Let A Man Be A Man; A(nother) Woman’s Perspective

Via http://bitchielife.necolebitchie.com

SHELI's thoughts: I read the other article posted on here BA (Why Won't Black Women Submit To Their Man?) and I disagreed w/ it so I chose to keep my thoughts to myself on that one :-)  (I commented on it on FB, but more is a joking way). Below is more along the lines of how I feel about women letting men be men, she didn't touch on the submission part but you can still get the point....a lot may will disagree, but exercise your mind and read it anyway :-)

Let A Man Be A Man; A Woman’s Perspective

by Sunni on Friday October 1st 2010

We received an email from a loyal reader of NecoleBitchie and BitchieLife so we decided to share it with the rest of you. This email is in
response to a recent article that was written by Dr. J called “Note To Women: Let A Man Be A Man“.

Hi Necole,

I love both of your blogs and frequent them often. I was reading Dr. J’s post (on Bitchie Life) on women letting men be men and I was prompted to respond offering a woman’s perspective. I actually reached out to Dr. J and shared my response with him. I was wondering if you would be okay with sharing my response to Dr. J with your readers.

Let me preface this with I am a wife, and I should note a former “independent woman”, who firmly believes her husband should be the head of the household. And he is. I did not grant his leadership. I did not “let” him be the leader. There was no discourse or power struggle. He became the leader. There are times when I ask him to do things multiple times or give him instructions on how things should be done around the house. There are even times when I pick up the tab and carry my own bags but at the end of the day my husband knows he’s a man and the leader.

Dr. Jay was so gracious to offer advice on how women should let their men be men. While we women are more than appreciative of your generosity to let us get a glimpse of the male psyche (and ego), I would like to pose this question-how can women let you be something you already are?

Here’s the thing; women don’t wave a magic wand and grant men permission to play their roles. Being a man, being a leader is a position assumed by virtue. Basically, if the shoe fits you will wear it. Because a woman gives specific instructions on thawing chicken or asks for something to be done multiple times in no way hinders a man from his role in the relationship. A true man would understand that sometimes being a leader means that you have to be willing to follow. This means that a man should be humble enough to take direction. A true man would not repeatedly give his woman the opportunity to ask him to do something more than once because he would handle it the first time. A true man would understand that women are by nature nurturing and maternal, therefore, are often neurotic about attention to detail regarding how things get done. And a true man would be secure in himself enough to understand these things and not feel emasculated. Now, I do understand that there are women who can be overbearing, undermining and disrespectful. This may make men feel like their role is being destabilized; however, this is not exclusive to men.  No one wants to be undermined or disrespected in their relationship; men and women a like.

If you want to feel like a man act like one. No one can let you be something you already are. Chances are if you feel your woman is too overbearing and you think she is not letting you be the man it is because you aren’t playing your role as you should. You probably aren’t stepping up to the plate. If you are stepping up and being a true man in your relationship yet your woman cannot respect your efforts-run-immediately. You don’t need that. Guys, there is no silver bullet to your masculinity. We’ll let you hold the remote, not ask for directions, watch football on Sundays uninterrupted and leave the toilet seat up. We want you to be the leader. We’ll let you be the man but it’s not up to us, it’s up to you. The ball is in your court.

Thank you,


SHELI's thoughts: I'm well aware that there are some women who are just bitter to the core and they constantly try to disrespect & humiliate their men, but not ALL women (especially black women) are like that. Letting a man be a man doesn't mean women have to become docile orifices who exist only to provide men with head, bread, and a warm bed. No man wants that and no woman wants to be that (hell I don't).  Yes sometimes women need to STFU, but more often men need to Speak The F-Up and say how they're feeling rather than being so dismissive.

Tags: damn, men, women

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i've been saying this. a lotta these dudes saying women wont let them be men are lashing out based on their own shortcomings. if you're really a man, you dont need someone's permission to let you be one, you are what you are right?
(STANDING OVATION) I co-sign every word - especially those in bold...lol
Thanks Sheli! Now this was well put and I DEFINITELY agree.
Preach..finally a well put together article which shines light on the subject without bashing the opposite sex
This is a perfectly written response, every couple should read not only her response but dr. j's letter also, to discuss and see where you land at in your relationship
first let me say women should let a man be a man, but the "let" in that phrase is not in the way u "let" a child play outside, its more one of self control, like dont attempt to hamper him from bein a man. women dont necessarily just fall in line because a man has assumed his role, quite the opposite a lot of women will instead challenge him on it, which is really really annoyin to say the very least. like i said ur not "letting" him be a man from an authoritative position. No man wants be with a women that is gonna attempt to challenge him for the "title" and or "role" of bein the man in the relationship. and no this does not mean that we want a woman just to sit their and take every single order like a lapdog, just dont attempt to stifle us in the man.
To All: I agree with all that she said; I just never understood how someone prevents you from being something that you are, that's like my white boyfriend not letting me be the black girl in the relationship (SN: I don't have a white boyfriend). But

@OG - I get what you said too. Some women are hell bent on showing the man that they're with, that they don't need them, they want them, and if it came down to it they could still function without the man (if that made sense).

@Spice - That was the line I used on my Ex when he told me to STHU, LOL
love it..love it...couldnt post comment on that blog but i sooo disagreed with that, no one should have to be submissive in a relationship, its not about making a man appear to be a man by being less of a woman. No one should have to appear to be less in a relationship.

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