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Please tell me how to deal with Angry Black Man syndrome?
Ok so I have finally figured it out. So now I need some advice from my Ladies and Tone stupid ass! What do I do with an angry black man? I went to college and got a degree because that is what I was told I was supposed to do. This in return presented me with more opprotunites than my BD. He came from a two parent household (just like me and had the same opportunities) be he choose to go down a different path. So last night I was talking about the mortgage and my 401K with my friend who had stopped by. After she left, he goes off as usual saying that I think I am better than him because I did this and that like the white man told me. Now I am so sick of him and his s***!!! I cannot and will not be demeaned in front of my daughter because I did what I was supposed to do. He has been sick so I have been the supportive lil girlfriend and been helping do everything in the f****** house including to not getting laid and dealing with it. I go to therapy and even my therapist is like IDK what you are going to do with him. I cannot be supportive and keep taking the blame of his imaginary world on my shoulders. Where the f*** is my support and will I ever get it? Should I just give up and move on because I cannot compete with the Angry black man b******* anymore. I just want to be loved and supported and he just wants to blame me for his daily struggle. But I am a part of this struggle I feel like it is way harder for me as a black women than for him. I said this last night and I thought he was going to explode. So anyone have any advice on how to deal cuz I am about to have him committed. Are ppl still really blaming the white man for their own B*******?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on -
~~~~but that's what leading is. That's what great leaders do.
You're right that we don't have the same burdens (male vs female) but we both share the burden of race.
blackfujones said:thats not called leading..that called doing whats necessary.Im ssaying you all arent born with that burden. on your shoulders.
Love is a Losing Game said:Oh and @black...times have changed! We aint taught to push out babies and be a homemaker anymore. We are taught to make it happen. So often does tha responsibilty fall on us so we gotta 'make it do what it do'....I guess you can call it being a leader...most single women wit no kids are leaders. (That doesent take away the desire for a man to lead tho)
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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on -
EXACTLY...leading is taking initiative to do what you know needs to be done, when you lead, you become a leader...its not about some bullshit ass expectations and generalizations of gender roles.
OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:~~~~but that's what leading is. That's what great leaders do.
You're right that we don't have the same burdens (male vs female) but we both share the burden of race.
blackfujones said:thats not called leading..that called doing whats necessary.Im ssaying you all arent born with that burden. on your shoulders.
Love is a Losing Game said:Oh and @black...times have changed! We aint taught to push out babies and be a homemaker anymore. We are taught to make it happen. So often does tha responsibilty fall on us so we gotta 'make it do what it do'....I guess you can call it being a leader...most single women wit no kids are leaders. (That doesent take away the desire for a man to lead tho)
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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on -
I am smart except when it comes to him. I got a few stocks to cash in, haven't touched my taxes, and still have a bit of saving. I do think i need to treat myself to something nice. S*** after last night I deserve it. I am going to go and buy some paint from Home Depot when I get off and have a field day on Saturday.
O blackfujones, this nigga said he was doing some soul searching and now he wants to be back in the streets like some of his homeboys. I am like really! So this is your big plan? Well do you cuz I aint never seen a retired hustler. WTF! I can't I hope and pray my daughter isn't bipolar that mess is hereditary (sp)?
blackfujones said:first off..you dont need retail therapy at all..save ya paper. Secondly leave dude...hes way to far gone. You two would be better off w/o eachother, because hes to hurt with himself and is taking it out on you
Ms. BoiBye said:Girl I went out an took a smoke break then came back cuz I was boua be on the crazy bus with him. I known this nigga since we was in high school so I don't understand what happened in the few years we lost contact, but he was really a good person. I just hope I don't turn ppl into bad ppl because I don't want to f*** my daughter up. I called the courthouse and they are saying I need to give him 30 days. IDK about anything anymore excet that I need to get away from him because now that I know how he really feels I want to hurt him how he hurt me and that is not healthy. Thanks for talking me down from the ledge cuz I really was going to bust his head to the white meat!
LThansove is a Losing Game said:
Fight? Really BB? Girl that fool aint got nothing to live for! We will be reading about yo ass on yahoo, leaving messages about how good of a person u were. Stay yo ass at work and don't fuel the fire! Let him know its time for him to go. Talk to ur mom and uncles. Maybe stay with her or have them stay wit u for a couple nights. Its obvious u dealin with a looney loser. Don't u go doing no dumb ish!
