airport in SF, turned out we were going to the same city for
work SF-Denver-Cleveland. We end up exchanging numbers and he bumps me up
to 1st class using his miles, so we could "catch-up" on the flights to
cleveland. Come to find out now he works for a company (private equity)
and he is "major" there. Apparently, when he was in college at Cal, most
of his family was on the East Coast, and his dad was a VERY big deal at a
Global Bank (he was very humble). I did some research about his dad
recently, and when he retired from the (his dad I'm talking about now) Bank
he left with a "NINE-FIGURE" over $100MM package and this is right on the
internet. His dad went to harvard law school and clerked for a US Supreme
Court Justice. I am learning about mainstream America. Sorry, but I am
just "CiCi" from Oakland. All this is new to me, & I am impressed. I have
also done the "PJ" (private jet - Vista Jet) with him & his family to
Hawaii for the week of xmas & new year. They have a beautiful home there.
Now dude is mixed (his mum is white), and even though I don't date
lite-skin bruthas (or bruthas who date non-black women), I see myself
liking him as we have been hanging out as "friends" (no sex) since last
summer. Would it be wrong of me to pursue him?? In my world he is a
"baller" based on his own income alone he is official (7-figure range - he
is a partner at private equity place he works), but he downplays it (he is
very humble), he says all the time he isn't rich.
He took me to an Obama fund raiser at a private home in the Palo Alto area
late last year and it was $7,500/head, the CEO of his firm introduced him
as being the son of such and such to Obama, and Mr. President looked at his
dad and said "you taught him well". He, I and his folks sat at the same
table. The only weird thing was his mum (who is white) said, I'd like for
my sons to marry black women...she has 4 sons. 2 unmarried & 2 daughters
married to white men, both married boys, married sistas (they are stank,
they believe they are white, they are also mixed, esp when his mum calls
them black women. but that's for a different day).
I am soooooo confused, I don't even know if he likes me, or if I like him
only cos of all the perks BUT I already kicked the dude who I used to mess
with to the curb (I knew I wasn't gonna marry his cheap ass). I haven't
asked him for any sorta financial anything, but I rec'd a wonderful xmas
gift, so I treated him to a nice home cooked meal after we got back from
Hawaii + an expensive tie, which he really appreciated. Do I even try to
pursue anything, will it be messy, considering I'm not friends with his ex
anymore and its been like 7 yrs since they broke up. He is so sweet, easy
and honest, but its easy to be those things when u are just friends. I
also know he still talks to his ex (my old friend every now & again). He
also confirmed that they (he & his ex) have been intimate at least a few
times a year the past 3 yrs. She is hoping they get back together, he
won't admit it that she now wants him back, but I am hearing things in the
hood. I also hear he is not tryna go there with her but he'll slay her.
I need major help. If its ok, do I just turn the sexy up or try to seduce
him?? How do I go about it?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Skytz0100 on -
This isn't true I know some dudes who had hoes and left the hoe for good women, yeah they are few and far between but there are some people out here still practicing good common sense so go for what YOU know not what anybody else says. In the end it's your choice!
BabyBallerCheeks said:What she said...
I hate to say this but, he will f*** you to make her upset (like she did to him when she got pregnant). He knows you are a great choice but if it comes down to a good girl and a whore, the whore wins every time; especially if she's a educated, beautiful whore. Never forget that.
Love is a Losing Game said:@collete, I'm just gon say men LOVE hoes. He still smashing her, he told her about u, he won't sleep wit u, and the signs are all there. This is the perfect storm leading up to their marriage. Lbvs!!! I think u are in denial. Don't try to pursue nothin with him. This is about to be a bunch of drama. Just get one of his equally rich friends and sit down. :-)
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Permalink Reply by Honeycoated on
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I agree with BabyBallerCheeks and Love Is A Losing Game. Just like "nice guys" complain about being picked over for a thug and how women talk about how they love thugs. (some) Men love whores. There's something about the neck rolling attitude, the smell of Flamin' Hots and Weed, $20 for the whole outfit wardrobe, and how they "get down" in the bedroom.
And for him to tell your ex friend that you guys talk and go out occasionally is messy.
BabyBallerCheeks said:What she said...
