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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on August 19, 2012 at 7:43am

They need to sit down and leave paternal grandma alone. Just too many variables to take into consideration (grandma's finances, availability,) she had her own life to live. It's up to her kids to plan social activities for the family to socialize.

Do they understand the relationship dynamics between mothers/sons or mothers/daugthers? How much kids see grandma/grandpa depends on the mothers most of the time. I'm more familiar with my mother's side of the family than my fathers. Where ever momma went we went, lol

It's too complex to give and answer that fits.

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Permalink Reply by C.J. on August 19, 2012 at 8:12am

Idk your Hrandmother but I have to assume she isn't rich. Buying for 12 Grandchildren is expensive especially when 1/2 leave out of state. Idk if your Uncles ever married these woman but I'm sure that should be considered as well.

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on August 19, 2012 at 8:35am

FTR--She grew up during the Great Depression and something about growing up during that time makes one a MASTER at finances. She's provided whole apartments to the cousins who CALLED and said they had no place to stay.  Did they pay the agreed upon rent??  NO.  Did she put them out???  NO.  Did they f**k the places up???  YES.  Apparently, those who NEVER CALLED took that as favoritism.  

 

As for the MD/MS dynamics.......I ALWAYS bring that up and they claim they understand but it's obvious that they dont. 
 
OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:

They need to sit down and leave paternal grandma alone. Just too many variables to take into consideration (grandma's finances, availability,) she had her own life to live. It's up to her kids to plan social activities for the family to socialize.

Do they understand the relationship dynamics between mothers/sons or mothers/daugthers? How much kids see grandma/grandpa depends on the mothers most of the time. I'm more familiar with my mother's side of the family than my fathers. Where ever momma went we went, lol

It's too complex to give and answer that fits.

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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on August 19, 2012 at 9:49am

I agree that it's not the grandparents responsibility to reach out to grandchildren, and that the parents should make sure their children get opportunities to know the grandparents. I also agree that girls bring the kids home and boys, not so much. I guess growing up in a single parent household, my brother made sure my mother spends time with his child and that the child knows her. My mother goes out of her way to buy things for the girl and tries to include the mother in all of our family activities. My older brother however, is considered somewhat of a deadbeat in my eyes. When the children were young he intentionally kept the kids from my mother and the one that he did not mess with AT ALL was the only one my mother was able to form a relationship with, and that was because his mother called my mom on holidays and allowed the boy to come to our house, even though my brother did not want him to visit. He is the only on of my brothers 5 kids that my mom "knows" and is always comfortable and welcome at our house. My sister's children live with my mother and sometimes my younger brother feels that there is favoritism shown to her daughter, the baby is only a month old. But I get it. Honestly, I feel that if a mom knows that her son is not involved in his children"s lives, she should make an extra effort to include the children, just so the kids can know the other side too, however, IT IS NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY. And I do agree, closed mouths do not get fed. If they don't reach out, then they shouldn't expect her to.  

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on August 19, 2012 at 10:13am

They married two of them that I know for sure.  One married for a HOT second and lived out of state.  For that hot second, he bought his wife and daughter with him every time he visited.  After the divorce, they never came back.  My grandmother seemed to always know what they were up to, but I dont know if she got the info from her son or the mother.

 

My other uncle divorced, too.  His ex-wife passed when his oldest was 17 and the youngest was about 10.  My uncle stayed with my GM at the time and she offered to take all 3 of them in (her motto is that she's not 'taking care' of anybody's child unless their mother is deceased).  They elected to stay with their maternal grandmother which was understandable. I guess the oldest feels that GM should have paid them child support or something.  His middle child is completely different.....she was a daddy's girl at heart so she always kept in touch. My grandmother helped her get into a training program and when she got a job in that field, GM loaned her the money to get her first car.   

 

I totally agree about the gifts being expensive.  Had she given 'gifts' to some and not others, that would have been favoritism.
 
C.J. said:

Idk your Hrandmother but I have to assume she isn't rich. Buying for 12 Grandchildren is expensive especially when 1/2 leave out of state. Idk if your Uncles ever married these woman but I'm sure that should be considered as well.

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Permalink Reply by Tone © on August 19, 2012 at 1:05pm

I grew up around my moms family they had money and my dads family is ghetto so i never really missed out on anything.

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Permalink Reply by blackfujones on August 19, 2012 at 1:45pm

i dont f*** with my grandmother...my late granddaddy i love. Me an my brother threw my dad out the house when i was 12 so she pretty much resented us since then.  She would accuse me and my brother of stealing food and other things when we were just trying to survive bc my mom was going threw a mental breakdown. So we robbed an stole essential things from people just to survive. So till this day she things me and my brother are thieves an plunderers.  I essentially made my peace with her 3 yrs. ago.  I basically love them enough to leave em alone.  My granddaddy was my homeboy tho.  After we threw my dad out the house he was 1 of my mentors.  Taught me how to use a gun, use a knife, make money, treat women, how to kill people with intellect an wit.  My negro...

