Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on March 5, 2012 at 9:59am

 I came from a two parent household and have done ok for myself. I think my mom’s willingness to deal with BS has affected me in a negative way. If she would have left my dad maybe I wouldn't be feeling stuck and complacent with my daughter’s father. I would be more willing to make me happy than make sure my child has a two parent household. My daughter's father comes from a two parent household and has no clue of what it means to be a man. HE is the oldest of four and is the only one who is not successful as the others. His brother is in the Navy his sister has a law degree and will have her PHD in May. So I guess it really doesn't matter how you were raised. In our parents society it was nurture. I think in our society nature has take on over many of the influences we acquire.

 

BTW BLackfu I noticed that you go on threads and find my comments so is there something you would like to say to me?

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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on March 5, 2012 at 10:06am

I have to agree and disagree with you. I have friends who were raised in single mother households and in the middle of the hood. Who have successful relationships, but I did notice that their moms didn't do the new Uncle every week thing. One of my friends mom just got married to a man she has been dating for 20 years and my friend didn't meet him until after she moved out the house. So I guess it depends on how strong of a woman you mom was or is. But I have a friend who looks for a daddy in every man that she meets. I try to tell her that just because I had a dad doesn't make me a better person that her cuz my daddy was a hoe and my mom never left. So in my early dumb years I thought o he loves me, but he just f****** her. Now I know a little bit better. Not much cuz I still am unhappy as a mf, but stay to keep my daughter happy.

Irresistible said:

 

I did and I think it does make a difference especially in the Black community. In other races you did not have babies unless you were married or if you did "get yourself in trouble" you'd better be ready to grow up and handle your responsiblity because you were forced to whether you were ready for it or not. For those that didn't view abortion as a option. The one parent household has held a huge disadvantage to Black families and is very much the root of the problems in Black families. Can a child from a 1 parent household be successful, sure look at Oprah. She became a teenage mother but was given a second chance when her baby died and she made the best of it.

1 parent households are a disadvantage to the kids period. You can never make up for a absent parent no matter what you do or give your child. There's a reason it takes a male & female to conceive a child. They're both crucial to a childs development inside and outside the womb. A absent father puts a son in a position that a child should not be in. A daughter with a absent father almost always have "daddy issues" and tend to have problems sustaining healthy relationships. A son with a absent mother usually has little respect for women and the daughter usually suffers from low self-esteem and the constant need of validation. You only know what you've been taught and what you experience and you will repeat the behavior that shaped you as a child in one way or another. Life cycles are real and very few are able to break them but as a adult the choice is yours. You're not responsible for how you were brought into the world but you are responsible for how you choose to live in this world. After the age of 18, the only person who puts you at a disadvantage is you.  

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on March 5, 2012 at 10:27am

It depends on who the 2 parents are.  I know of a couple that were together 30 years and raised 5 kids.  While I was growing up, I was amazed that the county didnt take all 5 of their kids.  But guess what..........the county has ALL of their grandchildren.  If you run into the parents or the kids today, they act like the grandkids never existed.  There are PLENTY of rachett 2 parent households.

Irresistible said:

I did and I think it does make a difference especially in the Black community. In other races you did not have babies unless you were married or if you did "get yourself in trouble" you'd better be ready to grow up and handle your responsiblity because you were forced to whether you were ready for it or not. For those that didn't view abortion as a option. The one parent household has held a huge disadvantage to Black families and is very much the root of the problems in Black families. Can a child from a 1 parent household be successful, sure look at Oprah. She became a teenage mother but was given a second chance when her baby died and she made the best of it.