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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on
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so you don't expect your daughters to be leaders??? your expectations of them are to get married, have kids, and take care of their husband. WHY dont you expect your daughters to be leaders. Again, you act like you were born yesterday or in the 50's with that "things dont/wont change mentality"
blackfujones said:You missed the jest of what I was saying. As young men we have certain goals that's been planted in us by our peers/parents/society for us to aspire to. Which is being leaders of our family/community etc. You cant say with a straight face that those same expectations are put upon women. I'm a father and I tell my daughters they can be whatever they want to be. But my I tell my nephews/godsons that when they get older I EXPECT them to be great leaders. My daughters have the ability to go through life wandering if they feel like w/o any consequence. However, as a young man the minute you stray away it'll be hell to pay.....hell when were you born again? yesterday
MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! said:Is that all you expect of your daughters?
blackfujones said:Im saying it..Its a straight up fact. Really what are you expectations growing up as a little girl besides to bare children? Not trying to be sexist but I'm talking about reality here. As a woman what does society expect you to do besides be a good worker bee and bare children?
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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on
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Girl, I can't tell you what to do but I HOPE you are done with him. You cant be with someone who has ill feelings towards you. It's not at all...and someon that will lock out his OWN daughter..Hell Nah...
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Permalink Reply by Honeycoated on
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It'S official! Men be on they period too! Im convinced men have periods, Just internally.
Ms. BoiBye said:He does do nice things but it depends on how he is feeling. But once he is set off about the smallest things it all goes downhill. When I work overtime he runs my bath water, he cleans the house, he tries to cook me dinner (lol girl it aint always good but I eat it), he pays bills when he has money, he washes and cleans my car once a week, last week he chased down the bootleg man to get me a movie and he is a great dad to my daughter. But the fool is bipolar. Example he got mad because my friend and her son came over last night. The kids were playing he was watching tv. Her and I were in the kitchen just chatting about our mortgage situations. So he says well if you aint go out and buy this condo you wouldn't have these problems. U should have just rented, I said baby I know but we in it now. So guess i have to ride out the economy. So what you suggest we do. He says in front of my friend I was going to just set this b**** on fire, but it really aint my problem just walk away from it. U trying to live some American dream and your ass aint American. I was like Ok baby. He goes off on a rant about me trying to be white because I am chasing some dream made up by someone who don't give a f*** about me. I was so embarrassed. When they left I asked him why he had to go off like that in front of her and cussing and carrying on in front of her kid. He said well you the dumb ass for bringing her over here. I was like ok, but you didn’t have to act like that. He said well what you wanted me to do. I was like be normal for a change. He goes off again. So you want me to be a white man. I was like ok you got it. I went and cooped from my homeboy and came back in the house at like 4Am when I knew he was sleep. This morning he goes off again cuz now he thinks I’m smashing the homie. I am like nope it is only business. I really want him to turn back into the person that I feel in love with I miss him so much. Now I am stuck going in circle with a f****** lunatic. By no means am I saying I am perfect (since the secret therapy sessions). My bad for going off earlier I am beyond frustrated and kind of not wanting to go home. But I cannot go over my mom house she is just as nuts as he is?!?!?!
University of Smitty said:
Oh....well say that then. All that mess about what are they going to say when she starts school is superficial.......believe it or not. To hear you tell it, he doesnt work, he doesnt f**k but other than that you're very happy....lol I'm sure you remember typing that, dont you???? So what's really going on here???? I asked you what did he do that made you so 'very happy' before. Did you ever give an answer????
Ms. BoiBye said:
I’m not worried about any 5 year old in the least bit. I am worried about my financial future. How am I going to retire and save for my daughter college to provide the best for her and he sitting in the house beating off?!?!?! I’m sorry but being the breadwinner for years was not in the plans. He always got big dreams and hopes but they never come in to anything. So if you want to take care of him I will send him your address, but I am sick of taking care of a MF who don't appreciate my efforts!. Superficial s***!!!
University of Smitty said:
This sh*t here is SUPER superficial. Do you know how many kids dont have daddies at all, let alone one that works???? Everybody cant be a chief.......some of us have to be indians; that's just life. You're worried about what the next 5 year old might say?????? You havent grown up as much as you think.
