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Please tell me how to deal with Angry Black Man syndrome?
Ok so I have finally figured it out. So now I need some advice from my Ladies and Tone stupid ass! What do I do with an angry black man? I went to college and got a degree because that is what I was told I was supposed to do. This in return presented me with more opprotunites than my BD. He came from a two parent household (just like me and had the same opportunities) be he choose to go down a different path. So last night I was talking about the mortgage and my 401K with my friend who had stopped by. After she left, he goes off as usual saying that I think I am better than him because I did this and that like the white man told me. Now I am so sick of him and his s***!!! I cannot and will not be demeaned in front of my daughter because I did what I was supposed to do. He has been sick so I have been the supportive lil girlfriend and been helping do everything in the f****** house including to not getting laid and dealing with it. I go to therapy and even my therapist is like IDK what you are going to do with him. I cannot be supportive and keep taking the blame of his imaginary world on my shoulders. Where the f*** is my support and will I ever get it? Should I just give up and move on because I cannot compete with the Angry black man b******* anymore. I just want to be loved and supported and he just wants to blame me for his daily struggle. But I am a part of this struggle I feel like it is way harder for me as a black women than for him. I said this last night and I thought he was going to explode. So anyone have any advice on how to deal cuz I am about to have him committed. Are ppl still really blaming the white man for their own B*******?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on -
What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him. Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.
*exits posts and slams door on the way out*
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Permalink Reply by Siren on -
You need to focus on the good things and try positive reenforcement if you want to see better results. sometimes in a relationship you have to be aware of what you energy you are emitting because you will give it right back. The thing is times are rough for a lot of people right now and if you are always rememinding him of how hard things are and that he is falling short it does nothing but contribute to the problem.
Ms. BoiBye said:He does do nice things but it depends on how he is feeling. But once he is set off about the smallest things it all goes downhill. When I work overtime he runs my bath water, he cleans the house, he tries to cook me dinner (lol girl it aint always good but I eat it), he pays bills when he has money, he washes and cleans my car once a week, last week he chased down the bootleg man to get me a movie and he is a great dad to my daughter. But the fool is bipolar. Example he got mad because my friend and her son came over last night. The kids were playing he was watching tv. Her and I were in the kitchen just chatting about our mortgage situations. So he says well if you aint go out and buy this condo you wouldn't have these problems. U should have just rented, I said baby I know but we in it now. So guess i have to ride out the economy. So what you suggest we do. He says in front of my friend I was going to just set this b**** on fire, but it really aint my problem just walk away from it. U trying to live some American dream and your ass aint American. I was like Ok baby. He goes off on a rant about me trying to be white because I am chasing some dream made up by someone who don't give a f*** about me. I was so embarrassed. When they left I asked him why he had to go off like that in front of her and cussing and carrying on in front of her kid. He said well you the dumb ass for bringing her over here. I was like ok, but you didn’t have to act like that. He said well what you wanted me to do. I was like be normal for a change. He goes off again. So you want me to be a white man. I was like ok you got it. I went and cooped from my homeboy and came back in the house at like 4Am when I knew he was sleep. This morning he goes off again cuz now he thinks I’m smashing the homie. I am like nope it is only business. I really want him to turn back into the person that I feel in love with I miss him so much. Now I am stuck going in circle with a f****** lunatic. By no means am I saying I am perfect (since the secret therapy sessions). My bad for going off earlier I am beyond frustrated and kind of not wanting to go home. But I cannot go over my mom house she is just as nuts as he is?!?!?!
University of Smitty said:
Oh....well say that then. All that mess about what are they going to say when she starts school is superficial.......believe it or not. To hear you tell it, he doesnt work, he doesnt f**k but other than that you're very happy....lol I'm sure you remember typing that, dont you???? So what's really going on here???? I asked you what did he do that made you so 'very happy' before. Did you ever give an answer????
Ms. BoiBye said:
I’m not worried about any 5 year old in the least bit. I am worried about my financial future. How am I going to retire and save for my daughter college to provide the best for her and he sitting in the house beating off?!?!?! I’m sorry but being the breadwinner for years was not in the plans. He always got big dreams and hopes but they never come in to anything. So if you want to take care of him I will send him your address, but I am sick of taking care of a MF who don't appreciate my efforts!. Superficial s***!!!
