Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by JustMe on March 14, 2012 at 12:06am

And those men need to go... 

OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:

~~~a woman will do all these things to keep her household going (knowing this 2-3 job ish is not forever). Some men see that discipline and know they lack it, instead of 'working' with her to get that they 'act up' creating situations to throw her off.

MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! said:

I agree with Just Me...I dont know her exact situation, but I have a brother who this sounds like...his azz dont do shyt.  his girl was working two jobs and going to school while he sit his azz at home and do nothing, then sometimes half ass watch the kids or tell her he's tired of watchin them.  When he do get a lil money, he throw that up in her face.  ex. he put rims on the car, they get in an argument, he wants the rims off the car and claims its his car because he puts rims on it.  Im sure she walks around her house on egg shells not saying what she want bout him not helping because he will blow up.  When someone tries to talk to him, its yall think yall better than me, Im trying....how the f*** you trying when you sleep to and dont even get up to make the kids breakfast....its sooo much more, but i kind of feel like Ms.Boibye BF is the same way.  I say kick his azz out or you will always continue to have these problems. His ass felt guilty that he cant do anything about the mortgage situation which is why he blew up (as long as you aint say this sorry azz nigga, I personally dont see the problem discussing things with friends.)  He could have been contributing to the household and you could still be in the same situation, you never know in this economy. 

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Permalink Reply by blackfujones on March 14, 2012 at 12:07am

Im saying it..Its a straight up fact. Really what are you expectations growing up as a little girl besides to bare children? Not trying to be sexist but I'm talking about reality here. As a woman what does society expect you to do besides be a good worker bee and bare children?

JustMe said:

Who says we aren't born expected to be leaders? Cause that definitely wasn't the case in my house... 

blackfujo nes said:

As much s*** as blk males have been dished out, sometimes i wish you all could really jump in our shoes. You all arent born being expected to be leaders..we are..its heavy and can break the weakest of men..

OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:

Sometimes it's 'abuse' either physical or mental and they have to leave.

blackfujones said:

Simply put he's suffering from what ails a lot of black males between 20-35..The fact that as kids we were told to either work with our hands and go out and get a job and forego college.  And the time of the blue collar worker is now gone, and that the way you make money these days is strictly white collar money.  To be honest he has to go to therapy in order to find purpose and direction. He's directing his frustration/hurt/disgust/ at himself is being directed towards you.  Ive seen this happen with a lot of guys...really it takes a very strong female and patient one to withstand it.  A lot of times yall dont stay around because the hurt he's dishing out is too strong.  Hell just think, people have been telling you to graduate high school, get a job, raise a family your whole life.  So you graduate high school, get a job, get a family, cant support family lol..Whereas since the start of the working two parent household women have been told to go to hs/go to college for nursing/education/etc./ then work take care of family.  Now its graduate hs/get bachelors/get masters...you all have a huge leg up on us, and for men its frustrating trying to be like your elders but not being able to.

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Permalink Reply by blackfujones on March 14, 2012 at 12:09am

Nah..she had no business discussing the families finances with anyone accept her man.

JustMe said:

Lack of knowledge is never an acceptable excuse. If the discussion was about the loan modification, unless she stated "I gotta let a loan modification cause this sorry ass nigga ain't helping me" I still say he was completely out of line.  If she was telling her friend the same stuff she told us, old dude is just a loose cannon waiting to explode... (further)

University of Smitty said:

*sigh*.........this is a man that works odd jobs, CC.  He aint into that real estate bubble sh*t lol  He could have handled it better but apparently he doesnt know how
 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

But see, Smitty, my gfs and I do talk mortgages and 401k and such. With and without SOs present. If you are having mortgage issues, you talk to people with a mortgage. Maybe they've heard of someone helping people in her financial situation. This real estate bubble caught everyone off guard. There are deserted neighborhoods all over the country. If he were paying attention to the news and his woman's worries, he would have taken it as her seeking information about helping their situation. Running me a bath after I work overtime is nice. Telling me about a company that can help us out of a financial bind so I can stop working over time is better. Accepting any honest paying job so you can help me out of this financial situation is awesome. Sitting here telling me I was stupid for trying to get a home so we can live better is {insert your favorite expletive here}.

