Please tell me how to deal with Angry Black Man syndrome?

Ok so I have finally figured it out. So now I need some advice from my Ladies and Tone stupid ass! What do I do with an angry black man? I went to college and got a degree because that is what I was told I was supposed to do. This in return presented me with more opprotunites than my BD. He came from a two parent household (just like me and had the same opportunities) be he choose to go down a different path. So last night I was talking about the mortgage and my 401K with my friend who had stopped by. After she left, he goes off as usual saying that I think I am better than him because I did this and that like the white man told me. Now I am so sick of him and his s***!!! I cannot and will not be demeaned in front of my daughter because I did what I was supposed to do. He has been sick so I have been the supportive lil girlfriend and been helping do everything in the f****** house including to not getting laid and dealing with it. I go to therapy and even my therapist is like IDK what you are going to do with him. I cannot be supportive and keep taking the blame of his imaginary world on my shoulders. Where the f*** is my support and will I ever get it? Should I just give up and move on because I cannot compete with the Angry black man b******* anymore. I just want to be loved and supported and he just wants to blame me for his daily struggle. But I am a part of this struggle I feel like it is way harder for me as a black women than for him. I said this last night and I thought he was going to explode. So anyone have any advice on how to deal cuz I am about to have him committed. Are ppl still really blaming the white man for their own B*******?

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LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? He ain't paying bills sooooooooooo... Siren and Bling may have something on that. But seriously, if I'm paying ALL the bills in the house I should be able to talk to anyone I want to about anything I want to.

Flip the script and say it is the woman who is qualified to work but has decided various jobs her man suggests and helps her get aren't good enough for her and they need that second income. Y'all know good and doggone well his boys would be telling him to kick that trick out. She'd be all kinds of names. And she ain't giving up the sex either? Oooooooooh chile! His friends would be calling him all kinds of bytchazzes and punkazzes.

University of Smitty said:

LOL....messy azz.  I think Siren & Bling are right about the mortage discussion. 

 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

Smitty, does this include him? *shrug* 


University of Smitty said:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think.  If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!

 

Ms. BoiBye said:

She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him.  Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.

*exits posts and slams door on the way out*

If you are single that would be acceptable. In a relationship there are certain things that are taboo. Discussing your financial business w/ your homegirl in front of your man is just one of those things. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would be daring his ass to even whisper that s*** to his boys while you right there.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? He ain't paying bills sooooooooooo... Siren and Bling may have something on that. But seriously, if I'm paying ALL the bills in the house I should be able to talk to anyone I want to about anything I want to.

Flip the script and say it is the woman who is qualified to work but has decided various jobs her man suggests and helps her get aren't good enough for her and they need that second income. Y'all know good and doggone well his boys would be telling him to kick that trick out. She'd be all kinds of names. And she ain't giving up the sex either? Oooooooooh chile! His friends would be calling him all kinds of bytchazzes and punkazzes.

University of Smitty said:

LOL....messy azz.  I think Siren & Bling are right about the mortage discussion. 

 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

Smitty, does this include him? *shrug* 


University of Smitty said:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think.  If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!

 

Ms. BoiBye said:

She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him.  Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.

*exits posts and slams door on the way out*

Wait...I thought it was ok for women not to work

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? He ain't paying bills sooooooooooo... Siren and Bling may have something on that. But seriously, if I'm paying ALL the bills in the house I should be able to talk to anyone I want to about anything I want to.

Flip the script and say it is the woman who is qualified to work but has decided various jobs her man suggests and helps her get aren't good enough for her and they need that second income. Y'all know good and doggone well his boys would be telling him to kick that trick out. She'd be all kinds of names. And she ain't giving up the sex either? Oooooooooh chile! His friends would be calling him all kinds of bytchazzes and punkazzes.

University of Smitty said:

LOL....messy azz.  I think Siren & Bling are right about the mortage discussion. 

 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

Smitty, does this include him? *shrug* 


University of Smitty said:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think.  If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!

 

Ms. BoiBye said:

She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him.  Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.

*exits posts and slams door on the way out*

Read the highlighted.

blackfujones said:

Wait...I thought it was ok for women not to work

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? He ain't paying bills sooooooooooo... Siren and Bling may have something on that. But seriously, if I'm paying ALL the bills in the house I should be able to talk to anyone I want to about anything I want to.

Flip the script and say it is the woman who is qualified to work but has decided various jobs her man suggests and helps her get aren't good enough for her and they need that second income. Y'all know good and doggone well his boys would be telling him to kick that trick out. She'd be all kinds of names. And she ain't giving up the sex either? Oooooooooh chile! His friends would be calling him all kinds of bytchazzes and punkazzes.

University of Smitty said:

LOL....messy azz.  I think Siren & Bling are right about the mortage discussion. 

 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

Smitty, does this include him? *shrug* 


University of Smitty said:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think.  If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!

 

Ms. BoiBye said:

She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him.  Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.

