Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by MissBling on March 13, 2012 at 8:21pm

Married or not as long as I live there... regardless of him paying all the bills that's still OUR house and he better not say ish about anything that goes on in OUR house while I'm in earshot or else his ass will be summoned to the room. He can say whatever the hell he wants in the man cave with the door closed, as long as I don't hear. If he is saying some s*** loud enough for me to hear but talking to someone else and I'm not equally involved in the convo; I'm gonna feel a certain kind of way. He just spazzed in front of the friend instead of calling her ass to the room. That's probably because he doesn't like the friend in the first place lol!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

In a marriage it maybe taboo but until he puts a ring on it, in my book anyway, they are just kicking it. He can walk away at any time. And some chick might be daring him to do it but she'd be a dumb bunny. When is the last time you told your man he couldn't say whatever the fugg he wanted to in his home where he pays ALL THE BILLS in front of his boys? Even insinuate it?

MissBling said:

If you are single that would be acceptable. In a relationship there are certain things that are taboo. Discussing your financial business w/ your homegirl in front of your man is just one of those things. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would be daring his ass to even whisper that s*** to his boys while you right there.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? He ain't paying bills sooooooooooo... Siren and Bling may have something on that. But seriously, if I'm paying ALL the bills in the house I should be able to talk to anyone I want to about anything I want to.

Flip the script and say it is the woman who is qualified to work but has decided various jobs her man suggests and helps her get aren't good enough for her and they need that second income. Y'all know good and doggone well his boys would be telling him to kick that trick out. She'd be all kinds of names. And she ain't giving up the sex either? Oooooooooh chile! His friends would be calling him all kinds of bytchazzes and punkazzes.

University of Smitty said:

LOL....messy azz.  I think Siren & Bling are right about the mortage discussion. 

 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

Smitty, does this include him? *shrug* 

University of Smitty said:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think.  If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!

 

Ms. BoiBye said:

She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him.  Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.

*exits posts and slams door on the way out*

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Permalink Reply by Tone © on March 13, 2012 at 8:24pm

what is going on is you do feel you are above him and even though you don't want to admit it your actions are showing it.  This happens all the time among black men and women. We start at the same level and you guys advance faster then us and then you think we are being lazy because you moved UP  and we have not.

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Permalink Reply by JustMe on March 13, 2012 at 9:10pm

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on March 13, 2012 at 9:26pm

I agree with all of this below. MissBling I'm gonna agree to disagree with you, BAfam.

JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on March 13, 2012 at 9:31pm

The mortage discussion was about the "Loan Modification'" thread. As a man he's suppose to take care of his family.  So I can see how discussing that issue with her girl like he wasnt there would piss him off.  SHe pretty much put his situation on display for her girl and in turn, he put her on display for her girl.   Now she's worried about what they'll think of her but she wasnt worried about what they'll think of him

 

Yall know damn well if you have in-house and mortage problems, the first thing out of the next woman's mouth is "what you got his sorry azz there for....."   Not to say her girl said that,  I mean how could she with him sitting right there?? It wasnt the time or place for that kind of 'girl talk'
 
JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on March 13, 2012 at 9:33pm

I agree, the lack of respect is the root. I think he started it by disrespecting her for trying to help him and hold it down for a brother. He didn't appreciate it. When you don't feel appreciated you start to feel resentful. There was no reason for him to go off in front of company. If he had any respect for her, he would have waited until her friends had gone and THEN had a calm adult talk. I think he is salty because in the end all of that is hers and if he disappeared tomorrow, she might be hurt but she wouldn't miss him financially. Not one thing would change in her household. On the other hand, if she disappeared tomorrow, he would not be able to handle the household bills alone. That has got to make him feel lower than catfish poop. He is 32 years old. At that age, if you are able minded and bodied you are suppose to be able to handle a household. Even if it is a small household of one.

Siren said:

I think if they are co habitating no matter who pays the bills respect is respect...Before I got married i still would have never discussed financial strains in my household in front of my friends...it is emasculating. If she wants him to do better, emasculating him won't facilitate it. When I first moved in with my husband he payed all the bills and I would have a serious issue of him having something to say to his friends while i am there. Not a good luck no matter how you paint the picture. The lack of respect seems to be the root cause for both of them.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

In a marriage it maybe taboo but until he puts a ring on it, in my book anyway, they are just kicking it. He can walk away at any time. And some chick might be daring him to do it but she'd be a dumb bunny. When is the last time you told your man he couldn't say whatever the fugg he wanted to in his home where he pays ALL THE BILLS in front of his boys? Even insinuate it?

