Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on March 14, 2012 at 2:26am

Since he doesn't have anything to contribute to a situation that she has presented as dire, what is the point? I'll just agree to disagree with you because I know what I've seen and witnessed when it comes to black men. I don't want to walk in y'all shoes. Y'all whine more than women with cramps for all 7 days of their period. Try being a one armed wall paper hanger in Taiwan. That shyt is hard! Then do all that damn work for $1 USD and have to feed your family. Don't see his azz whining. But the black man has it sooooooooooooooo much harder.

Everyone on this planet has it hard. Period. You can continue to whine about it. OR you can stop whining, stop throwing stacks at hookers and strippers, and start supporting each other's enterprises.  Oh, and stop sticking your dingas in every h*** available long enough for the blood to reach your brain so you can come up with your own enterprises. Everyone talks shyt about Tyler Perry movies but his azz is on his way to being a billionaire on those movies no one seems to like. He kept working ohmigosh "odd jobs" until he made it. He took shyt and paid his fugging dues and now he gets to climb mountains in Hawaii.

Nobody is handing anyone a gotdamn thing in this world. Acknowledge it. Accept it. Relax, relate, release and get the fugg to work on your fugging hustle. *drops mic and exits post*

blackfujones said:

Nah..she had no business discussing the families finances with anyone accept her man.

JustMe said:

Lack of knowledge is never an acceptable excuse. If the discussion was about the loan modification, unless she stated "I gotta let a loan modification cause this sorry ass nigga ain't helping me" I still say he was completely out of line.  If she was telling her friend the same stuff she told us, old dude is just a loose cannon waiting to explode... (further)

University of Smitty said:

*sigh*.........this is a man that works odd jobs, CC.  He aint into that real estate bubble sh*t lol  He could have handled it better but apparently he doesnt know how
 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

But see, Smitty, my gfs and I do talk mortgages and 401k and such. With and without SOs present. If you are having mortgage issues, you talk to people with a mortgage. Maybe they've heard of someone helping people in her financial situation. This real estate bubble caught everyone off guard. There are deserted neighborhoods all over the country. If he were paying attention to the news and his woman's worries, he would have taken it as her seeking information about helping their situation. Running me a bath after I work overtime is nice. Telling me about a company that can help us out of a financial bind so I can stop working over time is better. Accepting any honest paying job so you can help me out of this financial situation is awesome. Sitting here telling me I was stupid for trying to get a home so we can live better is {insert your favorite expletive here}.

University of Smitty said:

The mortage discussion was about the "Loan Modification'" thread. As a man he's suppose to take care of his family.  So I can see how discussing that issue with her girl like he wasnt there would piss him off.  SHe pretty much put his situation on display for her girl and in turn, he put her on display for her girl.   Now she's worried about what they'll think of her but she wasnt worried about what they'll think of him

 

Yall know damn well if you have in-house and mortage problems, the first thing out of the next woman's mouth is "what you got his sorry azz there for....."   Not to say her girl said that,  I mean how could she with him sitting right there?? It wasnt the time or place for that kind of 'girl talk'
 
JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

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Permalink Reply by Tiffani Jameson on March 14, 2012 at 4:08am

double post. Sorry...

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Permalink Reply by Tiffani Jameson on March 14, 2012 at 4:17am

Dump his ass and date the white man FOR REALLZ.

That is just p**** envy. Get used to it. More women are graduating from both high school and college. The roles are reversing, and we're going to be forced to make our men FEEL like the man instead of him actually BEING the man. Staying in a relationship with someone you have to constantly pacify is unhealthy. 

Having 9 brothers, I understand the plight that affect black men, and it's their own stupidity, and refusal to take ownership for their issues. Yeah, the white man won't hire you, because you got that assault charge on your record for fighting over a seat/biatch/parking space at the club. We are our own worst enemy. 

