SELFISH LOVER
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I started dating this F.C. (guy) in Jan. He is sweet, romantic, respectful, and thoughtful so I was in heaven. We talked and text all day. When we finally decided to sleep together it was bananas. I have never been so fulfilled sexually. Everything was picture perfect for a while. He cooks, he cleans, and brings lunch by the job. So here’s where the problem began; I love oral sex. Giving it more than receiving it. In the beginning he was so shocked. I can do him all day and don’t expect it in return as long as I get mine eventually. We could just be watching T.V and I will happily start to please him, no questions asked. The sex was always good in return so I didn’t trip. Now, for no apparent reason this man could care less about my satisfaction. He gets off and will pass out snoring before I can even complain. It doesn’t matter oral or penetration, once he’s done that’s it. I’ve tried to talk to him about it and he just laughs it off. He says I’m exaggerating and it isn’t that bad and I need to hurry up (WTF). After I have to nag him for weeks, he might give me a good one but the next day I’m back to the drawing board with the begging part. It is ruining what began as a great relationship. It got so frustrating to the point that I held back from giving him oral because why please him if he won’t please me. He finally gave in after about 2 weeks. I thought I would die. He was o.k for a while but I could tell it was only so the Becky wouldn’t stop. That offends me so I don’t even enjoy pleasing him as much anymore because now I’m starting to feel he’s a selfish jerk. I broke up with him because this was stupid and not worth the stress but not seeing him or talking to him was killing me. He’s my new BFF/Great Boyfriend. Or at least HE WAS. We were broke up for about 3 weeks when he finally came to me and said he needs me and that he LOVES me and please take him back. I was shocked. I had no idea he felt that way, I thought it was me. I realized I kinda love him toooooo because it hurt so much when we were apart and I don’t even want anyone else. We got back together, it was good again for a few weeks and now he’s doing it again. Just lays back and waits to be pleased like he’s the King and I’m his humble servant, instead of his woman. It’s not that he can’t satisfy me, he just refuses to do it until he feels like it which is like once every couple months. I won’t to cheat but I’m not like that. I want to leave again but I think I love him. Everything else is great. Is sex worth breaking up? What the hell is wrong? Is he using me? Why did he use the L word to get me back? Is this my fault for doing it (oral) so freely? Please help. I have no clue what to do.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Golden Child on -
Me personally in a relatinship sex can make or break it. And in this case its been broken, wtf im up here pleasing u and not getting the goods but once in a while oh hell naw!
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Permalink Reply by Peaches on -
Girl he is selfish he must change or just let well enough alone...reason being i do my dude the same way and what's so funny is when I was younger like HS and so forth I used to despise of giving oral only enjoyed receiving until I met my boo which I love soooooooooo much I just started wanting to please him after half a year of dating one because he is very handsome and tall so I knew if I didn't some other slut bucket would glady do it for him so I started to give him oral and I enjoyed it to where it was no biggie but when I did start givin in more to his needs I noticed the same King stance but confronted him and told him you don't please Ms.K (kitty) Ms.M won't take care of Mr.D anymore he understood and its been on every since...try 69 that way you go and he goes at the same time oral wise and you would both be pleased....tadaaaa ....lol...goodluck but bad sex and no communication can pretty much sum up and end even the greatest relationships.
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Permalink Reply by Hello Kitty on -
There is nothing worse than a selfish lover and bad sex is deal breaker for me, it's too important and there's so much good sex to be had (with your monogamous partner), why settle for something wack. I don't think there's anything wrong with giving your man good head but when I hook my man up, I do it so good that he WANTS to please me just as much as I've pleased him. It's ok for him to sit back and enjoy it like he's a king but when it's time to f*ck, he better lay it DOWN. I don't know how much more clearly you'd have to spell that out.
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Permalink Reply by Starr on -
Just leave. His selfishness will emerge in other areas of the relationship eventually. And yes, sex can ruin a relationship. I mean, you talked to him about it and he still continues to do it, so obviously he doesn't give a fuck about pleasing you.
