"I have heard comments from BM like " You look like you date white boys" before. I…"
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I Think I Should Drop It
Ok, so I told yall about the Nerd. We went on our first date like almost a year ago, and after I few dates, I thought he'd be a good person to get to know, so I started "getting to know him." In my post about Dating, I explained how he had gotten mad that I considered us as "friends, who are getting to know each other." I explained to him that I did not want to be in a relationship right now, but I enjoyed getting to know him. I told him that he should be seeing other people, as I was, and to not wait on me to decide to get into a relationship. He said when he liked a person, he could never talk to or take other girls out on dates, so he would not see other girls until I let him know that I was completely uninterested in being with him. I mentioned to you all that he works with me, and I was skeptical about embarking on a relationship with him, because if things didn't work out, I did not want drama at work.
So anyway, through getting to know him for the past year, I have learned the following things about him, all of which have given me major pause:
- He's 34 and has had sex 3 times with one person
- He lost his virginity at 21-22
- He has not had sex in the last 10 years
- He said he has waited because he had to get over his first and that has just recently happened in the last year
- He said he would be "devastated" if we broke up
- He makes voices, like cartoon voices and lives to play video games
- He was raised by his grandparents and harbors great resentment toward his mom
- He and his sister talk major ish about people on FB-like people will spead their tax check on jordans, or women love a Tyrone that will use her but don't want a good man like him, black folk dont invest in life insurance(but he has NO benefits through his job) -just negative ish about people and their situations like they are better than everybody.
- One time he went OFF on me, tellin me I wasnt worth this and that and I had issues.
- He has a problem with me spending time with my family
- He wants to spend ALL OF his time with me outside of work
- He tries to 'buy" me into a relationship, then gets mad (guilt trips) if I don't accept the gift or the relationship he wants to have RIGHT NOW
I like him, I guess. I have fun with him and sometimes I enjoy his company. However, I do not want to be in a relationship right now, with ANYONE. I just want to be free to do as I please and not have to think about how someone else feels or what they want. I do want to get married and have kids in the future, both things I think can be accomplished with him, but I know if I commit to a "relationship " with him, he will be SERIOUS and hell, I might be married in a year or so and a mama in 3. I I feel that he's cool and I can "grow to love him," BUT I really don't want to. I want a regular dude, not some socially unadjusted guy that his super emotional.
The lack of sex thing is a major indicator that he has emotional issues to me, and I don't not want to be responsible for hurting him should we not work out. I mean if we try a relationship and don't work out or get married and don't work out. I don't wanna be responsible for his feelings, because they are fragile. He said his last girl broke up with him 10 years ago because he was clingy and he says he hasnt found another woman that he wanted to be with since then.
I have been racking my brain as to what to do with him. I like him, and I think my feelings could grow, but I can't say that I love him on first sight, ya know? I'm not ready for a relationship, but I feel if he can be my friend, we can ease into it. I also, don't want to let a good man go, and I kinda think that is what I am doing, for the fact that I am not ready for a relationship. I know there are plenty of men in the sea tho
What do you guys think about this?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Siren on -
Re-read what you wrote... this iwhere we as women get into trouble the red flags are all over this post. Love is not forced like this. If he is "going off on you" now what willhappen when you are his woman. find a way to end this nicely now or things sound like they could get messy.
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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on
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Tone, I been asking him if he is a virgin. He keeps denying in but has told white lies like he had sex six years ago. When I did the math, it was eight years ago so I asked him about it. He then said it was actually ten years ago. He's not truthful about his past and life. I told him that during this time, I don't really feel like I have gotten to know him cuz he be white lying lol
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@siren, can u list a few red flags? I have mine, but I just wanna see if I am on point with them. And yea, I think if he doing all this as friends, my life would be hell in a relationship with him. The selfish me was thinking to get with him, marry him, have kids, then divorce it. I'm SO TIRED OF FOLK TELLIN me I need to get married and have kids. I don't wanna take just any old thing, plus I don't want kids right this second. Maybe when I am 33
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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on -
LMAO.....agreed. I mean who tells somebody that they had sex 3 times.......10 years ago??????? LOL This is the funniest sh*t i've heard all day
Tone said:I doubt he has ever had any p****
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Permalink Reply by Tone © on -
his story is not adding up so he only had sex with one woman and that was like 12 yrs ago so they had sex once and said he lets not do this anymore.