Ms. BoiBye said:
How long am I supposed to give him. I was just chilling until they told me I was preggers. I stopped tripping and grew the hell up. I found a job with benefits so my daugther would be good. He is still working odd jobs here and there and doing the same thing he been doing. I need him to set a better example for my daughter. She will start school in September. They going say o where your mommy work. Her in an office. where your daddy work sometimes from the couch? Not cool! Tone said:
Sounds like he is just lazy and you should leave him if he does not get his act together.
Ms. BoiBye said:
No I am not above him or anyone else. I cannot judge that man on his past, but the present and future are looking real shaky. Tone said:
Do you feel you are above him now?
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Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on
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BB wit all the ish u were lettin him take u through I was almost certain u was lettin him run through ur money too.I also liked that u didn't marry him and the second baby thing. Good job. I'm glad to read that u still on ur game. Now, that also let's me know that u got A LOT sense. U already know what it is with him. You need to make sure you and ur lil girl are safe. U don't know what he is thinking and will do. He obviously wants to hurt you. Be careful in how u deal with him.
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Permalink Reply by blackfujones on -
It is? Like i said that's doing whats necessary. If thats the case there wouldve been a woman from the niagra falls movement who was the face of the civil rights movement instead of a young man who KNEW he was a born leader. Who btw name is Martin Luther King. Yes we share the same burdens of race, what Im trying to get you all to understand is that as boys and girls we're expected to BE a certain way. Most males are supposed to be great at athletics, rough and tough, leaders etc etc. Its different for women. Ill say again Im not condoning what this gentelemen is doing, however I can see why he's hurt. He's at a point of no return because he's all the way outta touch with reality, plus shes lost respect for him..this relationship is DONE
OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:~~~~but that's what leading is. That's what great leaders do.
You're right that we don't have the same burdens (male vs female) but we both share the burden of race.
blackfujones said:thats not called leading..that called doing whats necessary.Im ssaying you all arent born with that burden. on your shoulders.
Love is a Losing Game said:Oh and @black...times have changed! We aint taught to push out babies and be a homemaker anymore. We are taught to make it happen. So often does tha responsibilty fall on us so we gotta 'make it do what it do'....I guess you can call it being a leader...most single women wit no kids are leaders. (That doesent take away the desire for a man to lead tho)
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Permalink Reply by blackfujones on
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And this is where the disconnect is between men and women. You clearly have a problem with hearing what someone is saying, processing it and understanding where I AM COMING FROM. You can't even be totally honest with yourself and say that your father expected you to be president. Really ladies, how many of your moms n dads said you can be president one day. Or did they "like I say sometimes unknowingly" tell your daughters or have someone tell you that YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANNA BE. See as men we're expected to be certain things. Being leaders is on the top of that list. You just cant get your head outta the sand fast enought to realize that.
MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! said:so you don't expect your daughters to be leaders??? your expectations of them are to get married, have kids, and take care of their husband. WHY dont you expect your daughters to be leaders. Again, you act like you were born yesterday or in the 50's with that "things dont/wont change mentality"
blackfujones said:You missed the jest of what I was saying. As young men we have certain goals that's been planted in us by our peers/parents/society for us to aspire to. Which is being leaders of our family/community etc. You cant say with a straight face that those same expectations are put upon women. I'm a father and I tell my daughters they can be whatever they want to be. But my I tell my nephews/godsons that when they get older I EXPECT them to be great leaders. My daughters have the ability to go through life wandering if they feel like w/o any consequence. However, as a young man the minute you stray away it'll be hell to pay.....hell when were you born again? yesterday
MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! said:Is that all you expect of your daughters?
blackfujones said:Im saying it..Its a straight up fact. Really what are you expectations growing up as a little girl besides to bare children? Not trying to be sexist but I'm talking about reality here. As a woman what does society expect you to do besides be a good worker bee and bare children?
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Permalink Reply by blackfujones on
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o hush up woman...we on the boat tonight. you rolllin joe joe
Honeycoated said:It'S official! Men be on they period too! Im convinced men have periods, Just internally.
