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Permalink Reply by Michele Le'croe on April 24, 2012 at 4:15pm

You can't change anyone but yourself!
 
Monica Amazing said:

This!!!! is exactly where I am now.

Siren said:

At this point the biggest thing I learned from my exes is that I chose them and I needed to make better choices in men. I needed to focus on what was important to me beyond the surface. I also learned that I can't make someone be who they aren't some people no matter how much you like them do not have the capacity to be/give you what you need.

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Permalink Reply by AlterEgo on April 24, 2012 at 7:49pm

My ex taught me that the bm is not the cray, lying, bitter ass bih, it's usually them!!! (I had a situation very similar to Royce), dude talking about he "wanna see his kids" and was over there....

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Permalink Reply by TheLadyJosephine on April 24, 2012 at 9:14pm

Don't waste time!!  If you know that you know that you know you don't want him no more, let him go.  I held on trying.  Screw that, I knew, wasted both our time  and caused unnecessary hurt feelings.

When a man says he is looking and wants to get married, he  means it.  If you don't want that, don't even start.

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Permalink Reply by Lenel on April 24, 2012 at 10:27pm

Go with your gut. Soon as you see a red flag or feel uncomfortable RUN Forrest RUN.

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Permalink Reply by l8dy-c on April 24, 2012 at 10:52pm

My ex taught me to say what I feel when needed.At first it was hard. 

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Permalink Reply by ATown SouthernGal on April 25, 2012 at 9:21am

Recent dating friend- Actions don't always speak louder than words...take them both into consideration 

(He told me he didn't want a relationship at this time in his life yet he acted as if we were in one so I took it for more than it was...or hoped it would be more than he said it was.  It wasn't until another guy asked me if I like him because I told him I didn't want to date him yet I was always talking to him on the phone and saying yes when he invited me to lunch or dinner so he was thinking my actions would override my words...which wasn't the case.)

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Permalink Reply by ATown SouthernGal on April 25, 2012 at 9:28am

Great thread!

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Permalink Reply by CCD is Workin on a baller 4 she on April 25, 2012 at 10:19am

The positives: A real man loves being in the company of a lady. He opens doors, holds out chairs, takes care of everything, and enjoys seeing me happy. I learned about enjoying my sexuality and the fun of giving and receiving. That I am a sexual being and there isn't a damn thing wrong with that. It isn't all about him and it isn't all about me. It is about sharing. Having a life with each other and apart. Most of all that real men want to be loved and appreciated and the rewards are awesome for doing both.

The negatives: The Y chromosome is the lie chromosome. Always have your facts and examples at the ready. The first time a man breaks your deal breaker rule, leave. Do not look back. Forgive him so you can forget him. Never deal with a male that doesn't respect women even if he is ACTING like he respects you. It is just an act. Weak males bore me. Any male concerned with the number of men I've been with is only concerned because he's scared he can't compete. Weak men bore me. Pay attention to his actions and his words.

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Permalink Reply by Sheli on April 25, 2012 at 10:59am

I deserved better, so start requiring the best. My weaknesses should be my partner's strengths. I did absolutely nothing to make him cheat, that was his decision & his decision alone, so don't ever ask "What did I do?" or allow him to tell me "I cheated b/c you did XYZ." Second chances are usually an invitation to a new kind of hurt, not everyone deserves a 2nd chance. Say exactly what you want from him, if not he'll give you what he feels you deserve. I give too much, its ok to keep something for myself. Don't listen to what he says, especially when his actions show different.

I need to be more open/emotional, I have a nonchalant attitude, which leads people to believe I don't care. When a man wants to be with you 4 walls nor 400 miles will prevent him from doing so. A real, equally reciprocated love is a beautiful thing.

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Permalink Reply by Sunny Disposition on April 25, 2012 at 12:23pm

+ 1 to the positives - this has been my most recent experience too.
I've learned to: ALWAYS follow my intuition; love myself first; know what I want before going into anything; make my boundaries crystal clear from the get go.
& use the past relationship as an opportunity to grow, then leave the past where it belongs  -  keep moving onwards & upwards!

CCDreamin' of a baller for me said:

The positives: A real man loves being in the company of a lady. He opens doors, holds out chairs, takes care of everything, and enjoys seeing me happy. I learned about enjoying my sexuality and the fun of giving and receiving. That I am a sexual being and there isn't a damn thing wrong with that. It isn't all about him and it isn't all about me. It is about sharing. Having a life with each other and apart. Most of all that real men want to be loved and appreciated and the rewards are awesome for doing both.

The negatives: The Y chromosome is the lie chromosome. Always have your facts and examples at the ready. The first time a man breaks your deal breaker rule, leave. Do not look back. Forgive him so you can forget him. Never deal with a male that doesn't respect women even if he is ACTING like he respects you. It is just an act. Weak males bore me. Any male concerned with the number of men I've been with is only concerned because he's scared he can't compete. Weak men bore me. Pay attention to his actions and his words.

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Permalink Reply by DB on April 25, 2012 at 4:32pm

First boyfriend: never let a man make me feel obligated to do what he wants me to do in an effort to "keep him"
Second ex: I should never settle for someone I have to squint really hard at to make cute to me
Guy I was talking to: I should never apologize when I didn't do anything wrong just to be the bigger person... I should never second guess my intuitive decisions 
Guy from sophomore year: I dont believe that I should approach men first, I like to be approached and courted so I should never compromise that for someone who will turn out to be someone I constantly have to make the first move with 

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Permalink Reply by l8dy-c on April 25, 2012 at 4:44pm

The last 2 ex's never change on a man.I learned on my own that I can never commit to man. And that my mind is made up to cheat, lie, and never commit.

DB said:

First boyfriend: never let a man make me feel obligated to do what he wants me to do in an effort to "keep him" Second ex: I should never settle for someone I have to squint really hard at to make cute to me Guy I was talking to: I should never apologize when I didn't do anything wrong just to be the bigger person... I should never second guess my intuitive decisions 
Guy from sophomore year: I dont believe that I should approach men first, I like to be approached and courted so I should never compromise that for someone who will turn out to be someone I constantly have to make the first move with 

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