University of Smitty said:
This sh*t here is SUPER superficial. Do you know how many kids dont have daddies at all, let alone one that works???? Everybody cant be a chief.......some of us have to be indians; that's just life. You're worried about what the next 5 year old might say?????? You havent grown up as much as you think.
Ms. BoiBye said:
How long am I supposed to give him. I was just chilling until they told me I was preggers. I stopped tripping and grew the hell up. I found a job with benefits so my daugther would be good. He is still working odd jobs here and there and doing the same thing he been doing. I need him to set a better example for my daughter. She will start school in September. They going say o where your mommy work. Her in an office. where your daddy work sometimes from the couch? Not cool! Tone said:
Sounds like he is just lazy and you should leave him if he does not get his act together.
Ms. BoiBye said:
No I am not above him or anyone else. I cannot judge that man on his past, but the present and future are looking real shaky. Tone said:
Do you feel you are above him now?
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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on -
OK!!!!!!!! Now we're getting somewhere...lol He's an abusive azzhole. Granted, he may have some deep seeded issues but if he's not willing to work on them......it's a dead end, isnt it???? You dont want your daughter growing up thinking that's the way to communicate, do you. You are going to have to do what's best for you/yours. Sometimes that doesnt include a 2 parent household.
Ms. BoiBye said:He does do nice things but it depends on how he is feeling. But once he is set off about the smallest things it all goes downhill. When I work overtime he runs my bath water, he cleans the house, he tries to cook me dinner (lol girl it aint always good but I eat it), he pays bills when he has money, he washes and cleans my car once a week, last week he chased down the bootleg man to get me a movie and he is a great dad to my daughter. But the fool is bipolar. Example he got mad because my friend and her son came over last night. The kids were playing he was watching tv. Her and I were in the kitchen just chatting about our mortgage situations. So he says well if you aint go out and buy this condo you wouldn't have these problems. U should have just rented, I said baby I know but we in it now. So guess i have to ride out the economy. So what you suggest we do. He says in front of my friend I was going to just set this b**** on fire, but it really aint my problem just walk away from it. U trying to live some American dream and your ass aint American. I was like Ok baby. He goes off on a rant about me trying to be white because I am chasing some dream made up by someone who don't give a f*** about me. I was so embarrassed. When they left I asked him why he had to go off like that in front of her and cussing and carrying on in front of her kid. He said well you the dumb ass for bringing her over here. I was like ok, but you didn’t have to act like that. He said well what you wanted me to do. I was like be normal for a change. He goes off again. So you want me to be a white man. I was like ok you got it. I went and cooped from my homeboy and came back in the house at like 4Am when I knew he was sleep. This morning he goes off again cuz now he thinks I’m smashing the homie. I am like nope it is only business. I really want him to turn back into the person that I feel in love with I miss him so much. Now I am stuck going in circle with a f****** lunatic. By no means am I saying I am perfect (since the secret therapy sessions). My bad for going off earlier I am beyond frustrated and kind of not wanting to go home. But I cannot go over my mom house she is just as nuts as he is?!?!?!
University of Smitty said:
Oh....well say that then. All that mess about what are they going to say when she starts school is superficial.......believe it or not. To hear you tell it, he doesnt work, he doesnt f**k but other than that you're very happy....lol I'm sure you remember typing that, dont you???? So what's really going on here???? I asked you what did he do that made you so 'very happy' before. Did you ever give an answer????
Ms. BoiBye said:
I’m not worried about any 5 year old in the least bit. I am worried about my financial future. How am I going to retire and save for my daughter college to provide the best for her and he sitting in the house beating off?!?!?! I’m sorry but being the breadwinner for years was not in the plans. He always got big dreams and hopes but they never come in to anything. So if you want to take care of him I will send him your address, but I am sick of taking care of a MF who don't appreciate my efforts!. Superficial s***!!!