Ms. BoiBye said:He does do nice things but it depends on how he is feeling. But once he is set off about the smallest things it all goes downhill. When I work overtime he runs my bath water, he cleans the house, he tries to cook me dinner (lol girl it aint always good but I eat it), he pays bills when he has money, he washes and cleans my car once a week, last week he chased down the bootleg man to get me a movie and he is a great dad to my daughter. But the fool is bipolar. Example he got mad because my friend and her son came over last night. The kids were playing he was watching tv. Her and I were in the kitchen just chatting about our mortgage situations. So he says well if you aint go out and buy this condo you wouldn't have these problems. U should have just rented, I said baby I know but we in it now. So guess i have to ride out the economy. So what you suggest we do. He says in front of my friend I was going to just set this b**** on fire, but it really aint my problem just walk away from it. U trying to live some American dream and your ass aint American. I was like Ok baby. He goes off on a rant about me trying to be white because I am chasing some dream made up by someone who don't give a f*** about me. I was so embarrassed. When they left I asked him why he had to go off like that in front of her and cussing and carrying on in front of her kid. He said well you the dumb ass for bringing her over here. I was like ok, but you didn’t have to act like that. He said well what you wanted me to do. I was like be normal for a change. He goes off again. So you want me to be a white man. I was like ok you got it. I went and cooped from my homeboy and came back in the house at like 4Am when I knew he was sleep. This morning he goes off again cuz now he thinks I’m smashing the homie. I am like nope it is only business. I really want him to turn back into the person that I feel in love with I miss him so much. Now I am stuck going in circle with a f****** lunatic. By no means am I saying I am perfect (since the secret therapy sessions). My bad for going off earlier I am beyond frustrated and kind of not wanting to go home. But I cannot go over my mom house she is just as nuts as he is?!?!?!
University of Smitty said:
Oh....well say that then. All that mess about what are they going to say when she starts school is superficial.......believe it or not. To hear you tell it, he doesnt work, he doesnt f**k but other than that you're very happy....lol I'm sure you remember typing that, dont you???? So what's really going on here???? I asked you what did he do that made you so 'very happy' before. Did you ever give an answer????
Ms. BoiBye said:
I’m not worried about any 5 year old in the least bit. I am worried about my financial future. How am I going to retire and save for my daughter college to provide the best for her and he sitting in the house beating off?!?!?! I’m sorry but being the breadwinner for years was not in the plans. He always got big dreams and hopes but they never come in to anything. So if you want to take care of him I will send him your address, but I am sick of taking care of a MF who don't appreciate my efforts!. Superficial s***!!!
University of Smitty said:
This sh*t here is SUPER superficial. Do you know how many kids dont have daddies at all, let alone one that works???? Everybody cant be a chief.......some of us have to be indians; that's just life. You're worried about what the next 5 year old might say?????? You havent grown up as much as you think.
Ms. BoiBye said:
How long am I supposed to give him. I was just chilling until they told me I was preggers. I stopped tripping and grew the hell up. I found a job with benefits so my daugther would be good. He is still working odd jobs here and there and doing the same thing he been doing. I need him to set a better example for my daughter. She will start school in September. They going say o where your mommy work. Her in an office. where your daddy work sometimes from the couch? Not cool! Tone said:
Sounds like he is just lazy and you should leave him if he does not get his act together.
Ms. BoiBye said:
No I am not above him or anyone else. I cannot judge that man on his past, but the present and future are looking real shaky. Tone said:
Do you feel you are above him now?
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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on
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I told you I was smart about my money dumb about my honey LOL. I did learn one thing from my grandma she always had a few side accounts. LOL under the bible, in her shoe box, in the back of the closet, and in her bra. So God rest her soul but she left me with that much sense. I let him think we were struggling so he wouldn't ask me for nothing. But truth be told i think he had too much pride to ask me for money. I know cuz the courthouse said I have to give him 30 days, but I am not leaving my home where I was staying before I met him. But I really don't want my folks to go over there acting up cuz then I will be painting for necessity and relaxation, LOL. Come on give me a little credit. Always got a plan B!!!!! I never touched, but didn’t say I wasn’t looking J
Love is a Losing Game said:BB wit all the ish u were lettin him take u through I was almost certain u was lettin him run through ur money too.I also liked that u didn't marry him and the second baby thing. Good job. I'm glad to read that u still on ur game. Now, that also let's me know that u got A LOT sense. U already know what it is with him. You need to make sure you and ur lil girl are safe. U don't know what he is thinking and will do. He obviously wants to hurt you. Be careful in how u deal with him.
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