On a whole, we need to understand that anything is possible for us. Low self esteem causes us not to treat each other as well as we should. Black women cannot smile at each other when they pass, making their top lip touch their nose because we constantly measure ourselves against each other. Ladies, watch your thoughts and actions. If the first thing that comes out of your mouth about someone is that they think they're better than you, or they thy think they're too much, it's because that's what YOU think. If you aren't where you need to be in life, do what you must to change your situation. 

All in love...

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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on March 14, 2012 at 8:01am

Ugh I woulda been gone so long ago! I guess that's why I can't keep a man, huh? Lol I honestly think that BB has lost all respect for him and that is why she can get reckless wit conversations with friends WHILE he is there. But my real question is what DID u respect about him in the first place? Why did you choose him? He seemed like a fixer-uper from the start, AND wit u being younger than him it's pretty clear that he wasn't on s*** and saw u as his "live for free and don't do s***" ticket. I think he is too young to run that 'white man' ish cuz all my friends that are his age are tryna get it and they gettin it. The ones that aint, aint and that aint the mans fault. Its theirs....mainly due to dumb ass decisions they make like droppin out of high school, catching petty charges and just all around not giving a f*** or planning for the future. YOU have made it so that he does not have to do a damn thing but catch up with his boys and see what the hell they on. Not tryna be funny, but I bet u gave him a lot of that return money. Or at least invested it in him. Girl u are going to have to cut the strings and let this one go. Tell him why u are is because his ass aint tryin hard enough. Give him some ambiguous timeline to get a job....not odd jobs...one with a check and see what he does. In my opinion he aint gon get one cuz he is the type that looks for somebody to take care of him and he found you. But if I'm wrong, the fact that u say you are moving on will motivate him to get his s*** right. And if u do let his ass go, you have to choose a man with demonstrated history of success. One that has held jobs that are acceptable to you, one that has motivation, one that has drive and u can tell it from his past. Don't take another one that you have to buy a bread truck for. The only help u should be offering this new man is tying his shoes or ironing his clothes. NOT providing security for him and yall. Lastly, at his age I can't see how he is too sick to f***. Reading past posts about him I thought he was like 45. And he can't f*** but can do a whole lot of s*** talkin?? No way jose! Do u think he could have somebody else? If so, good for you!!! Let his ass go live wit her and u move the f*** on. Oh yea, if she five, why hasn't he tried to marry u yet??

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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on March 14, 2012 at 8:09am

Oh and @black...times have changed! We aint taught to push out babies and be a homemaker anymore. We are taught to make it happen. So often does tha responsibilty fall on us so we gotta 'make it do what it do'....I guess you can call it being a leader...most single women wit no kids are leaders. (That doesent take away the desire for a man to lead tho)

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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on March 14, 2012 at 8:37am

LOL ok, damn. my momma always said what goes on in the house stays in the house and there is a time and place to discuss everything. My home girl came over because she went through a modification with Wells Fargo and I was asking her how I should handle them trying to force me into accepting something that I haven't really agreed upon. We got into the 401K thing because  she was saying they were trying to have her clear out her $)!K in order to pay off some of her debt. I was saying that she was crazy cuz at the end of the day babies grow up and husbands upgrade to a new model so she needs to still take care of herself. We never directly discussed my finances because I am not having a financial issue. I just want them to help me to adjust my rate because if I try and put it on the market I will still be paying off the rest of the loan. So he had no reason to be embarrassed, but I sure was. Ya'll should have seen her lil Asian ass (I am not racist, LOl) running up out of my house when he started tripping, LOL. Priceless! She is a friend of my mom’s daughter so I don’t want her telling her mom and then it get back to my mom that he was off his rocker.

University of Smitty said:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think.  If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!

 

Ms. BoiBye said:

She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him.  Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.

*exits posts and slams door on the way out*

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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on March 14, 2012 at 8:42am

I told her the same stuff i told ya'll in my loan modification post. It is not about finiaces but Wells Fargo trying to pull some shady s*** and i am not having it. She started talking about her 401K. And I told her I have mine pulled directly out of my acct so I am not even checking for it.

