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WHAT DO YOU THINK? - MEN AND TRUST
One of my other favorite blogs is blackandmarriedwithchildren.com - Now I don't know why I read this s***...because I'm not married nor do I have children. I was reading this issue about a untrustworthy husband...
Read below:
Now 15 years is a long time...if your friend came to you with this story how would you respond to her?
Read below:
Dear BMWK, I have terrible trust issues with men. This is my second marriage and we have been together for 15 years, married 14. My first marriage lasted 1 yr and we were both just 21. My husband is a wonderful provider, has taken care of my first daughter from the first marriage since she was 3, now she is 18. We have a daughter together and he always says he has two girls. He is a real man and protector but sometimes he treats me like I’m one of his daughters because he hates when I question him about anything. He does make more money then me like three times more. So he walks around with his chest out, “it pays to be the boss attitude” Anyway, my husband likes to keep in touch with female friends. When we first got together, he stayed in touch with his ex-girlfriend which I hated. Said they were just friends. But when I would check his cell phone calls, they would talk 2 and 3 o’clock in the morning. Doesn’t sound like friends to me. This went on for about 4 years. Then he had another female friend that he claims was really his buddies friend. This girl text him twice on Valentines day like at eleven at night and I remember when he get the text because the phone signal went off. When I questioned who it was texting him on V-day @ this time of the night, he says his buddy about work (they both work the night shift) But again, the spy in me, I wait about a month and check the phone bill and it’s not his friends number so I call it and sure enough it’s a female. She denies and says she doesn’t know who I’m talking about. So I question him and he finally admits that she is just a co-worker “friend”. This was maybe 4 yrs.ago. We went to counseling and talked about the situation and he can’t understand why the counselor and I are both not understanding why he can’t see what the big deal is. Now fast forward to 2007. After counseling, I stopped checking his cell phone bill for about 2-3 years but then he went missing one night and said he was out p laying cards with the guys all night so I started again. Now I always check the cell phone bill online. He has been talking to a female from his class reunion, a female that lives in the same County we live in and another female that works in the same city he works in. Not all at one time but all three in random order within a 12 month time span. The one that I was really concerned about was the one that they text each other almost every morning for about three months. So one day I check his phone and this chicks number is programmed in his phone as Tony but her real name is Tanya. I didn’t know what to do about the situation. I know I have a serious problem with snooping and spying but my first husband gave me some baggage and my second husband is stuffing the bags with a lot of BS. I can never prove that any of these women are more then just friends. And he calls me all kinds of names when he finds out that I’ve been snooping so I can’t confront him. I felt like I was driving myself insane. Now about three months ago his phone was on the desk and he was outside cutting the grass. I check the text from “Tony” and this is what “Tony” said and I quote…”Hey handsome, hubby home call you tomorrow” His response, “Okay, don’t give him too much” (then he puts a stupid smiley face winking) Her response, “When your ready, I have some sweet lips waiting for you” His response, “And there talking a lot of Sh@* right now” (another smiley face). So I was shocked because out of all my years of spying, I never had any proof. Now I did. So I wait until that night and I ask him about it and I mean he goes OFF! How I am so insecure that I am driving him crazy, he wants a divorce, I have nothing better to do, that I can be replaced and that I have NO PROOF that he is talking to some female. So I wasn’t going to let him get away with this one and I say, my co-worker saw you at her job and I name the place she works at be cause the number was showing up on his cell phone bill. (even though I just made that up about the co-worker) And he stopped dead in his tracks. Told me to leave him alone and left for work. He must have realized that he couldn’t get out of this one and the next day came with an apology and a couple of days later came with some, “I’m sorry I got caught” Brian McKnight tickets. So we have been acting like this whole situation is swept under the rug. But it hurts and I can’t seem to trust or forgive him.
Now 15 years is a long time...if your friend came to you with this story how would you respond to her?
Tags: husbands, relationships, untrustworthy
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by babydoll on -
Why in the hell have you been going through this for 15 years?
You accepted THIS s*** a long time ago... you may as well get you a little side piece, too....
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Permalink Reply by WorkingBlue on -
I'm with BD, she accepted his actions a long time ago and whatever he was doing he's been getting away with it for this long so why would he stop now? The only thing that's going to change is he's going to remember to delete the txts right after he receives and sends them. Also he will probably change his password so she can't check the activity online.
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Permalink Reply by Tantra on -
I would tell ol girl to work it out with her man. That's it! Even though I know she's hurting I'd keep my involvment minimal. She obviously wants this man if she's gonna spend 15 years of her life spying and being suspicious of him. What a waste! This is the type of woman who can't handle the truth. You tell her the truth and you will be accused of being a hater. She will make you the brut of all the force that she should be directing at her lyin-ass man.
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Permalink Reply by MYPRESISBLACK!!! on -
Either that or he will get a secret throw away pre-paid cell phone and keep it locked in his car somewhere hidden and on silent.
She should either leave and take half of his "three times as much" or she should just get some "business" of her own like BD said.
WorkingBlue said:I'm with BD, she accepted his actions a long time ago and whatever he was doing he's been getting away with it for this long so why would he stop now? The only thing that's going to change is he's going to remember to delete the txts right after he receives and sends them. Also he will probably change his password so she can't check the activity online.
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Permalink Reply by LaLa_Mz_LA on -
I agree with WorkingBlue and babydoll. And for future reference never ever tell your sources. You only make his game that much tighter.
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Permalink Reply by Baller Alert on -
Is it me or do these men do whatever they f***** want too?
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Permalink Reply by Stephbaby on -
Dont be submissive if you cant handle the bs! Going through this for 15yrs, 15yrs! F*@k history, where is her morals & pride. His behavior should have been proof all these years! Worst of all she took him back............ hate to say this, but she deserve it. If u dont stand up for something, you will fall for anything. Nothing worth losing your sanity or self being.
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Permalink Reply by Chocolate Drop on -
All the signs are right there in your face & you continue to put up with this b******* for all these years what the f*** was going through your head. Not only that he talk to you like you're a piece of s***! Are you ok or do he have to f*** a b**** in your face for you to believe it? If you don't leave his a$$ you're a m*********** fool!
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Permalink Reply by Baller Alert on
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It's sad as s***...
I know someone will say men will do what you only allow them to do but that is b******* to me also..they do whatever they want to do.
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Permalink Reply by Babydoll on -
Yea, men will do whatever they want to do, and these stories are redundant because we accept it more coming from men...but honestly women do whatever they want to do too, and men still stay with them...have u ever heard of that story of what some grimey ass female did, and that nigga stayed? That s*** happens A LOT. But a lot women think that men wont stay when we f*** up, but guess what? they f***** do.... its just not talked about it as much.... so f*** no good niggas and f*** no good women, i just wish they would b together and call it a damn day
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Permalink Reply by LMS on
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It's not you! They DO what they want b/c there are females so afraid to be alone or too look for somone else that they put up with s***! Being single is hard, but being in a realtionship and have all these issues is HARDER! They bring on stress and drama that could be avoided!
Boss said:Is it me or do these men do whatever they f***** want too?
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Permalink Reply by Miss Vogue on -
this is sad i would never be able to jive with a man knowin he is creepin with other women. This women i work with was in a similar situation and she caught her husband cheatin on her threw text messages, she has three kids with him and decided not to leave him for the sake of her kids and now she cheats on her husband too. Its crazy i could never jive like this
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