I hope you don't mind me borrowing your idea, but it was so funny I started thinking of who else would be shocked if I told them what I really thought. Post what you would love to tell the people at the job, but you can't or your ass will be unemployed with the quickness......

Views: 2983

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Hilarious, i have a nasty thong wearing fat co worker who can't spell s*** and instant messages too much.

DA_DON said:
*stop emailing me jokes and asking what time i go to lunch. this is not highschool we are not friends.*
*i dont shake hands without having some hand sanitizer close by, i saw u walk out the bathroom without washing yo hands. *
*everybody know u the office queen, sss-sit yo ass down somewhere*
*stop telling me all yo biz. seriously, u notice how i dont tell u s*** about my life. crazy ass.
*stop getting all these hood hair style, i wanted to tell u how the mgr's were looking at yo head and shaking there heads on the slide, but it was funny i just laughed.
*wow u met,f***** and got knocked up by the new dude all in 1 month. yall are a match made in hell. smh
*that person u consider ur bff @ the job is about to through u under the bus to get yo job dumbass
will be back with more........im typing this s*** and waving @ these f*** people as they walk by my office. ha ha ha
Hahahha..Tab you are disgruntled. LOL

Tab said:
I already did one and was sent to the HNIC. lol...I told her she had a headache because she was crazy as f***!

Get the f*** out of my face, I don't give a f*** what they do in your country... You've been here for how long and you still don't know not to invade my personal space, and not to pick off someone elses plate.

Do you really need my input on what coffee to brew??? And that dumb ass Coffee coffee song is about to get you shot!

You are about to take the fall for this project buttplug. I tried to tell your sand nigger ass, but you talking about you are a pit bull, you're about to be a teacup yorkie after they finish with yo ass, I hope hand cuffs are involved b****! The same dudes you kiss ass all up in their crack in the office, lmao, they have black listed you and I got the 411...

I have cramps! stop asking me how I feel b****!

NO I AM NOT DOWNLOADING ANYTHING FROM YOUR TERRORIST SITES,so stop asking me do I want to come in your office to see some BS.

I called the FEDS on yo ass because you made such a big deal about filling out the annual finance report. I told them you were a terriorist with ties to al quada. I saw something so I said something. And I am about to tell them you bought ANOTHER hard drive eraser.

If you come behind my desk one more time...I'mma slap fire out yo ass.

You make 6 figures, why do you want to borrow my po ass new paper every time you visit. And you could read it somewhere else, you don't have to stand at my desk.

When we first met, you were from "Africa" "brother" but since I elbowed yo ass in the ribs, you are from Egypt.

B****, you just got here and tryna make a name and show them you can hang with the big "boys"...but you should have had a better plan than coming at me, and f****** our supervisor and this other fat ugly f***... Now you are the office bird, that needs a friend, GTFO my face... you should have thought of that before you call HR on me.

Stop trying to talk to me NOW, I don't care if you have a key or not, I'm leaving and locking everything behind me...stop reminding me everyday that you have a key, I could care less you crazy lunaticky b****. You bring yo ass up to my office one more time to look out the window...

Sit yo ass down!

You are not Spanish Nigga, you are black.

I know you are a f****** drunk.

Who cares about your kids, your son is gay and your daughter is ugly.

Bring one mo "cousin" to the office I'mma make sure your manish wife finds out about it.

Oh, you were rock hard when you were in your thirties,,,why are you telling me for? Now you are a bowlegged big nose drunk that talks to damn much...SIT DOWN!

No one in here likes you and I was the only one with the balls to tell you so. You better be lucky I've been warned. Oh, your wife is calling as I type, I should tell her you left with your"cousin"

Oh, they made you supervisor? Yo ass can't even read, gtfoh!

I should have thrown yo ass under the bus when yo bust it baby tried to get me fired and you sided with her.

I am still telling our black chief that you said "black men don't like to work" Your right, he has yo ass working for him. And I know you do eight balls everyday coming in here sniffin like a damn dog, f****** coke head.

