I hope you don't mind me borrowing your idea, but it was so funny I started thinking of who else would be shocked if I told them what I really thought. Post what you would love to tell the people at the job, but you can't or your ass will be unemployed with the quickness......

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yes thats my car backed in out there, no i didnt get my rims from rent a tire and paying a note on them, (poeple still do that, wtf)no i cannot tell u where i bought them from, no some crack head dont wipe my car off, no we cannot car pool, no i was not driving through the parking lot fast for the hell of it that day, i was intentionally trying to run u down when i saw u walking. i have a office cuz my job is more important then urs, no i dont want to go to happy hr cuz im going with my real friends when i get off. those smedium (small and medium combined) collared shirts u keep wearing r not the biz dude. im tired of seeing yo f****** nipples everytime u have to come talk to me, s*** is gross ewww.

let me stop im getting to excited. ha ha
I don't even curse like that, but at work it crosses my mind on a regular...

-Stop constantly inviting yourself to my damn house. I don't care to be surrounded by any of you on my private time.
- No, I don't want to visit your damn church, seeing your ass at work is enough. Besides, being surrounded by hypocrites I like to limit it to the workplace, if at all.
- Stop listening to my f***** conversation b****** and do your work.
-Got dammit, I have a child at home to have to tell what to do; simple b****** can't follow damn directions...urgh.
-No, I'm not putting you in for a raise 'cause your absent minded ass can't even do what is required of you NOW.
- Why do these grown MoFo act like children?? I'm tired of mediating the same ole bullshyt on a regular... grow up already and get some dyck and p**** at home so we can all have a harmonious work place, geesh!
-Here comes tattle tale...
-No, I don't want to have a potluck, I don't know how none of you are living..besides, half of you don't like each other so there is no telling what the hell is going to be in the casserole.
> I swear they don't do background checks in this b#tch
> Ugh, if you saw me doing something lets have a one on one enough with this mass email b*******
> Yeah i saw your b**** ass in the parking lot and no i didn't slow down and yes i gunned that s***
> All these friendly text messages will make you a dead man my baby dont play that b*******
> No i dont want to be set up with your son enough with the emails.
> If your fat ass come by my desk one more time with that notepad we just had a potluck two days ago..
> yes i careerbuiler, monster, yahoo hotjobs in this b**** all day who the hell made you internet police? Your lunch is in the garbage hoe
> This big and burly mothrfckr comes in here everday with a damn black trenchcoat, cowboy hat, and combat boots in 90 degree weather and you all still cant figure out who made that bomb threat last week? Dumbasses
* nobody in here likes you. the sound of your voice is like nails on a chalkboard
* i hate to break it to you, boo boo, but your man is gay and everyone knows but you. him being impotent and not wanting to live together didnt ring any bells for you?
* you are a f****** idiot and imma need you to stop makin babies
* i dont care what damn country you came from, but over here in America, we take baths/showers DAILY AND we use deodorant. GO BUY SOME IMMEDIATELY
* b****, i will NEVER eat anything you cook, cuz you are just NASTY
* i swear to g_d if we weren't both married, i would wipe yo ass DOWN!
* being the office b**** is NOT A GOOD THING! nobody wants to talk to you and the boss is just itchin to fire you. ask me how i know
* how bout you stop all that damn giggling and do some damn work
* yes i can do my work and surf the internet at the same time, cuz im a bad b****. you better act like you know
* i swear, if you try to give me advice i didnt ask for ONE MORE TIME, ima tell you about yo damn self, starting with the fact that nobody likes you
Is anyone else reading any of these and realizing you might be that co-worker someone else is b!tching about! I'm naturally very happy/giddy and am talkative at work now, so I'm sure I'm losing cool points. I've been staying to myself lately because something is going down, now I believe people think I'm plotting against them.

Which leads to my next rant: you wouldn't have to worry about any employees here suing you for racial discrimination, gender discrimination, sexual orientation discrimination, age discrimination, etc... if you all weren't so obvious in how you pick people for certain positions. Nothing but "straight" white males in your highest positions, and many of them have no degrees and HUGE drinking problems. When people walk in and see all of your support staff are minorities and women and are so much smarter than you, and look pretty disgruntled, you begin to see why clients and contractors testify against you in court, dumba$$es......
*NO i will not buy shyt from your child's fundraiser so you can take the money and pay your light bill, what I look like? BooBoo the Fool?

*You inquiry why I look as if I dont want to be at work??? Thats because I don't want to be at work! Ol Basic Ass!