I hate to say this but, he will f*** you to make her upset (like she did to him when she got pregnant). He knows you are a great choice but if it comes down to a good girl and a whore, the whore wins every time; especially if she's a educated, beautiful whore. Never forget that.
Love is a Losing Game said:@collete, I'm just gon say men LOVE hoes. He still smashing her, he told her about u, he won't sleep wit u, and the signs are all there. This is the perfect storm leading up to their marriage. Lbvs!!! I think u are in denial. Don't try to pursue nothin with him. This is about to be a bunch of drama. Just get one of his equally rich friends and sit down. :-)
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Permalink Reply by SoLuscious on
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go for it!
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Permalink Reply by Collete on -
@BabyBaller, he says he can't ever go back to her but f****** her is fair game for him. apparently because she chose dude over him and did him dirty in the process (hurts his ego in my view) and since she had to do all that, thats the person she really wants, and why would he ever consider wifing her (his family would prob disown him), and dude him to walk away from her while carrying his child means obviously she aint shiiit...i thought that was funny, but men rationalize things differently from us. He found her first, so as long as he isnt involved he'll smash her.
BabyBallerCheeks said:What she said...
I hate to say this but, he will f*** you to make her upset (like she did to him when she got pregnant). He knows you are a great choice but if it comes down to a good girl and a whore, the whore wins every time; especially if she's a educated, beautiful whore. Never forget that.
Love is a Losing Game said:@collete, I'm just gon say men LOVE hoes. He still smashing her, he told her about u, he won't sleep wit u, and the signs are all there. This is the perfect storm leading up to their marriage. Lbvs!!! I think u are in denial. Don't try to pursue nothin with him. This is about to be a bunch of drama. Just get one of his equally rich friends and sit down. :-)
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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on -
ditto
ATown SouthernGal said:So you are flying private jets, vacationing in Hawaii & attending social events that can change your life & your are still worried about the hood? Girl, get it together.
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Permalink Reply by Still Pretty V on -
Go for it!! Just make sure its for the right reasons on both parts!! Its not like ur goin to lose a friend or something ...lol
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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on
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TO the corner! -------------------> lmao
Honeycoated said:I agree with BabyBallerCheeks and Love Is A Losing Game. Just like "nice guys" complain about being picked over for a thug and how women talk about how they love thugs. (some) Men love whores. There's something about the neck rolling attitude, the smell of Flamin' Hots and Weed, $20 for the whole outfit wardrobe, and how they "get down" in the bedroom.
And for him to tell your ex friend that you guys talk and go out occasionally is messy.
BabyBallerCheeks said:What she said...
I hate to say this but, he will f*** you to make her upset (like she did to him when she got pregnant). He knows you are a great choice but if it comes down to a good girl and a whore, the whore wins every time; especially if she's a educated, beautiful whore. Never forget that.
Love is a Losing Game said:@collete, I'm just gon say men LOVE hoes. He still smashing her, he told her about u, he won't sleep wit u, and the signs are all there. This is the perfect storm leading up to their marriage. Lbvs!!! I think u are in denial. Don't try to pursue nothin with him. This is about to be a bunch of drama. Just get one of his equally rich friends and sit down. :-)
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Two Snaps!
BabyBallerCheeks said:What she said...
I hate to say this but, he will f*** you to make her upset (like she did to him when she got pregnant). He knows you are a great choice but if it comes down to a good girl and a whore, the whore wins every time; especially if she's a educated, beautiful whore. Never forget that.
Love is a Losing Game said:@collete, I'm just gon say men LOVE hoes. He still smashing her, he told her about u, he won't sleep wit u, and the signs are all there. This is the perfect storm leading up to their marriage. Lbvs!!! I think u are in denial. Don't try to pursue nothin with him. This is about to be a bunch of drama. Just get one of his equally rich friends and sit down. :-)
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Collete, girl, I'ma say it: you are HATIN on your ex friend! This MUST be one BAAAADDDDD BISH! IF his family made one fuss about who HE decided to marry, they would be a DONE DEAL! Anytime a person or people dislike a union for any reason, it BECOMES stronger! That is why I told u to never ask him about her again, and never show your feelings to/for him. You gon keep this ish up, and they gon be married in NO time. Men, and im'a put this in bold for you and others, DO NOT CARE ABOUT WHO YOU WERE, WHAT YOU HAD OR DIDN'T HAVE, WHERE YOU BEEN, WHO YOU BEEN WITH, WHY YOU WERE WITH THEM, HOW LONG YOU WERE WITH THEM, IF YOU ARE A GOLD DIGGER, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, IF YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM, IF THEY WANT YOU! Nothing matters to them, as long as they got you. He is f***** her BECAUSE HE WANTS TO. Please get over him, and get focused on the real business at hand! You are in an amazing position, yet you are stuck ON YOUR EX BEST FRIENDS EX MAN!!!!!
