I was reading this article and interview on the author Andrea King Collier and her book Faith and Fairytales and wanted to share this exceprt.
Even if I talked to my mother about most things, talking to her about my fragile young marriage made it worse. She could be angry and passive aggressive about her own marriage to my stepfather, and always gave me angry and passive aggressive advice, even though she really did love my husband. The minute any marital pearls of wisdom came out of her mouth, even I knew I shouldn’t do it unless I was ready to wave the white flag and call it done. “Don’t be a fool for some man,” she’d say.
Women. Before the wedding they are cheerleaders. Making you feel like an old maid for not being married yet. They point out all the fun you are missing. Yet not one of them tells you just how challenging the first year of marriage can be, until you are waist deep in it. Of course, I wouldn’t have listened, because we all think that we invented a new kind of love, that is so musical and magical that it couldn’t possibly be anything other than happily ever after—every single day.
But I would have appreciated it if someone had just said, that the first year is the thing you have to go through to get to the happily married part. Even if you have a first year that is one extended honeymoon period, it’s only the cocktail hour/warm-up and you’ve yet to sit down for the entrée/actual show. For me, the first year was like being rodeo riders. I had to muster just enough faith to hang on until the ride got smoother. Sometimes the frog turns into a prince, and on some days he goes back to being a frog. And sometimes Cinderella’s glass slipper gives her blisters, and she gets really cranky. Even though it was scary and awful and there were lots of red eyes and wolf breath and big teeth, this girl and the boy managed to go on to live their version of happily ever after—so far.
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