Come back over when everyone is gone, I want you to bend me over the sink in the bathroom...
yes thats my car backed in out there, no i didnt get my rims from rent a tire and paying a note on them, (poeple still do that, wtf)no i cannot tell u where i bought them from, no some crack head dont wipe my car off, no we cannot car pool, no i was not driving through the parking lot fast for the hell of it that day, i was intentionally trying to run u down when i saw u walking. i have a office cuz my job is more important then urs, no i dont want to go to happy hr cuz im going with my real friends when i get off. those smedium (small and medium combined) collared shirts u keep wearing r not the biz dude. im tired of seeing yo f****** nipples everytime u have to come talk to me, s*** is gross ewww.

let me stop im getting to excited. ha ha
I don't even curse like that, but at work it crosses my mind on a regular...

-Stop constantly inviting yourself to my damn house. I don't care to be surrounded by any of you on my private time.
- No, I don't want to visit your damn church, seeing your ass at work is enough. Besides, being surrounded by hypocrites I like to limit it to the workplace, if at all.
- Stop listening to my f***** conversation b****** and do your work.
-Got dammit, I have a child at home to have to tell what to do; simple b****** can't follow damn directions...urgh.
-No, I'm not putting you in for a raise 'cause your absent minded ass can't even do what is required of you NOW.
- Why do these grown MoFo act like children?? I'm tired of mediating the same ole bullshyt on a regular... grow up already and get some dyck and p**** at home so we can all have a harmonious work place, geesh!
-Here comes tattle tale...
-No, I don't want to have a potluck, I don't know how none of you are living..besides, half of you don't like each other so there is no telling what the hell is going to be in the casserole.
> I swear they don't do background checks in this b#tch
> Ugh, if you saw me doing something lets have a one on one enough with this mass email b*******
> Yeah i saw your b**** ass in the parking lot and no i didn't slow down and yes i gunned that s***
> All these friendly text messages will make you a dead man my baby dont play that b*******
> No i dont want to be set up with your son enough with the emails.
> If your fat ass come by my desk one more time with that notepad we just had a potluck two days ago..
> yes i careerbuiler, monster, yahoo hotjobs in this b**** all day who the hell made you internet police? Your lunch is in the garbage hoe
> This big and burly mothrfckr comes in here everday with a damn black trenchcoat, cowboy hat, and combat boots in 90 degree weather and you all still cant figure out who made that bomb threat last week? Dumbasses
* nobody in here likes you. the sound of your voice is like nails on a chalkboard
* i hate to break it to you, boo boo, but your man is gay and everyone knows but you. him being impotent and not wanting to live together didnt ring any bells for you?
* you are a f****** idiot and imma need you to stop makin babies
* i dont care what damn country you came from, but over here in America, we take baths/showers DAILY AND we use deodorant. GO BUY SOME IMMEDIATELY
* b****, i will NEVER eat anything you cook, cuz you are just NASTY
* i swear to g_d if we weren't both married, i would wipe yo ass DOWN!
* being the office b**** is NOT A GOOD THING! nobody wants to talk to you and the boss is just itchin to fire you. ask me how i know
* how bout you stop all that damn giggling and do some damn work
* yes i can do my work and surf the internet at the same time, cuz im a bad b****. you better act like you know
* i swear, if you try to give me advice i didnt ask for ONE MORE TIME, ima tell you about yo damn self, starting with the fact that nobody likes you
Is anyone else reading any of these and realizing you might be that co-worker someone else is b!tching about! I'm naturally very happy/giddy and am talkative at work now, so I'm sure I'm losing cool points. I've been staying to myself lately because something is going down, now I believe people think I'm plotting against them.