1 parent households are a disadvantage to the kids period. You can never make up for a absent parent no matter what you do or give your child. There's a reason it takes a male & female to conceive a child. They're both crucial to a childs development inside and outside the womb. A absent father puts a son in a position that a child should not be in. A daughter with a absent father almost always have "daddy issues" and tend to have problems sustaining healthy relationships. A son with a absent mother usually has little respect for women and the daughter usually suffers from low self-esteem and the constant need of validation. You only know what you've been taught and what you experience and you will repeat the behavior that shaped you as a child in one way or another. Life cycles are real and very few are able to break them but as a adult the choice is yours. You're not responsible for how you were brought into the world but you are responsible for how you choose to live in this world. After the age of 18, the only person who puts you at a disadvantage is you.  

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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on March 5, 2012 at 10:33am

It does and doesn't make a difference, depends who you talk to. I think environment and your behaviour as a parent also makes a difference.

You can have 2 parent households where the parents disrespect each other but won't divorce and that affects the children with unhealthy relationships or lifestyle choices.

You can have a single parent household where the parent chooses not to  live in a certain neighbourhood where their children will be influenced by poor lifestyle choices and they can have healthy relationships. In this scenario, the parent puts the child/children interest first and are determined for them to succeed.

IMO, it's all about choice, being aware of opportunities available to you and your willingness to tap into those resources.  It's much harder with 1 income but I personally won't raise a child/children by myself (if I can help it, I'll go nuts.

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Permalink Reply by University of Smitty on March 5, 2012 at 10:37am

100% agree.

OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:

It does and doesn't make a difference, depends who you talk to. I think environment and your behaviour as a parent also makes a difference.

You can have 2 parent households where the parents disrespect each other but won't divorce and that affects the children with unhealthy relationships or lifestyle choices.

You can have a single parent household where the parent chooses not to  live in a certain neighbourhood where their children will be influenced by poor lifestyle choices and they can have healthy relationships. In this scenario, the parent puts the child/children interest first and are determined for them to succeed.

IMO, it's all about choice, being aware of opportunities available to you and your willingness to tap into those resources.  It's much harder with 1 income but I personally won't raise a child/children by myself, I'll go nuts.

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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on March 5, 2012 at 10:48am

Preach!!!!

OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:

It does and doesn't make a difference, depends who you talk to. I think environment and your behaviour as a parent also makes a difference.

You can have 2 parent households where the parents disrespect each other but won't divorce and that affects the children with unhealthy relationships or lifestyle choices.

You can have a single parent household where the parent chooses not to  live in a certain neighbourhood where their children will be influenced by poor lifestyle choices and they can have healthy relationships. In this scenario, the parent puts the child/children interest first and are determined for them to succeed.

IMO, it's all about choice, being aware of opportunities available to you and your willingness to tap into those resources.  It's much harder with 1 income but I personally won't raise a child/children by myself (if I can help it, I'll go nuts.

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Permalink Reply by joe digler on March 5, 2012 at 11:45am

 Fact is on average 2 parent households are better to raise a child than single parent households. The evidence is irrefutable. Sure there are plenty of kids product of a single parent home doing their thing, but a 2 parent household all things being equal will ALWAYS be better. I hate to sound like Bill Cosby in here, wait a minute no i don't, but Black folks in America really gotta step their parent game up. We gotta raise these boys and girls to have the self esteem they need to achieve and not rely on b******* ass 1 and a million sports to make a better life

Ms. BoiBye said:

I have to agree and disagree with you. I have friends who were raised in single mother households and in the middle of the hood. Who have successful relationships, but I did notice that their moms didn't do the new Uncle every week thing. One of my friends mom just got married to a man she has been dating for 20 years and my friend didn't meet him until after she moved out the house. So I guess it depends on how strong of a woman you mom was or is. But I have a friend who looks for a daddy in every man that she meets. I try to tell her that just because I had a dad doesn't make me a better person that her cuz my daddy was a hoe and my mom never left. So in my early dumb years I thought o he loves me, but he just f****** her. Now I know a little bit better. Not much cuz I still am unhappy as a mf, but stay to keep my daughter happy.