Collete said:@BabyBaller, he says he can't ever go back to her but f****** her is fair game for him. apparently because she chose dude over him and did him dirty in the process (hurts his ego in my view) and since she had to do all that, thats the person she really wants, and why would he ever consider wifing her (his family would prob disown him), and dude him to walk away from her while carrying his child means obviously she aint shiiit...i thought that was funny, but men rationalize things differently from us. He found her first, so as long as he isnt involved he'll smash her.
BabyBallerCheeks said:What she said...
I hate to say this but, he will f*** you to make her upset (like she did to him when she got pregnant). He knows you are a great choice but if it comes down to a good girl and a whore, the whore wins every time; especially if she's a educated, beautiful whore. Never forget that.
Love is a Losing Game said:@collete, I'm just gon say men LOVE hoes. He still smashing her, he told her about u, he won't sleep wit u, and the signs are all there. This is the perfect storm leading up to their marriage. Lbvs!!! I think u are in denial. Don't try to pursue nothin with him. This is about to be a bunch of drama. Just get one of his equally rich friends and sit down. :-)
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Permalink Reply by Collete on
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@ Love, I have enjoyed reading all your posts, however, we are all here for constructive criticism, BUT you can't give constructive criticism if you dont read and comprehend the entire post. See i don't understand why when I say thats how "HE" rationalizes things makes me a hater or where I say he shouldn't be with her cos she had a kid....those are his personal beliefs and ego tripping which i mention in my post. Also please read the entire thread that precipitated the post/response, and put it in context.
I would have rather you read and then ask follow up questions if things are unclear (then the writer hasn't done a good job) instead of bolding me Hatin, because again we can't give each other constructive feedback if we don't fully understand what that person is tryna convey.
Does it bother me that he still messes with her sure it does (maybe a bit more so cos I want something romantic with him), would it bother bother me if this were a girlfriend of mine still dealing with a dude that did them dirty sure it would.
Love is a Losing Game said:Collete, girl, I'ma say it: you are HATIN on your ex friend! This MUST be one BAAAADDDDD BISH! IF his family made one fuss about who HE decided to marry, they would be a DONE DEAL! Anytime a person or people dislike a union for any reason, it BECOMES stronger! That is why I told u to never ask him about her again, and never show your feelings to/for him. You gon keep this ish up, and they gon be married in NO time. Men, and im'a put this in bold for you and others, DO NOT CARE ABOUT WHO YOU WERE, WHAT YOU HAD OR DIDN'T HAVE, WHERE YOU BEEN, WHO YOU BEEN WITH, WHY YOU WERE WITH THEM, HOW LONG YOU WERE WITH THEM, IF YOU ARE A GOLD DIGGER, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, IF YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM, IF THEY WANT YOU! Nothing matters to them, as long as they got you. He is f***** her BECAUSE HE WANTS TO. Please get over him, and get focused on the real business at hand! You are in an amazing position, yet you are stuck ON YOUR EX BEST FRIENDS EX MAN!!!!!
Collete said:@BabyBaller, he says he can't ever go back to her but f****** her is fair game for him. apparently because she chose dude over him and did him dirty in the process (hurts his ego in my view) and since she had to do all that, thats the person she really wants, and why would he ever consider wifing her (his family would prob disown him), and dude him to walk away from her while carrying his child means obviously she aint shiiit...i thought that was funny, but men rationalize things differently from us. He found her first, so as long as he isnt involved he'll smash her.
BabyBallerCheeks said:What she said...
I hate to say this but, he will f*** you to make her upset (like she did to him when she got pregnant). He knows you are a great choice but if it comes down to a good girl and a whore, the whore wins every time; especially if she's a educated, beautiful whore. Never forget that.