University of Smitty said:

The mortage discussion was about the "Loan Modification'" thread. As a man he's suppose to take care of his family.  So I can see how discussing that issue with her girl like he wasnt there would piss him off.  SHe pretty much put his situation on display for her girl and in turn, he put her on display for her girl.   Now she's worried about what they'll think of her but she wasnt worried about what they'll think of him

 

Yall know damn well if you have in-house and mortage problems, the first thing out of the next woman's mouth is "what you got his sorry azz there for....."   Not to say her girl said that,  I mean how could she with him sitting right there?? It wasnt the time or place for that kind of 'girl talk'
 
JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on March 14, 2012 at 12:10am

Thank you.  That's the perfect example of 'things that go without saying....' lol

SACK CHASER said:

I get that as well. Remember their are 3 sides to every story.

I'm sure we all know how we can get when a man is short when its time to pay bills! Lol! So I'm not buying all of that "I support and do everything for him" crap because I know how y'all black heffas can be. #ATTITUDE

She is unhappy and if putting his ass out will make her life easier then she should do so!

University of Smitty said:

Yeah, but some things go without saying. Now I'm not saying he wasnt wrong.  I'm just saying he wasnt the only one wrong.
 
JustMe said:

Lack of knowledge is never an acceptable excuse. If the discussion was about the loan modification, unless she stated "I gotta let a loan modification cause this sorry ass nigga ain't helping me" I still say he was completely out of line.  If she was telling her friend the same stuff she told us, old dude is just a loose cannon waiting to explode... (further)

University of Smitty said:

*sigh*.........this is a man that works odd jobs, CC.  He aint into that real estate bubble sh*t lol  He could have handled it better but apparently he doesnt know how
 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

But see, Smitty, my gfs and I do talk mortgages and 401k and such. With and without SOs present. If you are having mortgage issues, you talk to people with a mortgage. Maybe they've heard of someone helping people in her financial situation. This real estate bubble caught everyone off guard. There are deserted neighborhoods all over the country. If he were paying attention to the news and his woman's worries, he would have taken it as her seeking information about helping their situation. Running me a bath after I work overtime is nice. Telling me about a company that can help us out of a financial bind so I can stop working over time is better. Accepting any honest paying job so you can help me out of this financial situation is awesome. Sitting here telling me I was stupid for trying to get a home so we can live better is {insert your favorite expletive here}.

University of Smitty said:

The mortage discussion was about the "Loan Modification'" thread. As a man he's suppose to take care of his family.  So I can see how discussing that issue with her girl like he wasnt there would piss him off.  SHe pretty much put his situation on display for her girl and in turn, he put her on display for her girl.   Now she's worried about what they'll think of her but she wasnt worried about what they'll think of him

 

Yall know damn well if you have in-house and mortage problems, the first thing out of the next woman's mouth is "what you got his sorry azz there for....."   Not to say her girl said that,  I mean how could she with him sitting right there?? It wasnt the time or place for that kind of 'girl talk'
 
JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

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Permalink Reply by blackfujones on March 14, 2012 at 12:12am

I do have a question though...And I just posed this to my gf. I asked her when she was a little girl did her mom and dad ever say to her one day she could be president of the united states, president of a large corporation, captain of the football team, Mayor, Governor etc. Im not saying that there cant be any women there I'm just chiming on the notion that the expectations of both genders are VASTLY different. Im not trying to help this brotha out in anyway for his  laziness. But I can see some frustration there due to failure to live up to expectations.

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Permalink Reply by MissBling on March 14, 2012 at 12:29am

BINGO!! When a man is short we get real short lol! We can all agree that she needs to leave his ass alone. However, if she stays w/ him to save face then she is gonna be resentful. I believe she is already resentful. When we are there, we know how to say s*** w/o really saying s***. Where the hell is BB?! I have questions.

