Wednesday, April 25, 2012

REALity Television

It’s no secret that Pilar Sanders and I didn’t get along on our short-lived VH1 reality show Football Wives. We started clashing week two or three of filming and haven’t seen or talked to each other since we wrapped production in late 2010. It’s been hard to avoid the barrage of media attention she’s gotten recently though since Deion filed for divorce late last year. From TMZ to Media Takeout and now mainstream news media, the Sanders are commanding plenty of attention these days.

First, there was the $200 million dollar lawsuit Pilar filed against Deion, his daughter and one of Deion’s companies. Then there was the fist fight between Pilar and Deion’s Aunt Laura that was caught on audiotape. Pilar claimed she was attacked, but the recording of the incident suggests a very foul-mouthed Pilar may have actually been the aggressor. Funny, because she spent a lot of energy criticizing me for the language I used on Football Wives. Ironic.

Then all heck broke loose Monday afternoon when Deion tweeted that Pilar and a friend jumped him and that he was finally pressing charges. Deion tweeted a picture of him with his two sons (who apparently witnessed the attack) filling out police reports. He’s received a lot of negative feedback for tweeting the pic – folks screaming that he needs to keep the kids out of this. I agree. Both parents should be thinking about what’s in the best interest of the children and fighting in front of them isn't it. Anyway, while I think tweeting the pic wasn’t the smartest move, I believe Deion felt like he needed to do SOMETHING when dealing with his social media savvy soon-to-be ex wife!

The Pilar I came to know during Football Wives is a master at playing the victim. She would instigate situations and when confronted with her behavior, she’d deny, lie or walk away. She wouldn’t engage cast members while the cameras were rolling, but she’d take to Twitter or radio interviews when she couldn’t be confronted to address the situations and claim we were all ganging up on her. When I tried to defend myself in my blogs or in interviews, Pilar and her followers would rip me apart. It was hurtful and I felt helpless - no one was hearing me! One of my castmates told me I had to try and let it go because I'd never win the public battle against Pilar - she's got a very loyal group of followers who think she can do no wrong. One of those followers is the woman who allegedly aided Pilar in her attack Monday. If it's the same woman I'm thinking about, she was horrible, HORRIBLE to me and even engaged in Twitter dialogue with Pilar about me where they referred to me as the "Crypt Keeper."

And the lies. Boy, would she lie. She said on Football Wives that she was 27. Insisted, really. Well, from yesterday’s police report, she’s 38. In a radio interview once, she talked about my child with autism tantruming. When confronted about it, she said she wasn’t talking about Will. (Um, it’s on tape). She lied about not knowing Chanita went to the hospital on the show. She lied on the show when she said she apologized to me. No apology ever received. She falsely accused a castmate of cheating on her husband – it never happened. And I’ve even heard her say in an interview that the only plastic surgery she’s had was on a cut on her leg. While I have no actual proof she’s had any plastic surgery or other cosmetic procedure, I’d be willing to put some money on it that she’s lying about that one too. So what does this all mean??? Well, I have no doubt in my mind that if Pilar could’ve beat Deion to the punch (shuddering at the pun but my tired brain can’t think of another way to put it), she would’ve tweeted, speed dialed a media outlet, lied, etc. and claimed she was the victim. But seeing that she was transported to a hospital for treatment and later to jail (and possibly in handcuffs), I’m guessing she didn’t have access to her phone to appeal to the masses. Had Deion not said something first, I believe he’d be facing more than the minor assault charge he was slapped with this evening.

Pilar was released from jail today with a puffy lip and bandaged thumb - aren't broken thumbs common injuries when you punch someone without a boxer's glove on? After her attorneys alleged that Deion may have violated a gag order in the divorce case with those tweets, Pilar and her legal team walked right up to awaiting media for a press conference. With tears in her eyes and her voice quivering, the self-proclaimed actress stated, "I am innocent. I understand that I have a very little chance at beating a Hall of Fame, two-sport man that everyone seems to love and adore. I am a full-time mom 100 percent for my children and I have just not gotten a fair shake."

O-M-G!!!! There’s the victim speech I knew was in there somewhere and I actually wonder how often she practiced it in her cell overnight. She’s filed numerous lawsuits, challenged what appears to be an iron-clad prenup, had physical altercations with two people in front of her children, etc. How exactly is she not being given a fair shake? Does she really think that we’re all so jaded by Deion’s celebrity that he’ll get a pass in all of this?!?!? Funny, because the same elite-worship she’s accusing us of with regards to Deion is exactly the behavior she expected of us on Football Wives (our crew included, who she admittedly made use the restroom facilities in her pool house like they were dogs – they were not allowed to use one of the 17 bathrooms in their home). Because she lived in a big house and married well, we were expected to treat her differently. If we didn’t kiss her behind, we were jealous haters. Now she’s asking folks not to give Deion any special treatment because of who he is. She certainly felt entitled to that special attention when she was Mrs. Deion Sanders. Again, ironic…