MissBling said:

If you are single that would be acceptable. In a relationship there are certain things that are taboo. Discussing your financial business w/ your homegirl in front of your man is just one of those things. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would be daring his ass to even whisper that s*** to his boys while you right there.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? He ain't paying bills sooooooooooo... Siren and Bling may have something on that. But seriously, if I'm paying ALL the bills in the house I should be able to talk to anyone I want to about anything I want to.

Flip the script and say it is the woman who is qualified to work but has decided various jobs her man suggests and helps her get aren't good enough for her and they need that second income. Y'all know good and doggone well his boys would be telling him to kick that trick out. She'd be all kinds of names. And she ain't giving up the sex either? Oooooooooh chile! His friends would be calling him all kinds of bytchazzes and punkazzes.

University of Smitty said:

LOL....messy azz.  I think Siren & Bling are right about the mortage discussion. 

 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

Smitty, does this include him? *shrug* 

University of Smitty said:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think.  If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!

 

Ms. BoiBye said:

She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him.  Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.

*exits posts and slams door on the way out*

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on March 13, 2012 at 9:40pm

But see, Smitty, my gfs and I do talk mortgages and 401k and such. With and without SOs present. If you are having mortgage issues, you talk to people with a mortgage. Maybe they've heard of someone helping people in her financial situation. This real estate bubble caught everyone off guard. There are deserted neighborhoods all over the country. If he were paying attention to the news and his woman's worries, he would have taken it as her seeking information about helping their situation. Running me a bath after I work overtime is nice. Telling me about a company that can help us out of a financial bind so I can stop working over time is better. Accepting any honest paying job so you can help me out of this financial situation is awesome. Sitting here telling me I was stupid for trying to get a home so we can live better is {insert your favorite expletive here}.

University of Smitty said:

The mortage discussion was about the "Loan Modification'" thread. As a man he's suppose to take care of his family.  So I can see how discussing that issue with her girl like he wasnt there would piss him off.  SHe pretty much put his situation on display for her girl and in turn, he put her on display for her girl.   Now she's worried about what they'll think of her but she wasnt worried about what they'll think of him

 

Yall know damn well if you have in-house and mortage problems, the first thing out of the next woman's mouth is "what you got his sorry azz there for....."   Not to say her girl said that,  I mean how could she with him sitting right there?? It wasnt the time or place for that kind of 'girl talk'
 
JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on March 13, 2012 at 9:50pm

*sigh*.........this is a man that works odd jobs, CC.  He aint into that real estate bubble sh*t lol  He could have handled it better but apparently he doesnt know how
 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

But see, Smitty, my gfs and I do talk mortgages and 401k and such. With and without SOs present. If you are having mortgage issues, you talk to people with a mortgage. Maybe they've heard of someone helping people in her financial situation. This real estate bubble caught everyone off guard. There are deserted neighborhoods all over the country. If he were paying attention to the news and his woman's worries, he would have taken it as her seeking information about helping their situation. Running me a bath after I work overtime is nice. Telling me about a company that can help us out of a financial bind so I can stop working over time is better. Accepting any honest paying job so you can help me out of this financial situation is awesome. Sitting here telling me I was stupid for trying to get a home so we can live better is {insert your favorite expletive here}.

University of Smitty said:

The mortage discussion was about the "Loan Modification'" thread. As a man he's suppose to take care of his family.  So I can see how discussing that issue with her girl like he wasnt there would piss him off.  SHe pretty much put his situation on display for her girl and in turn, he put her on display for her girl.   Now she's worried about what they'll think of her but she wasnt worried about what they'll think of him

 

Yall know damn well if you have in-house and mortage problems, the first thing out of the next woman's mouth is "what you got his sorry azz there for....."   Not to say her girl said that,  I mean how could she with him sitting right there?? It wasnt the time or place for that kind of 'girl talk'
 
JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by MissBling on March 13, 2012 at 10:00pm

It's all good CC!! It's a healthy debate, my viewpoint is taken from the comments that BB made referring to her man and the impression I got and the fact that we know there is a facade going on somewhere. I don't think he respects her and she didn't say  that she was getting help from her friend if so then that's something different.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

I agree with all of this below. MissBling I'm gonna agree to disagree with you, BAfam.

JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by blackfujones on March 13, 2012 at 10:39pm

agreed..the minute a person starts throwing "I" into the equation, its a recipe for disaster.  That's when you know that person has no respect for you.  And from a males P.O.V we dont want anything but respect. When that respect is gone we will show our natural ass...we will show out at every possible turn. Hell I've been there before i know

Siren said:

I think if they are co habitating no matter who pays the bills respect is respect...Before I got married i still would have never discussed financial strains in my household in front of my friends...it is emasculating. If she wants him to do better, emasculating him won't facilitate it. When I first moved in with my husband he payed all the bills and I would have a serious issue of him having something to say to his friends while i am there. Not a good luck no matter how you paint the picture. The lack of respect seems to be the root cause for both of them.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

In a marriage it maybe taboo but until he puts a ring on it, in my book anyway, they are just kicking it. He can walk away at any time. And some chick might be daring him to do it but she'd be a dumb bunny. When is the last time you told your man he couldn't say whatever the fugg he wanted to in his home where he pays ALL THE BILLS in front of his boys? Even insinuate it?

