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I Think I Should Drop It
Ok, so I told yall about the Nerd. We went on our first date like almost a year ago, and after I few dates, I thought he'd be a good person to get to know, so I started "getting to know him." In my post about Dating, I explained how he had gotten mad that I considered us as "friends, who are getting to know each other." I explained to him that I did not want to be in a relationship right now, but I enjoyed getting to know him. I told him that he should be seeing other people, as I was, and to not wait on me to decide to get into a relationship. He said when he liked a person, he could never talk to or take other girls out on dates, so he would not see other girls until I let him know that I was completely uninterested in being with him. I mentioned to you all that he works with me, and I was skeptical about embarking on a relationship with him, because if things didn't work out, I did not want drama at work.
So anyway, through getting to know him for the past year, I have learned the following things about him, all of which have given me major pause:
- He's 34 and has had sex 3 times with one person
- He lost his virginity at 21-22
- He has not had sex in the last 10 years
- He said he has waited because he had to get over his first and that has just recently happened in the last year
- He said he would be "devastated" if we broke up
- He makes voices, like cartoon voices and lives to play video games
- He was raised by his grandparents and harbors great resentment toward his mom
- He and his sister talk major ish about people on FB-like people will spead their tax check on jordans, or women love a Tyrone that will use her but don't want a good man like him, black folk dont invest in life insurance(but he has NO benefits through his job) -just negative ish about people and their situations like they are better than everybody.
- One time he went OFF on me, tellin me I wasnt worth this and that and I had issues.
- He has a problem with me spending time with my family
- He wants to spend ALL OF his time with me outside of work
- He tries to 'buy" me into a relationship, then gets mad (guilt trips) if I don't accept the gift or the relationship he wants to have RIGHT NOW
I like him, I guess. I have fun with him and sometimes I enjoy his company. However, I do not want to be in a relationship right now, with ANYONE. I just want to be free to do as I please and not have to think about how someone else feels or what they want. I do want to get married and have kids in the future, both things I think can be accomplished with him, but I know if I commit to a "relationship " with him, he will be SERIOUS and hell, I might be married in a year or so and a mama in 3. I I feel that he's cool and I can "grow to love him," BUT I really don't want to. I want a regular dude, not some socially unadjusted guy that his super emotional.
The lack of sex thing is a major indicator that he has emotional issues to me, and I don't not want to be responsible for hurting him should we not work out. I mean if we try a relationship and don't work out or get married and don't work out. I don't wanna be responsible for his feelings, because they are fragile. He said his last girl broke up with him 10 years ago because he was clingy and he says he hasnt found another woman that he wanted to be with since then.
I have been racking my brain as to what to do with him. I like him, and I think my feelings could grow, but I can't say that I love him on first sight, ya know? I'm not ready for a relationship, but I feel if he can be my friend, we can ease into it. I also, don't want to let a good man go, and I kinda think that is what I am doing, for the fact that I am not ready for a relationship. I know there are plenty of men in the sea tho
What do you guys think about this?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on
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L!M!A!O! lol yall are funny! I wanted to respond to yall earlier on my phone, but it is trippin, and I am just gettn home for the day. Anyway, I been knowing that I should have never given him my number. Today, he came into my office talking some more of that "we in a relationship" talk, and after his "we need to talk" session this weekend, I had had enough! LMAO! @ Tone, His mom is still alive, he hates her and ne goin ham on FB. She is like some militant welfare chick who thinks he is an uncle tom and she be talkin s*** about him cuz he is gettin an education, so he says....im tryna remember what yall wrote, Dominique, this is my first crazy dude. lol and I don't want no more. The crazy thing is all the folk from work say I should give him a chance, cuz "he is a good guy", lol! @ who ever posted the gif, LMAO! and yes, he is. @SB, He does need a practice girlfriend. This guy at work said "he just need you to get him right", I was thinking NO the hell he don't! lol...I can't remember no body else. Thanks yall! It's a done BUN, oh and to the person who said I need to do some soul searching, yea, it's true. I guess I was just being too nice, and it went too far, and @ Spicey, yea, LMAO, I know. @ lady Josephine, my friend said to get my track shoes out and RRRRUUUUNNN as well! Thanks for the laughs yall AND the advice! LMAO
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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on -
LMAO, dust off those Jordans and don't forget to stretch b4 you run. hahaha
Love is a Losing Game said:L!M!A!O! lol yall are funny! I wanted to respond to yall earlier on my phone, but it is trippin, and I am just gettn home for the day. Anyway, I been knowing that I should have never given him my number. Today, he came into my office talking some more of that "we in a relationship" talk, and after his "we need to talk" session this weekend, I had had enough! LMAO! @ Tone, His mom is still alive, he hates her and ne goin ham on FB. She is like some militant welfare chick who thinks he is an uncle tom and she be talkin s*** about him cuz he is gettin an education, so he says....im tryna remember what yall wrote, Dominique, this is my first crazy dude. lol and I don't want no more. The crazy thing is all the folk from work say I should give him a chance, cuz "he is a good guy", lol! @ who ever posted the gif, LMAO! and yes, he is. @SB, He does need a practice girlfriend. This guy at work said "he just need you to get him right", I was thinking NO the hell he don't! lol...I can't remember no body else. Thanks yall! It's a done BUN, oh and to the person who said I need to do some soul searching, yea, it's true. I guess I was just being too nice, and it went too far, and @ Spicey, yea, LMAO, I know. @ lady Josephine, my friend said to get my track shoes out and RRRRUUUUNNN as well! Thanks for the laughs yall AND the advice! LMAO
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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on -
Sorry I missed all the fun yesterday. Glad you came to your senses. Just wanted to add, there was no girlfriend. He may have imagined a relationship with some other woman like he has imagined one with you. When you start to date someone else, you'll be cheating on him too. You'll be girlfriend # 2 to everyone who he talks to afterward.