Which leads to my next rant: you wouldn't have to worry about any employees here suing you for racial discrimination, gender discrimination, sexual orientation discrimination, age discrimination, etc... if you all weren't so obvious in how you pick people for certain positions. Nothing but "straight" white males in your highest positions, and many of them have no degrees and HUGE drinking problems. When people walk in and see all of your support staff are minorities and women and are so much smarter than you, and look pretty disgruntled, you begin to see why clients and contractors testify against you in court, dumba$$es......
*NO i will not buy shyt from your child's fundraiser so you can take the money and pay your light bill, what I look like? BooBoo the Fool?

*You inquiry why I look as if I dont want to be at work??? Thats because I don't want to be at work! Ol Basic Ass!

*I TWITTER ALL DAY LONG!

*Quit monitoring when I come and go....worry about your own damn time.

*Dont worry about how I am able to buy that Louis Vuitton Damier Canvas Speedy you've had your broke ass eye on. It isnt your money heffa so stop hatin with yo basic ass!

*Wife beatters/tank tops are NOT considered business casual!

*Get out of my damn hair. Just because I have naturally curly hair DOES NOT mean I am mixed or have an activator. Ignorant ass girl, BYE!

*No I will be participating in the department wide potluck, ya'll some nasty mofos & I refuse to eat anything that came outta your kitchen where at one point you admitted to letting your cat walk on the counters. UGH!

*No I will not be contributing to so & so's babyshower, I dont know that hoe like that

*Yes im going out for lunch and hell no I will not bring you something back and NO you cannot ride with me either.

*Just because my door is open does not mean I have an open door policy so therefore quit strolling up in here and plopping your fat nasty stankin ass on my seats fussing about how much you hate your job. HEY maybe if you stayed in school long enough to get your high school diploma you would'nt be working for someone 20 years younger than you...SILLY TRICK GO BACK TO SCHOOL!

*No i do not want to see pictures from you vacation, i dont know or like you so keep it moving.

*I keep hand sanitizer because I see you coming out of the restroom & not a lick of water tough your filty hands. you are disgusting.

*I really dont need FMLA but hey I got it!

*When my dude was in the Bahamas, I called him from the office everyday.

*Yes, I stole some of your clients...how else do you expect me to keep sporting those Louis Vuitton bags you rere love so much but cant afford.

WHEEEWWWW I still got more but gotta go into a meeting.....I'll be back!
* is there a reason that you MUST eat & work with your common ass LV bag on your desk ?! you & everyone else has the real & knock off version of that bag !

* wtf are you so got damn FAKE !? soon as these new people started here you use to talk about them like a damn DOG & now your buddy buddy with them I should expose your ass for the fake ass b**** that you are.

* wtf do you act like a 18yr old instead of a damn 28yr old ?! must you jump around and swing in your chair ALL the damn time ?! do some f****** work !

*wth do you laugh like that ?! sounds liek your chooking on d*** every damn 5min STFU already.

* no one gives a s*** about you & your psuedo- cousins life. every got damn day you have a story about something oen of your "cousins" did. I aint NEVER met someone who has 5011 damn cousins. B**** those are JUST your FRIENDS !
OH I HATE PEOPLE WHO KEEP THEIR DESIGNER PURSE, SUNGLASSES, LEXUS KEYS, ETC. ON THEIR DESK!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I give you props for getting it but you don't have to advertise for them, too. Or do you?

Irreplaceable_me said:
* is there a reason that you MUST eat & work with your common ass LV bag on your desk ?! you & everyone else has the real & knock off version of that bag !

* wtf are you so got damn FAKE !? soon as these new people started here you use to talk about them like a damn DOG & now your buddy buddy with them I should expose your ass for the fake ass b**** that you are.

* wtf do you act like a 18yr old instead of a damn 28yr old ?! must you jump around and swing in your chair ALL the damn time ?! do some f****** work !

*wth do you laugh like that ?! sounds liek your chooking on d*** every damn 5min STFU already.