University of Smitty said:

Thank you.  That's the perfect example of 'things that go without saying....' lol

SACK CHASER said:

I get that as well. Remember their are 3 sides to every story.

I'm sure we all know how we can get when a man is short when its time to pay bills! Lol! So I'm not buying all of that "I support and do everything for him" crap because I know how y'all black heffas can be. #ATTITUDE

She is unhappy and if putting his ass out will make her life easier then she should do so!

University of Smitty said:

Yeah, but some things go without saying. Now I'm not saying he wasnt wrong.  I'm just saying he wasnt the only one wrong.
 
JustMe said:

Lack of knowledge is never an acceptable excuse. If the discussion was about the loan modification, unless she stated "I gotta let a loan modification cause this sorry ass nigga ain't helping me" I still say he was completely out of line.  If she was telling her friend the same stuff she told us, old dude is just a loose cannon waiting to explode... (further)

University of Smitty said:

*sigh*.........this is a man that works odd jobs, CC.  He aint into that real estate bubble sh*t lol  He could have handled it better but apparently he doesnt know how
 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

But see, Smitty, my gfs and I do talk mortgages and 401k and such. With and without SOs present. If you are having mortgage issues, you talk to people with a mortgage. Maybe they've heard of someone helping people in her financial situation. This real estate bubble caught everyone off guard. There are deserted neighborhoods all over the country. If he were paying attention to the news and his woman's worries, he would have taken it as her seeking information about helping their situation. Running me a bath after I work overtime is nice. Telling me about a company that can help us out of a financial bind so I can stop working over time is better. Accepting any honest paying job so you can help me out of this financial situation is awesome. Sitting here telling me I was stupid for trying to get a home so we can live better is {insert your favorite expletive here}.

University of Smitty said:

The mortage discussion was about the "Loan Modification'" thread. As a man he's suppose to take care of his family.  So I can see how discussing that issue with her girl like he wasnt there would piss him off.  SHe pretty much put his situation on display for her girl and in turn, he put her on display for her girl.   Now she's worried about what they'll think of her but she wasnt worried about what they'll think of him

 

Yall know damn well if you have in-house and mortage problems, the first thing out of the next woman's mouth is "what you got his sorry azz there for....."   Not to say her girl said that,  I mean how could she with him sitting right there?? It wasnt the time or place for that kind of 'girl talk'
 
JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by mese on March 14, 2012 at 12:32am

All these comments are def giving me advice for my future. Lol. 

MissBling said:

BINGO!! When a man is short we get real short lol! We can all agree that she needs to leave his ass alone. However, if she stays w/ him to save face then she is gonna be resentful. I believe she is already resentful. When we are there, we know how to say s*** w/o really saying s***. Where the hell is BB?! I have questions.

University of Smitty said:

Thank you.  That's the perfect example of 'things that go without saying....' lol

SACK CHASER said:

I get that as well. Remember their are 3 sides to every story.

I'm sure we all know how we can get when a man is short when its time to pay bills! Lol! So I'm not buying all of that "I support and do everything for him" crap because I know how y'all black heffas can be. #ATTITUDE

She is unhappy and if putting his ass out will make her life easier then she should do so!

University of Smitty said:

Yeah, but some things go without saying. Now I'm not saying he wasnt wrong.  I'm just saying he wasnt the only one wrong.