One of Pilar’s attorneys also spoke to the press and my jaw dropped listening to him. He said that the only party that had injuries was his client, that his client weighs 120 lbs (129 lbs according to the arrest info), that Deion is a big football player who is used to tackling people for a living and that we can draw our own conclusions from that. So, because he played professional football he’s more capable of beating up his wife? And because Deion wasn’t injured that means he wasn’t assaulted? I believe Pilar recently shot some promotional pictures for her fitness DVD in which she’s wearing boxing gloves. Let me draw the conclusion that she might know how to get a good lick or two in and she’s not the innocent victim she’s claiming to be.

The attorney also said, "All I will tell you is that I believe the wrong person was arrested in this case. My client is innocent of these charges. My client is absolutely telling the truth. Mr. Sanders is paid to be a celebrity. He's paid to tell stories and that's what we believe is happening here. There was an assault that occurred by Mr. Sanders against my client." Um, sir, your client has done two reality shows and claims she’s a celebrity. She gets paid to be one. Why does this rule apply to Deion but not your client? I’m just sayin’… At the end of the day, an emergency protective order was granted against Pilar and she packed up her boxes into the same minivan with rims we saw on Football Wives and she vacated the home she can’t return to for 60 days. So now what? What is Pilar Sanders going to do?

This whole situation made me think back to our Football Wives days. Pilar spent a good amount of time trying to convince us that she was someone other than just Primetime’s wife. We thought the Football Wives producers were going to roll with this theme because it is so relevant to a real football wife's life. So many of us lose our identities because we're forced to take on those of our celebrity spouses and make sacrifices to support their careers. The producers chose not to include this storyline in our show unfortunately, and there was plenty to tell. Pilar was the perfect example of this football wife issue. She wanted to be known for being Pilar, not Deion's wife. She talked about her perfume line for which she had a poorly-attended launch (the producer’s chose not to show that). She said Deion didn’t define who she was (oops, didn’t show that either). I thought back to the scene where we were having a pretty intense poolside discussion. I stated and asked point blank, “Pilar, you keep trying to convince us that your someone more than Deion Sander’s wife. If you weren’t married to Deion, who would you be?” She was dead quiet. Chanita quickly responded, “Married to another athlete.” (didn’t get to see that one either…)

It appears that Pilar has realized in the last couple of months just how much she’s lost – the home, the lifestyle, being Primetime’s wife (which surely had some benefits). It’s a situation I’ve seen far too often – real life football wives, girlfriends and jump-offs losing their own identities for the sake of their men, and when those men decide to leave, they have nothing. This is a cautionary tale for all the pretty girls out there who sashay in front of pro-athletes with their tight dresses and 6-inch heels who want to parlay their looks into a relationship with a professional athlete. Trophies don’t stay pretty and shiny forever. Here's a tip - you're a dime a dozen. Have some substance behind your beauty - a degree, goals, aspirations, humility, a good heart - you'll be more likely to keep the pro-athlete's attention after your beauty has faded (and it will). Getting off the anti-groupie soapbox now...

I joked that if Pilar had shown some of this spunk while we were filming the show, we’d be on season three or four by now. Truth is Pilar wouldn’t have come back for a second season of the show. She moved on to guest spots on “Single Ladies” and club appearances and pretty much disassociated herself with the show. But I’m guessing the VH1 folks wished their cameras were rolling now – they thrive off of this kind of drama. Actually, this situation might actually be too real for REALity t.v. When are they ever interested in telling the truth.

You might be wondering why I'm sharing this now. Why don't I "stay in my own lane" and "mind my own business?" Fair question. Here's why I'm sharing now. I'm not bitter. Hurt, yes. Pilar cyberbullied me, she slandered me in the media. She spent a lot of time trying to portray me as unstable, insinuating that I’m unhappy and that I'm a bad mother to my children. This couldn’t be further than the truth. This football wife and her husband are still going strong, work is good, kids are great. I can’t complain about too much. I just wish the producers of Football Wives would have told more of this REALity....

Mean girls don't win. Period. And while I feel vindicated on some level, I find no pleasure in watching someone, especially another football wife, self destruct. It is tragic. And I can only imagine how terrible this all must be for their children. And I have prayed for Pilar. In her attempts to hold on to what was instead of focusing on what will be, she's lost her dignity. That's a hard thing to get back. I have no doubt this isn't the last we've heard about this. I just hope it gets resolved soon for the sake of their children. Just my two cents (from someone who got to see the real Pilar when the cameras stopped rolling)....

I miss these ladies - we had fun! You can watch episodes from our season on VH1.com.