University of Smitty said:
This sh*t here is SUPER superficial. Do you know how many kids dont have daddies at all, let alone one that works???? Everybody cant be a chief.......some of us have to be indians; that's just life. You're worried about what the next 5 year old might say?????? You havent grown up as much as you think.
Ms. BoiBye said:
How long am I supposed to give him. I was just chilling until they told me I was preggers. I stopped tripping and grew the hell up. I found a job with benefits so my daugther would be good. He is still working odd jobs here and there and doing the same thing he been doing. I need him to set a better example for my daughter. She will start school in September. They going say o where your mommy work. Her in an office. where your daddy work sometimes from the couch? Not cool! Tone said:
Sounds like he is just lazy and you should leave him if he does not get his act together.
Ms. BoiBye said:
No I am not above him or anyone else. I cannot judge that man on his past, but the present and future are looking real shaky. Tone said:
Do you feel you are above him now?
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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on -
LOL, u are a funny. I needed that laugh. I think ppl think we are doing ok because I never complain and i always have a smile on my face. Cuz I be damn if he cause me any extra wrinkles! I was thinking the same thing. I don't want her to think it is ok to disrepsect anyone or talk down to them. So guess I need to set an example for her and do what I need to do. Thanks boo!!!!! :-)
University of Smitty said:OK!!!!!!!! Now we're getting somewhere...lol He's an abusive azzhole. Granted, he may have some deep seeded issues but if he's not willing to work on them......it's a dead end, isnt it???? You dont want your daughter growing up thinking that's the way to communicate, do you. You are going to have to do what's best for you/yours. Sometimes that doesnt include a 2 parent household.
Ms. BoiBye said:
He does do nice things but it depends on how he is feeling. But once he is set off about the smallest things it all goes downhill. When I work overtime he runs my bath water, he cleans the house, he tries to cook me dinner (lol girl it aint always good but I eat it), he pays bills when he has money, he washes and cleans my car once a week, last week he chased down the bootleg man to get me a movie and he is a great dad to my daughter. But the fool is bipolar. Example he got mad because my friend and her son came over last night. The kids were playing he was watching tv. Her and I were in the kitchen just chatting about our mortgage situations. So he says well if you aint go out and buy this condo you wouldn't have these problems. U should have just rented, I said baby I know but we in it now. So guess i have to ride out the economy. So what you suggest we do. He says in front of my friend I was going to just set this b**** on fire, but it really aint my problem just walk away from it. U trying to live some American dream and your ass aint American. I was like Ok baby. He goes off on a rant about me trying to be white because I am chasing some dream made up by someone who don't give a f*** about me. I was so embarrassed. When they left I asked him why he had to go off like that in front of her and cussing and carrying on in front of her kid. He said well you the dumb ass for bringing her over here. I was like ok, but you didn’t have to act like that. He said well what you wanted me to do. I was like be normal for a change. He goes off again. So you want me to be a white man. I was like ok you got it. I went and cooped from my homeboy and came back in the house at like 4Am when I knew he was sleep. This morning he goes off again cuz now he thinks I’m smashing the homie. I am like nope it is only business. I really want him to turn back into the person that I feel in love with I miss him so much. Now I am stuck going in circle with a f****** lunatic. By no means am I saying I am perfect (since the secret therapy sessions). My bad for going off earlier I am beyond frustrated and kind of not wanting to go home. But I cannot go over my mom house she is just as nuts as he is?!?!?!
University of Smitty said:
Oh....well say that then. All that mess about what are they going to say when she starts school is superficial.......believe it or not. To hear you tell it, he doesnt work, he doesnt f**k but other than that you're very happy....lol I'm sure you remember typing that, dont you???? So what's really going on here???? I asked you what did he do that made you so 'very happy' before. Did you ever give an answer????
Ms. BoiBye said:
I’m not worried about any 5 year old in the least bit. I am worried about my financial future. How am I going to retire and save for my daughter college to provide the best for her and he sitting in the house beating off?!?!?! I’m sorry but being the breadwinner for years was not in the plans. He always got big dreams and hopes but they never come in to anything. So if you want to take care of him I will send him your address, but I am sick of taking care of a MF who don't appreciate my efforts!. Superficial s***!!!