 
JustMe said:

Lack of knowledge is never an acceptable excuse. If the discussion was about the loan modification, unless she stated "I gotta let a loan modification cause this sorry ass nigga ain't helping me" I still say he was completely out of line.  If she was telling her friend the same stuff she told us, old dude is just a loose cannon waiting to explode... (further)

University of Smitty said:

*sigh*.........this is a man that works odd jobs, CC.  He aint into that real estate bubble sh*t lol  He could have handled it better but apparently he doesnt know how
 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

But see, Smitty, my gfs and I do talk mortgages and 401k and such. With and without SOs present. If you are having mortgage issues, you talk to people with a mortgage. Maybe they've heard of someone helping people in her financial situation. This real estate bubble caught everyone off guard. There are deserted neighborhoods all over the country. If he were paying attention to the news and his woman's worries, he would have taken it as her seeking information about helping their situation. Running me a bath after I work overtime is nice. Telling me about a company that can help us out of a financial bind so I can stop working over time is better. Accepting any honest paying job so you can help me out of this financial situation is awesome. Sitting here telling me I was stupid for trying to get a home so we can live better is {insert your favorite expletive here}.

University of Smitty said:

The mortage discussion was about the "Loan Modification'" thread. As a man he's suppose to take care of his family.  So I can see how discussing that issue with her girl like he wasnt there would piss him off.  SHe pretty much put his situation on display for her girl and in turn, he put her on display for her girl.   Now she's worried about what they'll think of her but she wasnt worried about what they'll think of him

 

Yall know damn well if you have in-house and mortage problems, the first thing out of the next woman's mouth is "what you got his sorry azz there for....."   Not to say her girl said that,  I mean how could she with him sitting right there?? It wasnt the time or place for that kind of 'girl talk'
 
JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on March 14, 2012 at 12:33am

ummm, growing up and get married werent the first expectations with my parents...It was always, since I can remember, what are yoou going to be when you grow up?  And the fact the he has always taught me to be independent so I can take care of my own shyt (changing tires, washing car, etc) lead me to believe that it wasnt about having children and allowing a man to take care of me...sorry, that ish for the birds. AND he always taught my brother and I to be leaders and never followers in anything  that we do...... How long ago were you born???

 blackfujones said:

 

Im saying it..Its a straight up fact. Really what are you expectations growing up as a little girl besides to bare children? Not trying to be sexist but I'm talking about reality here. As a woman what does society expect you to do besides be a good worker bee and bare children?

JustMe said:

Who says we aren't born expected to be leaders? Cause that definitely wasn't the case in my house... 

blackfujo nes said:

As much s*** as blk males have been dished out, sometimes i wish you all could really jump in our shoes. You all arent born being expected to be leaders..we are..its heavy and can break the weakest of men..

OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:

Sometimes it's 'abuse' either physical or mental and they have to leave.

blackfujones said:

Simply put he's suffering from what ails a lot of black males between 20-35..The fact that as kids we were told to either work with our hands and go out and get a job and forego college.  And the time of the blue collar worker is now gone, and that the way you make money these days is strictly white collar money.  To be honest he has to go to therapy in order to find purpose and direction. He's directing his frustration/hurt/disgust/ at himself is being directed towards you.  Ive seen this happen with a lot of guys...really it takes a very strong female and patient one to withstand it.  A lot of times yall dont stay around because the hurt he's dishing out is too strong.  Hell just think, people have been telling you to graduate high school, get a job, raise a family your whole life.  So you graduate high school, get a job, get a family, cant support family lol..Whereas since the start of the working two parent household women have been told to go to hs/go to college for nursing/education/etc./ then work take care of family.  Now its graduate hs/get bachelors/get masters...you all have a huge leg up on us, and for men its frustrating trying to be like your elders but not being able to.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on March 14, 2012 at 12:42am

My dad told me I could be whatever I wanted to be

 blackfujones said:

I do have a question though...And I just posed this to my gf. I asked her when she was a little girl did her mom and dad ever say to her one day she could be president of the united states, president of a large corporation, captain of the football team, Mayor, Governor etc. Im not saying that there cant be any women there I'm just chiming on the notion that the expectations of both genders are VASTLY different. Im not trying to help this brotha out in anyway for his  laziness. But I can see some frustration there due to failure to live up to expectations.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on March 14, 2012 at 12:43am

Is that all you expect of your daughters?
 
blackfujones said:

Im saying it..Its a straight up fact. Really what are you expectations growing up as a little girl besides to bare children? Not trying to be sexist but I'm talking about reality here. As a woman what does society expect you to do besides be a good worker bee and bare children?