*I TWITTER ALL DAY LONG!

*Quit monitoring when I come and go....worry about your own damn time.

*Dont worry about how I am able to buy that Louis Vuitton Damier Canvas Speedy you've had your broke ass eye on. It isnt your money heffa so stop hatin with yo basic ass!

*Wife beatters/tank tops are NOT considered business casual!

*Get out of my damn hair. Just because I have naturally curly hair DOES NOT mean I am mixed or have an activator. Ignorant ass girl, BYE!

*No I will be participating in the department wide potluck, ya'll some nasty mofos & I refuse to eat anything that came outta your kitchen where at one point you admitted to letting your cat walk on the counters. UGH!

*No I will not be contributing to so & so's babyshower, I dont know that hoe like that

*Yes im going out for lunch and hell no I will not bring you something back and NO you cannot ride with me either.

*Just because my door is open does not mean I have an open door policy so therefore quit strolling up in here and plopping your fat nasty stankin ass on my seats fussing about how much you hate your job. HEY maybe if you stayed in school long enough to get your high school diploma you would'nt be working for someone 20 years younger than you...SILLY TRICK GO BACK TO SCHOOL!

*No i do not want to see pictures from you vacation, i dont know or like you so keep it moving.

*I keep hand sanitizer because I see you coming out of the restroom & not a lick of water tough your filty hands. you are disgusting.

*I really dont need FMLA but hey I got it!

*When my dude was in the Bahamas, I called him from the office everyday.

*Yes, I stole some of your clients...how else do you expect me to keep sporting those Louis Vuitton bags you rere love so much but cant afford.

WHEEEWWWW I still got more but gotta go into a meeting.....I'll be back!
* is there a reason that you MUST eat & work with your common ass LV bag on your desk ?! you & everyone else has the real & knock off version of that bag !

* wtf are you so got damn FAKE !? soon as these new people started here you use to talk about them like a damn DOG & now your buddy buddy with them I should expose your ass for the fake ass b**** that you are.

* wtf do you act like a 18yr old instead of a damn 28yr old ?! must you jump around and swing in your chair ALL the damn time ?! do some f****** work !

*wth do you laugh like that ?! sounds liek your chooking on d*** every damn 5min STFU already.

* no one gives a s*** about you & your psuedo- cousins life. every got damn day you have a story about something oen of your "cousins" did. I aint NEVER met someone who has 5011 damn cousins. B**** those are JUST your FRIENDS !
OH I HATE PEOPLE WHO KEEP THEIR DESIGNER PURSE, SUNGLASSES, LEXUS KEYS, ETC. ON THEIR DESK!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I give you props for getting it but you don't have to advertise for them, too. Or do you?

Irreplaceable_me said:
* is there a reason that you MUST eat & work with your common ass LV bag on your desk ?! you & everyone else has the real & knock off version of that bag !

* wtf are you so got damn FAKE !? soon as these new people started here you use to talk about them like a damn DOG & now your buddy buddy with them I should expose your ass for the fake ass b**** that you are.

* wtf do you act like a 18yr old instead of a damn 28yr old ?! must you jump around and swing in your chair ALL the damn time ?! do some f****** work !

*wth do you laugh like that ?! sounds liek your chooking on d*** every damn 5min STFU already.

* no one gives a s*** about you & your psuedo- cousins life. every got damn day you have a story about something oen of your "cousins" did. I aint NEVER met someone who has 5011 damn cousins. B**** those are JUST your FRIENDS !
Here's my big one:

Stop lying about having a baller. You don't have a baller now, you've never had a baller, and your simple ass will never settle down with a baller. You've been sleeping with male groupies for years. The NBA player's flunkie, the NFL player's cousin, the CEO's no good nephew, the mayor's assistant's assistant, none of these men are ballers. They are using someone else's name to get into your pants and they treat you like crap. And these parties promoters are not ballers, the promoters that make money aren't out making fools of themselves shouting on commercials and covered in fake chains and Ed Hardly (yes, Hardly, cause you know most of it is fake).

Stop lying about being in a relationship with this ball player or that one. Look at where you live. Any man that cares about you, your momma, and your kids would not let you live like that. Stop spending your child support on the best outfits you can buy and have your kid looking homeless so you can snag another baller. You never snagged one in the first place, so stop fronting and just get a real job so you can quit hiding your Mini Cooper every two months when you can't make the payment. And why the h3ll are you paying $580 a month for a car but are on Section 8?