Irresistible said:

 

I did and I think it does make a difference especially in the Black community. In other races you did not have babies unless you were married or if you did "get yourself in trouble" you'd better be ready to grow up and handle your responsiblity because you were forced to whether you were ready for it or not. For those that didn't view abortion as a option. The one parent household has held a huge disadvantage to Black families and is very much the root of the problems in Black families. Can a child from a 1 parent household be successful, sure look at Oprah. She became a teenage mother but was given a second chance when her baby died and she made the best of it.

1 parent households are a disadvantage to the kids period. You can never make up for a absent parent no matter what you do or give your child. There's a reason it takes a male & female to conceive a child. They're both crucial to a childs development inside and outside the womb. A absent father puts a son in a position that a child should not be in. A daughter with a absent father almost always have "daddy issues" and tend to have problems sustaining healthy relationships. A son with a absent mother usually has little respect for women and the daughter usually suffers from low self-esteem and the constant need of validation. You only know what you've been taught and what you experience and you will repeat the behavior that shaped you as a child in one way or another. Life cycles are real and very few are able to break them but as a adult the choice is yours. You're not responsible for how you were brought into the world but you are responsible for how you choose to live in this world. After the age of 18, the only person who puts you at a disadvantage is you.  

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Permalink Reply by OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE on March 5, 2012 at 1:42pm

That's all fine and dandy, but I'll say it again it depends 100% on how the parents relate to each other in the home. If mommy and daddy are not on the same page when it comes to discipline, education, encouragement, family events, respect for and to each other etc. The children will be affected.

I'm all for 2 parents, but parents have to 'behave' themselves. Have healthy 'discussions' not arguments, no name calling, don't put the children in the middle of adult conversations, daddy/mommy comes home late and when asked where were u, you get attitude kissing your teeth. One person watches TV and eating dinner while the rest of the family is at the table. etc.

When u say 2 parent household u need a cohesive unit for it to work. No point if u can't communicate without fear or dread.

joe digler said:

 Fact is on average 2 parent households are better to raise a child than single parent households. The evidence is irrefutable. Sure there are plenty of kids product of a single parent home doing their thing, but a 2 parent household all things being equal will ALWAYS be better. I hate to sound like Bill Cosby in here, wait a minute no i don't, but Black folks in America really gotta step their parent game up. We gotta raise these boys and girls to have the self esteem they need to achieve and not rely on b******* ass 1 and a million sports to make a better life

Ms. BoiBye said:

I have to agree and disagree with you. I have friends who were raised in single mother households and in the middle of the hood. Who have successful relationships, but I did notice that their moms didn't do the new Uncle every week thing. One of my friends mom just got married to a man she has been dating for 20 years and my friend didn't meet him until after she moved out the house. So I guess it depends on how strong of a woman you mom was or is. But I have a friend who looks for a daddy in every man that she meets. I try to tell her that just because I had a dad doesn't make me a better person that her cuz my daddy was a hoe and my mom never left. So in my early dumb years I thought o he loves me, but he just f****** her. Now I know a little bit better. Not much cuz I still am unhappy as a mf, but stay to keep my daughter happy.

Irresistible said:

 

I did and I think it does make a difference especially in the Black community. In other races you did not have babies unless you were married or if you did "get yourself in trouble" you'd better be ready to grow up and handle your responsiblity because you were forced to whether you were ready for it or not. For those that didn't view abortion as a option. The one parent household has held a huge disadvantage to Black families and is very much the root of the problems in Black families. Can a child from a 1 parent household be successful, sure look at Oprah. She became a teenage mother but was given a second chance when her baby died and she made the best of it.

1 parent households are a disadvantage to the kids period. You can never make up for a absent parent no matter what you do or give your child. There's a reason it takes a male & female to conceive a child. They're both crucial to a childs development inside and outside the womb. A absent father puts a son in a position that a child should not be in. A daughter with a absent father almost always have "daddy issues" and tend to have problems sustaining healthy relationships. A son with a absent mother usually has little respect for women and the daughter usually suffers from low self-esteem and the constant need of validation. You only know what you've been taught and what you experience and you will repeat the behavior that shaped you as a child in one way or another. Life cycles are real and very few are able to break them but as a adult the choice is yours. You're not responsible for how you were brought into the world but you are responsible for how you choose to live in this world. After the age of 18, the only person who puts you at a disadvantage is you.  