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Permalink Reply by The real vixxen on -
Yea its a degrading feeling giving head and not even gettin urs! I say leave his ass!! There are plenty other men out there that will gladly give u dat becky!! Btw becky means nut right??
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Permalink Reply by Elise' on -
he's lazy and immature..
hell, I don't need a man to clean or cook--umm, yeah, I got that myself..
I think he has gotten the roles mixed up, its actually the female's fault, she spoiled him, toooo soon.
those kind of things are for good men--after you've known them for a while and they have proven themselves.
she let all of the goodies out of the bag already for a half-ass..lazy lover. WOW
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Permalink Reply by XS on -
Hey All,
This is my delimma that I posted to get advice. I just want to point out that no I don't feel I did anything tooo soon. We dated for months and talked and communicated and I thought we were on the same page. As I explained the feelings were mutual in the beginning when we agreed to start a serious relationship thus leading to intimacy.
In the beginning we were pleasing each other well.
At some point a couple months ago, after we had been intimate for about 3 months he started this behavior. I don't use sex as a barganing tool in a relationship.
I'm not going to apologize for being the type of woman who enjoys pleasing her man and wants to keep him satisfied. I actually get off giving him oral so I do it for BOTH of us.
It's just that now if I don't finish first, I'm left hanging.
Until my Ex untimely death, he was my first love and I was blessed to have a loving, fulfilling relationship and I thought I was on track to accomplish the same with F.C.
My confusion is why he started one way and now has changed the game plan, without explanation.
I'm just trying to decide if i want the delimma another man may bring v/s the great partner I have found in this one (minus the current issue).
I'm not one to sleep around. I've only been with 4 guys and I was hoping he was the last or #5 would be my husband. So as opposed to just jumping ship. i was trying to see if anyone could shed some light on the issue or offer useful solutions. (not be judgemental and talk about me negatively)
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Permalink Reply by XS on
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Sorry guys,
Lastly, this is confusing to me because I am very attractive. After spending years trying to get guys to get off my looks and focus on me the person.
After my EX died it was hard to date again.
I finally find a great guy and now the problem is I can't get him to sleep with me enough..... Life is a BITCH!
From one extreme to the next.
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Permalink Reply by Butter_Cup on -
Wow, ummm let see...... sometimes we woman over analize things. In my opinon you would be a fool to leave him over HEAD or sex...Smh Yes it's true your man is a lazy lover and yes he probley isnt listening when your telling him he's not pleaseing you but, this is something you have to understand men get tired of lisening never looking so just do. By just do i mean 69 thats the only way he can get some head or bring toys in the room. My ex treated me the way you treat your dude and it got to the point if he even asked me for head it turned me off. I was spoiled just like your man intill he started changing. The love making wasnt the same and I loved him so much i realized this was impotant to him. No complaining... He just showed me:o) So stop talkin. Plus it's 2009 girl get some damn toys and enjoy your self! He better be carful with those toys the tables might turn and he maybe the one writing a blog.lol Anyway good luck dnt leave your man no one is perfect.
XS said:Sorry guys,
Lastly, this is confusing to me because I am very attractive. After spending years trying to get guys to get off my looks and focus on me the person.
After my EX died it was hard to date again.
I finally find a great guy and now the problem is I can't get him to sleep with me enough..... Life is a BITCH!
From one extreme to the next.
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Permalink Reply by MS. UCAN NEVA GET ENUFF!! on -
Sex IS worth breaking up for- some say its not that important, but its said in the back of our minds, not the front- It will eventually lead to other relationshipship problems such as infidelity. If the sex isnt on point, no matter how much we love this person, we will want/need someone else for sex- If he came back to you and then started the same BS again- its who he is and u probably want be able to change that- i say have a seriops talk with him- hey ur actions are jepordazing? our relationship, if u dont change we cant be together- but u can still use him as a booty call- Im sure you'll get it then. You dont love him, not saying u want to leave again and especially not saying I think I love him- you've only been with 4 men- HIGH FIVE but maybe u need to get out more..lol
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Just because you are considered a "thug" doesn't mean you are running around robbing and shooting people. That is what you call a criminal.
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