Since men are coming out all willy nilly..what if your man told you he was molested as a child and/or adult. How would you handle it?

Tags: men, molested

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Chances are you have already dated someone that has been molested......the majority of these men do not become molesters.......



Ms Nishia said:
i know that is why i don't let just anybody in my inner circle

Ms. Smith said:
in that case.......if you know at least 4 women or 7 men, you know some could be child molesters
Ms Nishia said:
say wat u want but i wouldn't date someone who been molested for the simple fact that there is a chance that he would do to my children or my family children. I would however try to help him as a friend get the help he need but until i know for a fact that he won't do the same thing to mines i wouldn't continue to date him Seductress said:
Whoever said they would leave him is an insensitive cow, sorry. What if you got raped and he left you? Or you were sexually abused as a child and finally got the nerve to share with him and he left you? I admit I definitely would not know how to handle it but if I truly loved him I would try to help him as best as my ability.
I don't think I would leave someone because they shared with me that they were once molested. However I would have to re evaluate the relationship if he didn't have his emotions under control. Some men do not seek the counseling they need to come to terms with what has happened to them resulting in them being abusive, crazy, among other things.
trust & believe its usually the ones you don't expect... so like Mrs. Smith said, you more than likely already know some...

Ms Nishia said:
i know that is why i don't let just anybody in my inner circle
Ms. Smith said:
in that case.......if you know at least 4 women or 7 men, you know some could be child molesters Ms Nishia said:
say wat u want but i wouldn't date someone who been molested for the simple fact that there is a chance that he would do to my children or my family children. I would however try to help him as a friend get the help he need but until i know for a fact that he won't do the same thing to mines i wouldn't continue to date him Seductress said:
Whoever said they would leave him is an insensitive cow, sorry. What if you got raped and he left you? Or you were sexually abused as a child and finally got the nerve to share with him and he left you? I admit I definitely would not know how to handle it but if I truly loved him I would try to help him as best as my ability.
I believe that stat...anyway...the last guy i dated told him his FEMALE babysitter was messin with him....shyt shocked me but he was very nonchalant about it...like oh well...he became sexual active at an early age b/c of it.. but i did notice in the mist of our conversations he has like this underlining feeling about women..ya women do this and ya women do that. I think it had to do with that...and i have a guy friend told me that happened to him too. but yea i would stay with my guy...infact i would recommend a therapist...its so common it very scary...im afraid to have kids b/c of things like this


Jamal Black said:
Just want to point out that 90% of molestation occurs within the family.
This has happened to soooo many of us...men and woman. If it's something you'll talk about at length, you probably have some un-resolved issues. I think there would be other signs a potential molester would display that would be deal breakers. A friend of mine married a dude who was molested severely by a family member, she said that he'd go into these deep depressions...she said while they dated, for two or three years, that it wasn't that bad but literally right after they got married he never was able to consummate their marriage and told her he couldn't do it. He married someone else shortly after tho, go figure. The molesters I do know have issues and anyone who doesn't see it imo is just not a very aware person. Yeah, one of my mothers best friends sons' and a great uncle of mine, these were people I always avoided like the plague growing up before I knew what they were.
As far a man who's been to jail or prison...you gotta be comfortable with that s*** first.
To leave someone who was a victim of something like this is pretty insensitive to me but hey at least you're being honest. That's why many never tell.
ii know some family members and co workers who have been molested before and all of them have un-resolved issues. Some of my family tried to do the same thing to others that was done to them. The rest turned out to hated women/men,crazy, or unable to have sex period. I just dont think I would be able to deal with the stress.

Savoir Faire said:
This has happened to soooo many of us...men and woman. If it's something you'll talk about at length, you probably have some un-resolved issues. I think there would be other signs a potential molester would display that would be deal breakers. A friend of mine married a dude who was molested severely by a family member, she said that he'd go into these deep depressions...she said while they dated, for two or three years, that it wasn't that bad but literally right after they got married he never was able to consummate their marriage and told her he couldn't do it. He married someone else shortly after tho, go figure. The molesters I do know have issues and anyone who doesn't see it imo is just not a very aware person. Yeah, one of my mothers best friends sons' and a great uncle of mine, these were people I always avoided like the plague growing up before I knew what they were. As far a man who's been to jail or prison...you gotta be comfortable with that s*** first.
To leave someone who was a victim of something like this is pretty insensitive to me but hey at least you're being honest. That's why many never tell.
I dated one and found out from snooping through his emails. He and ex girlfriend went to counseling b/c of his issues. She left b/c he was screwed up. I was leaving b/c he was screwed up. Couldn't waste my time. If a guy feels violated and never let's it go and therapy couldn't solve then he's NOT worth it.
Amen

Jamal Black said:
I happen to know a person really well that this happened to, and I can assure you they did not ask for it to happen to them.
Its your choice to not be romantically involved with a man who had such a horrible life changing experience, but to say a person like this is "messed up" or that they are "NOT worth it" indicates to me that you lack compassion, and that your heart is as black as charcoal.