* no one gives a s*** about you & your psuedo- cousins life. every got damn day you have a story about something oen of your "cousins" did. I aint NEVER met someone who has 5011 damn cousins. B**** those are JUST your FRIENDS !
Here's my big one:

Stop lying about having a baller. You don't have a baller now, you've never had a baller, and your simple ass will never settle down with a baller. You've been sleeping with male groupies for years. The NBA player's flunkie, the NFL player's cousin, the CEO's no good nephew, the mayor's assistant's assistant, none of these men are ballers. They are using someone else's name to get into your pants and they treat you like crap. And these parties promoters are not ballers, the promoters that make money aren't out making fools of themselves shouting on commercials and covered in fake chains and Ed Hardly (yes, Hardly, cause you know most of it is fake).

Stop lying about being in a relationship with this ball player or that one. Look at where you live. Any man that cares about you, your momma, and your kids would not let you live like that. Stop spending your child support on the best outfits you can buy and have your kid looking homeless so you can snag another baller. You never snagged one in the first place, so stop fronting and just get a real job so you can quit hiding your Mini Cooper every two months when you can't make the payment. And why the h3ll are you paying $580 a month for a car but are on Section 8?

Men, stop bragging about the money you have and are willing to spend on me, put up or shut up. Taking me to some fancy overpriced niche restaurant the white people at your job rave about does not impress me. This restaurant was a novel concept, and like our relationship, it will not last.

Yes, I drive a very old car that's on the verge of breaking down, but it's mine. I love my car and will be trading up when I finish school. See, that's the order you go in, degree, then car. Nice roof over your head, then car. Not BMW, Gucci, Fendi, Coach, then move out of the crappy apartment. If you care so much about my car, buy me another one or get out of my face.

Yes, I know men don't find short hair attractive and still chose to cut mine off. Did you know they don't like bad weaves? I don't care if you paid $175 a bag and it's from India, what the hell makes you think that Indian hair is passing for your real hair? So you paid all that money to still look a silky mess. If you wanted a weave that clashed with your hair color and texture so badly, you should have just paid for the synthetic.

Men, stop complaining about hating fat black women (then giving me the side eye when you say it). Now that they make tees in XXL XXXL and XXXXL, obviously sistahs ain't getting fat alone. And don't talk about how you want a fit woman while we sit at the steak house and you've eaten two loves of bread, a 16 oz. steak, heavy salad dressing, and a loaded baked potato and recommended the salad to me (yes, this has happened). Plus, you no longer have a high metabolism, I saw the way your jogging pants were hugging your thighs, fatso.

Please, do not roll your eyes or make a comment when you see me out with a white guy. Guess what bruh, while you were out chasing anything light, bright, and sometimes white, the white man with a good job and a big heart was busy loving my fat ass and having a good time. While you're trying to live up to the unfortunate black pimp/mandingo stereotype I've met this white guy's family, friends, co-workers, and have several pictures with him on Facebook, and please, stop sending me messages about how I'm selling out and am a fool. So while you and your homeboys talk about how good Asian and Hispanic women treat you (yet all of you are single), I'll be enjoying sushi, independent films, and cartoons with my white love interest, thanks!
i was waiting for ur response. ha ha ha

DUVALPrincess said:
*NO i will not buy shyt from your child's fundraiser so you can take the money and pay your light bill, what I look like? BooBoo the Fool?

*You inquiry why I look as if I dont want to be at work??? Thats because I don't want to be at work! Ol Basic Ass!

*I TWITTER ALL DAY LONG!

*Quit monitoring when I come and go....worry about your own damn time.

*Dont worry about how I am able to buy that Louis Vuitton Damier Canvas Speedy you've had your broke ass eye on. It isnt your money heffa so stop hatin with yo basic ass!

*Wife beatters/tank tops are NOT considered business casual!

*Get out of my damn hair. Just because I have naturally curly hair DOES NOT mean I am mixed or have an activator. Ignorant ass girl, BYE!

*No I will be participating in the department wide potluck, ya'll some nasty mofos & I refuse to eat anything that came outta your kitchen where at one point you admitted to letting your cat walk on the counters. UGH!