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Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on March 5, 2012 at 2:08pm

Was you looking in my window last night. We eating he watching the game. SMDH

OLD $PICE PINE NEEDLE said:

That's all fine and dandy, but I'll say it again it depends 100% on how the parents relate to each other in the home. If mommy and daddy are not on the same page when it comes to discipline, education, encouragement, family events, respect for and to each other etc. The children will be affected.

I'm all for 2 parents, but parents have to 'behave' themselves. Have healthy 'discussions' not arguments, no name calling, don't put the children in the middle of adult conversations, daddy/mommy comes home late and when asked where were u, you get attitude kissing your teeth. One person watches TV and eating dinner while the rest of the family is at the table. etc.

When u say 2 parent household u need a cohesive unit for it to work. No point if u can't communicate without fear or dread.
joe digler said:

 Fact is on average 2 parent households are better to raise a child than single parent households. The evidence is irrefutable. Sure there are plenty of kids product of a single parent home doing their thing, but a 2 parent household all things being equal will ALWAYS be better. I hate to sound like Bill Cosby in here, wait a minute no i don't, but Black folks in America really gotta step their parent game up. We gotta raise these boys and girls to have the self esteem they need to achieve and not rely on b******* ass 1 and a million sports to make a better life
Ms. BoiBye said:

I have to agree and disagree with you. I have friends who were raised in single mother households and in the middle of the hood. Who have successful relationships, but I did notice that their moms didn't do the new Uncle every week thing. One of my friends mom just got married to a man she has been dating for 20 years and my friend didn't meet him until after she moved out the house. So I guess it depends on how strong of a woman you mom was or is. But I have a friend who looks for a daddy in every man that she meets. I try to tell her that just because I had a dad doesn't make me a better person that her cuz my daddy was a hoe and my mom never left. So in my early dumb years I thought o he loves me, but he just f****** her. Now I know a little bit better. Not much cuz I still am unhappy as a mf, but stay to keep my daughter happy.

Irresistible said:

 

I did and I think it does make a difference especially in the Black community. In other races you did not have babies unless you were married or if you did "get yourself in trouble" you'd better be ready to grow up and handle your responsiblity because you were forced to whether you were ready for it or not. For those that didn't view abortion as a option. The one parent household has held a huge disadvantage to Black families and is very much the root of the problems in Black families. Can a child from a 1 parent household be successful, sure look at Oprah. She became a teenage mother but was given a second chance when her baby died and she made the best of it.

1 parent households are a disadvantage to the kids period. You can never make up for a absent parent no matter what you do or give your child. There's a reason it takes a male & female to conceive a child. They're both crucial to a childs development inside and outside the womb. A absent father puts a son in a position that a child should not be in. A daughter with a absent father almost always have "daddy issues" and tend to have problems sustaining healthy relationships. A son with a absent mother usually has little respect for women and the daughter usually suffers from low self-esteem and the constant need of validation. You only know what you've been taught and what you experience and you will repeat the behavior that shaped you as a child in one way or another. Life cycles are real and very few are able to break them but as a adult the choice is yours. You're not responsible for how you were brought into the world but you are responsible for how you choose to live in this world. After the age of 18, the only person who puts you at a disadvantage is you.  

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Permalink Reply by Eleven8 on March 5, 2012 at 3:08pm

I come from a 2-parent household...I didn't finish college and I had a kid out of wedlock....so what ur saying is.....?

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Permalink Reply by Tone © on March 5, 2012 at 4:10pm

Nobody is saying 2 parent homes are perfect but you really can't compare growing up in a single parent home with growing up in a normal 2 parent home.

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