*exits posts and slams door on the way out*

In a marriage it maybe taboo but until he puts a ring on it, in my book anyway, they are just kicking it. He can walk away at any time. And some chick might be daring him to do it but she'd be a dumb bunny. When is the last time you told your man he couldn't say whatever the fugg he wanted to in his home where he pays ALL THE BILLS in front of his boys? Even insinuate it?

MissBling said:

If you are single that would be acceptable. In a relationship there are certain things that are taboo. Discussing your financial business w/ your homegirl in front of your man is just one of those things. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would be daring his ass to even whisper that s*** to his boys while you right there.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? He ain't paying bills sooooooooooo... Siren and Bling may have something on that. But seriously, if I'm paying ALL the bills in the house I should be able to talk to anyone I want to about anything I want to.

Flip the script and say it is the woman who is qualified to work but has decided various jobs her man suggests and helps her get aren't good enough for her and they need that second income. Y'all know good and doggone well his boys would be telling him to kick that trick out. She'd be all kinds of names. And she ain't giving up the sex either? Oooooooooh chile! His friends would be calling him all kinds of bytchazzes and punkazzes.

University of Smitty said:

LOL....messy azz.  I think Siren & Bling are right about the mortage discussion. 

 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

Smitty, does this include him? *shrug* 


University of Smitty said:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think.  If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!

 

Ms. BoiBye said:

She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him.  Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.

*exits posts and slams door on the way out*

I think if they are co habitating no matter who pays the bills respect is respect...Before I got married i still would have never discussed financial strains in my household in front of my friends...it is emasculating. If she wants him to do better, emasculating him won't facilitate it. When I first moved in with my husband he payed all the bills and I would have a serious issue of him having something to say to his friends while i am there. Not a good luck no matter how you paint the picture. The lack of respect seems to be the root cause for both of them.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

In a marriage it maybe taboo but until he puts a ring on it, in my book anyway, they are just kicking it. He can walk away at any time. And some chick might be daring him to do it but she'd be a dumb bunny. When is the last time you told your man he couldn't say whatever the fugg he wanted to in his home where he pays ALL THE BILLS in front of his boys? Even insinuate it?

MissBling said:

If you are single that would be acceptable. In a relationship there are certain things that are taboo. Discussing your financial business w/ your homegirl in front of your man is just one of those things. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would be daring his ass to even whisper that s*** to his boys while you right there.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? He ain't paying bills sooooooooooo... Siren and Bling may have something on that. But seriously, if I'm paying ALL the bills in the house I should be able to talk to anyone I want to about anything I want to.

Flip the script and say it is the woman who is qualified to work but has decided various jobs her man suggests and helps her get aren't good enough for her and they need that second income. Y'all know good and doggone well his boys would be telling him to kick that trick out. She'd be all kinds of names. And she ain't giving up the sex either? Oooooooooh chile! His friends would be calling him all kinds of bytchazzes and punkazzes.

University of Smitty said:

LOL....messy azz.  I think Siren & Bling are right about the mortage discussion. 

 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

Smitty, does this include him? *shrug* 


University of Smitty said:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think.  If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!

 

Ms. BoiBye said:

She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him.  Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.

*exits posts and slams door on the way out*

Married or not as long as I live there... regardless of him paying all the bills that's still OUR house and he better not say ish about anything that goes on in OUR house while I'm in earshot or else his ass will be summoned to the room. He can say whatever the hell he wants in the man cave with the door closed, as long as I don't hear. If he is saying some s*** loud enough for me to hear but talking to someone else and I'm not equally involved in the convo; I'm gonna feel a certain kind of way. He just spazzed in front of the friend instead of calling her ass to the room. That's probably because he doesn't like the friend in the first place lol!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

In a marriage it maybe taboo but until he puts a ring on it, in my book anyway, they are just kicking it. He can walk away at any time. And some chick might be daring him to do it but she'd be a dumb bunny. When is the last time you told your man he couldn't say whatever the fugg he wanted to in his home where he pays ALL THE BILLS in front of his boys? Even insinuate it?

MissBling said:

If you are single that would be acceptable. In a relationship there are certain things that are taboo. Discussing your financial business w/ your homegirl in front of your man is just one of those things. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would be daring his ass to even whisper that s*** to his boys while you right there.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? He ain't paying bills sooooooooooo... Siren and Bling may have something on that. But seriously, if I'm paying ALL the bills in the house I should be able to talk to anyone I want to about anything I want to.

Flip the script and say it is the woman who is qualified to work but has decided various jobs her man suggests and helps her get aren't good enough for her and they need that second income. Y'all know good and doggone well his boys would be telling him to kick that trick out. She'd be all kinds of names. And she ain't giving up the sex either? Oooooooooh chile! His friends would be calling him all kinds of bytchazzes and punkazzes.

University of Smitty said:

LOL....messy azz.  I think Siren & Bling are right about the mortage discussion. 

 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

Smitty, does this include him? *shrug* 


University of Smitty said:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think.  If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!

 

Ms. BoiBye said:

She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him.  Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.

