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Permalink Reply by Siren on March 31, 2010 at 4:32pm

Girl My mothers attempts to rewrite her mistakes out of history makes me cringe... I think she has been doing some things so long she is oblivious. I know that she loves me...it is just that she doen't know HOW to LOVE ME in a healthy way.

Cookie Pie said:

lol !!! You never know ...

Siren said:

Are you my sister? LOL

Cookie Pie said:

I just want to make it clear that , I love my mother and I enjoy her company . She has the biggest heart and will give me anything that is within her power . My problem with her is similar to Siren .... she is very controlling , everything has to be her way , and she thinks that I'm just a mini version of her ..... she doesn't see me as an individual .She would rather spend time with and nurture someone else than spend time with me ..... she has always been that way ..... I used to think it was because I was a mistake ans she didn't love me , but now I know that she just refuses to try and understand me . I disagree with mostly all of her views , simply because we are different people , but instead of her accepting me for who I am , she tries to force her point of view and we end up clashing HARD ! She will willfully tell a lie , then ask me if it's the truth .... when I say no ..... she will say " are you calling me a liar ? " , I never understood that part of her but I accept it . On top of all of that , she has power , so if she wants me to do something , she will make a few phone calls and force me into doing what she wants ! I have not and will not ever cut her off , but I keep my distance . I have learned from our mistakes , I not only love , but I respect my children as individuals , I nurture them and encourage them to be themselves . I love my mom but I may never understand her , sadly I don't think that is ever going to change .

Cougar $pice said:

Girl, in every generation it's there, can't escape it. Looking back when I saw how my mother interacted with my grandmother and how she interacts with us I see where she gets it from. I know better not to repeat that pattern.

Cookie Pie said:

It is such a shame that there are so many people going through the same thing ..... it really shouldn't be this way , but I guess that's life ..... sigh .......

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Permalink Reply by Ms. KissyFace on April 5, 2010 at 2:43am

I know how you feel. My mother stabbed me in the back so many times. She lied about me to others, tried to sabotage important things in my life. She was mentally and physically abusive. It was easier to be angry with her and to hate her than to feel the pain of her abusing me.

She died last year. It was hard. I still had that childish hope in me that once she had her own life together and finally moved into her dream home that we could finally have a good mother daughter relationship. But that didnt happen. My mother didnt use drugs like yours did so I don't understand what could be the reasons for her behaviour.

Now I am a mother and I would NEVER treat my daughter the way she did me. Somedays I remember the very few good times/things that she did and feel sad and cry other times I am filled with anger at some of the things she did to me (I was her punching bag out of her three children). She died just a few months after I moved to another state and decided to greatly reduce my contact with her.

Honor your mother and father doesnt mean put up with nonsense. Go to counselling maybe for yourself first and then with her. You can limit your contact with her to keep your sanity. The therapist will help you establishing a healthier relationship. I wish I could of been able to do that.

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Permalink Reply by Siren on April 5, 2010 at 7:47am

Sigh... Saturday I wsent put with my mother to do "wedding shopping" had a relatively good time and then yesterday things were shot to hell... I want to write more but don't want to strt crying on the train.....sigh. Ms Kissyface i can so relate to your story.

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Permalink Reply by Dr's Wife on April 5, 2010 at 9:47am

I am an expert on this subject, my mother/family and I have always had a bad relationship, she has never been on drugs but she has some undiagnoised mental issues that she will not seek treatment for. The things that she did and said to me as I was growing up has really bothered me and put a damper on my life. I don't take pictures becz I was told that I was ugly, I've never had a good relationship with a man, becz they always made me feel like they guy really didn't wanted to be with me, they played favorites between me and my cousins, she has called me every name in the book (b****, hoe, yellow mf) anything that you can think of, etc. I could write a book! For years I suffered from depression becz of the things she and other family members did to me, but i wrote all those b****** a letter and got it off my chest, and now I feel better. I love my mother and don't want anything bad to happen to her, but as a person I DO NOT LIKE HER!!! I stay away from her and I barely answer her calls. I don't go by the moto HONOR THY MOTHER AND FATHER. You have to treat family like you would friends/enemies, if they are bad for you, cut them off and keep going, you owe them nothing!! Family can and will mistreat you, bring you down, cause you pain, and have bad intentions for you!

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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on April 5, 2010 at 10:00am

**BIG HUGS**

Siren said:

Sigh... Saturday I wsent put with my mother to do "wedding shopping" had a relatively good time and then yesterday things were shot to hell... I want to write more but don't want to strt crying on the train.....sigh. Ms Kissyface i can so relate to your story.

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Permalink Reply by Ms. Ashley Banks on April 5, 2010 at 10:01am

That jealousy can be a b****h. My mother is trying to PUSH me to do things I don't want to do because I'm "young" single, and childless. Can I just live my life the way I want to, not do the things you couldn't do because you had me young?! I get sick of hearing, "If I was in your shoes at that age", you can do it anyway! I'm grown, out of the house, what's stopping you?!

smitty said:

dont feed into that. an older woman once told me that all mothers are jealous of their daughters to a certain degree. she said any mother that claimed otherwise was lying. When a woman sees their daughter is coming of age and doing things on her own, things they've never been able to do, they start reflecting and realizing that they are OLD and they're options are limited whereas baby girl's options are unlimited, it's natural to envy that. Some mothers are just mature enough to see the bigger picture while other's are not.



Phoenix Alexander said:

I brought the fact about her rentng up, because she has commented on it, How I think I'm better than she is because I own my own home. That is not the case at ll. I just think that she harbors resentment towards me because she missed out on a lot of life's milestones due to her drug usage.

smitty said:

why would her renting be an issue? so long as you dont pay her rent, dont worry about that. dont worry about any aspect of her life that doesnt directly hinder you. if you do, she wont be driving you crazy, you'll be driving yourself crazy
Phoenix Alexander said:

Everytime I have moved, ironically she moves within a few months, near me. Now that i have purchased a home, she lives 4 blocks from me. She is also still a renter , which I think is another issue between us.. the guy that I am in a relationship with keeps trying to convince me to move with him, he lives in another state.. that may be the only way to get rid of her.. Its gotten to the point that when I see her number on my caller id, i send it right to voicemail..

Starr said:

Girl, I feel you. I won't go into details about me and my mom, but you have to learn how to deal with her. You just have to know how long you can be around her, when to stay away, what NOT to tell her, what not to SHOW her, and what you can share together. It takes some time to master this, but it is the only way you can ever salvage a relationship with her. Will that cure the disfunction? Hell no, but it will help you keep your sanity.

If she is that bad, DROP her ass like a bad habit and maybe move to another state- or at least a few hours away.

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