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I Think I Should Drop It
Ok, so I told yall about the Nerd. We went on our first date like almost a year ago, and after I few dates, I thought he'd be a good person to get to know, so I started "getting to know him." In my post about Dating, I explained how he had gotten mad that I considered us as "friends, who are getting to know each other." I explained to him that I did not want to be in a relationship right now, but I enjoyed getting to know him. I told him that he should be seeing other people, as I was, and to not wait on me to decide to get into a relationship. He said when he liked a person, he could never talk to or take other girls out on dates, so he would not see other girls until I let him know that I was completely uninterested in being with him. I mentioned to you all that he works with me, and I was skeptical about embarking on a relationship with him, because if things didn't work out, I did not want drama at work.
So anyway, through getting to know him for the past year, I have learned the following things about him, all of which have given me major pause:
- He's 34 and has had sex 3 times with one person
- He lost his virginity at 21-22
- He has not had sex in the last 10 years
- He said he has waited because he had to get over his first and that has just recently happened in the last year
- He said he would be "devastated" if we broke up
- He makes voices, like cartoon voices and lives to play video games
- He was raised by his grandparents and harbors great resentment toward his mom
- He and his sister talk major ish about people on FB-like people will spead their tax check on jordans, or women love a Tyrone that will use her but don't want a good man like him, black folk dont invest in life insurance(but he has NO benefits through his job) -just negative ish about people and their situations like they are better than everybody.
- One time he went OFF on me, tellin me I wasnt worth this and that and I had issues.
- He has a problem with me spending time with my family
- He wants to spend ALL OF his time with me outside of work
- He tries to 'buy" me into a relationship, then gets mad (guilt trips) if I don't accept the gift or the relationship he wants to have RIGHT NOW
I like him, I guess. I have fun with him and sometimes I enjoy his company. However, I do not want to be in a relationship right now, with ANYONE. I just want to be free to do as I please and not have to think about how someone else feels or what they want. I do want to get married and have kids in the future, both things I think can be accomplished with him, but I know if I commit to a "relationship " with him, he will be SERIOUS and hell, I might be married in a year or so and a mama in 3. I I feel that he's cool and I can "grow to love him," BUT I really don't want to. I want a regular dude, not some socially unadjusted guy that his super emotional.
The lack of sex thing is a major indicator that he has emotional issues to me, and I don't not want to be responsible for hurting him should we not work out. I mean if we try a relationship and don't work out or get married and don't work out. I don't wanna be responsible for his feelings, because they are fragile. He said his last girl broke up with him 10 years ago because he was clingy and he says he hasnt found another woman that he wanted to be with since then.
I have been racking my brain as to what to do with him. I like him, and I think my feelings could grow, but I can't say that I love him on first sight, ya know? I'm not ready for a relationship, but I feel if he can be my friend, we can ease into it. I also, don't want to let a good man go, and I kinda think that is what I am doing, for the fact that I am not ready for a relationship. I know there are plenty of men in the sea tho
What do you guys think about this?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Sw33tNeSS on -
This!!!
Yes I'm growing and learning!!!!
Siren said:Re-read what you wrote... this iwhere we as women get into trouble the red flags are all over this post. Love is not forced like this. If he is "going off on you" now what willhappen when you are his woman. find a way to end this nicely now or things sound like they could get messy.
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Permalink Reply by DdoubleD on -
I am over here dtfo. I really think he is crazy, he’s the kinda guy that shoots up the office because you don’t wanna be with him. I think you need to bow out gracefully!
Also, you can’t make babies with someone who’s crazy. That s*** is genetic and I know you don’t wanna have kids who walk around making cartoon voices and who grow up to become 40 year old virgins!
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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on -
@LIALG, if you took the time to write this you already know you have to end this. Too many cons and not enough pros. The one about his mother is a major NO NO. The way he talks to you are signs of mental abuse and that is not a way to be in a relationship.
I want a regular dude, not some socially unadjusted guy that his super emotional.>>>you can't fix this. Find someone else just to 'hang' with.
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Permalink Reply by Creative Bee on -
Girl, you already know lol
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Permalink Reply by Honeycoated on
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Girl! You just listed the red flags yourself! But Siren did a great job of reiterating(sp) them.
Love is a Losing Game said:@siren, can u list a few red flags? I have mine, but I just wanna see if I am on point with them. And yea, I think if he doing all this as friends, my life would be hell in a relationship with him. The selfish me was thinking to get with him, marry him, have kids, then divorce it. I'm SO TIRED OF FOLK TELLIN me I need to get married and have kids. I don't wanna take just any old thing, plus I don't want kids right this second. Maybe when I am 33
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+1
OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:@LIALG, if you took the time to write this you already know you have to end this. Too many cons and not enough pros. The one about his mother is a major NO NO. The way he talks to you are signs of mental abuse and that is not a way to be in a relationship.
I want a regular dude, not some socially unadjusted guy that his super emotional.>>>you can't fix this. Find someone else just to 'hang' with.
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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on
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Good Girl!!
Sw33tNeSS said:This!!!
Yes I'm growing and learning!!!!
Siren said:Re-read what you wrote... this iwhere we as women get into trouble the red flags are all over this post. Love is not forced like this. If he is "going off on you" now what willhappen when you are his woman. find a way to end this nicely now or things sound like they could get messy.
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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on
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LMAO
Creative Bee said:Girl, you already know lol
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Permalink Reply by Bonita on -
this guy is crazy and you should probably do some soul searching as to why you would like someone like this
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Permalink Reply by DdoubleD on
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Crazy men are attracted to me too, I had to put my foot down and STOP giving them the time of day.
Bonita said:this guy is crazy and you should probably do some soul searching as to why you would like someone like this
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Permalink Reply by TheLadyJosephine on -
RRRRRUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Student Beauty on -
He needs a practice girlfriend. He is too immature.
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