Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dragon Slayer Puss on January 23, 2012 at 10:02pm

Don't leave ur man over some dyck. Period. That is the dumbest advice I've heard. U think these surburban housewives satisified with the dyck?

Permalink Reply by Creative Bee on January 24, 2012 at 12:02am

Don't cheat, It won't solve your problems, he will leave you with the quickness and you might catch feelings for some broke mutha with good dinga. I turned some bad dingas into bomb ass, simply by talking, showing and practicing. Watch some porn together and point what would be great if he did it to you. As long as his size is right and he is willing to learn he will do it for you and you need to find out the reason why he is like that in the first place.

Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on January 24, 2012 at 8:59am

I tried for the past few months to get him to a DR and he will not go. I told his mom and she said his dad like that and he a grown man so it aint her issue. I talked to him about it and nothing has changed. So him being sick is also not my issue anymore when I have done all I can do. I mean we are living in the same house and have had a child together. We never sat down and said o u are my man or I am his woman. I guess it was just kindof assumed.

Tracy said:

So here's the thing, and for the record I agree with Shelli and JustMe (Hey ladies)

You started this by referring to your BD.....you didnt say My man and I are having a problem, you said my BD - which implies little to no emotional attachment.  THEN you say he's been sick and wont see a Doctor, so your concerned about his well being, but NOT enough to give him some slack for not being able to hit you off on the regular........Hmmmmm, selfish much????

I don't mean to attack you, but it's not what one says, but HOW one says it.

Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on January 24, 2012 at 9:01am

Girl yes. It is, LOL!

lady in red said:

Ms. BoiBye said:

I live in DC. You didn't listen to me. My main concern is my daughter's happiness. Thus is the reason why I haven't gone out and got me some yet. I tried other alternatives. The rabbit is my new bestie, LOL. I have a great realtionship, but the sex isn't cutting it. When you are in love you try and look past people's faults and that is what I did. I have been taking care of his sick ass and this is why I was considerate enough to let it go on for so long. But my thing is if you not going to go to the DR the it will only get worst for him and me. once every month isn't working. But I get it. It is never ok to cheat on your partner.

 

 

sorry ms. boibye, a little off topic, but is the "rabbit" all it's cracked up to be????

Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on January 24, 2012 at 9:21am

Update. So I asked him last night after the lil diva was sleep. Was he ready for some adult time? He told me that it is unattractive for a woman to beg for d***. I said well I think you should just come over and put it in my mouth then you won’t have to listen to my whining. He said I don't have to listen to it either way, LOL. Ok I was thrown off by than one. I said ok well is there some other way we need to communicate because you are not getting that. Intimacy is a two way street. Maybe we can go see a therapist together. O s*** hit the fan. He said it’s your crazy ass that’s the problem. I’m not going to go see that fat b**** you use to talk to having her in my business. My final words were ok cool what you cannot handle someone else can and I went over my girlfriends house to cop something. I get back and all his stuff is packed. So I laugh at him and go to bed. This morning he ask me to drop him off at his mom's house. Usually our mornings are hectic. He drops us off her at daycare me at the metro then goes home and gets ready for work later. This morning I had to drive him across town drop my daughter off and get to the train to be at work on time. When he got out I asked him what I was supposed to tell my daughter when she asked where he was and he said tell her mommy would rather be a slut than us have a family. I am like wow really. I am kind of relived but where the f*** it is all coming from IDK. If sickness makes people act like this then that is fine I would rather be alone than miserable with a person who flips whenever the mood is right for them. So thanks ladies for all the advice, but I didn't even have to cheat. I want to cry, but I am glad I am busy today at work. So everyone have a blessed one and take care! 

Honeycoated said:

Maybe the way to get his ass to the doctor is to tell him "look, i have needs blah blah blah and if you dont take care of it, someone else will" not those words exactly, but sometimes, a man(or woman) that knows someone else is on her tail ready to do what she won't, that lights a fire under her ass so quick! So, maybe hint around like you are seeking someone else to pleasure you. But pleasure only, you dont want to leave him.

I cant understand how someone thats in pain wouldnt want to go to the doctor and get that taken care of.

Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on January 24, 2012 at 9:21am

Update. So I asked him last night after the lil diva was sleep. Was he ready for some adult time? He told me that it is unattractive for a woman to beg for d***. I said well I think you should just come over and put it in my mouth then you won’t have to listen to my whining. He said I don't have to listen to it either way, LOL. Ok I was thrown off by than one. I said ok well is there some other way we need to communicate because you are not getting that. Intimacy is a two way street. Maybe we can go see a therapist together. O s*** hit the fan. He said it’s your crazy ass that’s the problem. I’m not going to go see that fat b**** you use to talk to having her in my business. My final words were ok cool what you cannot handle someone else can and I went over my girlfriends house to cop something. I get back and all his stuff is packed. So I laugh at him and go to bed. This morning he ask me to drop him off at his mom's house. Usually our mornings are hectic. He drops us off her at daycare me at the metro then goes home and gets ready for work later. This morning I had to drive him across town drop my daughter off and get to the train to be at work on time. When he got out I asked him what I was supposed to tell my daughter when she asked where he was and he said tell her mommy would rather be a slut than us have a family. I am like wow really. I am kind of relived but where the f*** it is all coming from IDK. If sickness makes people act like this then that is fine I would rather be alone than miserable with a person who flips whenever the mood is right for them. So thanks ladies for all the advice, but I didn't even have to cheat. I want to cry, but I am glad I am busy today at work. So everyone have a blessed one and take care! 

Permalink Reply by goldfinger on January 24, 2012 at 10:45am

*sigh*...unfortunately, I know exactly what you are going through.  I'm married, we have a child, and my wife has a low sex drive.  Plus she's overweight (IMO; however, the avg woman would not agree) and I'm an attractive, physically fit, mini baller. 

 

Sex is an important part of a relationship.  To me it's the main way a woman can let me know she loves me, and that intimacy is what drives me to shower her with love (gifts, trips, money, etc) that she's looking for as well.  The physical security of having a man around and the financial security from my business are staples within the relationship.  Plus, I'm the world's greatest dad.  Having a family is my dream.  Having a sexless marriage is a nightmare!

 

I typically have a shield up at work and when I'm out that deters any woman from approaching me unless it's business.  Without intimacy in my marriage, I slowly drift apart from my wife, and I start thinking about letting the shield down just to interact with someone on a level that's missing from home.  I never go far, but last year I went on a fellas trip to Vegas.  MF'ers were ballin out of control, ladies were flocking, and I said F it.  I let the shield down completely, but did not cross the line.  That just meant a lot of flirting, some kissing, and hella texting.  When I got home I crashed for hours, my phone was blowing up, and of course wifey checked the messages (that's right...no code on phone...we're married). 

 

She was mad....to say the least.  She questioned the whole trip and I had to break it down and let her know what the f*** was up.  I am a man.  I have needs.  If you don't listen to my needs and make an effort to meet them I will eventually break and find a release.  She called me weak.  That must be a common way women deal with men.  Call them a name or something 'cause ladies on this forum were calling me a coward for even considering a side piece and not divorce. 

 

I'm not weak nor am I a coward.  Staying in the marriage and trying to work with her is the hardest, most complex, and most challenging venture I've ever signed up for PERIOD.DOT.DOT!  Still, a man has his limits, and we have a time table of 1 year.  If ish hasn't improved (on both sides) by Dec., I'll have one helluva bang on NYE.

 

Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on January 24, 2012 at 11:12am

I was called a slut for wanting to have sex with my man. So I am thinking it is a sign of weakness on their part. LOL yeah I was told I was selfish and some more for wanted to keep my daughter's happy home and step out on him. I stood by him while he was sick, I cooked cleaned and did my part our daughter. I am not sure what else is expected of me from him.  I am out of the situation as far as I know, but good luck. Have you guys talked to an outsider on the situation?

goldfinger said:

*sigh*...unfortunately, I know exactly what you are going through.  I'm married, we have a child, and my wife has a low sex drive.  Plus she's overweight (IMO; however, the avg woman would not agree) and I'm an attractive, physically fit, mini baller. 

 

Sex is an important part of a relationship.  To me it's the main way a woman can let me know she loves me, and that intimacy is what drives me to shower her with love (gifts, trips, money, etc) that she's looking for as well.  The physical security of having a man around and the financial security from my business are staples within the relationship.  Plus, I'm the world's greatest dad.  Having a family is my dream.  Having a sexless marriage is a nightmare!