You know, it could have easily been you, and even as a grown woman, it could still happen to you (i.e, rape, date rape) so would you want other people looking at you as "messed up" or "not worth it" simply because somebody else chose to make sexual advances at you without your permission?

Seesh, you did this man a FAVOR by leaving him, women like you are the type that finds the nearest exit a soon as the going gets tough.

And nobody ever "lets go" of molestation.



Joreather Google Me said:
I dated one and found out from snooping through his emails. He and ex girlfriend went to counseling b/c of his issues. She left b/c he was screwed up. I was leaving b/c he was screwed up. Couldn't waste my time. If a guy feels violated and never let's it go and therapy couldn't solve then he's NOT worth it.

when a person doesn't get proper help from something as traumatic, is bipolar, family doesn't want to be bothered, have a vicious up and down cycle, move from state to state, move into new circles of friends b/c their homies don't want to be bother, and live way above their means ...and you have children and a life you need to take care of it's not worth it.
Only a few ppl ask to be abused. When all the signs are on the wall I wouldn't put myself in harms way nor would suggest that you do.We aren't talking about rape with are talking about molestation.

Let me rephrase, If it was someone that I cared for I would go with him to seek help.

JustMe said:
Amen

Jamal Black said:
I happen to know a person really well that this happened to, and I can assure you they did not ask for it to happen to them.
Its your choice to not be romantically involved with a man who had such a horrible life changing experience, but to say a person like this is "messed up" or that they are "NOT worth it" indicates to me that you lack compassion, and that your heart is as black as charcoal.

You know, it could have easily been you, and even as a grown woman, it could still happen to you (i.e, rape, date rape) so would you want other people looking at you as "messed up" or "not worth it" simply because somebody else chose to make sexual advances at you without your permission?

Seesh, you did this man a FAVOR by leaving him, women like you are the type that finds the nearest exit a soon as the going gets tough.

And nobody ever "lets go" of molestation.



Joreather Google Me said:
I dated one and found out from snooping through his emails. He and ex girlfriend went to counseling b/c of his issues. She left b/c he was screwed up. I was leaving b/c he was screwed up. Couldn't waste my time. If a guy feels violated and never let's it go and therapy couldn't solve then he's NOT worth it.
I was sexually abused by someone outside of my family. I've been fortunate to not have seen my abuser in about 8 years. If a man was abused by someone in their family, and did not tell their family. I'd have a problem with that person being near me or any children in their family. I've dated someone who was raped by his father, his mother never believed any of the kids, so they don't have a relationship with their parents. His sisters seemed okay, married with children. I know his older brother took it the hardest, and didn't want kids. It impacts people differently, if the man in question saught help, wanted to be with me, we'd work it out.
Speak on it Jamal!!

To Joreather...sounds like your ol dude just had other issues that POSSIBLY stemmed from his molestation. I agree with Ms. Smith, you might know someone or have even dated someone else who was molested but you wouldn't know. Like Ash Banks said, everybody handles it differently.
No one is perfect, trust someone has probably had compassion for you about something you may not even been be aware of...but it's good that you are honest enough with yourself about what you don't want.

Jamal Black said:
I happen to know a person really well that this happened to, and I can assure you they did not ask for it to happen to them.

Its your choice to not be romantically involved with a man who had such a horrible life changing experience, but to say a person like this is "messed up" or that they are "NOT worth it" indicates to me that you lack compassion, and that your heart is as black as charcoal.

You know, it could have easily been you, and even as a grown woman, it could still happen to you (i.e, rape, date rape) so would you want other people looking at you as "messed up" or "not worth it" simply because somebody else chose to make sexual advances at you without your permission?

Seesh, you did this man a FAVOR by leaving him, women like you are the type that finds the nearest exit a soon as the going gets tough.

And nobody ever "lets go" of molestation.



Joreather Google Me said:
I dated one and found out from snooping through his emails. He and ex girlfriend went to counseling b/c of his issues. She left b/c he was screwed up. I was leaving b/c he was screwed up. Couldn't waste my time. If a guy feels violated and never let's it go and therapy couldn't solve then he's NOT worth it.
Well said!

Jamal Black said:
I happen to know a person really well that this happened to, and I can assure you they did not ask for it to happen to them.
Its your choice to not be romantically involved with a man who had such a horrible life changing experience, but to say a person like this is "messed up" or that they are "NOT worth it" indicates to me that you lack compassion, and that your heart is as black as charcoal.

You know, it could have easily been you, and even as a grown woman, it could still happen to you (i.e, rape, date rape) so would you want other people looking at you as "messed up" or "not worth it" simply because somebody else chose to make sexual advances at you without your permission?

Seesh, you did this man a FAVOR by leaving him, women like you are the type that finds the nearest exit a soon as the going gets tough.

And nobody ever "lets go" of molestation.



Joreather Google Me said:
I dated one and found out from snooping through his emails. He and ex girlfriend went to counseling b/c of his issues. She left b/c he was screwed up. I was leaving b/c he was screwed up. Couldn't waste my time. If a guy feels violated and never let's it go and therapy couldn't solve then he's NOT worth it.

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