Love is a Losing Game said:@collete, I'm just gon say men LOVE hoes. He still smashing her, he told her about u, he won't sleep wit u, and the signs are all there. This is the perfect storm leading up to their marriage. Lbvs!!! I think u are in denial. Don't try to pursue nothin with him. This is about to be a bunch of drama. Just get one of his equally rich friends and sit down. :-)
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Permalink Reply by MissBling on -
I think you should enjoy what he has to offer but make yourself available. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him because he will probably still be smashing the ex. You don't want to get caught up in the crossfire between those two. I think he is using you to get under her skin. I'm sure in her mind, you hanging with him now validates her feeling as though you were "hating" and just jealous of her back in the day. When you go places with him be sure to socialize and mingle with other men. Take advantage of the elite circles you are being placed in.
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Sorry Collete, my comprehension must have been off. However, I agree 100% with Bling. I don't see why you are still wanting to be in a relationship with him. And it does seem like you wanted this a long time ago. And since you two were best friends, you prob have a lot in common, so you may wanna think about why she let such a good catch go, AND why she is NOT dying to be back with him. Lastly, girl, and I am not trying to offend you, but imo, you are making yourself look bad.....i dont wanna say desperate or thirsty, but to me, like you just dont get it, or can't take a hint. I don't think this man is for you. Please stay his FRIEND and take advantage of his connections he doesn't mind bring you in on.
Collete said:@ Love, I have enjoyed reading all your posts, however, we are all here for constructive criticism, BUT you can't give constructive criticism if you dont read and comprehend the entire post. See i don't understand why when I say thats how "HE" rationalizes things makes me a hater or where I say he shouldn't be with her cos she had a kid....those are his personal beliefs and ego tripping which i mention in my post. Also please read the entire thread that precipitated the post/response, and put it in context.
I would have rather you read and then ask follow up questions if things are unclear (then the writer hasn't done a good job) instead of bolding me Hatin, because again we can't give each other constructive feedback if we don't fully understand what that person is tryna convey.
Does it bother me that he still messes with her sure it does (maybe a bit more so cos I want something romantic with him), would it bother bother me if this were a girlfriend of mine still dealing with a dude that did them dirty sure it would.
Love is a Losing Game said:Collete, girl, I'ma say it: you are HATIN on your ex friend! This MUST be one BAAAADDDDD BISH! IF his family made one fuss about who HE decided to marry, they would be a DONE DEAL! Anytime a person or people dislike a union for any reason, it BECOMES stronger! That is why I told u to never ask him about her again, and never show your feelings to/for him. You gon keep this ish up, and they gon be married in NO time. Men, and im'a put this in bold for you and others, DO NOT CARE ABOUT WHO YOU WERE, WHAT YOU HAD OR DIDN'T HAVE, WHERE YOU BEEN, WHO YOU BEEN WITH, WHY YOU WERE WITH THEM, HOW LONG YOU WERE WITH THEM, IF YOU ARE A GOLD DIGGER, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, IF YOU ARE A SINGLE MOM, IF THEY WANT YOU! Nothing matters to them, as long as they got you. He is f***** her BECAUSE HE WANTS TO. Please get over him, and get focused on the real business at hand! You are in an amazing position, yet you are stuck ON YOUR EX BEST FRIENDS EX MAN!!!!!
Collete said:@BabyBaller, he says he can't ever go back to her but f****** her is fair game for him. apparently because she chose dude over him and did him dirty in the process (hurts his ego in my view) and since she had to do all that, thats the person she really wants, and why would he ever consider wifing her (his family would prob disown him), and dude him to walk away from her while carrying his child means obviously she aint shiiit...i thought that was funny, but men rationalize things differently from us. He found her first, so as long as he isnt involved he'll smash her.
BabyBallerCheeks said:What she said...
I hate to say this but, he will f*** you to make her upset (like she did to him when she got pregnant). He knows you are a great choice but if it comes down to a good girl and a whore, the whore wins every time; especially if she's a educated, beautiful whore. Never forget that.
Love is a Losing Game said:@collete, I'm just gon say men LOVE hoes. He still smashing her, he told her about u, he won't sleep wit u, and the signs are all there. This is the perfect storm leading up to their marriage. Lbvs!!! I think u are in denial. Don't try to pursue nothin with him. This is about to be a bunch of drama. Just get one of his equally rich friends and sit down. :-)
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