JustMe said:

Lack of knowledge is never an acceptable excuse. If the discussion was about the loan modification, unless she stated "I gotta let a loan modification cause this sorry ass nigga ain't helping me" I still say he was completely out of line.  If she was telling her friend the same stuff she told us, old dude is just a loose cannon waiting to explode... (further)
University of Smitty said:

*sigh*.........this is a man that works odd jobs, CC.  He aint into that real estate bubble sh*t lol  He could have handled it better but apparently he doesnt know how  
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

But see, Smitty, my gfs and I do talk mortgages and 401k and such. With and without SOs present. If you are having mortgage issues, you talk to people with a mortgage. Maybe they've heard of someone helping people in her financial situation. This real estate bubble caught everyone off guard. There are deserted neighborhoods all over the country. If he were paying attention to the news and his woman's worries, he would have taken it as her seeking information about helping their situation. Running me a bath after I work overtime is nice. Telling me about a company that can help us out of a financial bind so I can stop working over time is better. Accepting any honest paying job so you can help me out of this financial situation is awesome. Sitting here telling me I was stupid for trying to get a home so we can live better is {insert your favorite expletive here}.
University of Smitty said:

The mortage discussion was about the "Loan Modification'" thread. As a man he's suppose to take care of his family.  So I can see how discussing that issue with her girl like he wasnt there would piss him off.  SHe pretty much put his situation on display for her girl and in turn, he put her on display for her girl.   Now she's worried about what they'll think of her but she wasnt worried about what they'll think of him

 

Yall know damn well if you have in-house and mortage problems, the first thing out of the next woman's mouth is "what you got his sorry azz there for....."   Not to say her girl said that,  I mean how could she with him sitting right there?? It wasnt the time or place for that kind of 'girl talk'  
JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 
And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

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Permalink Reply by JustMe on March 14, 2012 at 9:22am

Yes they did. I wasn't taught how to cook, clean or anything. My families focus for me was books. And not just my parents, my ENTIRE family. Several family members contributed to my education. There biggest disappointment is that I didn't go to law school. 

And f*** "society"!!! As a black woman per societal expectations I should be strung out somewhere living off the welfare system complaining that I'll never find a good man! 

blackfujones said:

I do have a question though...And I just posed this to my gf. I asked her when she was a little girl did her mom and dad ever say to her one day she could be president of the united states, president of a large corporation, captain of the football team, Mayor, Governor etc. Im not saying that there cant be any women there I'm just chiming on the notion that the expectations of both genders are VASTLY different. Im not trying to help this brotha out in anyway for his  laziness. But I can see some frustration there due to failure to live up to expectations.

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Permalink Reply by JustMe on March 14, 2012 at 9:30am

I still say he was out of line. 

Ms. BoiBye said:

I told her the same stuff i told ya'll in my loan modification post. It is not about finiaces but Wells Fargo trying to pull some shady s*** and i am not having it. She started talking about her 401K. And I told her I have mine pulled directly out of my acct so I am not even checking for it.

JustMe said:

Lack of knowledge is never an acceptable excuse. If the discussion was about the loan modification, unless she stated "I gotta let a loan modification cause this sorry ass nigga ain't helping me" I still say he was completely out of line.  If she was telling her friend the same stuff she told us, old dude is just a loose cannon waiting to explode... (further) University of Smitty said:

*sigh*.........this is a man that works odd jobs, CC.  He aint into that real estate bubble sh*t lol  He could have handled it better but apparently he doesnt know how   CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