MissBling said:

If you are single that would be acceptable. In a relationship there are certain things that are taboo. Discussing your financial business w/ your homegirl in front of your man is just one of those things. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would be daring his ass to even whisper that s*** to his boys while you right there.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? He ain't paying bills sooooooooooo... Siren and Bling may have something on that. But seriously, if I'm paying ALL the bills in the house I should be able to talk to anyone I want to about anything I want to.

Flip the script and say it is the woman who is qualified to work but has decided various jobs her man suggests and helps her get aren't good enough for her and they need that second income. Y'all know good and doggone well his boys would be telling him to kick that trick out. She'd be all kinds of names. And she ain't giving up the sex either? Oooooooooh chile! His friends would be calling him all kinds of bytchazzes and punkazzes.

University of Smitty said:

LOL....messy azz.  I think Siren & Bling are right about the mortage discussion. 

 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

Smitty, does this include him? *shrug* 

University of Smitty said:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think.  If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!

 

Ms. BoiBye said:

She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him.  Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.

*exits posts and slams door on the way out*

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by blackfujones on March 13, 2012 at 10:45pm

As much s*** as blk males have been dished out, sometimes i wish you all could really jump in our shoes. You all arent born being expected to be leaders..we are..its heavy and can break the weakest of men..

OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:

Sometimes it's 'abuse' either physical or mental and they have to leave.

blackfujones said:

Simply put he's suffering from what ails a lot of black males between 20-35..The fact that as kids we were told to either work with our hands and go out and get a job and forego college.  And the time of the blue collar worker is now gone, and that the way you make money these days is strictly white collar money.  To be honest he has to go to therapy in order to find purpose and direction. He's directing his frustration/hurt/disgust/ at himself is being directed towards you.  Ive seen this happen with a lot of guys...really it takes a very strong female and patient one to withstand it.  A lot of times yall dont stay around because the hurt he's dishing out is too strong.  Hell just think, people have been telling you to graduate high school, get a job, raise a family your whole life.  So you graduate high school, get a job, get a family, cant support family lol..Whereas since the start of the working two parent household women have been told to go to hs/go to college for nursing/education/etc./ then work take care of family.  Now its graduate hs/get bachelors/get masters...you all have a huge leg up on us, and for men its frustrating trying to be like your elders but not being able to.

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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on March 13, 2012 at 10:48pm

....I'm guessing his name is NOT on the house or the mortgage so his sense of responsibility or loyalty or commitment (and since they're not married) is non-existent.  

I feel he has potential, but he's not putting out any effort because BB always picks up the pieces, always takes him back, he's settling for just getting by and he feels alive when they fight.

They only way he can hurt her is by being verbally abusive in front of family, his daughter and her friends.

University of Smitty said:

*sigh*.........this is a man that works odd jobs, CC.  He aint into that real estate bubble sh*t lol  He could have handled it better but apparently he doesnt know how
 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

But see, Smitty, my gfs and I do talk mortgages and 401k and such. With and without SOs present. If you are having mortgage issues, you talk to people with a mortgage. Maybe they've heard of someone helping people in her financial situation. This real estate bubble caught everyone off guard. There are deserted neighborhoods all over the country. If he were paying attention to the news and his woman's worries, he would have taken it as her seeking information about helping their situation. Running me a bath after I work overtime is nice. Telling me about a company that can help us out of a financial bind so I can stop working over time is better. Accepting any honest paying job so you can help me out of this financial situation is awesome. Sitting here telling me I was stupid for trying to get a home so we can live better is {insert your favorite expletive here}.

University of Smitty said:

The mortage discussion was about the "Loan Modification'" thread. As a man he's suppose to take care of his family.  So I can see how discussing that issue with her girl like he wasnt there would piss him off.  SHe pretty much put his situation on display for her girl and in turn, he put her on display for her girl.   Now she's worried about what they'll think of her but she wasnt worried about what they'll think of him

 

Yall know damn well if you have in-house and mortage problems, the first thing out of the next woman's mouth is "what you got his sorry azz there for....."   Not to say her girl said that,  I mean how could she with him sitting right there?? It wasnt the time or place for that kind of 'girl talk'
 
JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

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