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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on August 20, 2012 at 12:37pm

I think your cousins need to grow up and realize that since grams didn't lay down and make them then she didn't have to do anything else for them either. A child is the parents' responsibility unless the parent is unable to care for them, ie death, incarceration, dire illnesses, etc.

If they have a problem with how they were raised then they need to take all that noise to their sperm and egg donors.

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Permalink Reply by DdoubleD on August 20, 2012 at 1:21pm

My mother is the only girl out of 4 brothers.  I am my grandmothers favorite bc I am the closes with her.  I lived 12 hours away from my maternal grandmother, but she seen me more than my local cousins.  Between 12 to 19 years old I talked to my nana at least 7 times a week. 

 

I have some feelings toward my paternal grandmother.  She always gave my cousins everything and never gave me or my sister(my dads daughter anything).  We never needed for s*** bc our mothers held it down.  It was just crazy how growing up they're parents never worked and the kids had EVERYTHING! My sister is the only grandchild out 17 that has graduated from college and I will graduate too in the near futurw.  The rest of my cousins live out government assistance in the projects. 

 

Oh and my paternal great grandmother use to call me the white devil (although Im not white) my mom is mixed and my dad is black so I am more black then white.  But that crazy ass old woman was so mean. 

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on August 20, 2012 at 1:48pm

Did you spend any time with her growing up?  I got the impression that because my cousins spent so little time with her, if she said anything that wasnt praising them, they took offense and carried a grudge for the rest of their lives.

 

My sister is sorry as hell, too.  My mother or my grandmother end up buying my neices coats, boots, and shoes every year.  Have they every bought my daughter any???  No.  Do I care??????  No.....because I'm not sorry as hell and her father and I provide more than what she needs.  I dont want to see my neices go without and I dont want to take them anywhere looking raggedy.  I'm just glad somebody tries to take care of them so I dont have to. In situations like that, I think you have to look at the big picture. 
 
DdoubleD said:

My mother is the only girl out of 4 brothers.  I am my grandmothers favorite bc I am the closes with her.  I lived 12 hours away from my maternal grandmother, but she seen me more than my local cousins.  Between 12 to 19 years old I talked to my nana at least 7 times a week. 

 

I have some feelings toward my paternal grandmother.  She always gave my cousins everything and never gave me or my sister(my dads daughter anything).  We never needed for s*** bc our mothers held it down.  It was just crazy how growing up they're parents never worked and the kids had EVERYTHING! My sister is the only grandchild out 17 that has graduated from college and I will graduate too in the near futurw.  The rest of my cousins live out government assistance in the projects. 

 

Oh and my paternal great grandmother use to call me the white devil (although Im not white) my mom is mixed and my dad is black so I am more black then white.  But that crazy ass old woman was so mean. 

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Permalink Reply by DdoubleD on August 20, 2012 at 1:58pm

I spent very little time with her. I felt uncomfortable around that side of the family. Now she and I are a lot closer bc she only lives 3 hours from me and she is very sick. I am her only grandchild in the state. My family has sucked all the money out of her so now they don’t really have s*** to do with her.

My grandma was the ole school baller alert. She dated a married man and when he passed he left some beachfront property and some cash. She gave all her children and grandchildren who were 18+ 10K each. All grandchildren under 18 got 5K each. My sister, my dad, and me got nothing, I thought that was so messed up but it turns out that my dad declined our share so we can inherit her property so we can keep it in the family, instead of selling it like my other relatives would want to do..

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on August 20, 2012 at 2:08pm

That's exactly what I'm talking about........the BIG picture.  As kids, we think we know it all but we dont.  Some of my cousins are grandparents themselves.  They're too old to be thinking like kids.

 

...........oh, and there are 16 of us, my bad.
 
DdoubleD said:

I spent very little time with her. I felt uncomfortable around that side of the family. Now she and I are a lot closer bc she only lives 3 hours from me and she is very sick. I am her only grandchild in the state. My family has sucked all the money out of her so now they don’t really have s*** to do with her.

My grandma was the ole school baller alert. She dated a married man and when he passed he left some beachfront property and some cash. She gave all her children and grandchildren who were 18+ 10K each. All grandchildren under 18 got 5K each. My sister, my dad, and me got nothing, I thought that was so messed up but it turns out that my dad declined our share so we can inherit her property so we can keep it in the family, instead of selling it like my other relatives would want to do..

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