JustMe said:

Who says we aren't born expected to be leaders? Cause that definitely wasn't the case in my house... 

blackfujo nes said:

As much s*** as blk males have been dished out, sometimes i wish you all could really jump in our shoes. You all arent born being expected to be leaders..we are..its heavy and can break the weakest of men..

OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:

Sometimes it's 'abuse' either physical or mental and they have to leave.

blackfujones said:

Simply put he's suffering from what ails a lot of black males between 20-35..The fact that as kids we were told to either work with our hands and go out and get a job and forego college.  And the time of the blue collar worker is now gone, and that the way you make money these days is strictly white collar money.  To be honest he has to go to therapy in order to find purpose and direction. He's directing his frustration/hurt/disgust/ at himself is being directed towards you.  Ive seen this happen with a lot of guys...really it takes a very strong female and patient one to withstand it.  A lot of times yall dont stay around because the hurt he's dishing out is too strong.  Hell just think, people have been telling you to graduate high school, get a job, raise a family your whole life.  So you graduate high school, get a job, get a family, cant support family lol..Whereas since the start of the working two parent household women have been told to go to hs/go to college for nursing/education/etc./ then work take care of family.  Now its graduate hs/get bachelors/get masters...you all have a huge leg up on us, and for men its frustrating trying to be like your elders but not being able to.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by blackfujones on March 14, 2012 at 12:48am

You missed the jest of what I was saying. As young men we have certain goals that's been planted in us by our peers/parents/society for us to aspire to. Which is being leaders of our family/community etc. You cant say with a straight face that those same expectations are put upon women.  I'm a father and I tell my daughters they can be whatever they want to be. But my I tell my nephews/godsons that when they get older I EXPECT them to be great leaders.  My daughters have the ability to go through life wandering if they feel like w/o any consequence.  However,  as a young man the minute you stray away it'll be hell to pay.....hell when were you born again? yesterday

MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! said:

Is that all you expect of your daughters?
 
blackfujones said:

Im saying it..Its a straight up fact. Really what are you expectations growing up as a little girl besides to bare children? Not trying to be sexist but I'm talking about reality here. As a woman what does society expect you to do besides be a good worker bee and bare children?

JustMe said:

Who says we aren't born expected to be leaders? Cause that definitely wasn't the case in my house... 

blackfujo nes said:

As much s*** as blk males have been dished out, sometimes i wish you all could really jump in our shoes. You all arent born being expected to be leaders..we are..its heavy and can break the weakest of men..

OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:

Sometimes it's 'abuse' either physical or mental and they have to leave.

blackfujones said:

Simply put he's suffering from what ails a lot of black males between 20-35..The fact that as kids we were told to either work with our hands and go out and get a job and forego college.  And the time of the blue collar worker is now gone, and that the way you make money these days is strictly white collar money.  To be honest he has to go to therapy in order to find purpose and direction. He's directing his frustration/hurt/disgust/ at himself is being directed towards you.  Ive seen this happen with a lot of guys...really it takes a very strong female and patient one to withstand it.  A lot of times yall dont stay around because the hurt he's dishing out is too strong.  Hell just think, people have been telling you to graduate high school, get a job, raise a family your whole life.  So you graduate high school, get a job, get a family, cant support family lol..Whereas since the start of the working two parent household women have been told to go to hs/go to college for nursing/education/etc./ then work take care of family.  Now its graduate hs/get bachelors/get masters...you all have a huge leg up on us, and for men its frustrating trying to be like your elders but not being able to.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by tru2this on March 14, 2012 at 1:04am

Wow! I just read all of this! Girl you knew he was in his "planning" phase when you got with him so thats on you.You said he was older than you soooo he wasn't even established when you met, if he's older than 30 and still a loser you might want to cut your losses. I dont support grown ass men on the "come up". THIS is why I only do guys with money, you never have to think/worry about things like this. 

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