But see, Smitty, my gfs and I do talk mortgages and 401k and such. With and without SOs present. If you are having mortgage issues, you talk to people with a mortgage. Maybe they've heard of someone helping people in her financial situation. This real estate bubble caught everyone off guard. There are deserted neighborhoods all over the country. If he were paying attention to the news and his woman's worries, he would have taken it as her seeking information about helping their situation. Running me a bath after I work overtime is nice. Telling me about a company that can help us out of a financial bind so I can stop working over time is better. Accepting any honest paying job so you can help me out of this financial situation is awesome. Sitting here telling me I was stupid for trying to get a home so we can live better is {insert your favorite expletive here}. University of Smitty said:

The mortage discussion was about the "Loan Modification'" thread. As a man he's suppose to take care of his family.  So I can see how discussing that issue with her girl like he wasnt there would piss him off.  SHe pretty much put his situation on display for her girl and in turn, he put her on display for her girl.   Now she's worried about what they'll think of her but she wasnt worried about what they'll think of him

 

Yall know damn well if you have in-house and mortage problems, the first thing out of the next woman's mouth is "what you got his sorry azz there for....."   Not to say her girl said that,  I mean how could she with him sitting right there?? It wasnt the time or place for that kind of 'girl talk'   JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about???  And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on March 14, 2012 at 9:54am

I’m sorry. The internet was one of the bills we cut, so I can only talk at work and if I can get to my friends house, LOL. But at first we both were working. Once baby came he wanted to go to school to get more money. Ok cool, so we got a voucher for daycare, but now he out of school with no job and the voucher was cut off. So I am paying daycare which I wasn't before and the electric plus mortgage. He still handles groceries and the cable. But I would be cool if she was home from school with him but she isn't. So I am stretched thin and he is like I only want a job in my field. I asked him to just pick up anything because it affects his work history to just be out of work. But once again I was told my opinions don’t matter. He finally told me last night he is angry because whatever he does to me I never fall down I always get back up dust myself off and get it done. I was like whoa I thought that is what you would want in a woman. He said no because it makes him feel like less of a man because he will not accept anything less and I do. But I tried to tell him that is part of my personality so you cannot be mad at me. He flat out stated that he is trying to break me because I need to be taught a lesson. We talked about why I decline his proposal last year. He hasn’t shown me anything to make me want to spend the rest of my life with him. I am a go-getter and he is a settler. He wants to have another baby, but that would put us in an even worst place ( so since I don’t want a baby he said he punishing me by not having sex with me) I was too thru I told him I am not a f****** game or toy to be played with so he needed to leave. I am glad these things finally came out in to open, but wow. I had no idea that we were both jealous of each other. I am pissed he gets to chill and do whatever with no responsibly and he is pissed that I exist?!?!?! He even got in my face and tried to back me into a corner sounding like a b**** talking bout hit me so I can call the police see how your lil friends would view you now with charges. I just left there is no winning with him and my daughter was at my moms house. So I left to go get her. We get back he has the chain on the door and wouldn’t let us in. So I had to go back across town to my moms house. Of course then I had to tell her everything. She was shocked then she called my dad who flipped and called my Uncles. And now I am not sure what happens once I get off. This is why I tried to keep s*** under wraps for so long because I knew it would eventually come to this madness. Which is more than I can take right now. Actually I am going shopping. I little retail therapy will make it all better, LOL!!!!

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on March 14, 2012 at 10:03am

Sounds like it's over to me

Ms. BoiBye said:

I’m sorry. The internet was one of the bills we cut, so I can only talk at work and if I can get to my friends house, LOL. But at first we both were working. Once baby came he wanted to go to school to get more money. Ok cool, so we got a voucher for daycare, but now he out of school with no job and the voucher was cut off. So I am paying daycare which I wasn't before and the electric plus mortgage. He still handles groceries and the cable. But I would be cool if she was home from school with him but she isn't. So I am stretched thin and he is like I only want a job in my field. I asked him to just pick up anything because it affects his work history to just be out of work. But once again I was told my opinions don’t matter. He finally told me last night he is angry because whatever he does to me I never fall down I always get back up dust myself off and get it done. I was like whoa I thought that is what you would want in a woman. He said no because it makes him feel like less of a man because he will not accept anything less and I do. But I tried to tell him that is part of my personality so you cannot be mad at me. He flat out stated that he is trying to break me because I need to be taught a lesson. We talked about why I decline his proposal last year. He hasn’t shown me anything to make me want to spend the rest of my life with him. I am a go-getter and he is a settler. He wants to have another baby, but that would put us in an even worst place ( so since I don’t want a baby he said he punishing me by not having sex with me) I was too thru I told him I am not a f****** game or toy to be played with so he needed to leave. I am glad these things finally came out in to open, but wow. I had no idea that we were both jealous of each other. I am pissed he gets to chill and do whatever with no responsibly and he is pissed that I exist?!?!?! He even got in my face and tried to back me into a corner sounding like a b**** talking bout hit me so I can call the police see how your lil friends would view you now with charges. I just left there is no winning with him and my daughter was at my moms house. So I left to go get her. We get back he has the chain on the door and wouldn’t let us in. So I had to go back across town to my moms house. Of course then I had to tell her everything. She was shocked then she called my dad who flipped and called my Uncles. And now I am not sure what happens once I get off. This is why I tried to keep s*** under wraps for so long because I knew it would eventually come to this madness. Which is more than I can take right now. Actually I am going shopping. I little retail therapy will make it all better, LOL!!!!

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Permalink Reply by Honeycoated on March 14, 2012 at 10:06am

dude is stupid as F***!

First, I can see wanting to get a job in your field, but to sit there and not take ANYTHING and have your family and yourself struggling??!! Good thing this all came out. Yeah, youshoulda been cheated on his ass. He talmbout he was "punishing" you because you dont want a baby with his lazy ass! I woulda came back, knowing me like "you aint punish me nigga, cuz I been getting worked OOOOOOUUUUUT!"

maaan, this is too much
 
Ms. BoiBye said:

I’m sorry. The internet was one of the bills we cut, so I can only talk at work and if I can get to my friends house, LOL. But at first we both were working. Once baby came he wanted to go to school to get more money. Ok cool, so we got a voucher for daycare, but now he out of school with no job and the voucher was cut off. So I am paying daycare which I wasn't before and the electric plus mortgage. He still handles groceries and the cable. But I would be cool if she was home from school with him but she isn't. So I am stretched thin and he is like I only want a job in my field. I asked him to just pick up anything because it affects his work history to just be out of work. But once again I was told my opinions don’t matter. He finally told me last night he is angry because whatever he does to me I never fall down I always get back up dust myself off and get it done. I was like whoa I thought that is what you would want in a woman. He said no because it makes him feel like less of a man because he will not accept anything less and I do. But I tried to tell him that is part of my personality so you cannot be mad at me. He flat out stated that he is trying to break me because I need to be taught a lesson. We talked about why I decline his proposal last year. He hasn’t shown me anything to make me want to spend the rest of my life with him. I am a go-getter and he is a settler. He wants to have another baby, but that would put us in an even worst place ( so since I don’t want a baby he said he punishing me by not having sex with me) I was too thru I told him I am not a f****** game or toy to be played with so he needed to leave. I am glad these things finally came out in to open, but wow. I had no idea that we were both jealous of each other. I am pissed he gets to chill and do whatever with no responsibly and he is pissed that I exist?!?!?! He even got in my face and tried to back me into a corner sounding like a b**** talking bout hit me so I can call the police see how your lil friends would view you now with charges. I just left there is no winning with him and my daughter was at my moms house. So I left to go get her. We get back he has the chain on the door and wouldn’t let us in. So I had to go back across town to my moms house. Of course then I had to tell her everything. She was shocked then she called my dad who flipped and called my Uncles. And now I am not sure what happens once I get off. This is why I tried to keep s*** under wraps for so long because I knew it would eventually come to this madness. Which is more than I can take right now. Actually I am going shopping. I little retail therapy will make it all better, LOL!!!!

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