*exits posts and slams door on the way out*

what is going on is you do feel you are above him and even though you don't want to admit it your actions are showing it.  This happens all the time among black men and women. We start at the same level and you guys advance faster then us and then you think we are being lazy because you moved UP  and we have not.

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

I agree with all of this below. MissBling I'm gonna agree to disagree with you, BAfam.

JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

The mortage discussion was about the "Loan Modification'" thread. As a man he's suppose to take care of his family.  So I can see how discussing that issue with her girl like he wasnt there would piss him off.  SHe pretty much put his situation on display for her girl and in turn, he put her on display for her girl.   Now she's worried about what they'll think of her but she wasnt worried about what they'll think of him

 

Yall know damn well if you have in-house and mortage problems, the first thing out of the next woman's mouth is "what you got his sorry azz there for....."   Not to say her girl said that,  I mean how could she with him sitting right there?? It wasnt the time or place for that kind of 'girl talk'
 
JustMe said:

I'm sorry, I don't get how discussing 401k & a mortgage is disrespectful... I say that as a married woman. Was the discussion about financial restraints or financial planning??? What exactly was  the discussion about??? 

And being completely honest, regardless of the subject matter he had NO REASON to act a fool with her. 

I dated, loved, had a baby with & married a guy JUST LIKE THIS!!!!! Every failure in his life was somehow my fault. And if he had a success I somehow tricked him into it... 

Until old boy gets his own s*** together there is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING Ms. BB can do for him. If she chooses to continue to try, that's fine too. Cause she won't end the situation until she is completely ready.  

And I call BS on the "no money in blue collar" work... Blue collar dudes still make paper, hell I know a few that make over 6 figures a year.  Ninjas forget you have to start somewhere. And he needs to start with getting that ass up off the couch... 

I agree, the lack of respect is the root. I think he started it by disrespecting her for trying to help him and hold it down for a brother. He didn't appreciate it. When you don't feel appreciated you start to feel resentful. There was no reason for him to go off in front of company. If he had any respect for her, he would have waited until her friends had gone and THEN had a calm adult talk. I think he is salty because in the end all of that is hers and if he disappeared tomorrow, she might be hurt but she wouldn't miss him financially. Not one thing would change in her household. On the other hand, if she disappeared tomorrow, he would not be able to handle the household bills alone. That has got to make him feel lower than catfish poop. He is 32 years old. At that age, if you are able minded and bodied you are suppose to be able to handle a household. Even if it is a small household of one.

Siren said:

I think if they are co habitating no matter who pays the bills respect is respect...Before I got married i still would have never discussed financial strains in my household in front of my friends...it is emasculating. If she wants him to do better, emasculating him won't facilitate it. When I first moved in with my husband he payed all the bills and I would have a serious issue of him having something to say to his friends while i am there. Not a good luck no matter how you paint the picture. The lack of respect seems to be the root cause for both of them.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

In a marriage it maybe taboo but until he puts a ring on it, in my book anyway, they are just kicking it. He can walk away at any time. And some chick might be daring him to do it but she'd be a dumb bunny. When is the last time you told your man he couldn't say whatever the fugg he wanted to in his home where he pays ALL THE BILLS in front of his boys? Even insinuate it?

MissBling said:

If you are single that would be acceptable. In a relationship there are certain things that are taboo. Discussing your financial business w/ your homegirl in front of your man is just one of those things. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would be daring his ass to even whisper that s*** to his boys while you right there.

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

LOL Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???? He ain't paying bills sooooooooooo... Siren and Bling may have something on that. But seriously, if I'm paying ALL the bills in the house I should be able to talk to anyone I want to about anything I want to.

Flip the script and say it is the woman who is qualified to work but has decided various jobs her man suggests and helps her get aren't good enough for her and they need that second income. Y'all know good and doggone well his boys would be telling him to kick that trick out. She'd be all kinds of names. And she ain't giving up the sex either? Oooooooooh chile! His friends would be calling him all kinds of bytchazzes and punkazzes.

University of Smitty said:

LOL....messy azz.  I think Siren & Bling are right about the mortage discussion. 

 
CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

Smitty, does this include him? *shrug* 


University of Smitty said:

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER MUTHAF**KAS THINK!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to snap EVERY time you mention what somebody else might think.  If theyre not paying your mortgage.......F**K 'EM!!!!!!

 

Ms. BoiBye said:

She was embarassed for me so she quietly gathered her s*** and got the hell out of dodge. I hope she don't go and tell everyone my household is unstable. I dont put on a front for ppl, but they don't know how bad it has gotten either. Cuz i always smile even when it is bad cuz I am not a debbie downer, but damn I cannot be strong for him and me anymore. And he still aint giving up the D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

What I am seeing is you holding him down and respecting him and him showing you no respect in your own home and in front of your friends. Wow. And that is ok with everyone? Ok, let me leave this post because I have nothing sweet to say about him.  Nor do I want to be on his cheer leading team.

*exits posts and slams door on the way out*

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