Men, stop bragging about the money you have and are willing to spend on me, put up or shut up. Taking me to some fancy overpriced niche restaurant the white people at your job rave about does not impress me. This restaurant was a novel concept, and like our relationship, it will not last.

Yes, I drive a very old car that's on the verge of breaking down, but it's mine. I love my car and will be trading up when I finish school. See, that's the order you go in, degree, then car. Nice roof over your head, then car. Not BMW, Gucci, Fendi, Coach, then move out of the crappy apartment. If you care so much about my car, buy me another one or get out of my face.

Yes, I know men don't find short hair attractive and still chose to cut mine off. Did you know they don't like bad weaves? I don't care if you paid $175 a bag and it's from India, what the hell makes you think that Indian hair is passing for your real hair? So you paid all that money to still look a silky mess. If you wanted a weave that clashed with your hair color and texture so badly, you should have just paid for the synthetic.

Men, stop complaining about hating fat black women (then giving me the side eye when you say it). Now that they make tees in XXL XXXL and XXXXL, obviously sistahs ain't getting fat alone. And don't talk about how you want a fit woman while we sit at the steak house and you've eaten two loves of bread, a 16 oz. steak, heavy salad dressing, and a loaded baked potato and recommended the salad to me (yes, this has happened). Plus, you no longer have a high metabolism, I saw the way your jogging pants were hugging your thighs, fatso.

Please, do not roll your eyes or make a comment when you see me out with a white guy. Guess what bruh, while you were out chasing anything light, bright, and sometimes white, the white man with a good job and a big heart was busy loving my fat ass and having a good time. While you're trying to live up to the unfortunate black pimp/mandingo stereotype I've met this white guy's family, friends, co-workers, and have several pictures with him on Facebook, and please, stop sending me messages about how I'm selling out and am a fool. So while you and your homeboys talk about how good Asian and Hispanic women treat you (yet all of you are single), I'll be enjoying sushi, independent films, and cartoons with my white love interest, thanks!
i was waiting for ur response. ha ha ha

DUVALPrincess said:
*NO i will not buy shyt from your child's fundraiser so you can take the money and pay your light bill, what I look like? BooBoo the Fool?

*You inquiry why I look as if I dont want to be at work??? Thats because I don't want to be at work! Ol Basic Ass!

*I TWITTER ALL DAY LONG!

*Quit monitoring when I come and go....worry about your own damn time.

*Dont worry about how I am able to buy that Louis Vuitton Damier Canvas Speedy you've had your broke ass eye on. It isnt your money heffa so stop hatin with yo basic ass!

*Wife beatters/tank tops are NOT considered business casual!

*Get out of my damn hair. Just because I have naturally curly hair DOES NOT mean I am mixed or have an activator. Ignorant ass girl, BYE!

*No I will be participating in the department wide potluck, ya'll some nasty mofos & I refuse to eat anything that came outta your kitchen where at one point you admitted to letting your cat walk on the counters. UGH!

*No I will not be contributing to so & so's babyshower, I dont know that hoe like that

*Yes im going out for lunch and hell no I will not bring you something back and NO you cannot ride with me either.

*Just because my door is open does not mean I have an open door policy so therefore quit strolling up in here and plopping your fat nasty stankin ass on my seats fussing about how much you hate your job. HEY maybe if you stayed in school long enough to get your high school diploma you would'nt be working for someone 20 years younger than you...SILLY TRICK GO BACK TO SCHOOL!

*No i do not want to see pictures from you vacation, i dont know or like you so keep it moving.

*I keep hand sanitizer because I see you coming out of the restroom & not a lick of water tough your filty hands. you are disgusting.

*I really dont need FMLA but hey I got it!

*When my dude was in the Bahamas, I called him from the office everyday.

*Yes, I stole some of your clients...how else do you expect me to keep sporting those Louis Vuitton bags you rere love so much but cant afford.

WHEEEWWWW I still got more but gotta go into a meeting.....I'll be back!
I really loved this !!

Ashley Banks said:
Here's my big one:

Stop lying about having a baller. You don't have a baller now, you've never had a baller, and your simple ass will never settle down with a baller. You've been sleeping with male groupies for years. The NBA player's flunkie, the NFL player's cousin, the CEO's no good nephew, the mayor's assistant's assistant, none of these men are ballers. They are using someone else's name to get into your pants and they treat you like crap. And these parties promoters are not ballers, the promoters that make money aren't out making fools of themselves shouting on commercials and covered in fake chains and Ed Hardly (yes, Hardly, cause you know most of it is fake).