 

I typically have a shield up at work and when I'm out that deters any woman from approaching me unless it's business.  Without intimacy in my marriage, I slowly drift apart from my wife, and I start thinking about letting the shield down just to interact with someone on a level that's missing from home.  I never go far, but last year I went on a fellas trip to Vegas.  MF'ers were ballin out of control, ladies were flocking, and I said F it.  I let the shield down completely, but did not cross the line.  That just meant a lot of flirting, some kissing, and hella texting.  When I got home I crashed for hours, my phone was blowing up, and of course wifey checked the messages (that's right...no code on phone...we're married). 

 

She was mad....to say the least.  She questioned the whole trip and I had to break it down and let her know what the f*** was up.  I am a man.  I have needs.  If you don't listen to my needs and make an effort to meet them I will eventually break and find a release.  She called me weak.  That must be a common way women deal with men.  Call them a name or something 'cause ladies on this forum were calling me a coward for even considering a side piece and not divorce. 

 

I'm not weak nor am I a coward.  Staying in the marriage and trying to work with her is the hardest, most complex, and most challenging venture I've ever signed up for PERIOD.DOT.DOT!  Still, a man has his limits, and we have a time table of 1 year.  If ish hasn't improved (on both sides) by Dec., I'll have one helluva bang on NYE.

 

Permalink Reply by goldfinger on January 24, 2012 at 11:46am

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.  Every relationship will have it's own unique problems.  Some can be worked out, but it takes lots of communication, understanding of what's expectated, and a willingness from both parties to achieve the desired result. 

The 'understanding' piece is what may get me to go to a therapist.  She has suggested that route, but I have not agreed to it yet.  Really, I can't break down what I'm looking for any simpler; however, having someone else involved may help.  I will be utterly defeated at that point by the way.  It's hard to fathom being married to someone that just does not get it after all these years. 

Ms. BoiBye said:

I was called a slut for wanting to have sex with my man. So I am thinking it is a sign of weakness on their part. LOL yeah I was told I was selfish and some more for wanted to keep my daughter's happy home and step out on him. I stood by him while he was sick, I cooked cleaned and did my part our daughter. I am not sure what else is expected of me from him.  I am out of the situation as far as I know, but good luck. Have you guys talked to an outsider on the situation?

Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on January 24, 2012 at 12:27pm

I think I wanted to cheat to solve my problem because that is what I saw growing up. All the men in my family had good wives at home, but stepped out and made no secret of it. I never really realized how damaging this behavior was until today. I cannot blame them for my thoughts, but it kind of made it acceptable in my head because I thought it was normal.

But I think it is commendable of you to want to try and work it out instead of being weak like me and looking for a mister, LOL. Sorry I have to laugh today to keep from breaking down at my desk. I work with all men so crying is not an option. Anyways you should try and get some help because she isn't getting it. Maybe it has something to do with her weight gain? At least you are still attracted to her with the extra pushing for the cushion. That is a good sign, so I would say don't feel deflated if someone can explain it better to her than you can. Some people feel like their partners are trying to put them down instead of helping them. And this may bring you closer to the root of the real issue because it is something you too just have to figure out what the blockage its. Good Luck!

goldfinger said:

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.  Every relationship will have it's own unique problems.  Some can be worked out, but it takes lots of communication, understanding of what's expectated, and a willingness from both parties to achieve the desired result. 

The 'understanding' piece is what may get me to go to a therapist.  She has suggested that route, but I have not agreed to it yet.  Really, I can't break down what I'm looking for any simpler; however, having someone else involved may help.  I will be utterly defeated at that point by the way.  It's hard to fathom being married to someone that just does not get it after all these years. 
Ms. BoiBye said:

I was called a slut for wanting to have sex with my man. So I am thinking it is a sign of weakness on their part. LOL yeah I was told I was selfish and some more for wanted to keep my daughter's happy home and step out on him. I stood by him while he was sick, I cooked cleaned and did my part our daughter. I am not sure what else is expected of me from him.  I am out of the situation as far as I know, but good luck. Have you guys talked to an outsider on the situation?