And your coworkers ain't shyt for trying to set you up with that loon! lol They know he's crazy but they hoping to push that crazy off on you so he won't shoot up the office one day.
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Permalink Reply by mavsbabe41 on -
Damn, I'm trying my hardest not to LOL in class. You guys are telling her the truth, though. Please, run the hell AWAY from him and do whatever it is that you have to do to ignore his ass at work. I regret going on a "date" dislike the fact that I met up with a coworker one afternoon. Dude is a stalker and annoying as hell now! =/ Coworkers are coworkers for a reason! ;)
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Permalink Reply by Tracy on -
I haven't read through all of the comments, but what is it you think you like about him???
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Lol CC u silly
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:Sorry I missed all the fun yesterday. Glad you came to your senses. Just wanted to add, there was no girlfriend. He may have imagined a relationship with some other woman like he has imagined one with you. When you start to date someone else, you'll be cheating on him too. You'll be girlfriend # 2 to everyone who he talks to afterward.
And your coworkers ain't shyt for trying to set you up with that loon! lol They know he's crazy but they hoping to push that crazy off on you so he won't shoot up the office one day.
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I guess he's funny sometimes......I thought I should try new things/men.....
Tracy said:I haven't read through all of the comments, but what is it you think you like about him???
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Thanks Siren. When he asked for that money back I KNEW I was dealing with an emotional being, lol
Siren said:I did not get married until "late" F*** PEOPLE do you and do it and be happy. Life i stressful enough you don't need to marry a ninja you don't really love and you deserved to be loved in a healthy way...This fool sounds obsessed. I will post the red flags below:
- He makes voices, like cartoon voices and lives to play videogames <==== Unless he is paid to do voice overs talking in cartoon voices is just STRANGE!
- He was raised by his grandparents and harbors great resentment toward his mom.<=== Men with mommy issues can soetimes be abusive especially if they do not deal with said issues.
- He and his sister talk major ish about people on FB-like people will spead their tax check on jordans, or women love a Tyrone that will use her but don't want a good man like him, black folk dont invest in life insurance(but he has NO benefits through his job) -just negative ish about people and their situations like they are better than everybody.<===== Delusions of granduer much... If he spent more time focused on what was important he would have a job with some benefits!
- One time he went OFF on me, tellin me I wasnt worth this and that and I had issues.<====Who the f*** is he to tell you what you are worth... he sounds like he will be emotionally and possibly physically abusive.
- He has a problem with me spending time with my family<====Abusive men like to isolate women from their support system. <==== get a damn hobby and a life... that is not healthy. No couple should spend ALL of their free time together. Only think I like smothered is chicken and burritos.
- He wants to spend ALL OF his time with me outside of work
- He tries to 'buy" me into a relationship, then gets mad (guilt trips) if I don't accept the gift or the relationship he wants to have RIGHT NOW<==== DANGER DANGER DANGER a man should not be guilting you for doing things he chooses to do!
All that sex s*** is weird to me too. I understand being a late bloomer and all but err ahh... The things above are all major red flags.
Love is a Losing Game said:@siren, can u list a few red flags? I have mine, but I just wanna see if I am on point with them. And yea, I think if he doing all this as friends, my life would be hell in a relationship with him. The selfish me was thinking to get with him, marry him, have kids, then divorce it. I'm SO TIRED OF FOLK TELLIN me I need to get married and have kids. I don't wanna take just any old thing, plus I don't want kids right this second. Maybe when I am 33
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Permalink Reply by Denise on -
Girl you may as well wrote in jagged red letters "HELP ME"........this sounds like a stalker waiting to happen.....you listed nothing positive or even normal for that matter for a 34 year old man. RUN!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Sunny Disposition on -
You should definitely follow your intuition. Those bells and whistles are ringing for a reason - to keep you safe & sane! I agree with your friend - RUN like Usain Bolt and don't look back!
OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:LMAO, dust off those Jordans and don't forget to stretch b4 you run. hahaha
Love is a Losing Game said:L!M!A!O! lol yall are funny! I wanted to respond to yall earlier on my phone, but it is trippin, and I am just gettn home for the day. Anyway, I been knowing that I should have never given him my number. Today, he came into my office talking some more of that "we in a relationship" talk, and after his "we need to talk" session this weekend, I had had enough! LMAO! @ Tone, His mom is still alive, he hates her and ne goin ham on FB. She is like some militant welfare chick who thinks he is an uncle tom and she be talkin s*** about him cuz he is gettin an education, so he says....im tryna remember what yall wrote, Dominique, this is my first crazy dude. lol and I don't want no more. The crazy thing is all the folk from work say I should give him a chance, cuz "he is a good guy", lol! @ who ever posted the gif, LMAO! and yes, he is. @SB, He does need a practice girlfriend. This guy at work said "he just need you to get him right", I was thinking NO the hell he don't! lol...I can't remember no body else. Thanks yall! It's a done BUN, oh and to the person who said I need to do some soul searching, yea, it's true. I guess I was just being too nice, and it went too far, and @ Spicey, yea, LMAO, I know. @ lady Josephine, my friend said to get my track shoes out and RRRRUUUUNNN as well! Thanks for the laughs yall AND the advice! LMAO
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