Stop lying about being in a relationship with this ball player or that one. Look at where you live. Any man that cares about you, your momma, and your kids would not let you live like that. Stop spending your child support on the best outfits you can buy and have your kid looking homeless so you can snag another baller. You never snagged one in the first place, so stop fronting and just get a real job so you can quit hiding your Mini Cooper every two months when you can't make the payment. And why the h3ll are you paying $580 a month for a car but are on Section 8?

Men, stop bragging about the money you have and are willing to spend on me, put up or shut up. Taking me to some fancy overpriced niche restaurant the white people at your job rave about does not impress me. This restaurant was a novel concept, and like our relationship, it will not last.

Yes, I drive a very old car that's on the verge of breaking down, but it's mine. I love my car and will be trading up when I finish school. See, that's the order you go in, degree, then car. Nice roof over your head, then car. Not BMW, Gucci, Fendi, Coach, then move out of the crappy apartment. If you care so much about my car, buy me another one or get out of my face.

Yes, I know men don't find short hair attractive and still chose to cut mine off. Did you know they don't like bad weaves? I don't care if you paid $175 a bag and it's from India, what the hell makes you think that Indian hair is passing for your real hair? So you paid all that money to still look a silky mess. If you wanted a weave that clashed with your hair color and texture so badly, you should have just paid for the synthetic.

Men, stop complaining about hating fat black women (then giving me the side eye when you say it). Now that they make tees in XXL XXXL and XXXXL, obviously sistahs ain't getting fat alone. And don't talk about how you want a fit woman while we sit at the steak house and you've eaten two loves of bread, a 16 oz. steak, heavy salad dressing, and a loaded baked potato and recommended the salad to me (yes, this has happened). Plus, you no longer have a high metabolism, I saw the way your jogging pants were hugging your thighs, fatso.

Please, do not roll your eyes or make a comment when you see me out with a white guy. Guess what bruh, while you were out chasing anything light, bright, and sometimes white, the white man with a good job and a big heart was busy loving my fat ass and having a good time. While you're trying to live up to the unfortunate black pimp/mandingo stereotype I've met this white guy's family, friends, co-workers, and have several pictures with him on Facebook, and please, stop sending me messages about how I'm selling out and am a fool. So while you and your homeboys talk about how good Asian and Hispanic women treat you (yet all of you are single), I'll be enjoying sushi, independent films, and cartoons with my white love interest, thanks!
Ok, I like my job, but a few people just tend to phuck my day up sometimes so here goes...
***Hi-5 Guy---You know I don't like to be touched, so why do you keep trying to Hi-5 me? Next time you raise your hand, I'm going to grab it and bend you fingers back!!!

***Always Happy Lady--B**** who you fooling?? No one is that damn happy everyday!! You don't think we know that your husband left you LAST YEAR and you're getting divorced? Stop saying the two of you are going to dinner when you get off. He's dating the girl downstairs, he brings her to work and picks her up everyday.

***Sympathy chick--Just phucking die!! You keep saying how you are almost diabetic or you almost have high blood pressure, yet you're always eating snacks and begging for food. You are always complaining about being broke and asking to borrow money but you go out to eat lunch everyday, and I'm not talking 99 cent menu either, I'm talking sit down eateries. BYE B****!!

***Old Ghetto Lady--You are 49 still talking about how ninjas ain't s***!! No b**** you ain't s***!!! No grown successful man wants a 49 year old woman who still rocks a burgandy mohawk and smacks her gum when she talks. Bish always telling me why I don't have a man. I'm 28 I still have time to get my s*** togther, your time is whinding down!! Get your s*** together and let me worry about me.

***Old Freaky Man--Even if you were 10 years younger you would still be too damn old, so stop it. You try to flirt with me by sending me mixed CDs of songs from the 1970s, dude I wasn't even born then!!! So stop!! And stop trying to put your arm around me before I break it. You wear linen pants and always have your hands in your pockets, talking bout you're jingling your keys!!! You ain't fooling nobody, you're jingling your lil' twinkle bells.

***Ms. Overqualified, underpaid--Just quit!! Stop complaining about them not paying you what you are worth and quit. I just got here and I make more than you and you know why?? Because you don't do or know s***, but you're nice and they like you so they let you stay. Accept it and shut the hell up.
****** Now I feel better******

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