Permalink Reply by luvsmoochez on January 24, 2012 at 1:52pm

Sorry boo. Sex is such a complex situation. Maybe you should suggest that he picks a party for you two to speak with? Honestly, if he doesn't want to go to a medical doctor his thought process is that he can heal himself, so that's probably his take on the relatonship. He has a problem asking for help. Perhaps he sees that as being weak. IDK...With all things that are beyond my grasp I pray. I know you want what is best for your family. As you should, and although cliche' everything does happen for a reason so ask for spiritual guidance. And if you need to cry take your lunch break and go cry. Cleanse your mind. *cyber hugs*

Ms. BoiBye said:

Update. So I asked him last night after the lil diva was sleep. Was he ready for some adult time? He told me that it is unattractive for a woman to beg for d***. I said well I think you should just come over and put it in my mouth then you won’t have to listen to my whining. He said I don't have to listen to it either way, LOL. Ok I was thrown off by than one. I said ok well is there some other way we need to communicate because you are not getting that. Intimacy is a two way street. Maybe we can go see a therapist together. O s*** hit the fan. He said it’s your crazy ass that’s the problem. I’m not going to go see that fat b**** you use to talk to having her in my business. My final words were ok cool what you cannot handle someone else can and I went over my girlfriends house to cop something. I get back and all his stuff is packed. So I laugh at him and go to bed. This morning he ask me to drop him off at his mom's house. Usually our mornings are hectic. He drops us off her at daycare me at the metro then goes home and gets ready for work later. This morning I had to drive him across town drop my daughter off and get to the train to be at work on time. When he got out I asked him what I was supposed to tell my daughter when she asked where he was and he said tell her mommy would rather be a slut than us have a family. I am like wow really. I am kind of relived but where the f*** it is all coming from IDK. If sickness makes people act like this then that is fine I would rather be alone than miserable with a person who flips whenever the mood is right for them. So thanks ladies for all the advice, but I didn't even have to cheat. I want to cry, but I am glad I am busy today at work. So everyone have a blessed one and take care! 

Permalink Reply by Ms. BoiBye on January 24, 2012 at 2:26pm

Thanks! I think I am still in shock. All that over a conversation. I have never been treated in that manner in front of my daughter and it was an eye opener for both of us. She said un un daddy don't talk to my mommy like that. I was happy she realized it wasn't right for him to speak to me in that manner, but she shouldn't have had to check him at all. Cuz I am not for her learning that type of s*** is right. So Imma ride this one out with prayer and herbal remedies, LOL!
luvsmoochez said:

Sorry boo. Sex is such a complex situation. Maybe you should suggest that he picks a party for you two to speak with? Honestly, if he doesn't want to go to a medical doctor his thought process is that he can heal himself, so that's probably his take on the relatonship. He has a problem asking for help. Perhaps he sees that as being weak. IDK...With all things that are beyond my grasp I pray. I know you want what is best for your family. As you should, and although cliche' everything does happen for a reason so ask for spiritual guidance. And if you need to cry take your lunch break and go cry. Cleanse your mind. *cyber hugs*
Ms. BoiBye said:

Update. So I asked him last night after the lil diva was sleep. Was he ready for some adult time? He told me that it is unattractive for a woman to beg for d***. I said well I think you should just come over and put it in my mouth then you won’t have to listen to my whining. He said I don't have to listen to it either way, LOL. Ok I was thrown off by than one. I said ok well is there some other way we need to communicate because you are not getting that. Intimacy is a two way street. Maybe we can go see a therapist together. O s*** hit the fan. He said it’s your crazy ass that’s the problem. I’m not going to go see that fat b**** you use to talk to having her in my business. My final words were ok cool what you cannot handle someone else can and I went over my girlfriends house to cop something. I get back and all his stuff is packed. So I laugh at him and go to bed. This morning he ask me to drop him off at his mom's house. Usually our mornings are hectic. He drops us off her at daycare me at the metro then goes home and gets ready for work later. This morning I had to drive him across town drop my daughter off and get to the train to be at work on time. When he got out I asked him what I was supposed to tell my daughter when she asked where he was and he said tell her mommy would rather be a slut than us have a family. I am like wow really. I am kind of relived but where the f*** it is all coming from IDK. If sickness makes people act like this then that is fine I would rather be alone than miserable with a person who flips whenever the mood is right for them. So thanks ladies for all the advice, but I didn't even have to cheat. I want to cry, but I am glad I am busy today at work. So everyone have a blessed one and take care! 

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