University of Smitty said:
This sh*t here is SUPER superficial. Do you know how many kids dont have daddies at all, let alone one that works???? Everybody cant be a chief.......some of us have to be indians; that's just life. You're worried about what the next 5 year old might say?????? You havent grown up as much as you think.
Ms. BoiBye said:
How long am I supposed to give him. I was just chilling until they told me I was preggers. I stopped tripping and grew the hell up. I found a job with benefits so my daugther would be good. He is still working odd jobs here and there and doing the same thing he been doing. I need him to set a better example for my daughter. She will start school in September. They going say o where your mommy work. Her in an office. where your daddy work sometimes from the couch? Not cool! Tone said:
Sounds like he is just lazy and you should leave him if he does not get his act together.
Ms. BoiBye said:
No I am not above him or anyone else. I cannot judge that man on his past, but the present and future are looking real shaky. Tone said:
Do you feel you are above him now?
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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on
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She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him. Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.
*exits posts and slams door on the way out*
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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on
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STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!! I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think. If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!
Ms. BoiBye said:
She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him. Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.
*exits posts and slams door on the way out*
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Permalink Reply by DJ - A.K.A - DON_JUAN on -
wait, why aint yall f******?? i know u said dude was sick or something but is he no longer attracted to u or some s***?? im sorry i wasnt going to say anything but that kind of made me go wtf!
Ms. BoiBye said:She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him. Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.
*exits posts and slams door on the way out*
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Permalink Reply by Siren on
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I agree with this and don't talk dirty laundry and finances to your friends in front of your man...that is a whole nother story though. As for not getting any D you said he was sick but you also say you lost respect for him... that is a libido killer for a man.
University of Smitty said:STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!! I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think. If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!
Ms. BoiBye said:
She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him. Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.
*exits posts and slams door on the way out*
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Permalink Reply by DJ - A.K.A - DON_JUAN on
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yep....no more woody if the respect is gone!!
Siren said:I agree with this and don't talk dirty laundry and finances to your friends in front of your man...that is a whole nother story though. As for not getting any D you said he was sick but you also say you lost respect for him... that is a libido killer for a man.
University of Smitty said:STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!! I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think. If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!
Ms. BoiBye said:
She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him. Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.
*exits posts and slams door on the way out*
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Permalink Reply by MissBling on -
Honestly, I think your man is upset because you are talking about mortgages and stuff w/ your friends in front of him. Due to his situation, he may feel as though you are talking about him indirectly. If your girl see you and him in the same household but you're talking about the mortgage... It's just some stuff that you don't talk about when your man is around because they are like "Wtf are you talking about that w/ so and so for?" Now if you wanna talk about it w/ someone on the phone and he's not around, that's another story. Honestly, it's just some s*** that you don't talk about w/ the homies. Especially, if you're the type to worry about what they think.
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Permalink Reply by SACK CHASER on -
True. You know our men barely like our "friends"! lol
MissBling said:Honestly, I think your man is upset because you are talking about mortgages and stuff w/ your friends in front of him. Due to his situation, he may feel as though you are talking about him indirectly. If your girl see you and him in the same household but you're talking about the mortgage... It's just some stuff that you don't talk about when your man is around because they are like "Wtf are you talking about that w/ so and so for?" Now if you wanna talk about it w/ someone on the phone and he's not around, that's another story. Honestly, it's just some s*** that you don't talk about w/ the homies. Especially, if you're the type to worry about what they think.
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Permalink Reply by Siren on
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I agree
MissBling said:Honestly, I think your man is upset because you are talking about mortgages and stuff w/ your friends in front of him. Due to his situation, he may feel as though you are talking about him indirectly. If your girl see you and him in the same household but you're talking about the mortgage... It's just some stuff that you don't talk about when your man is around because they are like "Wtf are you talking about that w/ so and so for?" Now if you wanna talk about it w/ someone on the phone and he's not around, that's another story. Honestly, it's just some s*** that you don't talk about w/ the homies. Especially, if you're the type to worry about what they think.
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