*No I will not be contributing to so & so's babyshower, I dont know that hoe like that

*Yes im going out for lunch and hell no I will not bring you something back and NO you cannot ride with me either.

*Just because my door is open does not mean I have an open door policy so therefore quit strolling up in here and plopping your fat nasty stankin ass on my seats fussing about how much you hate your job. HEY maybe if you stayed in school long enough to get your high school diploma you would'nt be working for someone 20 years younger than you...SILLY TRICK GO BACK TO SCHOOL!

*No i do not want to see pictures from you vacation, i dont know or like you so keep it moving.

*I keep hand sanitizer because I see you coming out of the restroom & not a lick of water tough your filty hands. you are disgusting.

*I really dont need FMLA but hey I got it!

*When my dude was in the Bahamas, I called him from the office everyday.

*Yes, I stole some of your clients...how else do you expect me to keep sporting those Louis Vuitton bags you rere love so much but cant afford.

WHEEEWWWW I still got more but gotta go into a meeting.....I'll be back!

Reply to Discussion

RSS

ADVERTISEMENT

Connect


BallerBoards

Lil Kim's Baby Daddy Thirsts After Nicki Minaj

Started by RubyWoo in Talk Ish. Last reply by Beautiful Brownie 4 minutes ago. 1 Reply

No word on whether Lil Kim and Mr.…Continue

Emily B and Fabolous Expecting Second Child

Started by RubyWoo in Talk Ish. Last reply by University of Smitty 13 hours ago. 7 Replies

It's being reported that Fabolous…Continue

Entrepreneurship

Started by SoLuscious in Talk Ish. Last reply by SoLuscious yesterday. 85 Replies

For as long as i can remember, ive always disliked working for others. Throughout my life (including now) ive also been on an entrepreneurial journey, trying ALL types of businesses and working on…Continue

Tags: retirement, early, hustle, side, entrepreneur

Latest Activity

Gabrielle Halton commented on Eleven8's blog post Contest: Win The Ultimate Baller Alert Holiday Gift Basket
"DONE"
4 minutes ago
Beautiful Brownie replied to RubyWoo's discussion Lil Kim's Baby Daddy Thirsts After Nicki Minaj
"I don't think so when they asked Kim about him on the breakfast club...she was trying to evade…"
4 minutes ago
Brazil commented on Peachkyss's blog post Baller Alert's Hit or Miss: Carrie Underwood Wearing Xtreme White and Gold Embroidered Gown For 2014 American Country Countdown Awards
"She looks beautiful"
9 minutes ago
Brazil commented on Eleven8's blog post Bobby Shmurda, Sha Money XL & More Arrested
"Dumbasses"
10 minutes ago
Brazil commented on Asimplebijou's blog post Baller Alert's Wives/Girlfriends/Baby Mamas: Colleen Crowley
"They make a good looking couple...you better hold on to him girl!"
14 minutes ago
April W commented on Eleven8's blog post Contest: Win The Ultimate Baller Alert Holiday Gift Basket
"Done"
14 minutes ago
RubyWoo posted discussions
16 minutes ago
Brazil commented on Eleven8's blog post San Francisco 49ers Cut Ray McDonald After Rape Allegations
"what is wrong with these players? Why can't you just go play football and keep your a**es out…"
18 minutes ago
Brazil commented on Asimplebijou's blog post Baller Alert's Morning Wood: Willie Taylor (Singer)
"Glory...that is all"
19 minutes ago
Brazil commented on Eleven8's blog post Phaedra Parks Plans To Visit Apollo For Christmas
"If they can't work out their marriage, hopefully they can @ least be cordial and work…"
22 minutes ago
Beautiful Brownie liked Asimplebijou's blog post Baller Alert's Morning Wood: Willie Taylor (Singer)
25 minutes ago
Beautiful Brownie commented on Asimplebijou's blog post Baller Alert's Morning Wood: Willie Taylor (Singer)
"He's so handsome."
25 minutes ago

© 2014   Created by Baller Alert.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

Offline

Live Video