Love is a Losing Game said:Tone, I been asking him if he is a virgin. He keeps denying in but has told white lies like he had sex six years ago. When I did the math, it was eight years ago so I asked him about it. He then said it was actually ten years ago. He's not truthful about his past and life. I told him that during this time, I don't really feel like I have gotten to know him cuz he be white lying lol
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Smitty I been laughing. @tone, he said they did it three times over the two years they were together. He said she cheated on him. And he said she said he was too clingy, so that is why they began to seperate or she broke up wit him. I guess the cheating thing came at the end of the clingy behavior. He KEEPS saying he's not a virgin tho
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Permalink Reply by Sheli on -
This sounds like an episode of Criminal Minds or the prelude to a LifeTime movie. You don't want him so don't let him or anyone else opinions of where you should be in life force you to settle. You didn't sound of sure of anything about him except that you DON'T want to be with him, so don't be with him. He seems possessive and insecure.
OAN: This means he's going to kill your ass if you try to leave him --------> "He said he would be "devastated" if we broke up"
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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on -
Umm please run! If you married him your life is going to turn into a lifetime movie.
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Permalink Reply by Siren on
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I did not get married until "late" F*** PEOPLE do you and do it and be happy. Life i stressful enough you don't need to marry a ninja you don't really love and you deserved to be loved in a healthy way...This fool sounds obsessed. I will post the red flags below:
- He makes voices, like cartoon voices and lives to play videogames <==== Unless he is paid to do voice overs talking in cartoon voices is just STRANGE!
- He was raised by his grandparents and harbors great resentment toward his mom.<=== Men with mommy issues can soetimes be abusive especially if they do not deal with said issues.
- He and his sister talk major ish about people on FB-like people will spead their tax check on jordans, or women love a Tyrone that will use her but don't want a good man like him, black folk dont invest in life insurance(but he has NO benefits through his job) -just negative ish about people and their situations like they are better than everybody.<===== Delusions of granduer much... If he spent more time focused on what was important he would have a job with some benefits!
- One time he went OFF on me, tellin me I wasnt worth this and that and I had issues.<====Who the f*** is he to tell you what you are worth... he sounds like he will be emotionally and possibly physically abusive.
- He has a problem with me spending time with my family<====Abusive men like to isolate women from their support system. <==== get a damn hobby and a life... that is not healthy. No couple should spend ALL of their free time together. Only think I like smothered is chicken and burritos.
- He wants to spend ALL OF his time with me outside of work
- He tries to 'buy" me into a relationship, then gets mad (guilt trips) if I don't accept the gift or the relationship he wants to have RIGHT NOW<==== DANGER DANGER DANGER a man should not be guilting you for doing things he chooses to do!
All that sex s*** is weird to me too. I understand being a late bloomer and all but err ahh... The things above are all major red flags.
Love is a Losing Game said:@siren, can u list a few red flags? I have mine, but I just wanna see if I am on point with them. And yea, I think if he doing all this as friends, my life would be hell in a relationship with him. The selfish me was thinking to get with him, marry him, have kids, then divorce it. I'm SO TIRED OF FOLK TELLIN me I need to get married and have kids. I don't wanna take just any old thing, plus I don't want kids right this second. Maybe when I am 33
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Permalink Reply by Siren on
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Oh and if that didn't paint a picture i can't say it any clearer than DUDE IS CRAZY AND DERANGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Tone © on
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what happen with his mom is she still alive ?
Love is a Losing Game said:Smitty I been laughing. @tone, he said they did it three times over the two years they were together. He said she cheated on him. And he said she said he was too clingy, so that is why they began to seperate or she broke up wit him. I guess the cheating thing came at the end of the clingy behavior. He KEEPS saying he's not a virgin tho
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