For Women Who Want The Ballerific Life!
* is there a reason that you MUST eat & work with your common ass LV bag on your desk ?! you & everyone else has the real & knock off version of that bag !
* wtf are you so got damn FAKE !? soon as these new people started here you use to talk about them like a damn DOG & now your buddy buddy with them I should expose your ass for the fake ass b**** that you are.
* wtf do you act like a 18yr old instead of a damn 28yr old ?! must you jump around and swing in your chair ALL the damn time ?! do some f****** work !
*wth do you laugh like that ?! sounds liek your chooking on d*** every damn 5min STFU already.
* no one gives a s*** about you & your psuedo- cousins life. every got damn day you have a story about something oen of your "cousins" did. I aint NEVER met someone who has 5011 damn cousins. B**** those are JUST your FRIENDS !
*NO i will not buy shyt from your child's fundraiser so you can take the money and pay your light bill, what I look like? BooBoo the Fool?
*You inquiry why I look as if I dont want to be at work??? Thats because I don't want to be at work! Ol Basic Ass!
*I TWITTER ALL DAY LONG!
*Quit monitoring when I come and go....worry about your own damn time.
*Dont worry about how I am able to buy that Louis Vuitton Damier Canvas Speedy you've had your broke ass eye on. It isnt your money heffa so stop hatin with yo basic ass!
*Wife beatters/tank tops are NOT considered business casual!
*Get out of my damn hair. Just because I have naturally curly hair DOES NOT mean I am mixed or have an activator. Ignorant ass girl, BYE!
*No I will be participating in the department wide potluck, ya'll some nasty mofos & I refuse to eat anything that came outta your kitchen where at one point you admitted to letting your cat walk on the counters. UGH!
*No I will not be contributing to so & so's babyshower, I dont know that hoe like that
*Yes im going out for lunch and hell no I will not bring you something back and NO you cannot ride with me either.
*Just because my door is open does not mean I have an open door policy so therefore quit strolling up in here and plopping your fat nasty stankin ass on my seats fussing about how much you hate your job. HEY maybe if you stayed in school long enough to get your high school diploma you would'nt be working for someone 20 years younger than you...SILLY TRICK GO BACK TO SCHOOL!
*No i do not want to see pictures from you vacation, i dont know or like you so keep it moving.
*I keep hand sanitizer because I see you coming out of the restroom & not a lick of water tough your filty hands. you are disgusting.
*I really dont need FMLA but hey I got it!
*When my dude was in the Bahamas, I called him from the office everyday.
*Yes, I stole some of your clients...how else do you expect me to keep sporting those Louis Vuitton bags you rere love so much but cant afford.
WHEEEWWWW I still got more but gotta go into a meeting.....I'll be back!
Here's my big one:
Stop lying about having a baller. You don't have a baller now, you've never had a baller, and your simple ass will never settle down with a baller. You've been sleeping with male groupies for years. The NBA player's flunkie, the NFL player's cousin, the CEO's no good nephew, the mayor's assistant's assistant, none of these men are ballers. They are using someone else's name to get into your pants and they treat you like crap. And these parties promoters are not ballers, the promoters that make money aren't out making fools of themselves shouting on commercials and covered in fake chains and Ed Hardly (yes, Hardly, cause you know most of it is fake).
Stop lying about being in a relationship with this ball player or that one. Look at where you live. Any man that cares about you, your momma, and your kids would not let you live like that. Stop spending your child support on the best outfits you can buy and have your kid looking homeless so you can snag another baller. You never snagged one in the first place, so stop fronting and just get a real job so you can quit hiding your Mini Cooper every two months when you can't make the payment. And why the h3ll are you paying $580 a month for a car but are on Section 8?
Men, stop bragging about the money you have and are willing to spend on me, put up or shut up. Taking me to some fancy overpriced niche restaurant the white people at your job rave about does not impress me. This restaurant was a novel concept, and like our relationship, it will not last.
Yes, I drive a very old car that's on the verge of breaking down, but it's mine. I love my car and will be trading up when I finish school. See, that's the order you go in, degree, then car. Nice roof over your head, then car. Not BMW, Gucci, Fendi, Coach, then move out of the crappy apartment. If you care so much about my car, buy me another one or get out of my face.
Yes, I know men don't find short hair attractive and still chose to cut mine off. Did you know they don't like bad weaves? I don't care if you paid $175 a bag and it's from India, what the hell makes you think that Indian hair is passing for your real hair? So you paid all that money to still look a silky mess. If you wanted a weave that clashed with your hair color and texture so badly, you should have just paid for the synthetic.
Men, stop complaining about hating fat black women (then giving me the side eye when you say it). Now that they make tees in XXL XXXL and XXXXL, obviously sistahs ain't getting fat alone. And don't talk about how you want a fit woman while we sit at the steak house and you've eaten two loves of bread, a 16 oz. steak, heavy salad dressing, and a loaded baked potato and recommended the salad to me (yes, this has happened). Plus, you no longer have a high metabolism, I saw the way your jogging pants were hugging your thighs, fatso.
Please, do not roll your eyes or make a comment when you see me out with a white guy. Guess what bruh, while you were out chasing anything light, bright, and sometimes white, the white man with a good job and a big heart was busy loving my fat ass and having a good time. While you're trying to live up to the unfortunate black pimp/mandingo stereotype I've met this white guy's family, friends, co-workers, and have several pictures with him on Facebook, and please, stop sending me messages about how I'm selling out and am a fool. So while you and your homeboys talk about how good Asian and Hispanic women treat you (yet all of you are single), I'll be enjoying sushi, independent films, and cartoons with my white love interest, thanks!